How to help my preschoolers be more content, less fussy and difficult

[Kidlit]

Some of you veteran moms, help me out with ideas on how to teach my 3 and almost 5 year old contentment and how to be happy. I believe it's a habit that can be taught, really, so I'm all :bigear:.

 

Our problems really center around morning time (i.e. breakfast particularly) routines, so I've started a Good Morning Breakfast Club with a chart/accountability and the possibility of rewards (bribes, I know--but whatever works, right?) with a few consecutive days' "membership."

 

I'd really just like some ideas on how to incorporate cheerfulness into our daily lives.

[squirtymomma]

I don't know what the specific problems are, but I've been working on this with my nearly 4 year old. For one thing, when she whines or asks for something in a whiney voice, I've learned to not respond, or to ask for a sweet voice. If she never gets what she wants with a whiney voice, she learns not to use it so often.

 

Also, we had a bit of a showdown at lunch recently, where she threw a big fit about what I was serving (she had eaten it happily the night before), and I sent her to her room to throw her fit. I tried inviting her back to the table, she complained again, and she got sent straight back. When she finally got to eat, she did so happily and was very sweet the rest of the day. One thing that helps a ton is when I don't betray any emotion and am very matter-of-fact in my response. When I get upset, it just feeds it.

 

Also, I've found that even though she doesn't need a nap most of the time, she still needs 1-2 hours of rest time, where she plays quietly by herself. That really makes a huge difference in her demeanor, and it helps mom restore sanity as well.

 

I think sticking to predictable routines is a biggy too, so it's good that you're doing that. I'm no veteran, but I've been working on the same things, so it's fresh. I hope that is helpful!

[Kidlit]

Thanks, squirtymomma!

 

My girls still have rest time of at least an hour every afternoon, but the time after that is still pretty tough. They usually both listen to audiobooks, but my eldest is usually grumpy when it's all over. She probably could still use a nap, but then that pushes the time she will go to sleep back to way too late.

 

I need to work on the not showing emotion myself, though. :tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

Can you send them outside to play frist thing? Hose, sand, mud, buckets of stuff? Put them to work in the yard? My thoughts about toddlers are the same as my thoughts about dogs--- run them ragged. In the doggie world it is said that a good dog is a tired one. :D

 

Toddlers don't tire quite so easily, but trying always helped me. (I have four children). I take care of my 3 yr old nephew and if he has a lot to do-- water flowers, check the nest boxes, throw the balls for the dogs, help beat eggs, etc he's much happier.

 

He also like to play in the sink, roll out playdough coils and such, paint at the easel, collect sticks, play on the swings with my children, knock over blocks, vaccuum (doesn't do a horrible job), use watercolors, make collages with watery glue, feed the cats, feed the dogs, look for stones, collect pincones, pick dandelions for the chickens, and take baths. He also needs to be kept in protein. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

What's the problem, exactly?

[Suzanne in ABQ]

The thing that helped most with my discontent kid was the "Five Gratefuls". Everytime he started whining, or complaining, I'd have him "Give me five gratefuls". He'd have to think of five things he was grateful for. It was amazing how this little 1-minute activity would totally change his disposition.

 

You could do this as part of your mealtime conversation, then again as needed throughout the day.

[Kidlit]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I really like the idea of the "5 Gratefuls" and the reminder to "run them ragged." :D

 

Specifically, our problem just has to do with the general mully-grubs about 'most anything I suggest--"I don't wanna" or "I don't like that." I hope it's a phase my eldest is going through, but it tends to rub off on little sis, too.

[katemary63]

I agree with the suggestion to not show any emotion when they are whining. Just respond matter of factly or not at all. I also make absolutely sure that NOTHING good happens as a result of the whining. If it doesn't work for them, the behavior should be extinguished.

 

One thing I used was the phrase, "Right away, all the way and in a happy way." When you give a direction, the child must respond in these three ways. Only one or two is not obedience. The "happy way" doesn't mean they have to skip and jump with glee. It just means no disrespect, negativity or whining.

 

For example. If you tell a kid to pick up the shoes in the front hall. She has to go do it right away, pick them ALL up and do it with out whining. If not all three - then some consequence is called for. Maybe another chore or time in a chair. Having a good attitude can be part of training a kid for obedience. When you start them at first with this, remind them all the time, "Remember, right away, all the way and in a happy way!" This is good for little kids about your kid's ages. You can make it a game and even do it with them at first, and smile a lot when you talk about it. Make it a good thing.

[skaterbabs]

Have you read Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's "Raising Your Spirited Child"? I think you'll find it really helpful.

[Laura Corin]

I responded to complaining, fighting and general grumpiness with lots of hugs. Very often, with my kids, the acting out and unhappiness seemed to be caused by some kind of feeling of being off-kilter or unconnected with me and with the family. Lots of hugs whenever things started to go wrong (even when they were being disobedient) helped a lot.

 

A whining tone is another matter: I agree that it is a habit. I always used to get the boys to repeat the request in a better tone.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[JudoMom]

Thanks for the replies, everyone. I really like the idea of the "5 Gratefuls" and the reminder to "run them ragged." :D

 

Specifically, our problem just has to do with the general mully-grubs about 'most anything I suggest--"I don't wanna" or "I don't like that." I hope it's a phase my eldest is going through, but it tends to rub off on little sis, too.

 

I noticed in your first post that you said this centers around breakfast time a lot. If that's the case, then it could be she wakes up hungry and a bit more irrational than the rest of the day, and the morning does set the tone.

 

I make sure that I have milk poured and a few breakfast options on the counter (granola bars, cereal, etc) before they wake up. They each grab their breakfast and start eating right away. I started being faithful to doing this when my oldest (who is fairly even keeled) told me that his day is so much better when he wakes up to breakfast. I thought he was exaggerating, but it really is true so I make a point to do this.

[Garga]

Reconnect with them after every separation. Separations include: waking up, watching tv, playing without you for a few minutes. After the separations, make a point of snuggling for 3-5 minutes with them before attempting to make requests of them (requests like, "Clean the toys", or "Eat your breakfast").

 

The worse they are, the more time you spend with them. Don't send them to a corner or their room, etc, if they misbehave. If my guys are being naughty, I tell them they're now Glued To Me and they have to stay by my side until they're able to fill-in-the-blank. (Stop frowning, stop hitting, say they're sorry, etc.) They get bored sitting on the counter watching me do dishes after a few minutes and tend to get over their snit. If they take awhile to get over the snit, I start giving them some of my chores to do. (Dry the dishes.)

[Kidlit]

Thanks to everyone who responded! I agree that it might help to eat breakfast right away, but we've sort of gotten into the routine of reading books when we first wake up (which obviously includes snuggling either in the rocking chair or on the sofa). I'll have to try that, though.

 

I'm trying to remember to pull them to me when they're grumpy instead of pushing them away, which I must admit is my tendency.

[BikeBookBread]

One thing I used was the phrase, "Right away, all the way and in a happy way." When you give a direction, the child must respond in these three ways. Only one or two is not obedience. The "happy way" doesn't mean they have to skip and jump with glee. It just means no disrespect, negativity or whining.

 

GREAT!

 

I can't believe some posted this exact question. I was just about to start a thread about the lousy attitudes of MY 5 and 3 year old girls! It has been downright wretched here the past month. Glad you did it for me. :lurk5: