Stubborn Tween

[Goodallmomma]

I posted this on another national homeschool website and the only answer I received was "treat her like she is in bootcamp", it went as far as people telling me to only give her bread and water until her attitude changed. I'm hoping some of you will have some better opinions....:confused1:

My 11 year old daughter is trying to send me to my grave. I'm at a point where I don't know what to do about her anymore. This is our 3rd year homeschooling and it has been a fight with her every DAY so far. It's very stressful and puts me in a horrible mood/state of mind most of the time. Now after saying that, putting her back in public school is NOT an option. I'm in this for very distinct reasons and her attitude is on the top of the list. When she was in school she pulled the same stuff she pulls now, but it would take WEEKS to catch her, because the teachers couldn't stay on top of her. She refuses to finish her work or even try to do it. I have tried spending every second of my day watching her and making her do it, but it wears me out and my 2 little ones suffer (10 month old and 2 year old). Now I give her an outline of all the work she has to do for the week and what days. I don't check the work until Friday afternoon (if it's even finished by then). If it's not completed or if its obvious she didn't even try she gets grounded for the whole week-end. On the week days I tell her she can't watch TV, play her DS, play with her toys, or listen to her mp3 player until her work for that day is done. At this point she is doing work until shower time every night and grounded every weekend. My problem is these consequences don't seem to be effecting her. Other then her acting like we are mistreating her and keeping her prisoner. BUT IT'S HER OWN FAULT and I'm tired of being made out to be the bad guy to all our friends and family. I don't know what to do. She has been lying sooo much more recently. I've just never met another 11 year old that acts this way and I'm lost in how to handle it. She is rebellious. She fights with her stepfather EVERYDAY. It's like WW3 everyday when he comes home. Of course, I have to say he is sometimes the one out of line. She throws these unbelievable fits like she is 3 years old. She disrupts my home. She throws things. She makes a huge mess at the dinner table if she is told to finish something she doesn't want. She doesn't wash her hair or her body half the time. She rarely brushes her teeth when asked TWICE a day. She avoids brushing her hair. I am just at a lost for words or action to take. I'm embarrassed to talk with the other women in our homeschool group because I'm sure they would label her and then she'd never be able to have any good homeschool friends. I would so greatly appreciate any advice you ladies have. To get a few typical responds out of the way: She is NOT bored with the work because she is too smart, she is not confused with the work because I explain it to her thoroughly until I KNOW she gets it, I have switched curriculum, styles of learning, times of day, added in more visuals and less tests. It's a big mess. HELP!