Ohdanigirl Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 I am going to spit this out and it may come out funny but please ear with me and try to read my mind. I think most of us can admit that if we hs full time are dc aren't always exposed to certain things, peer pressure and ideas about needing to grow-up to fast. At the same time, do any of you ever feel you do have to give a nudge? (not sex) If your dc are a lttle more innocent than others that may be great, but at what age do you sit them down and let them know that the tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter bunny are not real? I know some of us never introdice these things to out kids, but it's the general example I could come up with. My oldest dc is 10 and growing up so fast (physically), and he is so innocent. Dh is very happy about this because he grew up too fast and saw things he never wanted our dc to see. At the same time we don't want ou dc to be 18 and waiting for Santa, or being laughe at by friends because they do, but...well you can guess. So for those of you with older children how did you address this? For those of you wuth younger children, how will you address this? Hope you can understand what I am getting at. Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Well, Diva is 10, and pretty much has figured out that Santa et al are nice fantasies. Unfortunately. I was hoping she'd believe a while longer. As for the others, they'll believe as long as they like. I think children naturally out grow such things, sooner or later, they simply mature out of them, unfortunately. Imaginary friends disappear over time, as do beliefs in fairies, elves, Santa...I don't think there needs to be a concern over sending an eighteen year old off to college who'll be waiting for Santa to come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 My oldest is 12 (13 this summer) and she stills appears to believe. We have never been asked, so we've never told. If she asks, we'll tell. But...she put a carrot and basket out this Easter and was delighted to find goodies the next morning. Last Christmas she was the most excited to find Santa had left an MP3, and has said to many people who have admired her unusual looking player "Santa got it for me". Now....I suspect that she deep down knows the truth.....that it's mom and dad handing out the goodies. BUT.....she always knows in other things in life that part of the fun is pretending.....and I think that has led her to not reveal her knowledge. Unless it's actually causing your son distress....for example he's defending Santa to another child who is telling him he's wrong.....I'd let him be a child for a bit longer. If he's not causing him any problems, then let it be.....he'll get it someday on his own. Let him continue to be a kid now. Now...if he's 18 and packing for college and saying he worries that Santa won't deliver to his dorm since there is no chimney and can he please take the Magic Key to college with him.....then it might be time to have a talk. In the meantime.....start writing your script for the other difficult talks to come.......11 was when my son asked during a science lesson HOW "it" got "there". Before that he was content to know that it got there.....without wanting to know how. Thankfully I knew this would eventually happen (it happened with his elder sister about the same time, but thankfully privately not during a group science lesson). It went over the heads of the others and we had a private conversation a short time later......of course now he's grossed out by the whole thing, lol, and vowing to never have a girlfriend and telling me to forget about grandkids. :tongue_smilie::lol: My philosphy about all these sensitive subjects have been to answer questions that I'm asked openly and honestly....but not to give more information than they have indicated they are ready to get. It reminds me of the goofy story about the day that little Bobby burst into the kitchen asking his mom to tell him "where did I come from".......mom was prepared and pulled out the books, diagrams and lesson plans and explained the birds and the bees in full detail. When she was done she asked Bobby if he had any questions. "Yes" he said, frowning at her "you still didn't answer my questions, where did I come from? Mickey down the street is from Brooklyn." Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 Thanks ConnieB, now I have more to worry about.:lol:LOL. Well, it was just something dh and I were taling about last night and I though I'd ask. Ds just urned 10 in Feb, and although he seems to be playing along with the whole Santa thing for his little brothers, but he really believes in the tooth fairy. Dh and I got a good giggle out of it last night because ds lost a tooth and was really concerned that the toothfairy may not come due to the swine flue and the fact that he had a cavity this year. As far as the other conversation, ironically I am not that worried about it. He doesn't know details but he knows that act exist and that married people and animals at the zoo do it (his words). Yes, we had an interesting San Diego Zoo visit a few years back, so I am covered for at least another year in that area, LOL. Also, I have made it clear that dating starts around 28, when they have earned a PHD, bough a house, and I have chosen the date...well I can dream can't I? Danielle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Also, I have made it clear that dating starts around 28, when they have earned a PHD, bough a house, and I have chosen the date...well I can dream can't I? Danielle Perhaps we should talk......I told my daughter she could begin dating at age 30....so since she's now 12 and your son is 10.....hmmmm, call me in 18 years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 So for those of you with older children how did you address this? For those of you wuth younger children, how will you address this? I don't know how you'd handle it with older children, but to answer your question about younger ones...we let them know what is pretend and what is not. So Santa, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy, etc. are included in what we tell them are pretend, along with whatever we encounter in story books, such as talking animals, fairies, and so on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Perhaps we should talk......I told my daughter she could begin dating at age 30....so since she's now 12 and your son is 10.....hmmmm, call me in 18 years! :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Well, I was public schooled and while I don't remember when I learned that the parents and not Santa brought presents, I still believed in Santa and unicorns and fairies in high school. I liked the sense on wonder and feeling like we didn't know everything there is to know about the world. Now I get that sense from science and watching the kids wonder at everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 My ds was like this, very trusting and a total believer. My dd figured it out for herself. She helped me convince him these things weren't real when he was about 10. I had been hinting long before. I really never lied, I would always answer any straight question with a straight answer. My daughter had listened and seemed to always get it. My son heard what he wanted to hear and kept believing. By 10 I felt he would be teased, at church, other kids around us, it is just too old. PS kids know much younger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 We are pretty conservative on the protect and shelter spectrum, but Aaron at 19 is quite grown up, doesn't believe in childhood things and knows all he needs to know about intimacy matters. I'm sure when he's engaged, my husband will give him a few more pointers -- things he'll really need to know about marriage bed issues. So, we didn't address it (well, except intimacy talks and such). The growing up just sort of happens -- even for the sheltered homeschooled. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 My 8 yo dd found the Target receipts on the side of the fridge and figured out about Santa. So I told her the truth. She wasn't disappointed at all and kinda felt like she was "in" on the big secret. I did share about the sweetness of the story of St. Nicholas, etc. And then when I was done and she was moving on I said "Oh, by the way, you know the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, not so real either". She was like "oh, man!" I intended to keep up the charade for her little brother, who is 4, but to be honest when he was asking me with his huge brown eyes to describe in detail the giant bunny, with a bow tie and a vest on (no pants?) who would come in the house and leave candy...I just could not do it. So I told him it was pretend. I would like to keep up the myth of the tooth fairy because he hasn't even lost his first tooth yet! And of course Santa for a good while longer. As far as the "other" talks go... I got the girl book "Care and Keeping of You" to work on the talks about changes. And I'm going to get the series "God's Design for Sex" that I have looked at and find appropriate. My dd is very modest and probably a tad naive, especially compared to PS kids, and I'm okay with that. My goal is to have her hear this stuff from us first though, so she can discern fact from fiction. So I better get on it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I had been hinting long before. I really never lied, I would always answer any straight question with a straight answer. My daughter had listened and seemed to always get it. My son heard what he wanted to hear and kept believing. By 10 I felt he would be teased, at church, other kids around us, it is just too old. PS kids know much younger. This is what I would do. We did not do the Santa/ Bunny thing with our first 2. What a huge mistake! I still feel guilty for being too serious and not allowing the fun they could have had as toddlers. Our second 2 were different and it was a blast! However, I feel this is a thing for very young children. Mine figured it out by age 7 or 8, mostly because we were gradually less sneaky and serious, gave hints and tried to teach them to think about things critically. If I had a kid who was not catching on by age 8 or 9, I'd come out with it point blank. (We never lied in response to a question either - never.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauracolumbus Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 My ds just figured it out this year at 10 1/2--he suspected b4, but I finally confirmed it this Christmas. I don't like playing up the whole Santa thing, but went along. DD is now 9 1/2 and is getting teased a bit by friends about believing in the Easter bunny--she adamantly defends his/her existence. She also just got $$ from the tooth fairy. I dread it when she discovers and hope she doesn't feel like I betrayed her (esp. when she was being teased). I'm sure dd5 will find out a lot sooner. Laua Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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