cottonmama
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Posts posted by cottonmama
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I did not mean to imply that, because it makes the child happier, it can't have disadvantages for the parent.
For us, homeschooling was the solution to an extremely bad public school situation that seriously affected DD's well being. I am talking about several years of painful boredom plus long term bullying, daily headaches, etc.
I am sure I can think of disadvantages for me, but for our family, there are none that even register on the scale compared to the advantage. Because the alternative was really bad. And also, it may have been easier because I only have two children, and I did not begin homeschooling until 5th/6th grade.
Btw, noise and visual clutter - we had plenty of that when the kids were little. I am not sure whether that is not primarily a function of the children's ages, rather than one of home schooling per se. This aspect gets easier when they get older.
Best wishes.
I had some terrible school situations as a kid that affected family life, so I really do understand. Since I never sent mine to school, it's easy for me to forget how bad the alternative can be. Glad homeschooling has been so good for your family! I really do look forward to the years we have ahead of us, and I just hope I don't break down in a moment of weakness and send them to school before them. :P
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For me it's a three-way tie between paprika, onion powder, and garlic powder. I put those three in just about everything.
ETA: Wait, most-often used, or largest quantity used? If the latter, I have to say chili powder. We go through SO much of that between homemade taco seasoning and dh's chili. Cumin and fennel are others that we use in large quantities when we use them, but they don't go in EVERYTHING like paprika, onion, and garlic. (Which, incidentally, are also there in taco seasoning and chili.)
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Emotionally, it has been good for me because it has been good for my children. I don't know how one can separate one from the other - seeing a child miserable every day at school is bad for mom, too. So, having happier kids makes me happier, too.
I agree, it would be paniful for me to see them miserable every day, but I also have some of my own needs that are distinct from my kids' needs. I am very sensitive to noise and visual clutter (a.k.a. mess). So for me, just because school wouldn't be good for my kids doesn't mean homeschooling is without its own disadvantages (more noise and clutter and as a result, extremely high levels of stress for me).
Perhaps you are lucky and homeschooling doesn't have any disadvantages for you personally -- great! I truly wish I could say the same, because I LOVE homeschooling, not only in theory, but much of the time in practice. But the fact is that it has disadvantages for me as a mom. That doesn't mean I'm not sensitive to my kids' needs; it just means that their needs conflict with mine.
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No. At least not yet. The stress has taken a toll on my health, both physical and mental. I'm counting on things getting easier as the kids get older, because if they don't, I don't know how I'll get through 16 more years of this.
ETA: Although it may not be homeschooling so much as having kids that has caused all the stress. :D
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I'm a big fan of school choice. It doesn't much matter to me what kind of system is used, as long as we don't operate under the delusion that assigning schools based on real estate is right and just and fair. TBH as long as kids go to neighborhood schools by default, parents are effectively paying tuition by buying their way into a better school district. School choice of some kind is IMO the only way to offer free, non-discriminatory education to kids across the board. I'm okay with a discussion of what kind would be most effective, but I'm tired of cycle after cycle of ineffective top-down school reform. The schools need more independence, and the students need more options.
I grew up with a magnet system that worked pretty well, at least from my perspective. I was bussed in to an urban school (I went to two, and I don't remember well, but I think for some years I put up with a 1 1/2 hour bus ride for it, and it was worth it to our family). At one school, the magnet program was available to all the kids; the other school was an intenational school but also a gifted school, and while both programs were open to neighborhood kids, obviously the gifted part of it was only available to the local kids if they tested into it. But extra tax dollars and involved parents were redirected to a school that needed it, and I got the chance to attend a school that met my needs in a way that my local school couldn't. As far as I can tell, it was a win/win.
As far as vouchers go, I really don't have a problem with the government giving voucher money to religious schools as long as the religious affiliation is not a factor in the decision. The choice of school (and with it, religious affiliation or lack thereof) is in the hands of the students, and the schools can refuse to accept the money if it requires conforming to government demands. I really don't see how this violates the separation of church and state.
The point is that the government should not promote a particular religion or prohibit the free exercise of a religion. Think about how the government gives churches a tax benefit via their non-profit standing. A church is still a non-profit even though it is religious. (And a religious school is still a school even if it is religious.) The government isn't giving them a tax benefit (or voucher money) as a promotion of their religious views; on the contrary, denying a religious institution that otherwise qualifies would be more akin to prohibiting (or at least punishing) the exercise of religion.
I am a Christian, but yes I would be 100% okay with vouchers supporting students attending schools affiliated with Islamic, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, or any other faith. This is really no different in principle than parents being able to deduct tuition to these schools on their tax return.
I go back and forth on the issue of private schools discriminating (rejecting applicants or kicking out "problem" kids). Personally, I would trust the system to produce schools that are able to deal with the special cases -- learning disabilities or behavior issues or whatever. But honestly... I think part of the advantage of these programs is that when behavior problems disrupt the whole class, it isn't fair to the other kids, and yes I think it is a net positive to get those kids out of that situation. It shouldn't be the case that a motivated kid has no chance of success because the teacher has to spend more time dealing with behavior problems than teaching. And I think it would be fair to provide extra funding to schools that do deal with behavior problems. Maybe that would sort things out. But at the same time, I do see the conflict here. Maybe charter schools and magnets are better options for that reason.
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Yes! We definitely get subs often when shopping. Or some fried or rotisserie chicken. Mac and Cheese from the deli is a treat for my littles. Oh, or sushi. But publix isn't as exhausting as other grocery stores. No idea why, but it's true.
Thinking about it now... I think Publix is less visually noisy than other stores. I also feel like somehow it's quieter (maybe they're less busy than my Kroger?) and more spaceous (again, it could be that they're just not as busy). I'm very easily overstimulated by noise and visual clutter, so it really helps.
Shopping was quite a bit less stressful for me when I was getting my produce from a food co-op last year. Sadly they moved our program too far from us and I haven't found a new one to join.
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Y'all, just reading this thread I think I need to lie down.
I pretty much never cook after going to the store. Rotisserie chicken with sides made by dh, or a whole meal made by dh, or it's pizza or leftovers.
It's not as bad if it's a Saturday, because I usually go midday and have some time to recover. But if it's Costco, it's always worse than a regular grocery trip... I spend more time driving there, more time navigating the store, and more time putting everything away. I try to go every other month.
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I think much of your stress may come from trying to implement stuff that was never CM in the first place.
Ex. CM said that one perfect execution is better than a sloppy letter practiced 30x. That is true. That does NOT mean that repetition is bad. It means to stop at the point where the quality starts to slide. Practicing poorly is sabotage to muscle memory. One perfect letter today, 3 tomorrow, 5 next week, 10 next month...on to words as fast as possible b/c *meaningless* repetition is tiresome. However, writing "watermelon" 3x is kinda satisfying when you are 6yo and your mom is cutting your watermelon while you write. Copying sentences from your favorite story books is even more fun than the watermelon. *Make it meaningful!*
It's true that I am running into problems with some specifics of AO or of How Real CM is Supposed to Be Done, but when I back up and think about the genuine CM principles they are based on, I think I disagree with them, too. For instance, writing -- I do agree that the quality of practice is important, but I don't think shortening lessons is the solution. There is something that grates on me about that idea. I'm not here to protect my daughter from her mistakes. In general I just don't agree with stopping lessons while it's easy. (Now, I'm not giving her a crazy amount of writing -- I understand that she's developing muscles and all. We're talking like a sentence of writing for a natural writer here.)
This gets at my reason for homeschooling in the first place. School was too easy for me (and for dh). DH didn't learn to work hard till grad school, and I was miserably bored for 90% of K-12. So I go into this wanting to give them the challenge that the schools will not give them. Not to overwork them, but at the same time not to back off just because they can't do something perfectly.
CM did phonics. I chuckle at hearing that she didn't. She did not follow a primer, but she did phonetic lessons. She took poems that the children memorized and started from there. Maybe the *igh* phonogram is learned after reciting "Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight...." There is no manual for this type of teaching so I understand how people would think she just didn't teach it, but that's simply not true. Same with grammar. Same with Latin and French.
AO is NOT the end-all, be-all of CM. Having met some of the advisory, I am highly impressed with the work behind it however. The forum, I feel, does not necessarily represent the spirit of CM or AO if what you all say is true. CM, herself, chose books afresh each term...so sticking 100% to AO schedules is ironically not 100% CM. AO is excellent. I don't care what others say about the books selections, even though I do sub some things out (We do SOTW.)...the booklists are chosen for excellence. My children have always had massive vocabularies, a wide understanding of the world, and a deep understanding of other people...I credit those things to the books we read. Even my severe dyslexic has such an eloquent tongue (when he wants to use it...he is at that age...), people assume he's an avid reader who began at age 3. I don't say those things to brag on my kids (though they are awesome!). I say that to communicate that average kids, given an extraordinary literary diet, grow extraordinary minds.
I *love* the quality of the writing in the AO book selections. I am so, so grateful to the AO advisory for all the work that they have put into the curriculum. I hope none of my thoughts are taken as attacking AO itself or any of the folks on the AO forum. All I'm doing is reconsidering whether the CM philosophy fits us in the first place, and considering how I can move forward using the excellent book selections with a philosophy that I really believe in.
FWIW, I just got my hands on BFSU, and I find it meshes with CM perfectly well. Her nature study was all about guided discovery and an encouragement of the child's natural curiosity. I think switching BFSU for CM's Nature Study might be a 6 to one and half dozen to the other sort of deal. Maybe I'm not far enough into BFSU to see the differences?
I would say that BFSU is pretty close to CM, but dropping nature study to add it is not CM.
Jot down YOUR ideals. (Building muscle memory is on the list.) Go and read CM's top 20 list again. See how much actually does overlap. You might be surprised that what hasn't been working is actually someone else's interpretation of CM rather than CM herself.
I do mostly overlap with her principles, but how those are fleshed out in the rest of her writings has less overlap. In any case, where I'm at now, I think I need to stop measuring myself against CM.
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Regarding perfect executions, I agree, this is referring to handwriting. My comment about math comes up more because the CM community tends to scoff at drills. Of course that's not CM's fault. :p
The funny thing is, I'm really good about doing what works for us whether or not it's CM-friendly. I don't like teaching nature study, and we're not doing it. It's on our schedule, but it's not happening. We've been doing BFSU since Kindergarten (*gasp*). We did a whole Kindergarten year with way more than you're "supposed" to do. I ordered a spelling curriculum for my first-grader because I feel like her spelling skills are limiting the writing that she would like to do. We threw short lessons out the window in most subjects because the longer lessons work better for her.
I think the stress comes from considering myself to be a CM educator, when I deviate in so many ways. IOW, my philosophy has nominally been CM, but I am not living up to "my" philosophy. The weight of those small failures is stressful over time for a perfectionist like me. I think what I need is a new philosophy, one that's my own and that I can pursue without reservation.
ETA: And yes, the community response to any deviation from CM is part of it. It is becoming harder and harder for me to get advice on implementing AO because my homeschool has come to resemble "real" AO less and less. And the goal of the AO community is to help you implement "real" AO. Everyone's nice and sweet about it, but they really think you're making a mistake by ignoring CM's advice. :P
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... what does that look like?
There are things I love about CM. CM is the reason we get outside at all, lol. But I would much rather do a BFSU science lesson than a nature study lesson. I love Miss Mason's words about seeing the child as a person. But I am a fan of using repetition to develop muscle memory (i.e. handwriting) as well as fact recall (i.e. math). I do not agree with CM that one perfect execution solidifies a skill forever.
I am really picky about writing quality, and I think AO does a great job. And I love that I can get many free books for my Kindle. :D But... following AO as a curriculum (rather than a booklist) is not completely work for us. Trying to fit the CM mold is causing stress, and I'm starting to realize that stress is completely unnecessary. I'm the one who chose that philosophy... maybe it's time to reevaluate. So I am stepping back and considering what other approaches we might draw on to make this work better for our family.
I'm especially interested in what kinds of resources you use to supplement where AO doesn't directly study a topic. (E.g. spelling, writing, etc.)
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Around Halloween we went to a catered event and brought home an unopened gallon of sweet tea from the catering service. It's never been opened, still in the gallon jug (with just a lid, no seal). My dh thinks we should serve this on Saturday when we have company, but I feel like it's too old.
What says the Hive?
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I think it's fair for her to ask for closure between our family and her. We haven't seen her since Christmas and after the breakup I'd promised we'd see her next time we were in town visiting MIL, just to say goodbye. And it turns out we haven't been down there since January except for one time when it was impossible for us to see her due to time constraints. So that's all this dinner has to be -- a proper goodbye.
I think she wants an ongoing friendship, but I've been thinking a lot about this and agree with all of you that we have to draw some boundaries here. All the more because I think part of this is about my kids and how much she bonded with them and is missing them, and I am not okay with them getting caught in the middle of this. I am happy to be available myself for her to talk to -- ideally to help her get to a place where she has a support system of her own -- but I don't think that needs to include the kids, and I think it will have to be more of a "you can message me on FB if you want my advice on something" relationship rather than a "let's have lunch and catch up on life" kind of deal.
BTW, y'all, this is so not me. It is killing me to see a girl who wants both friendship and guidance, and to know that I pretty much have to shut her out. I don't shut people out, ever. :-( I guess I've never needed to before, but getting to this point is just awful.
Unless your brother-in-law is a total jerk and the breakup was completely his fault (say, if he was abusing her or something like that, which I'm pretty sure you would have said) I think you're going to have to let blood be thicker than water, at least for right now. I mean, if he's taking this so hard and all. Maybe when things settle down he won't mind so much.
I have no idea why they broke up. Neither of them has said a word about it, and I don't intend to pry. But yeah, tbh I don't know if he's the victim here or not. Out of family loyalty I am assuming he is not at fault, and yet I don't think family loyalty requires me to be upset at the girl when I don't know a thing about the circumstances. It doesn't have to be nastiness on her part even if he isn't at fault. Sometimes things don't work out.
Oh, and I reread my OP and it does sound like the depression is ongoing, but actually things have settled down since January. But I don't think that changes things much... when he moves on and finds another girl I don't want to have a friendship with his ex that would make her uncomfortable. I think that's a really good point, whoever made that.
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So until January of this year, dh's brother (college-aged) was dating a sweet girl from his hometown. She and I got along really well, and she seemed really committed to BIL and really the whole family. She even asked my kids to call her "Aunt." But apparently she and my BIL had been having some kind of trouble, and she broke up with him earlier this year.
She wants us (me, dh, and the kids) to still be part of her life. I like her a lot but am so conflicted because of how hard BIL has been taking the breakup -- to the point of deep depression. He isn't okay with her still being his friend. At this point dh and I are just having her over for one dinner by herself, but it isn't so easy to just keep her in our circle of friends when BIL doesn't want to be around her. (We invite him to most things we do with friends.) I don't want to be seen by BIL as keeping this up behind his back, but I also want to be delicate in not mentioning her name to him. Meanwhile the kids are too young for that kind of discretion.
I want to be there for this girl. She's young and I sense that she needs some support in her life that she doesn't have. I just don't know how far we can go being that for her without creating problems with dh's family.
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I would not complain. No restaurant has an obligation to give someone more than they paid for. It would have been nice for them to have offered to cook another one and charge you for it. And I will say, it's a bit tacky to say that they wouldn't do it because it was too expensive. But not complain-about-it tacky, to me at least.
That said, they are competing with restaurants that will replace food that is dropped on the floor. But they can make up for that with the rest of the restaurant experience. It's their call, IMO.
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Employee benefits attorney here. No, you can not use you HSA for new shoes. You can use it for inserts, though (legally, but some providers may deny the charge--keep your receipt and file manually if it is denied with your debit card.)
Thank you so much for answering. I'm glad to have a definite answer on this even if it means I don't get the tax break. :-)
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So does that mean because I walk around my house barefoot ( we have wood floors) that could be making it worse. We generally have a no shoes in the house rule. ( We have a farm and don't want dirt tracked in.) Also, should I not wear sandals much? GRRR... I developed this and it is probably because I quit wearing my tennis shoes and started wearing sandals because everyone said on here that tennis shoes just were not fashionable.... I should just stay functional. I typically take 15,000 to 20,000 steps a day in my normal activities.
I have wood floors also. My doctor told me no more barefoot walking anywhere, including in my house.
My slippers + inserts are not the most supportive solution, but the heel pain went away immediately when I put them on (back when it was still hurting otherwise). If I were you I would get a pair of shoes or slippers exclusively for indoors, and switch from one pair to the other when you go in or out.
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May I ask what treatment you received that you feel better in just a couple of days? The first time I had it it took months to recover, and now I have it again in the other foot. My doctor told me the first time to ice it and get good shoes, which I did and am doing now, and if it didn't get better in a couple of months to get steroid (?) shots that may or may not work.
I know I need better shoes, I've been wearing thin sandals or flip flops all summer and now am paying the price, but I just can't stand for my feet to be covered up when the weather's hot.
Thanks.
Here's what I did:
Two advils every night at bedtime. (Originally the recommendation was three, but because I'm breastfeeding my doctor okayed just two.)
Roll a frozen water bottle under the foot a couple times a day. Elevated it and iced it a few more times every day. Stretched it a few times a day. I also acted like an invalid for the first week.
Drug store "planter fasciitis" inserts (mine are from Rite Aid if you have trouble finding any) -- wearing these in my slippers constantly at home, and in my (still lousy) shoes when out of the house
But I think I may not have been clear... I went to the doctor after a couple days, but it took more than a week to feel better. I believe catching it early does make your recovery time much shorter. In the office my doctor predicted my case would resolve in 1-2 weeks. The paperwork she gave me said it can last for months... so maybe she could tell that mine hadn't gotten too bad yet?
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It means that you need to have very good shoes, and that you shouldn't go walking until you have them. Not on grass, not on sand, not in your own house, not on nothin' until you have good shoes.
I don't know about your HSA covering shoes, diagnosis for plantar fasciitis or not.
So far I'm wearing drug store planter fasciitis inserts in my fuzzy slippers around the house and another pair of the same in my regular tennis shoes. I've been sick, but I'm planning to get the shoes as soon as I'm feeling up to it. But ouch! I've never spent so much on shoes before.
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:lurk5: (<--- although really that should be me sipping my tea)
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Two and a half weeks ago I developed planter fasciitis after beginning a daily walking habit on the road in our neighborhood. I got treatment after a couple days of pain and am now pain-free*, but as I understand it I need to consider myself still recovering for a little while. But does that mean I need to keep from taking walks on the pavement for a while still? I really really need to get back to exercising, and the fresh air and sunlight were doing me a lot of good as well.
If I get some better shoes (I'm planning to get fitted at a running store), is it ok to go back to walking on the pavement? Any suggestions on what to ask for?
And does anyone know if I can pay for the new shoes through my HSA? (I have a doctor's diagnosis for planter fasciitis but no prescription for special shoes.)
*ETA: A couple of people have been confused -- the pain didn't go away after a couple days. I went to the doctor after a couple of days. My recovery was still quick -- just a couple of weeks -- but my doctor predicted a quick recovery so I assume the signs pointed to a mild case. It is supposed to take quite a long time to recover normally, and I don't think I did anything magical.
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I think of the explanation of the eighth commandment in Luther's Small Catechism..."defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest way."
I fail at this more often than I care to admit, but I try to make this my first reaction to what I would consider rude behavior.
This. If there is the remotest possibility that the person has good intentions, or is totally clueless that what he did was rude, or isn't normally like this but is having a bad day, or is a generally nice person who has some rough edges, or is trying to reign in their harsh words but keeps slipping into old habits -- or anything else good at all -- then explain it to yourself that way. Let the searching for that explanation be a mental exercise every time you're offended.
I love the phrase "benefit of the doubt." There is always doubt as to why someone behaved a certain way, because you aren't in that person's head. Let that doubt be to their benefit.
And remember that even if you would never do what they are doing, you're not perfect either. Politeness may be as hard for them as something else is to you.
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It sounds like she could be having seizures.
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I'm not trying to scare you, but I've been through this with my DD.
After the episode two weeks ago I've started wondering if all of these episodes have been seizures all along. I can hardly bring myself to say the word seizure because it sounds so scary... I don't think I even mentioned it in my post even though that was what was on my mind... and I've been second-guessing myself since the fever episode. But I think I would feel better if she were under a doctor's care for all of this.
Thanks for giving me the nudge I needed to get this checked out.
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I've always classified these episodes that my 5yo dd has as night terrors, but lately I've begun to think that's not what they are, because she's never afraid, just extremely upset and agitated. She will wake in the middle of the night needing to go to the bathroom, but behaving so unlike herself. Last night she woke up, threw a fit over every step of going potty, and then once back in bed she was tossing, turning, kicking in bed saying "I feel so weird" and "I don't know what to do" and "I never close my eyes." She wouldn't let me or dh touch her to soothe her. The whole episode was 30 minutes - 1 hour. She has these every few weeks or so, usually if she does not pee immediately before bed.
I'm not sure how normal it is for a 5yo to still be throwing tantrums at night to begin with, not to mention the odd (confused, agitated) behavior that goes with it. This is my dd who used to sleepwalk (or wake to walk around) as a toddler. She would walk to the kitchen and stand facing the pantry, crying.
I am wondering if we need to see a sleep specialist about this, or perhaps if we should consider some diet or other changes. Last night she had an unusually late dessert (8pm before a 9pm bedtime) of a small amount of candy that had food dyes in it. But she had M&M's in her ice cream the night before, just as late (this happens a lot when we're visiting Grandma :-P), and was her usual self when she woke to go potty. Maybe the M&M's didn't have enough of whatever color she might be sensitive to? She also got less sleep than usual that night, so she could have been sleepier tonight.
I am turning this over in my mind more than usual because a couple of weeks ago she had a high-but-not-scary-high fever (102), took a nap, and when she woke up, she was staring into space with her arms and legs shivering in an agitated way. She came out of it once or twice to say "no" to my questions but mostly was staring into space for the whole 1-2 minute episode. I could tell she had to use the bathroom, but she couldn't walk there; I had to carry her. Then we took her to bed, and she was still shivering and told us she was cold. So maybe the shivering was due to chills, but why was she staring into space?
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Put "other" for my homeschool philosophy because I do a mix. We use Ambleside Online, which is Charlotte Mason, and maybe you could call us CM because we follow it as much as we need to to implement AO, but we also pull a lot from classical and some general gifted educational philosophy.
Pre-diabetic: What's the best diet?
in The Chat Board
Posted
I would personally prioritize the diabetes diet over whole foods. So if he needs juice, at least get him to drink sugar-free. Diabetes is serious stuff. My BIL lost his father very suddenly a year ago, and the coroners said that the diabetes was a contributing factor. BIL's dad was not very strict about eating like a diabetic.
When my dad found out he was pre-diabetic, his doctor advised a relaxed "no white foods" diet. So no white potatoes, rice, flour, pasta, sugar. Sweet potatoes, brown rice, whole grain flour, whole grain pasta, and apparently brown sugar were all okay. (Although I thought brown sugar was high on the glycemic index, so that one I wouldn't go crazy on. My dad switched to splenda-sweetened things, even baked goods at home.) Even though he didn't have to, my dad went on that diet 100%, because he's an all-or-nothing kind of guy. :P
After some time on that diet, he got his numbers checked again, and his doctor was floored. The blood sugar was great, and his cholesterol had gone down so much his medicine doseage could be reduced.
So... I'm a big fan of the "no white foods" diet. :D Others have told you, I'm sure, that fat is a diabetic's friend... it lowers the overall glycemic index of foods that it is served with. So I would actually *add* fat to balance out foods that may be pushing it.