wendylee
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Posts posted by wendylee
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I'm coming into this thread late, but I've gotten a lot of help for ADHD Teen questions at this forum: http://connect.additudemag.com/groups/group/Parents_of_ADHD_Teens_and_Young_Adults. It's specifically for parents of teens and young adults with ADHD.
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I was on hold with them last week for about 30 minutes. They got on, verified my information, then put me on hold for about 2 minutes, came back and told me they couldn't verify my information even though they just had. Then told me that they couldn't talk to me and hung up.
I was flabbergasted. I think maybe he confused me with another caller, is the only thing I can think of. It was really weird.
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talk to a tax accountant/attny.
Unless all of the people posting are business owners, you are going to fall into the same trap that you did listening to your MIL. Time to talk to a professional. You really can't afford not to. That is the biggest problem and the one you need to fix first. The rest is throwing popcorn at a target and hoping it works.
Other than that-I think selling your house in this market unless you have to--which just went down another 3% when they hoped it would be UP 2% (housing market) is INSANE. It is an exercise in futility. It's better to lose your house than to sell it in this market.
We've talked to a tax accountant, who advised us to get off the incorporation foolishness that got us in this mess in the first place and go back to simply filing as self-employed. I don't sell anything, I am a freelance writer. So that makes sense. Unfortunately, it got us into huge tax debt that first year and it's snowballed since then.
All the tax accountant person did was give us that information and tell us to keep making payments.
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I think Dave Ramsey might suggest dh gets a second job (he always suggests delivering pizzas) to really attack the debt.
Really, this tax issue will hang over your head until you implement some drastic measures. As uncomfortable as those measures might be in the short term, the relief when it is paid off will be enormous.
I'm willing to do whatever I can reasonably and realistically do. I don't know if selling my house is something that fits in there. Our area has been hit hard and we would barely get what we paid for it at this point.
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If you sell, will you have a hard time renting? Many rentals require credit checks. I'd consult a non-profit financial counseling agency, if I were in your shoes.
I've contacted a Dave Ramsey financial counselor in the area. Online his in-house counselors charge $500 just for ONE SESSION. :001_huh:
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In your shoes, I would consult a realtor and find out a realistic estimate of how much you could get for your house. If that could pay off even 1 of your debts in full (tax or bk), I would do it. From there you could snowball the other debt. I would rather be a renter than drowning in debt.
We've contacted a couple of realtors and they flat out told us that we can't sell our house with a tax lien. One told me to do a short sale. I have no idea how those work - and I don't know if it would take care of the tax issue.
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:grouphug:
Start with a budget. A real one, not an ideal one. That was our mistake for several years. We'd sit down to write up a budget and it would be full of things like "Entertainment - $20" when currently we were spending $100. You can guess how well we stuck to that. :glare: While we needed to only be spending $20 the fact was we had some growing to do and needed to cut back gradually instead of trying to jump in.
Other things I've learned while struggling:
-pay myself first. The money is automatically debited from the account on payday so I don't think about it. It's just not there. But that gives us our emergency and slush funds for things we know will come up.
-be upfront and honest with the kids. You want a budget to work? Sit down and show them where the money is going and your goals and what you're doing to get there. We keep our budget and goal sheet up on the computer at all times. There is nothing like teaching fiscal responsibility by example! Knowing the kid is watching keeps us from dipping into our savings or blowing the budget.
I have an Excel spreadsheet of monthly expenses. I have money directly deducted to go into savings for taxes. But it's never there by the end of the month. My husband's "love language" is to buy gifts, so he is constantly spending. If I tell him that this is a burden, he gets very hurt. It's hard to understand, for me, why he continues to do this when he knows we are in so much debt.
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Hello folks -
Okay, so here's the story. We are absolutely just not able to figure out where to even start with our financial mess. We are *trying* to do the Dave Ramsey thing, with the Baby Steps, but I feel like I just don't have a good handle on what's going on. I would appreciate any advice from financially wise people who have gone through similar stuff as I'm going to list below (for a quick background, neither me or DH ever got ANY kind of financial info from our parental units, so we've been pretty much flying by the seat of our pants for 20 years).
1) Bad advice from MIL got us into tax trouble. Long story short, I'm self-employed, and I can't pay my taxes from year to year. We owe around $30k to feds, $6k to state. We are on a payment plan, but it's exorbitant, and it takes all the money for THIS year's taxes to put on PAST taxes. This has been going on for five years now.
2) We have no savings. My husband has been in and out of work for about three years and just last month got the best job of his life (Praise the Lord!). We are happy about that. Between the two of us we make really good money. However, most of it is gone by the end of the month, with little to nothing in savings, tax savings, or emergency fund.
3) We are wondering if we should sell our house to pay for the taxes. I think if we were lucky we would get enough money to pay off the debt in full or at least most of it. However, we have horrible credit, always have had horrible credit for 20 years, declared bankruptcy last year (chapter 13) but they put us on such a high monthly payment that we couldn't keep going with it. Our house has a few minor things wrong with it, and the market is terrible.
If you've read this far, thank you. We really don't know how to even get started. We've lived hand to mouth for many years and have made immature choices. We really want to grow up financially, but we don't know where to start. The tax debt is the most pressing thing, but I just don't know where to start. thank you in advance.
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I was a member of Weight Watchers for many years. I never lost more than five pounds. The caloric restrictions were too strict for me; I was ALWAYS hungry and ended up cheating.
The only thing that has worked for me is to eat a high protein, low carb diet. No white flour or sugar, only whole grains. I eat around 50-100 carbs a day, never feel hungry, and am losing about 4 pounds a week pretty steadily.
Your mileage may vary, but if you're hungry a lot and don't like counting points, you might want to check it out.
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i just wanted to add that my blogs are templates. I don't have time to write for myself! There is no shame.
preach it sister! :)
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(this reminds me, I need to finish my WordPress 101 book for this very purpose!)
If you have a WordPress install, then you have access to thousands of free templates within your dashboard, under Appearance. You'll need to know what server, username, and password you should send these to; your hosting company should be able to provide you with that. Alternatively you can download a free FTP program, like Filezilla, and upload your themes and plugins that way as well.
Find a theme you want and start customizing it with widgets (under Appearance). You'll also want to visit the Settings area to customize how your meta data looks, how search engines visit you, and permalinks.
Then you can start downloading plugins that will further customize your site. Akismet is especially popular since it kicks out spam; you will need to sign up for an API key.
Boy, the more I write the more I need to write. I really need to slap together a WordPress 101 ebook or something, because there are a lot of details here that I'm assuming you know but you might not know, which will really make you frustrated, and nobody wants that. :>) :tongue_smilie:
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Bolding mine.
I just wanted to emphasize that is no different than if the business or school had its own email server. Google's policy reflects only how things are typically (and legally) set up, and any organization using Google Apps is free to grant a greater degree of assured privacy to its employees/members/etc.
Yep, totally true. I just pointed that out because many people don't know that Google Apps is set up that way regarding email.
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If Web History is enabled, the data is stored on Google's servers. It doesn't sound like it's enabled on her school account, however (I'm not even sure it can be enabled on Google Apps accounts).
Barring a court order, and Google is very good about fighting these when they don't think there's a basis.
Yes, isn't that interesting (about Google fighting)?
Also, to clarify why you can't use two different accounts without signing in and out:
Google uses cookies to keep you signed in to your account.
The Google sign-in cookie only lets you sign in with one account at a time.
In the past, Google Apps accounts were cookied separately from Google Accounts, so you could sign in to both your Google Account and your Google Apps account in the same web browser.
Your Google Apps account has undergone a transition, and now functions more like a full Google Account. Your account uses the standard Google sign-in cookie, allowing you to sign in to only one account at a time.
Gmail, Calendar, Sites, Docs, Google Code, Reader, and Profiles, you can use the multiple sign-in option to sign in to multiple accounts simultaneously. But not Google Apps, apparently.
What your admin can see or not see:
Your admin has access and ownership of any data stored in this account, like Picasa web albums, Google Sites pages, and.....here's the kicker....email. Yikes. The ownership part is according to Google's privacy policies.
They have no access to your account(s) outside of what they are administering.
As far as I can tell search history is not enabled for Google Apps accounts unless the admin specifically turns it on. However, they can see your email, logins, and IP address(es).
What Google does with your info
They will automagically scan all your info in order to personalize your experience; this is automated and they could care less what you're doing in there UNLESS it crosses their TOS and then they will auto-flag it and send info to the admin.
I kinda do this sort of stuff for my "real" job so sorry for the long-windedness....I just get into it. Search Nerds of the world, unite!:tongue_smilie:
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Our school has been using Google for its e-mail, docs, sites, etc. for several years with success. (The local public schools are even considering this now as a way of cost-savings.)
This year, though, some things with Google seemed to have changed. For instance, I can no longer use Blogger and YouTube without signing out of my Google school account. Iow, I used to be able to move from one to the other without signing in and out from my school account to a private account. I don't like that because it is inconvenient.
I don't, however, have to sign in/out to use Google search. My big question is if I've been using my school account and then search something (still under my school name), all of this is seen by Google analytics, but can it be seen by our school tech administrator?
If it can, I really don't like this because it crosses the privacy border big time, in my opinion.
I've little techKNOWlogy :), so I'm relying on all you others who know about this stuff. And hoping I've made myself clear enough so that you understand my concern and question.
Thanks!
Your school account and personal account are two different entities, so yes, you would have to sign out of one in order to use the other. If you are on Google+, you can use the Google+ Toolbar to easily switch between two different accounts. However, you do have to be at least signed in, and you have to start from Google+. I see this changing eventually to include all Google services.
The school tech admin can't see your searches. The only way for he or she to see those would be to be signed into your Google account and view your search history within your Web browser. This is tracked by cookies so it would have to be your computer, afaik.
Nobody can see your searches except Google and they are only using them as part of a much bigger picture, i.e., personalization.
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Oh, Joanne. Praying for you guys. :grouphug:
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Hi there, thanks for checking in.
He's been home for a few weeks now. We're taking one day at a time. So far, so good. That's all I really want to say for now; it's been an exhausting summer to say the very least, and I need to conserve my energy. :>)]
I so appreciate all the advice, well wishes, and prayers coming our way. You guys are amazing. :grouphug:
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Absolutely.
We all live on this planet together -- every single different one of us -- and compassion is the one thing in this world that we cannot overdo. I fully believe that what goes around comes around. Spread the love around. If we could stop so much navel gazing and look up more often, we'd see some truly beautiful people out there in all their very different forms.
That is beautiful.
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Come to Iowa. I do not drink, or have pedicures and prefer my own coffee. I like to read, play cards, swear like a sailor if the occasion calls for it and of late have been chasing possums away from our garbage cans with a slingshot. I have darn good aim thanks to the encroaching river chasing the animals to higher ground. And I believe in baked goods. Can we hang???:lol:
LOL!! You betcha! And I, too, believe in baked goods!! :tongue_smilie:
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:grouphug: I remember asking myself the same thing when my brother died from suicide, my husband's law firm imploded etc.all in the same year. Most people treated us as if our bad luck was contagious. I will never forget. I have forgiven but will never forget those who gave dh a place to relocate his practice, those who helped me clean up the suicide site so the house could be sold etc. I am so sorry but most people do not want to accept that bad things do happen to good people. If they can pretend you do not exist they will not have to face the uncertainty that defines real life for all of us. This makes me just sad for them as they know better and surely should feel like s***heels for treating other people so cruelly. I can say this though, there are many, many people here who would enjoy your family's company so long as you can deal with them.:lol: Truly I have been there and have sworn to never, ever treat someone else with such dismissiveness and disregard. It is wrong.
Thank you for sharing this. This was an encouragement to me, and I'm so sorry for your loss. You sound like an amazing person. :grouphug:
Especially this:
" I am so sorry but most people do not want to accept that bad things do happen to good people. If they can pretend you do not exist they will not have to face the uncertainty that defines real life for all of us."
That pretty much sums up what I've been (not so successfully) trying to get across in this post. I think people here figure that our sad little problems will somehow rub off on them?
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It really may be the family thing. Almost everyone I know around me is doing something with family this weekend. We've occasionally invited people who we know don't have family in the area, but sometimes we are just busy and stressed ourselves and don't think about it. It's not an intentional slight, or that we don't care anymore about our friends, we've just decided to have a weekend with family.
Also, I second the thought that many people mentioned about doing the inviting yourselves. It would be silly to be upset about never being invited to things if you never invited other people either.
Regardless, :grouphug: - I hope you enjoy your holiday weekend no matter the plans!
We've repeatedly invited people. MANY times. We are turned down, or they have other plans, or they just don't show up. I, personally, have invited women for coffee dates, etc., and I am politely but firmly blown off, ignored, or stood up.
I know that to get good friends you have to be a good friend. Maybe I just don't know how to do that. Everyone seems to want to be our friends, but when push comes to shove (like inviting us anywhere, etc.) nothing happens. We've done everything we know how to do on our end.
I think tragedy also tends to turn people away. And we've had a lot of tragedy in our lives. People just don't know how to relate.
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I'm not the OP but I learn about them through Facebook, casual conversation, etc. I don't think people announce social engagements with the intent of being rude.
What irks my tatter are the people who post things like this on FB - "Wow, it's only Sat afternoon and I am so tired. We went to a bbq last night (thanks, Bob and Joan - had a blast), one this afternoon (thanks Mary and Dave - had a great time in the pool), have one this evening (looking forward to it Smith family) and still have Sunday and Monday to get through. "
or they update their status like -
Mary Smith is at County Country Club with Joan Davis, Wilma Flinstone and Betty Rubble.
then two hours later -
Mary Smith is eating the best bbq chicken with Wonder woman, Bat Girl and the Wonder Twins.
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Maybe I spend too much time on FB.....
This is EXACTLY what happens to us. I'm lucky if I get ONE coffee date or whatever a year, these women seem to do something every day with one another. Of course I do work, and I have a special needs child, but I am a pretty open friendly person and I try to reach out to people. It's just never reciprocated. I get the "oh let's get together" thing constantly, but no follow-ups, and if I try to follow up, I get blown off. Politely, of course.
I'm beginning to see that if you haven't lived here for your entire life, like to get completely drunk off your noggin at every gathering, and have tons of money to blow on pedicures and coffee dates every day, then you're out of the loop. That sounds awful but it's what is going on.
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When I moved out of my 'familial' neighborhood, invites to anything became far and few between. Even after 8 years where we were-we didn't have any new friends but our very loyal 'old' friends.
It seems that people aren't so willing to make friends these days, or that could be totally romanticizing things, but that's the way it seems.
BUT, now that I'm back in the 'old' neighborhood, we have friends around all the time asking us out. Esp if you have had a rough patch, living by people that know you and can help-though you may have lived there 10 years, that's still kinda stranger basis.
I think there really is something to not moving far from where you were born.
We've been here ten years. I think it's a clique-y kind of thing, honestly. we're looking to move back closer to family, but that could take a while.
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I don't know anyone who socializes with friends unless they are single or married without children. The rest are just doing family things.
How do you know about these wonderful things your aren't invited to? Why would someone tell you about something that you aren't invited to? I think that is kind of rude.
Facebook. Which has become more of a curse than a blessing. It's difficult to see the constant get-togethers of people that we've had over to our house multiple times and never been reciprocated. I've started just taking people off my wall because it's painful and I don't need the reminder of being an outsider.
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We have invited people, tried to make friendly with folks, always go out of our way to help people when they need it, etc.
And I would have no idea how to confront people on how they're not being good friends. No clue.
I really don't know how to handle this situation. I have no idea on how to make it better. I just know that I'm really tired of being on the outside looking in, and add that to all the problems we've had in the last year I'm just exhausted.
Help!! DH is a complete slob
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Wow, sounds a LOT like my husband. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind. I learned a lot about ADHD at this forum: http://connect.additudemag.com/groups/group/Couples_With_One_ADHD_Partner, including how to help my husband schedule things better, remember what he was supposed to do without nagging, things like that. It does get easier and honestly I was relieved to find out that I wasn't going crazy, it was simply ADHD (I say "simply" but you know what I mean!)