Meaning of life and existential depression

[Reflections]

So two weeks or so ago I read this article:  http://sengifted.org/archives/articles/existential-depression-in-gifted-individual

 

And like so much that happens in my life, it was timely.  About a week or so later my 11yo son started asking me about the meaning of life.  Was "this" all there was?  What is my purpose? Do I have a purpose?  What do I think happens when we die?  What about nuclear weapons?  What about war?  How do we work towards peace if we even have these weapons?  How do I as a kid affect enough change and give meaning in my life?  Is my meaning controlled by a higher power?

 

And if those questions weren't tough enough, my 6yo son, separately came to me has been asking me what death means? What is his purpose?  How should he live his life?  How did I choose to live mine?

 

I've talked to them about it from my own personal experience.  I've shared how I've struggled.  What I've read. How I'm still struggling to find answers.  How I find contentment and peace in my life without having all the answers.

 

But, I realized last night that he's not only asking about these things, that he's fighting off anxiety from it.  I don't think he's depressed about it.  None of those signs are there.

 

Have you or your children struggled with this?  What did you say? What did you read or watch that resonated with you? That helped you?

 

 

(I think I'll cross post this)

 

[Eagle]

What an excellent article. I have not read about this before, but can definitely relate. I keep my dc sheltered from most world events/news so they don't get mired in the negativity. They have not come to me with these questions yet, but my oldest has a very deep sense of justice and I can see that these questions will arise once he has more knowledge of the world. I will be following this thread with interest.

[pinewarbler]

Thanks for posting that article. The very first paragraph was what did it for me. I googled the "Positive Disintegration Experience" theory of Dabrowski's and it all makes sense. I have always talked to my kids about their overexcitabilities, as per Dabrowski's. I notice that even our school board has OE's on a long checklist of behaviours to look for to id a gifted kid, and they're not too bright about gifted kids :glare:. My youngest has a FULL dose of 4 out of 5 of the OE's, my eldest is pretty high in all 5 and I have high all 5. I knew they were associated with giftedness, but didn't know growing up... it would have helped to know. My eldest understands now that being able to emotionally read everyone in the room is a super power, but needs compartmentalizing or she is drained. She is also very wary of the few people she cannot read. My youngest learned that OE's mean that you need to learn to meditate, work on mindfullness.

 

I have never read more of Dabrowski's work (apparently it is not easy to access unless you read Polish), so this disintegration is new to me. What is not new to me is that these kids need to question everything, they need to have friction or challenges in their lives because it allows them to grow, and that their personality development and value systems are well ahead of peers. I have one child who might be 5-8 years emotionally ahead of her chronological peers. She has always asked these hard questions. My son went through 2 years of hell at school in Gr 1-2 and had high anxiety as a result.. guess what he started asking me? All of these value questions. There are no answers, but keep them talking!

 

When I hear these things here, I double checked.. are they hearing the news? Turned it off for good. Are they in a power struggle with someone and feeling powerless? Found a way of getting them to talk about it. Are they upset because they see parents aren't all-knowing when they are still too young to know this? I emphasized that I was running the show and I knew what I was doing... and that I can make mistakes but I learn fast :laugh: And I think it is ok to say that we don't know why we are all here, but we're on the adventure together. One last thing... when I had a 6-year old, I rarely answered those kind of questions, instead said "Hmmm... that's a cool question.. .what do you think?" Often, the answer would side track to the real question when I let it.

 

Check out this page.. it might help you to think about these issues, and find ways to talk about them in your own way? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_Disintegration    In the footnotes, there is a website of his ideas.

 

"DÄ…browski suggested giving people support in their efforts to develop and find their own self-expression. Children and adults with high Developmental Potential have to find and walk their own path, often at the expense of fitting in with their social peers and even with their families. At the core of autopsychotherapy is the awareness that no one can show anyone else the "right" path. Everyone has to find their own path for themselves."

 

Edited August 13, 2016 by pinewarbler

[DoubleTime]

Hi there, Reflections,

 

This is a topic very close to us that I think about a lot-- my DD has been asking big existential questions about the meaning of life and death since she was 2 and 3 years old, and has gone through a couple major periods of existential depression since then (she's now 7).  She's a highly asynchronous PG kid.  

 

The SENG article by Webb is great, have you read his book?  

 

https://smile.amazon.com/Searching-Meaning-Idealism-Bright-Disillusionment/dp/1935067222/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1472002911&sr=8-2&keywords=james+webb+depression

 

It's aimed towards older kids but I found it very helpful for thinking about how to help our young daughter.

 

Aside from that book, I have arrived at only one overriding conviction about how to help our daughter with this-- and this is really based on her personality, so may not be applicable to your kids.  But here's what I do:  In order to create a bulwark against the nihilism that comes from existential depression, we study philosophy (western and eastern), poetry, and literature.  Our kids are not alone; thinkers and mystics throughout the ages have addressed the same questions, and to combat the hopelessness and helplessness and isolation those questions engender I expose her to the big world of ideas out there so she can find connection with others and, in effect, search for the meaning she craves.  David White and Amy Leask have great resources for philosophy for kids-- my DD got really into Hannah Arendt through those books which helped her explore the whole "evil" question, and she was pretty obsessed with Kant for a while too.  We are not a religious family but I am exposing her to religions of all varieties and their philosophies so that she can see one way that others with the same questions and concerns live out those questions.  The same is true of classic literature and poetry.  I give her more ideas, not less.  More questions, less answers.   The Tae te Ching, the Upanishads-- she's been into it all this year, amazed that her questions and concerns are the subjects of such ancient texts.   I expect and anticipate that when she's a teenager she will run hard onto the nihilistic off ramp, and I want to help her create a firm foundation to draw upon during that time, especially, to get her through it in one piece. At some point music will probably become a bigger part of how she copes.  In addition to philosophy and bibliotherapy, I also talk to her openly about the OEs and how they manifest for her (she has all 5, in excess).  Self-knowledge and time to search for meaning is a big part of our homeschool curriculum.   

 

Hope that might help!  And if you find anything that works well for your kids, or any insights to share, I'd love to hear them.  It's a lot to handle and I'm always happy to find others to connect to on this topic.  I feel like I'm blindly groping my way forward most days :)