Sweet Charlotte
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Posts posted by Sweet Charlotte
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Yes. No matter what K may say...Thinking of you and sending hugs and positive thoughts for peace and healing. You are a wonderful mom and K is so lucky to have you.
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Guh. I hear you. I'm so sorry. Here, we are just coming out of his "high" and it was the craziest it ha ever been. It's been a couple of weeks of onslaught and darkness. I'm feeling stronger today than I have in a while. I will funnel this strength into my prayers for you. [emoji173]ï¸Laurie, I usually try to be non-confrontational. Sometimes, when I am the target of mean, hurtful accusations, it is hard to stay that way. Right now, K is in their room. I hope she is finally sleeping, because as Jean mentioned, sleep deprivation seems to fuel the paranoia. When she emerges, I will offer to make something that's a favorite.
I don't really have anyone at my parish that I can trust. I was more or less abandoned when things got bad with K 4 years ago. Part of it was due to some activities that ran their course and I didn't have anything to take their place and part of it was that there was a faction of intolerant people of a certain political persuasion that made it a potentially hostile place. At the same time, my friends seemed to get too busy for me. Yes, I got busy, but it really hurt when invitations stopped. Our pastor is a joke, one of the phoniest people I have ever met. He is a failed actor who went into the priesthood when he realized he wasn't going to make it in Hollywood. He is all about the show. Joy, joy, happy, happy. He is all about emotional impact (I hear in my head him saying "more creshendo, choir"), but his impact misses when he can't recognized that people in the congregation are suffering. Yeah, a homily about how great it is to spend time with family and how we all love each other is a stab in the gut when your house is so tense you can cut it with a knife and your extended family stays away. I can't tell you how hard it is to control my middle finger in mass sometimes. (Until 4 years ago, it would never have even occurred to me to flip someone off.)
I do have a friend in the mental health field who is very familiar with our situation. She and I will be having a chat in another hour (texting I'm afraid) because she lives 2 hours away and we both don't feel like we can talk out loud.
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So much of what you write are things that I could have written myself. Know that at least some others truly know what you are dealing with. [emoji173]ï¸[emoji852]ï¸Unfortunately, not really. I don't know any of her friends. K trusts dh and dd more than either myself of ds24, but they are out of town, not returning until tomorrow night. I do try to shield dd17 from the ugliness of K's illness. And she is under a tremendous amount of pressure with college apps and is having some mental health issues herself, related to all the stress in our home.
I hear you. There are a lot of people in the mental health field who are incompetent, or uncaring, but raking in the money. And I have seen some who seem to be very strict about the financials, but they have to be because they often are serving a population that miss appointments, are late, or are late with payment, etc.
I do have to say that we have been fortunate to have access to some decent mental health care. We did find a good psychiatrist who has been effective in managing meds and going to bat with our insurance company to get the more effective, but more expensive med covered. K has also had some decent therapists, but due to episodes of paranoia, she discontinued care with them. I'd say that most therapists are not rolling in dough ... most of the ones we have met and have had some success with are people who got into this later in life because they are passionate about helping others.
During the last major crisis, she really needed to be in a partial inpatient program (and we have a really good facility here),, but she refused to go because she basically associates our relatively affluent middle class suburb (we are on the poorer end of the spectrum here) with cisgender indolerent a$$holes, which is a true reflection of this area. There is much more acceptance here than she gives anyone credit for. She holds to this narrative that dh and I are the equivalent of Westboro Baptist church, just by the fact that we go to church.
I'd love it if K went back into treatment with a therapist who can help her manage these episodes. But she won't trust anyone. Her reasons often don't make sense. She claims motives for behavior that are not based in fact.
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You sound like my husband. He has really struggled with his faith during this. It is very hard. Do you have any one who *knows* your details or someone who has experience with mental illness? It does really make a difference if you know that you don't struggle like this alone.I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am aware of the cost, but my kids are older than yours. We have been able to provide some protection to other members of the house and we hope that they will be out of the house by this time next year.
But we have chosen the option of a safe place to live because we believe that the whole situation is safer if she is on meds. If we kick her out, the instability of the living arrangement and the lack of supervision on meds, plus the very real potential life-threatening confrontation with the police is not a place we are willing to go yet. And I no longer trust that God has our back on this. I've seen too many families where God's answer was no, I will not protect your child, nor you, nor the pubic. That is why I am turning to all of you for prayer because I have none left.
My son won't stay on meds, and his cycles are becoming crazier. Every time, it feels like we have to relearn how to manage them because each time it's different. I feel like we need to fortify our "armor" so that we can remain standing as he rails against us or is out of control in some really scary ways. Otherwise, we get sucked under. [emoji53]
I am praying for you and K. For strength, wisdom and for divine comfort. I DO believe that God really does "have our backs," but there are some days when I think that I'm kidding myself. [emoji173]ï¸
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Praying. I have no answers at all for you, as I am in similar circumstances with my 21 mentally ill son who believes he is transgender. In our case, he has been out of our house for years and there have been times where he has been essentially homeless, on drugs, in dangerous and terrible situations. We have come to the conclusion, at least in the now, that we are not/can not be the ones to help him. He won't/can't receive from us, for many reasons. He is too unstable and his active presence in our home is detrimental for the 5 other kids we have here.Any prayer warriors on here this morning? I need some divine intervention and maybe some advice, if you have experience with mental illness in a loved one. K, my 21yo with mental illness (and transgender) is having a mental health crisis. She lost her cool last night when she had ran into a frustrating situation, which should have been my first clue. I wouldn't let her take the car in the state she was in so she went for a walk and returned an hour later in a better mood. But, she didn't sleep at all last night and is now in a state of paranoia, agitation and distrust. And I'm worried she will hurt herself (she is already covered in self-inflicted scratches.) When I suggested taking her in to our local mental health center, she nearly went ballistic. Telling me more paranoid stuff about how the mental health industry is only about profit and other nonsense, and that she doesn't trust me and that I always make things worse. She insists that she has been taking her meds regularly. I asked her to call her psychiatrist, but she is acting paranoid.
Dh is not home right now and is not accessible by phone (in a rural outdoor area with limited cell coverage.) I can't call the police because they are "pigs" (major trust issues, not entirely unwarranted, but less so here.) That is a last resort because it will likely permanently harm what little trust she has in me and probably cause her to bolt on me, which means couch surfing and living on the street and less access to the meds that have kept her stable. And more potential contact with the Chicago Police Department instead of our milder, better trained suburban police department. I wish I had a way to help her sleep it off.
I am out of prayers. This whole thing has sorely tested my faith. I am afraid that my prayers only make things worse, kind of like when a parent tells a kid "I'll give you something to cry about."
Thanks for letting me vent.
I would ask you, ARE you helping your child? I get that you are providing a safe place for your child to live, and that is not at all insignificant. But, at what cost to the rest of your family?
I think about and pray for my son every day, shoot, every couple minutes of every day. It is a terrible and painfully burden we bear, to be mamas and not be able to fix things or to be estranged. But, I will tell you straight up, I could not do life for these other kids with him still here in the house. We were in the prison of his illness and instability. He cannot receive from us, no matter how much we try to give or give real help. It will have to come from someone else. We trust him to God every moment of every day. And that is HARD stuff.
Anyway, prayers for you, mama. This sucks and it's not your fault.
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And like others have said, we had dreams. He is so talented. He could have done so much. Now, we are glad when he can hold a job for 2 months and isn't homeless.I would love to be part of a group, for discussion and support. Sometimes you need a place to say things that you never, ever thought would be in your heart or mind, where people understand and won't cast you out for being a rotten person.
My story is so very long and I'm very tired, do I won't spell it all out right now, but I'm happy to share. It's not something that I hide anymore.
My oldest son is 21. He has been diagnosed by several different doctors with bipolar, generalized schizophrenia, trauma induced anxiety, and depression. He still not stay on any medications or maintain relationships with any therapists. He's been inpatient 4 different times over 4 years. He believes he is transgender. He also believes that my husband and I are the sole causes of every problem in his life.
It is exhausting and feels like we are living in some sort of alternate reality. We have 5 younger kids and the things that are part of their awareness and experience would curl your toes.
Lord, have mercy.
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I would love to be part of a group, for discussion and support. Sometimes you need a place to say things that you never, ever thought would be in your heart or mind, where people understand and won't cast you out for being a rotten person.
My story is so very long and I'm very tired, so I won't spell it all out right now, but I'm happy to share. It's not something that I hide anymore.
My oldest son is 21. He has been diagnosed by several different doctors with bipolar, generalized schizophrenia, trauma induced anxiety, and depression. He will not stay on any medications or maintain relationships with any therapists. He's been inpatient 4 different times over 4 years. He believes he is transgender. He also believes that my husband and I are the sole causes of every problem in his life.
It is exhausting and feels like we are living in some sort of alternate reality. We have 5 younger kids and the things that are part of their awareness and experience would curl your toes.
Lord, have mercy.
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My sweet Charlotte kitty was 18 years old. She went downhill for a while, losing weight, forgetting where the litter box was, occasional blood in her urine. Like your kitty, she was a talker, and a loud purrer. She purred all the time. That was why I had trouble gauging her pain. When she stopped eating, I watched her. When she stopped drinking, I knew we were close. All the while she purred. After a couple of days, she was restless and I wished for her to go peacefully in her sleep. But, she didn't and I became afraid of her convulsing or suffering so much at the end. I said if she made it thru the night, we would go the next morning. That was a long and precious night. And she purred the whole time. Having her put to sleep was very hard, but she went peacefully in the arms of the one who loved her best. It sucks all the way around. I am so sorry for you and your sweet kitty. Don't know if I helped with your questions at all, but I wanted you to know you I share in your suffering as you go through this.
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"ruining someone else's fun..."
This is a hard thing. The love language that I speak is gift giving. Yes, I am able to express love in other ways, but for me, my expression comes alive in the gift giving-knowing someone in such a way that I can choose a gift that will show that they are truly known and appreciated...to not be able to do that...it's not AT ALL about "ruining my fun." I feel as if I cannot properly express love to that person who doesn't want gifts. My need/desire doesn't trump theirs, certainly, but it is harder. I often wish for a different love language, because "gifts" always gets painted as materialistic or shallow or less noble.
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I used medjool dates, the big soft ones, pitted them, stuffed a pecan half inside, wrapped with about 1/2 slice of bacon and roasted till bacon was crisp. Crazy good. May have to make them tomorrow...
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I have 6 kids, so it it's not the same but there are all kinds of age gaps here. In my experience, at age 8-9, my big boys were very helpful, involved and smitten with the new baby. My oldest ds was 8 when my first dd waswas born and they have always been very close. Currently, I have a just turned 15 ds and a 15mo dd, and it is awesome and so sweet to see their relationship. In our bunch, the kids closer in age are the ones to fight more. But, I think that is normal.
Of course, it depends on the kids and particulars of your situation.
I would encourage you to not let your mil discourage you from considering it, if you would like another dc.
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I have read from O-6 and maybe others a mention that one should be careful with regard to theJesus prayer. Can y'all elaborate on that? Thanks.
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You pointed me to the Akathist to Jesus, Light to those in darkness a couple of weeks ago. It is so beautiful. I am wondering if you know of any recording of it. I see that Frederika Mathews Green read it in a podcast, but i would love to hear it sung. Thanks.
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Yay! My shortcut must have "expired." Thanks.
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My link is not working...
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Or, what about participation in politics?
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That akathist is beautiful. Do you read it like a regular prayer or psalm? Thank you.
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PM, could you possibly point me to where to buy that particular icon? I like it better that the one that I find for sale in my online search.
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Thank you. I will look at all of these. Yes, the situation with ds has stirred up other things in my dh and he is really struggling. He said yesterday that he felt like he was "being ground into powder." I arranged for him to speak with the priest this evening, but dh canceled. He is in despair and feels like God is silent.
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If taking to the priest isn't possible at the moment, are there specific prayers you could point me to that are effective and appropriate for the above conditions?
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There was a thread a while back, and it may have been on the Facebook group, but I think it was here, in which Patty Johanna made the comment that God is "not offended by our sin." Anyone have any idea which thread that was?
Also, can anyone recommend some reading or commentary on the prodigal son story. Dh and I need some wisdom on how to love during the prodigal period, especially so that we don't act wrongly and make a return less likely, iykwim.
Thanks.
Kim
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My bff has an 11 yo ds going into 6th grade ps. He is considerably behind in reading comprehension due to lack of vocabulary. He failed the reading portion of the required standard test. His issue seems to be similar to vocabulary delays that might be present in an english as a second language situation. His primary caregiver when he was a toddler was someone who did not speak english well or often. As a result, kiddo has substandard language skills. He has been tested for a variety of learning disabilities and has been negative for them.
My friend is looking for some kind of vocab remediation, preferably a computer program or online game type program, that she could use with him over the summer. He is testing about 2-3 grade below his age-grade.
Any recommendation or advice? Thanks.
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I am right there with you. Exactly. I jumped in, went to midweek services during Lent, got my daughter interested and we went to the Pascha night service. During the service, I sort of hit a wall. Full stop...I sat in the service with a pit in my stomach, looking at the icon of Christ apologizing for letting Him down, for not being able to do this, for being like the guy who went away disappointed because what Jesus required was too hard. I am in a funky place now because I believe EO is IT, but I am tired and undisciplined and overwhelmed with marriage and teenager issues. And I know a good part of it all is because of my sinfulness and shortcomings, but moving out of this stuck place just seems too hard. And so much would have to change...all of our holidays and traditions...idk. I sound like a whiner. But it's hard to muster when you are beat down.
Anyway, I didn't mean to make thus about me...what you said just really sounded familiar. I hope you find your way.
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urgent prayer request
in The Chat Board
Posted
One thing I know, at least in the case with my son, is that when I get emotionally sucked in or allow myself to engage in an argument with him, the situation gets much worse. Sometimes I can't stay out of it, but I try very hard to be stoic, be a brick wall without emotion, no matter what he throws at me.
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