mamabear2three
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Posts posted by mamabear2three
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We are doing extensive research into the lifestyle we are looking at, and the costs involved and haven't committed to anything yet but not all RVs are a bum deal - to get a tow behind trailer used is well within our reach financially and there are many ways to save money on the cost of parking it for the night - the average costs others who do this are much much lower than our current rent. We are definitely looking carefully at the finances. If this option doesn't work out there are other options. I guess the main point is me feeling bad to back out of the contract, regardless of where we go from there.
We've been "stretched" financially our whole adult lives, so we were just chasing the "debt free" "bigger house" dream and have realized that while debt free is where we want to be, a bigger house isn't necessarily where we want to be, and are reevaluating that.
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we do have a good relationship with them and I want that to continue! Thanks for all the suggestions on how to come at it with offers to help them as best we can.
Will they be able to continue living without our payments? Yes, but it would likely eat into their savings - they are semi-retired - my dad still does part time at his old job remotely... and it is enough to pay for them to continue - but if they don't sell quickly, they will have to pay their mortgage payment still, which is what our rent covers.
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The contract just states that if we "default", they have the right to keep everything we've already paid for and sell the house to someone else. I guess the term "default" just scares me!
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oh and the money we pay in rent each month goes toward that 20% down payment too - everything is just so tight and it would all have to work out exactly right to work... including several much needed raises for my husband, so if those don't happen (who knows with teaching) then we'd be up the creek without a house anyway.
We originally agreed to the deal because selling our townhouse made us enough money to pay off all our debt, and a financial advisor told us that providing we got the raises we are supposed to over the next few years, we'd be OK.
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in another 6 years we'd apply for a mortgage, at which point our monthly house payment would double (roughly) and we would *hopefully* qualify... we are putting every dime into savings between now and then in the hopes of having 20% down but we will likely fall short of that number and end up with PMI on the mortgage because of it.
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we were actually told the roof had been replaced recently - they didn't bother upkeeping it with leaves building up in a couple areas, so the water backed up under the shingles and rotted the wood out.
But regardless, we can handle it if we continue to struggle and sacrifice, which is what we decided we aren't willing to do just for a house.
The RV thing is not really what I'm looking for advice on, but I do appreciate the concerns there! We would probably need to look for something cheaper even if we ended up not doing the RV thing, so that's not really the main issue.
Regarding them falling back on us - they already use the majority of the basement to keep their belongings in storage that they wanted to keep for an apartment, and they use us for mail service, so they'd have to figure something else out for those things too.
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I need to run this past people who don't know me in person, so that I can get an outside opinion and either confirm or calm my concerns about a situation!
My husband and I, just over a year ago, signed a "lease to own" contract with my parents to buy their house in a maximum of 7 years. They made sure we understood that they were doing this at a sacrifice, and that their financial adviser, a Christian, said that they were being very generous and was really impressed that they were willing to do this. My parents moved onto their sailboat and plan on renting an apartment to live in when they are done sailing in 7-10 years.
The details of the contract included:
-a sale price that was comparable to other houses in the neighborhood.
-2.5% discount (we split the commission the realtor would have made and took that off as "down payment")
-the rent we pay goes into our down payment each month.
-we agreed to the house as is and we didn't pay for an inspection.
-we didn't file the paperwork with the state because it would likely make the loan come due so it's all on paper but nothing official.
Since moving in, we have had to do one roof repair and another small section needs repaired. We have had to replace a medicine cabinet that was falling apart, we have had to repair all 3 toilets in the house with new parts, we had to repair a leak in a main sewer line pipe and a handful of other minor repairs. (thankfully my husband is quite handy or else we'd be in some serious financial trouble by this point) I'm sure there are other issues that an inspection would find, too. The house still has original single pane windows and is quite drafty.
We have decided that within 1-2 years we want to move fullitme into an RV and travel around the United States for a few years minimum, and recognize that doing so will mean giving up the house we have now and the "rent" we've put towards the down payment. This will relieve the financial strain of attempting to afford a house that's really beyond our finances, though, and allow us to travel (we'll be able to buy the camper outright and just have a loan on the tow vehicle). Without doing this, we'd rarely even get to take a vacation because of lack of income and high cost of living where we are. (my husband currently works several part time jobs in addition to his fulltime job of 7 years as a teacher and we still qualify for WIC)
I'm nervous about talking to my parents because I feel like they are going to feel like we are handing them a back a house full of issues that they will have to put work into to sell, but my husband thinks it's not a big deal, because they'll just sell it to someone else without all the "sacrifices" they made by making the deal with us. I know they won't approve of the plan regardless, but I just feel like we got a bit of a bad deal on the house in spite of everything they claim and that in going back on our deal, that we are being somehow mean to them. Am I crazy?
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what a fun group of families!
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Awesome! Thanks!!
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My husband and I are considering this possibility sometime in the next 2-3 years when the kids will be ages 10, 7, 5, and 3.
One of the big questions is a job for DH - he is in the process of finishing his masters degree this school year, but is currently a music teacher and teaches lessons on the side. His masters will be in technology education. He has mentioned the possibility of doing online teaching but I don't know if that would be enough income and we were wondering what other mobile job opportunities there might be to help support us while we traveled?
I'd love to know where people with kids tend to camp to have a better idea of a budget for campsites (I know that it is possible to boondock and save money but how feasible is it really?).
Does anyone on here live on an RV and be willing to let me pick your brain a little?
Thanks!
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We have just started writing strands (previously using WWE) and we are loving it so much. It is just the most perfect fit here, I was after highly structured as this has fit the bill perfectly
Thanks for this suggestion! I think this is exactly what I'm looking for :)
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My daughter thrives on highly structured writing instruction and totally hates WWE - last year we did Bob Jones English 2 and the grammar was so super too easy for her, but she thrived under the writing portion - she would sit and work meticulously on her writing assignments, extending them to a page or more.
I took the recommendations I was given regarding grammar to try MCT and we are loving Grammar Island, but I feel like I would get more writing enthusiasm out of her with a more structured writing program that gives more boundaries for writing assignments and feel like Bob Jones would be a waste of money by using only the writing half.
Any good suggestions?
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exactly :) glad you had a good day too!
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Just wanted to say Praise God - my daughter is finally remembering her subtraction facts (year round schooling, here we come...), we are finished with all of our assigned schoolwork for today!!! and my toddler fell asleep for an impromptu nap after waking up at 5AM...
This mama's tired but pleased with how the week ended!
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I'm reading mixed reviews on therapeutic listening programs in general and finding it difficult to find research on it, so I thought I'd just ask the question outright: would you spend the money on the Therapeutic Listening Program? We are attending OT once a week and have made huge strides (like to the point that if we had to go through the ADHD diagnosis process again, I doubt strongly that we would get the same diagnosis). We see the biggest spikes in behavior now when we are in a crowded place or when she has to sit through some annoyingly loud noise (like for dinner on the screened porch and there is a neighbor nearby mowing the lawn).
The OT has suggested the Therapeutic Listening program and has loaned us the first chip and headphones/player for 2 weeks. If we decide to do the whole program, we will have to buy the headphones and player but she'll loan us the chips every two weeks.
I'm concerned by the number of people I've read say it may or may not have helped, so it's hard to know if it would be worth the money.
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I think I'd really consider working with manipulatives (c-rods, number strips, etc.), and having her maybe use cards with numbers on them. Consider talking her through it and having a reference chart. If it's all in front her and very well-defined (different colors for each place value, for example), then maybe the anxiety would lessen, and the working memory would be less taxed. Then see if she's still struggling. My son did a lot of math this way before doing it without those aids.
So, start with the manips you have. See if they have colors already--our number strips are colored. Pull out the ones you'll use (I assume you'll need 0-999 or so). If the ones place is green, then maybe make digits 0-9 in green marker on index cards. Make additional cards for all the other place values that match. The only think she'll have to do is match them to the number strips, and realize that a green 1 mean 1 unit/one, a blue 2 means two tens (20), etc. She can use the cards to indicate her answers, and she can use c-rods if necessary as well. This might let her focus on what the math means rather than getting all the details correct about where the numbers go, what they look like.
Just an idea--at some point, this can be transferred to a visual, color-coded chart, and eventually translated to writing, etc.? I used these methods with my son before his writing was solid--he was doing a lot of math in preschool, and I had to find a way to help him remember what seemed so arbitrary to him, while also supporting the fact that his motor skills just weren't there. We spent a lot of time with orienting letters and numbers as well. He had lots of issues with left/right, etc.
I hope this makes sense. I may be missing your point or rambling, but I can try again if I'm just out to lunch.
This is a great idea - I love the color coding! My plan right now, tentatively, is to use manipulatives for everything and our OT is working with us to help us with ideas to add gross motor and other sensory things to do math with as well. She suggested hiding coins in a rice bin for her to find and identify, for example.
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You say that that fact families to 10 are not mastered. Those numbers should be instant by now.
Yes - and sometimes they are - the more worked up she gets, the less she seems to know, which makes sense... dh thinks it's all anxiety. We worked a long time last year on facts, but subtraction never did come easy. Today we were practicing skip counting and when she had 405 and had to skip count by 5, she said "40, 45, 50" so I reminded her about place value again, then she counted "four hundred 5, 10 hundred five" which makes no sense to me at all.
Her writing numbers in reverse, but not letters is interesting?
What this raises, is a question about the way that she concieves of math?
Particularly the direction?
Our mental concept of what is called the 'number line'.
Is actually concieved of from left to right.
So that 1,2,3,4,etc, are concieved from left to right.
We add to the right, and subtract to the left.
Our concepts of past and future, are also located on the left and right.
But for some people, they concieve of it in the opposite direction, from right to left.
So perhaps you could try something?
Have her do some written math.
But have her intentionally write the numbers in reverse.
But also importantly, have her write the order in reverse. So that 27 becomes 72.
'Tens' are then on the right, rather than the left.
Where it would be interesting to see whether doing a written math calculation, totally in reverse?
Comes naturally to her?
Just thinking about that makes my head hurt! I only gave her one problem and was a little surprised at how easy it was for her to write backwards numbers on purpose... I was having to work hard to see whether she wrote the numbers correctly or not. To her it was as if the numbers were fluid and changing their direction was not a problem. It would be interesting to give her a several problems and see if she could solve them easier, but I'm not sure how this helps me - and how does it help her?
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Thanks OhElizabeth - I don't know why I can't see your comment on here but I could read it in my email and your explanation of number sense vs. working memory makes sense and gives me a direction to work.
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she's seven and a half, and had a normal eye exam last fall. She doesn't reverse any of her letters and has no problems reading or writing and writes very neatly.
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Could I be on the right path or am I crazy?
First, regarding yesterday's discussion on behavior vs sensory vs adhd and math - she does have anxiety over math. When motivation is not an issue, and she's eager and willing to start (I took those variables away today with a particularly inciting incentive), the inability to focus/be still is huge: I stopped her mid bounce, had her take a couple deep breaths, sit down and still and started quizzing her on other subjects - name the parts of speech we have learned - give me an example of each. Tell me the three parts of the brain we have studied (prefrontal cortex, amygdala and hyppocampus), tell me what each part does... etc. She sat mostly still, was quick to answer and focused - the way I see her complete her other subjects.
So I figured out the surface issue is subtraction. She just isn't successful at that. So I pulled some old lessons on subtraction out and broke the steps down and got the abacus out, etc. She did great with the review! But I noticed that she struggles with number sense (holding and manipulating numbers in her head, or on paper), even though the concepts are easy. I've tried everything - I've spent hours searching for more ideas in the archives, and the math facts just don't stick. She still has to stop and think for her fact families that make up 10. She still reverses numbers (writes them backward so 9 looks like p - and does this with 2, 6,7,9 and sometimes 4, and 5).
Am I pulling at straws or could this be a math disability separate from the issue of adhd?
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Sounds like anxiety to me.
I have no clue how to deal with that. Maybe try a visual workbox system where she controls morning/afternoon school work order. Make sure she knows her options first so that she can think it through.
When I read the above, it made me think of leaving a fun event like a swim party. Prior to leaving, I warn the kids that we will leave in x amount of minutes and suggest they prep their hearts. Maybe with a system that she minimally controls, she can prep her own heart. ETA: I'd also add a prize or sticker or whatever her currency is.
Ok, so I can buy anxiety as a cause - in the past, math has caused anxiety (math Mammoth was a colossal failure for this reason - just way too many problems on the page no matter how few I assigned). We have a visual schedule where each morning she puts her assigned subjects for the day on the list (velcro on). She takes time to put the subjects on in the order she wants to do them and sometimes will even do them out of order, which I don't mind - the only thing I require is that she completes everything on her list (which takes 3 hours on average, with several breaks built in). I'll have to think about how to reduce anxiety over math. I wonder if there is a better math program? Or is the program not the issue, is it just the subject? hm...
I googled to find the right word for what the counselor worked on with him, it was "task initiation." She worked through that part of her ADHD program with him, I do not really know what that involved, besides talking to her in the office and her helping him.
He went for about 2-3 months and then there was a lot of improvement.
At the same time he was able to start doing some work orally and to be able to leave the room during timed math facts, that had been upsetting him. It turned out he has slow handwriting and that is why he was not able to finish his work in an expected amount of time, and how he got into this fear of not being able to do his work in time. So there was background for him and the root causes needed to be fixed for him, too.
Keep in mind children communicate with their behavior. They don't necessarily come up to you and say "hey mom, here is what is going on" -- they may not even know.
I'll have to look into task initiation - the thing that's odd is that math is literally the only thing we are having trouble with. She doesn't even balk over a list of 10 phrases to translate for Spanish, something I expected to be an issue due to how many were on one page. She has a pleasant, willing attitude for literally everything else on the list, except for math. :confused1:
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That's very helpful kbutton, thank you. I don't think they were planning to do TLP there, she just told me to look it up and said it might be helpful, I assume for home use.
She actually recommended we start with tactile activities, then the heavy work, then a little vestibular, and then go back to the heavy work, really focusing for the longest on that work. In the list of activities she had things like wheelbarrow walks, tug of war, wrestling and jumping on the mattress. We've done all of those things and they do make her go into her hysterical silliness mode. She LOVES them, but I've never seen them calm her.
We didn't see these things help much at first either - it was a cumulative effect over a few weeks, I think, that makes the difference. Now I can "treat" hyperactivity or lack of focus with activities like this (and we try to do at least 10-15 minutes at one time before stopping) and I can see the difference. Also, the first time or two that we tried something new and exciting, she would lack the emotional regulation to deal with it, but then when we go back to it after she's used to the activity, it's more effective.
Other proprioceptive work does, though...Massages, bear hugs, and recently joint compression, she just loves. So maybe I need to just try out some of the listed activities and ditch those that seem to have the opposite effect? We haven't tried heavy lifting/pushing, I'll give that a try. Maybe the combo of the three types of work will also make a difference, it's definitely worth a try.
Our OT has said several times that we have to figure out what works for HER and that every child can react differently to different things. I keep a journal of things we do that help and if I notice something has a big impact, I'll note that and use it again.
I'm trying to figure out what they're actually going to do during these appointments, other than let her play which, you know, we could do elsewhere for cheaper. Are they evaluating her while she plays? Or will they actually incorporate mindfulness into it? I was hoping the therapist would give me a better idea of what to expect while we were there, but we went a half hour over today and I didn't have the time to ask.
See if you can stand in the session and watch and ask questions while they work together. I don't often get to do that because of my other kids but when I do I'm able to see the purpose behind activities. I'll ask how something is helpful and get great little tips and suggestions to help me at home as well. I'll also see the progression of activities - swing first to calm and bring focus, then a heavy activity, then swinging to calm down again, then sensory like shaving cream or other thing, then end in swinging. My daughter will also tell me little things like, when we get on thus and such a swing, I have to hold my head like this, or we got in that swing again but this time I laid like this. So to her it is fun and play, but the OT is specifically doing things with positioning, etc. that are making a difference to her.
I've also been told it's similar to exercise - it's not always what you see right away as much as it is the effect over time. And over time, you see the effect faster. Now I can see her attention start to scatter and do 15 minutes of wrestling on the floor (where she tries to push/pull me over) and when we are done, she is calmer, more organized and focused.
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Well at some point they merge. What you're really saying is *is she being bad?* and I would say if she *could* do better she probably *would* do better. So that means she needs help. Can you structure it so she goes from this less-preferred thing to something more preferred? When my dd was that age I would save read alouds for *after* math so she'd have something to look forward to. :) I like the suggestion on doing heavy work or something organizing first. Focus Moves, anything using midline can help with that.
Have you asked her *why* she's avoiding math when she's fine once she gets into it? Maybe she would have words? She was very perceptive on the Chik fil a thing, wow.
I haven't asked her why she avoids it after she's fine again - when she's actively avoiding it, she just says it's "hard" but it can't be too hard if she can finish it independently in 5 minutes once she's willing to work on it.
This sounds like she is having an anxiety spiral to me. Or she got too overwhelmed. It doesn't sound like she is going into this state on purpose.
This is kind-of what my son was doing when his teacher thought he had ADHD (it has been coming up on another thread).
He was sitting and not doing his seatwork. It looked like ADD. But he was actually experiencing anxiety about not being able to finish his work or do a good enough job.
He was stuck at the "initiation" stage. They did the same strategies they would do for the "initiation" stage for ADD/ADHD at his school. From my understanding this involved talking to the counselor and the teacher helping him to get started and encouraging him to get started. Also sometimes making him a mini-goal if he was overwhelmed with thinking his work looked too long (as he had a fear of not being able to finish his work in time).
I think it is really nice she is coming out of it so well on her own. My son was not coming back from it like that. But he could also perform a lot better when he was feeling better.
I'll have to look into that - ways to get her started. Thanks for the idea :)
What math are you using? I'm curious.
I am using McRuffy math this year because of the math we have tried, it is the least overwhelming for her - a single page for practice, well structured lessons and manipulatives built into each lesson which helps make math more fun... We have tried several in the past and not had as much success with the others as with this one.
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I hesitate to ask this here because I know there are so many bigger issues dealt with on this board, but you know my story... The OT has been working so well, it's been a huge encouragement to me to see my daughter be able to maintain calm, organized behavior without medication. We still have issues to iron out - lunch out at a busy chic-fil-a yesterday was a bit of a crazed time and in her own words "it was sooo loud! it made me hyper!" So we are working with the OT on putting together a go-bag so that we have tools with us to help (like ear plugs for loud places, a vibrating pillow for calming when overstimulated, etc.)
Then there is school - I'm seeing her be able to work independently! Which is something she couldn't do last year without meds (or even sometimes on meds). She doesn't like math, though. (Which strikes me as slightly odd, because she has gone through periods of time where she loved math with a passion) So she will sit (or lay on the floor, or wiggle on a ball, or spin on her desk chair) and I can see her shut down - it's almost like the life drains from her as she slowly sinks lower and lower into a slump of "I don't want to do this" and then she hits the bottom (I send her to take a break and she bursts into tears, talks about her stomach hurting, how tired she is, etc.) we swing, she takes time alone, she mopes about not knowing what to do, she eats a crunchy snack, she looks grumbly...Finally after about a half hour I sent her to try the math again by herself and she bounces - in 5 minutes comes back with the entire lesson completed (considerably more completed in considerably less time than when we first started math) and she's in a good mood, with a good attitude.
I've got a variety of sensory tools to use, but when they don't work I wonder if it's not ADHD or sensory - this is attitude, isn't it? How do I work through this?
Need "anonymous" advice
in The Chat Board
Posted
You know, the irony here is that the last time I posted in here, it was asking about the concept of full-timing and I got not a single negative comment. Since then we have found a huge community of people, with kids, who are doing it, doing it well and loving it.
By the way - I am not sure what "tv shows" there are that show this, I haven't seen any, but sounds interesting! We don't watch much tv.
In the end, there are a lot of arguments that can be made about a lot that has been said but I'll just say this - I asked for anonymous advice about something, which means I can take it or leave it and who knows what I will end up doing. I really like this forum in general, which is why I came here to ask, but it's amazing to me that people can get so worked up about someone else's choices about things.
I do appreciate those who took the time to answer my question without the rest of the junk about the lifestyle choices.But now I'm done - if you all want to continue arguing about how terrible it is to do this or that, that's fine, enjoy :)