Shelly in VA Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I'm trying to decide if I should feel as annoyed as I do about my trip to the pediatrician this afternoon. I had made appointments for my little guy (ear infection) and my older daughter (wart on her hand). The appointments were at 1:00, and almost the first question the pediatrician asked concerned my 14yo being taken out of school mid-day to take care of a wart, which, the doctor pointed out, was not something urgent. I replied that we homeschool, so dd wasn't actually having her day disrupted beyond the 30-minute appointment. That started a series of questions - how long had we homeschooled, what grade was she in, what did we do for socialization, and on that last question, she pulled open her laptop to note in dd's file the information. I was really trying to control my annoyance. Really. It was hard, especially given the lack of sleep for the past 2 nights because of the little one's earaches. ;) But I took a deep breath and I resisted the urge to answer the what-do-we-do-for-socialization question with something along the lines of, "Well, I don't let her get bullied or demeaned by queen bee adolescent girls, for starters. Do you need more information than that to apply some liquid nitrogen to her hand?" I answered the question by saying that, among other things, dd participates in our church youth group and takes karate several days per week, and I didn't go into any more detail. The questions felt invasive and judgmental and condescending. I have not experienced that with doctors up until this point. As a matter of fact, I have had tremendously positive feedback from all of the doctors we have seen until now, including one woman who told me her husband homeschools their children and she wished it could be her instead, but she made more $$. I guess I'm wondering if I just got lucky up until now, so I'm misreading the questions, or if I have a true attitude issue here with the doctor that might warrant a change. Fwiw, we are new to the area, so this is just the second time we have seen any of the doctors in this group. Your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!! Shelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think it might depend on how much accountability you have in your state, but in any case, I'd probably tell the doctor, "we're doing just fine, thank you." And leave it at that. Repeat if necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 Doctors are opinionated people just like anyone else. They are regular people. :) I've had some very strange incidents with doctors. When my youngest was 8 months old, I went in for treatment for mastitis. The doctor actually fussed at me for still nursing "a baby that old." He went on to tell me that nursing beyond 6 months is purely for the mother's sake because she can't let go of her infant, there is no nutritional value in breastmilk for babies beyond 6 months, and that I should put her on formula. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I looked him squarely in the eye and told him to give me my medicine so I could get out of his hair. Ugh! And yes, I have had a pediatrician tell me that homeschooling was a horrible idea for my ds12 with Asperger's Syndrome. He insisted that his social skills would not develop if he was not in school. I remember telling him that I didn't think the type of socializing in public schools was really the right path for my son. He argued with me and tried to make me feel guilty. Whatever. I have Kaiser, so I can just make sure I don't see a doctor again that I don't like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 IMHO, the doctor was out of line if he asked the questions in an accusatory manner. I don't see how it is any of his business whether or not your kids are properly socialized. Did you see what he typed into the file? If it were me, I'd start looking for a new doctor. I also wouldn't have answered his questions as politely as you did, although I might have smiled sweetly and said something like, "You certainly seem interested in homeschooling. If it's something you're considering for your own kids, I'll be happy to answer any questions that might help you get started. It works so beautifully for our family." (If you ever do this, don't forget to use your most sickeningly saccharine smile and your slowest, most deliberate "sincerely helpful" voice that lets him know you think he's not the sharpest tool in the shed.) If he answered with something derogatory about homeschooling, I'd be less polite about telling him that our choices were none of his business. Can you tell that I'm not too happy about answering a lot of personal questions? ;) Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammy Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I usually take my kids to the walk in clinics.....they don't care, LOL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 (edited) Wow. I would have been annoyed. I mean, you were there for a wart. Me? I always answer with my summary of the dictionary definition of socialization: socialization is the process whereby a person learns how to function in society. Then I go on to say that historically children have learned to do that best in the family setting and the community at large where they are able to interact with people of all ages and receive most of their training on how to behave like an adult from adults. The school dynamic of cloistering 30 or so children of approximately the same age with a single adult is actually counter-productive to achieving the ends of proper socialization and is actually quite detrimental to a child's ability to become a productive, community-centered adult. And, yes, I have said that to many people and I always say it with a smile on my face in a very, "Oh, didn't you know?" kind of way. Edited May 7, 2009 by Kathleen in VA typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I always answer with my summary of the dictionary definition of socialization: socialization is the process whereby a person learns how to function in society. Then I go on to say that historically children have learned to do that best in the family setting and the community at large where they are able to interact with people of all ages and receive most of their training on how to behave like an adult from adults. The school dynamic of cloistering 30 or so children of approximately the same age with a single adult is actually counter-productive to achieving the ends of proper socialization and is actually quite detrimental to a child's ability to become a productive, community-centered adult. I think we have a memory work project, here, lol! (For kids *and* moms. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PineFarmMom Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 If it were me, I'd start looking for a new doctor. Yep. I would too. That pediatrician relationship is going to be ongoing. We just had to go through a pain to get my kids switched to another doctor in the same practice because the doctor was short and snide with me and the repoire wasn't good, and I had done nothing to deserve it...I just didn't want to have to deal with him further. We live in a small town with one pediatrician's office with several docs in the practice, so I couldn't take them to another doc. I haven't been questioned about homeschooling by a pediatrician, but I wouldn't have stood up to them either...I'm that way. I just get mad and switch docs. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paz Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I really don't like people to tell me how to parent or school my children and treat me like I have no common sense and I am not very patient about it so I'm probably not the best person to be giving you advice.:lol: I think my doctor is there for giving medical advice and I can handle the school and relationship advice myself, thank you. Others may want additional advice and help in other areas and that is their choice. My doctor is very supportive of homeschooling which is one reason we see him. However, the whole office has gotten very pushy about vaccines (we have gotten the usual ones but are reluctant to get the newer ones) and so we may be looking for other options. I don't think it was necessary for you to be questioned about homeschooling or other choices. And I would have thought it unnecessary for her to point out that you shouldn't have taken daughter out of school...I see the doctor as a partner and equal. He has more skills and experience in the medical side. I know my kids and am an expert on how to take care of them and their lives. We work together. When I am not treated like that, I look elsewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I think we have a memory work project, here, lol! (For kids *and* moms. ;-) :lol: Well, ftr, I don't have it memorized word for word, but that's the gist of it. It always comes out a tad different each time, but I do include all of that in some form or another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I wouldn't read too much into it. One family doctor I had grilled me on home schooling -- turned out she was interested for her own son! lol... And our pediatrician now always the kids a lot of questions -- some of it is just trying to get to know them. Now, he'll ask them from one visit to the next about a favorite activity, or how some event they were looking forward to went, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 You know, this can go either way. If you're only the sort who visits the dr every once in a blue moon, and he's a good doctor, whose judgement you trust (about things other than homeschooling, lol), I might just suck it up, answer his questions politely, and let it die down. If it doesn't...you could A) find another doctor, or B) be upfront about your curiosity concerning his questioning. "May I ask why you're asking that particular question?", "Is a child's education something you question as a matter of course, or is it only because we don't have our kids in a brick and mortar school?", "Am I detecting disapproval from you, about homeschooling? Can I ask why? Can I ask what literature you've read that supports your concerns?" None of these questions have to be defensive. I'd be polite, and have a "Gosh, I wonder?" expression on my face, and I'd keep it sweet and simple. You don't have to stay...but you also don't have to be passive, if you feel that there's some unmerited doubt about you and your decisions. Depending on the physician, that could be a big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jill- OK Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 ...aren't a particular person's forte. :-) It could be that some doctors who seem totally friendly and non-threatening don't believe in homeschooling at all....they're just more skilled at diplomacy, and are asking their questions a little better. :-) He may get over it, if he's actually concerned, or you could have misinterpreted his tone. (It happens. Not questioning the OP's sense of reality, lol, just saying it's possible.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 I would have politely pointed out that I didn't think that he would work for me and that I would be hiring someone more in line with my personal philosophy. I usually make an appointment for a consultation to discuss these things prior to taking my children in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 That makes me appreciate our family doc even more! (His children are homeschooled too!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 ...."May I ask why you're asking that particular question?"... This would have been my response. (However, we have a wonderful ped who is supportive) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 We don't use a pediatrician. We all use the same doctors in a family practice, mostly one particular doctor. We have a good relationship, but disagreed about homeschooling when we first starting seeing him. We agreed to disagree. Then his daughter started homeschooling her kids and he changed his mind! If a doctor I really didn't know well asked me those questions at an appointment for a wart, I don't know if I would have been nice. I probably would have asked what those questions have to do with a wart removal. I would find a doctor that you trust. My doctor didn't agree with my homeschooling choice at first, but he was up front and honest with me. He also did not discuss this in front of my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 WOW! Our doctor's wife homeschools, so he is totally on board. I can't really imagine going to him if he wasn't, at least, supportive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jann in TX Posted May 7, 2009 Share Posted May 7, 2009 People are just curious---and asking a homeschooling family is one of the BEST ways to find out about it! Sure the 'socialization' comment comes up--because it is the one most publicized. Are you sure that the Dr was trying to offend? My Ped had LOTS of questions for me when we started homeschooling. At first I hesitated--then I realized that she was just curious. Over the next few years she became a great ENCOURAGEMENT to our homeschooling! She is even considering homeschooling her youngest (now 4) --her husband would actually be in charge of most of it and he is willing! My OBGYN was also one to question--he asked LOTS of questions that needed detailed answers... The last time I saw him he asked about specific curriculums... his wife now homeschools! These type of questions are not the type that would get my panties in a ruffle... unless they added some snide comments--those WOULD offend me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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