What do you do when you are feeling down about homeschooling?

[springmama]

I'm assuming every homeschooling mother has moments when she feels down about homeschooling. There are days when I feel like it is so hard and I wonder if I'm doing a disservice to my children.

 

Lately I feel like we are doign the bare minimum to get by. My 14 month old requires so much attention.

 

I keep telling myself that when he's older and able to play more independently, things will get easier. I wonder if I'm kidding myself.

 

Sigh.......

 

We don't have a regular schedule because I never know how things are going to be with the baby. We just do school whenever I get a free moment to squeeze in a math lesson or some reading time.

 

I feel like everything is done only half as good as I could be done, yet I know that my children only get one chance at an education and I only get one chance to do it right, so I am trying to focus more on school than housework or anything else that needs to be doing....

 

I guess we are just having a yucky day and I needed to vent.

[Renee in NC]

We don't have a regular schedule because I never know how things are going to be with the baby. We just do school whenever I get a free moment to squeeze in a math lesson or some reading time.

 

 

Gently - I would not let an infant get in the way of schooling. Sure, babies need attention, but you need to set your schedule and make the 14 month old fit your schedule and not the rest of you revolving around the baby's wants.

 

Routines and schedules are your friends. Does the baby nap? Do some things then. If he doesn't nap, put his to bed anyway. Other times, set the baby up in a high chair, in a play yard/pen, etc. in order to confine him to one area. He may cry the first few days you do it, but he will get over it.:D

 

My youngest is only 3 months old, but I have homeschooled with mobile babies a time or two.;)

[springmama]

Well, I'm not willing to let him scream while we do school. My dd really gets stressed out when her baby brother cries and neither of us would be able to focus.

 

I am willing to transition him to learning to play alone though. Can you recommend a process for this? I mean, the first day he'll scream so obviously we won't be able to do school........

 

Should we take a week off school to teach him to be a little more independent?

 

I've never had a kid this clingy before. He's on my lap all day long. He doesn't walk yet and according to Early Intervention, he's slightly delayed but his cognitive development is a month ahead.

 

Right now he's standing next to me screaming while I eat my lunch and I'm so annoyed I'm just letting him do it.

[6saints]

Even if you cannot follow it all the time, spend a few weeks making a schedule that you can look at on the wall. Then spend a few more weeks training yourself and your kids to follow it. The hardest part for me is stopping and moving on to the next thing even if I have not finished the lesson! Apparently, it is better in the long run to set a time limit and cover more subjects. Teri Maxwell, in Managers of their Homes, talks about using 30 min. time slots for the schedule. If a subject takes longer plan for two-30 min. slots. Always schedule extra time for baby care and emergencies.

 

Many blessings to you!

[newlifemom]

[Even more gently] Your kids are so young. School does not need to take that long and you could try to sched the hour you will need. (really, not much more than that is needed at this point) while the 14mos sleeps. Read aloud you can do with baby on your lap or while all the kids are quietly playing. How about letting the pre-schooler play with baby while working with your 6 year old, and then vice-versa. Really, they are young, let them play and mix a reading and/or math lesson in they while they are playing they will learn. Mine have and my son has all sorts of learning issues and he is doing great!:D

[Susan in TX]

From your signature I see that the child you are homeschooling is only 6? If that's the case you really don't need to worry. A little math and reading instruction squeezed in here and there is really enough.

 

What kids really need at this age is what they don't get in a traditional school setting--lots of unstructured playtime (preferably outside).

 

Honestly, about 30 minutes a day working on math and reading is enough school for a 6 year old. Throw in some bedtime stories and maybe a few educational videos or books on tape and you're doing great.

 

 

Susan in TX

[athena1277]

I've just finished K with my 6yodd and ds is almost 2. We do schoolwork during naptimes. During his morning nap, dd does independent work like phonics and handwriting (while I take a shower :D). Then she and I do the rest of schoolwork during his longer afternoon nap (no matter what time it was). I trained dd early on that when ds takes a nap, it's time for school. Granted, that doesn't leave a lot of time for housework without ds underfoot, however it does get done eventually.

 

Ds won't be taking a moring nap when we start 1st, so I plan to have dd do her independant work at her desk in her room in the mornings and we will hopefully be able to do the rest in the afternoon nap.

[Night Elf]

I'm trying to form a picture in my mind. Are you saying that if you are not holding your baby, he's screaming? Is that all day? Literally? If so, I think maybe you should get a check-up with the doctor because that doesn't sound like normal behavior to me. I was a teacher in a one-year old room at a daycare and the babies were busy running around and getting into everything. They'd come up to me for a hug and to sit in my lap for a few minutes but then they wanted down so they could go back to playing. (I miss my babies!!)

 

Do you have a box of goodies for the baby to play with while you're schooling? Get a clothes basket or cardboard box big enough for the baby to climb into and play. Put lots of little safe toys in it. My daycare kids *loved* that activity. They especially loved little cars, safe ones designed for that age, NOT matchbox. They also loved pretend kitchen utensils like forks, spoons, pots, pans, mixing bowls, blender, toaster, play food, etc. Several kids loved wooden puzzles, the kinds with little knobs on the pieces to make it easier to pick up.

 

That age is usally extremely explorative. I'd be surprised if your child wants to be in your lap all the time. And if that's so, I suggest you find a way to school your oldest child at the table while you hold the baby. How about doing it during snack time? Let the baby eat some cut up bits of food that he can pick up on his own. Maybe that will keep him occupied for a bit. At your oldest child's age, the lessons shouldn't be more than about 15 mins. at a time. Just MHO.

[asta]

mama - I COMPLETELY feel for you, and I wish I could come and give you an hour's rest. I can really understand what you're going through with that baby. Do you have anyone who can give you a break for a bit?

 

And now to my rant...

 

Schedule? For a baby? This is a hot button issue for me. I carried my now 15 year old around in a sling from the time he was born until he was THREE. Why did I do this? Because he was clingy. Because I nursed on demand. Because he wouldn't sleep in a crib (screamed until he vomitted), and wouldn't sleep at ALL unless he had exhausted all other avenues for staying awake. Because I was his mom.

 

I can't tell you how many people told me I was ruining that child. I got everything from "he needs a schedule" to "let him cry it out" to "he needs to learn that you're simply not always there for him".

 

??????? :eek:

 

What I (magically) got instead was a well mannered child who is fiercely independent, sleeps in his own bed, and who (gasp!) obeys his parents. Why? Because we always made sure his needs were met, and he therefore feels he can trust us to make good decisions.

 

Put that baby in a sling, and I will guarantee you he will calm right down and allow you to spend quality time with your other kiddos.

 

/rant about "schedules".

 

 

asta

[stripe]

I would try to have the baby do fun activities right along side you and your daughter, such as playing with dough, shaking rattles, reading picture books, playing with blocks, and eating a snack, right there. It might be easier if you do your educational work in a more relaxed setting, like on the couch or on the floor or outside.

[Renee in NC]

asta - believe it or not, people with scheduled babies and/or routines do not have babies that scream all the time. She is saying that she can't get anything done because of the needs of a 14 mo. What about the needs and wants of the other children - do they not count because they can't fit in a sling anymore?

 

Don't make assumptions. My 4 and 2 yo's STILL sleep with me and dh. Until we moved, all the dc slept on the floor in our room. When dh is watching TV, he usually has 2-3 children on his recliner with him. I have NEVER made a child wait to eat. I don't do slings, but that is a comfort issue for me, not because I am against them.

 

However, I refuse to let one child make life difficult for my other dc. The OP posted that she isn't getting things done because her 14 mo demands all of her attention. That is not acceptable to me in our family because the oldest 6dc shouldn't be held hostage by the youngest.

 

I'm with Beth. As a mother of 7, I would be concerned about a 14 mo who literally screams all the time and doesn't quiet down for 3-4 30 minute sessions a day. It really isn't about attachment parenting.

[Maria/ME]

When I am discouraged I quit looking at what we AREN'T doing and look at what we DO. Every positive little thing. Discouragement usually means I'm being hard on myself. Expecting perfection by someone else's standards or my own. Oh, we're "behind" (whatever that means for you) on Math? That may be true, but BOY, is she really learning how to use quiet time for her imagination and creativity or what? That's important. That is huge! Did you SEE that awesome picture she did? Way different than last month? Or her social skills are increasing! We only did reading twice this week? That's not a reason for discouragement but a reason to start looking outside the box of what "school" and "learning" look like.

 

I find that the times my dd "rests" she is doing a LOT of work in areas that are pretty hard to quantify. This is born out in her Occupational Therapy. If, for some reason, we have to skip a week, it seems that she takes off the following week by leaps and bounds. Her OT has commented on this. I'm not advocating never doing "sit down" work or never having a schedule or neglecting your childs needs (either of them)...but when I child is outdoors, taking a walk, looking at a book, interacting with others at the store/library, exploring their world...they are LEARNING. TAKING IN. Do NOT underestimate this and how it helps all aspects of their lives. Even their reading, math and all the other "formal" work.

 

Having another child in the mix can add, I'm sure, to stress and feeling like you'll never be on top of the situation. I'm sure your tired too! But you WILL learn to deal with this situation. It may not be what your "ideal" looks like or someone else's ideal looks like, but it WILL work for you. You will be able to do this! Really! But it takes time to figure it out. Homeschool is just like parenting. You won't have all the answers all the time, and your way won't look like anyone else's way. But it'll work for you! And then it will change again. Like parenting. Flexibility is key.

Edited May 6, 2009 by Maria/ME

[PCA]

My children are 7, 5,3 and 15 months. The 15 month old is not walking yet either and he LOVES to be with me, so I can partially understand your struggle.

 

I have found if he is well fed and rested he will happily play at my feet or sit in the exersaucer for a while when I am working with the 7 and 5 year old. He is sometimes happy to crawl around and play on the floor especially if I get out fun and exciting things for him like kitchen untensils, boxes....

 

We also let him play with the 3 and 7 year old while I am working with the 5 year old in another room or vise versa with the 7 year old. Sometimes he plays better when he is somewhere that he can't see me, but I can see him. I also wear him in my ergo alot while I am standing and have done school that way too.

 

He isnt a great napper but putting toys in his crib to play with, playing music or noise machine. And then using that time to do our homeschooling.

 

I will agree that schedules are very important though.

 

Hope that helps.

[joannqn]

I agree with several, but not all, of the response you've received so far. My youngest is 2 so we just went through that age.

 

I'd find a combination of the following that works for your family...

 

A kindergartner/1st grader doesn't need that much school. Phonics, math, and maybe some beginning penmanship is all that's needed and can be done in an hour. I've used Saxon and I think their lessons as written are WAY too long. I'd skip the daily stuff (or pare it down significantly) and use just the worksheets, teaching each type of problem on your own as you go. If you really want to add in more, do history, science, and literature as read alouds that you do while nursing or with the baby in your lap. We did our literature as read alouds at bedtime while I nursed the baby. There'd be me on my side holding the book over his head and my two grade-school kids lying in the bed on the other side of baby.

 

Do the bulk of your instruction during baby's naps. Hopefully, nap time is pretty consistent. If not, you can make it so without a lot of upset simply by laying down with him to nurse at about the same time each day. A nursing baby will usually pass out if the nap time is scheduled at a good hour. If he isn't, change the time until you find one that he's consistently falling asleep. Be flexible; if he falls asleep earlier, do school earlier. If he's the type that wakes as soon as you try to move, wait 15-20 minutes until after he's asleep so you know he's in a deep stage of sleep, or do your lessons while you hold him. Get your older child a lap desk and sit on the couch if you have to.

 

Bring the baby to the table with you. I put mine in a high chair with the tray removed so he could be right up to the table with us. Then I gave him things he liked to do...cheerios to eat, books to look at, crayons and a paper taped to the table, etc. Sometimes they just want to feel like they are part of the action.

 

Use a sling for housework. You can do almost anything (although some things are more challenging) with a sling. It may slow you down but it is better than nothing.

 

Finally, remember that even if you are only getting a little bit of time here and there, you are still ahead of public school at this point. The last time I checked the basic requirements for kindergarten where I live is counting to 30 and identifying letters. Beginning to understand adding concepts (adding with pictures), reading 3-4 letter sight words, and sounding out CVC words is doing well.

[springmama]

I'm trying to form a picture in my mind. Are you saying that if you are not holding your baby, he's screaming? Is that all day? Literally? If so, I think maybe you should get a check-up with the doctor because that doesn't sound like normal behavior to me. I was a teacher in a one-year old room at a daycare and the babies were busy running around and getting into everything. They'd come up to me for a hug and to sit in my lap for a few minutes but then they wanted down so they could go back to playing. (I miss my babies!!)

 

Do you have a box of goodies for the baby to play with while you're schooling? Get a clothes basket or cardboard box big enough for the baby to climb into and play. Put lots of little safe toys in it. My daycare kids *loved* that activity. They especially loved little cars, safe ones designed for that age, NOT matchbox. They also loved pretend kitchen utensils like forks, spoons, pots, pans, mixing bowls, blender, toaster, play food, etc. Several kids loved wooden puzzles, the kinds with little knobs on the pieces to make it easier to pick up.

 

That age is usally extremely explorative. I'd be surprised if your child wants to be in your lap all the time. And if that's so, I suggest you find a way to school your oldest child at the table while you hold the baby. How about doing it during snack time? Let the baby eat some cut up bits of food that he can pick up on his own. Maybe that will keep him occupied for a bit. At your oldest child's age, the lessons shouldn't be more than about 15 mins. at a time. Just MHO.

 

Yep. If I put him down he freaks out! If I'm sitting down he's usually standing on my lap leaning against my arm. He was diagnosed as being delayed and therapy should start next week if all goes well with Early Intervention...however I'm not convinced he's really delayed and if he is, you can barely tell. Cognitive development is normal, but everything else is behind a bit. He doesn't walk yet and has no desire to try so he's not really interested in exploring the way other toddlers explore.

 

mama - I COMPLETELY feel for you, and I wish I could come and give you an hour's rest. I can really understand what you're going through with that baby. Do you have anyone who can give you a break for a bit?

 

And now to my rant...

 

Schedule? For a baby? This is a hot button issue for me. I carried my now 15 year old around in a sling from the time he was born until he was THREE. Why did I do this? Because he was clingy. Because I nursed on demand. Because he wouldn't sleep in a crib (screamed until he vomitted), and wouldn't sleep at ALL unless he had exhausted all other avenues for staying awake. Because I was his mom.

 

I can't tell you how many people told me I was ruining that child. I got everything from "he needs a schedule" to "let him cry it out" to "he needs to learn that you're simply not always there for him".

 

??????? :eek:

 

What I (magically) got instead was a well mannered child who is fiercely independent, sleeps in his own bed, and who (gasp!) obeys his parents. Why? Because we always made sure his needs were met, and he therefore feels he can trust us to make good decisions.

 

Put that baby in a sling, and I will guarantee you he will calm right down and allow you to spend quality time with your other kiddos.

 

/rant about "schedules".

 

 

asta

 

Asta, you and I are similar in some aspects. I do not let my babies cry it out, and I do wear them in slings all the time. Mostly I use a Babyhawk or Kozy because he hates my beloved Zolowear ring sling. Sitting down with him in a sling results in a tantrum :( Lately even wearing him while walking around the house doing chores makes him angry. He seemingly wants to nurse all the time and I'll admit it's making me a little batty.

 

I would try to have the baby do fun activities right along side you and your daughter, such as playing with dough, shaking rattles, reading picture books, playing with blocks, and eating a snack, right there. It might be easier if you do your educational work in a more relaxed setting, like on the couch or on the floor or outside.

 

We have tons of toys for him, in baskets all through the house, one in the bedroom where I get dressed and fold laundry, one in our living room, one in the playroom, one in the school room. He has access to a kid friendly cabinet in the kitchen and he's just not interested very often.

 

According to him, food is only to be eating on my lap. He hates the high chair or even sitting on the floor with a cup of crackers. Half the time I have to put the food in his mouth.

 

I'm going to begin working with him gently to see if I can get him to sit in the high chair for snacks and mealtime and also the pack n play for some play time every day. Hopefully with a little effort we will get this worked out.

[Guest Katia]

mama - I COMPLETELY feel for you, and I wish I could come and give you an hour's rest. I can really understand what you're going through with that baby. Do you have anyone who can give you a break for a bit?

 

And now to my rant...

 

Schedule? For a baby? This is a hot button issue for me. I carried my now 15 year old around in a sling from the time he was born until he was THREE. Why did I do this? Because he was clingy. Because I nursed on demand. Because he wouldn't sleep in a crib (screamed until he vomitted), and wouldn't sleep at ALL unless he had exhausted all other avenues for staying awake. Because I was his mom.

 

I can't tell you how many people told me I was ruining that child. I got everything from "he needs a schedule" to "let him cry it out" to "he needs to learn that you're simply not always there for him".

 

??????? :eek:

 

What I (magically) got instead was a well mannered child who is fiercely independent, sleeps in his own bed, and who (gasp!) obeys his parents. Why? Because we always made sure his needs were met, and he therefore feels he can trust us to make good decisions.

 

Put that baby in a sling, and I will guarantee you he will calm right down and allow you to spend quality time with your other kiddos.

 

/rant about "schedules".

 

 

asta

 

asta, I love you! :iagree:

[Alicia64]

Spring ~ I think if people haven't had clingy or demanding kids, they don't know what they're like. They have an attitude that you can just "break" the baby of the habit.

 

I didn't go that route w/ my difficult baby, I was concerned that it would essentially break his spirit.

 

Funny enough, he's the one who wanted to homeschool and tells everyone how great it is. He's still a strong personality and we're working with him now to control it -- don't get me wrong, he's a sunny, sweet kid.

 

But when he was a baby I'd get tons of advice that came down to "breaking" him and -- I'm sorry -- unless God himself commanded me to do it, I wouldn't. I just didn't think it was in my boy's best interest. I wanted his spirit to stay intact.

 

And today he's so connected to what's going on around him, thoughtful, confident in a great way.

 

Since your at home kids are young, I'd consider mellowing out and "going with the flow" more.

 

I think homeschooling with a young one would be way hard -- so give yourself slack -- and maybe even do school work when your dh is home and can watch the baby. That kind of thing.

 

Alicia

[Rosy]

Since it sounds like you're not willing/able to do anything different with the 14 mo. old, I think you'll have to adjust your expectations with the older ones. Just remember--you have them for 18 years. You have time to catch up if you don't do everything in 1st grade that you'd like to. I had 4 kids in 4 years and have had to tell myself that many times, schooling is tough with babies around.

[chiguirre]

I think you're doing fine academically. I only spend 30 to 40 minutes a day with dd on math, reading and writing. Even at that pace, we've gotten a lot accomplished and I expect to finish up 1st grade work (Calvert 1, LLATL Blue, Singapore 1, Miquon and Math Mammoth) by September or October. Some tricks I use to get stuff done include breaking our school time up into a couple of chunks if we have a lot of errands and doing school on weekends if we fell behind. If your dh can watch your son for 20 minutes in the evening, I'd try to do a little school then too. We also school year round and summer in Houston is a productive time for us because of the heat. You can also add in something like Five in a Row for a fun introduction to science, geography and literary terms. Next year, aim for maybe 40-60 minutes for the basics and limit science and history to no more than 30 minutes a day of your time.

 

My dss were very difficult babies, so I know your pain. Hang in there and insist on getting him the therapy he needs. If you haven't had a complete evaluation by a developmental pediatrician, I'd pursue that for your own peace of mind. The earlier you know what's going on, the earlier you can help your ds overcome his delays.

 

Good luck!

 

:grouphug:

[Kelli in TN]

I want to add to what seems the majority opinion here. Cut yourself some slack, and if it won't put your back out plop that sweetie pie in a sling! You are not just teaching academics here, you are teaching life and life includes fussy little ones and life includes relationships that are being developed. Seriously. Slip your schooling in here and there and HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!!

 

Because life goes by fast and tomorrow you will be picking out a comforters for dorm beds and ordering graduation invitations........(I started my homeschool journey when the one who is currently about to fly away from my nest was a little bundle in my lap while we did read alouds. dang. That went by really fast...)

[camibami]

My youngest was a super clingy crier, too. She lived in her sling, literally, until she was 3. Or a backpack if I had to cook something. She was just super high needs. If it makes you feel better, she is now way more independent and self directed than her "easy", went to daycare older sister. My inlaws swore the sling would make her delayed in walking, etc but she is the most athletic child you ever met- she just won regional championships for rhythmic gymnastics this past weekend. Do what ya gotta do, I say!!

 

SHe is 6 years old, it will be fine. Really. The baby will grow, just "squeezing in" school is fine at this age, you will make it! I promise!!

[PCA]

I have to agree with most of the replies here, dont be too hard on yourself about this issue. I know it is probably frustrating, but just do what you can.

 

My 15 month old spends most of his time on my lap or in his Ergo, he sleeps next to me most of the night. My other children did the same.

 

I think schedules are important for ME, otherwise I wouldnt get every thing done! I try to be consistent with my babies so they feel secure but I dont push a schedule on them. I feed him when he is hungry and hold him when he wants to be held.

 

As far as getting your school work done with your oldest, I think you just have to be creative. It may mean sitting on the couch with a lap desk for the 6 year old and baby in your lap. Or getting all the school work done during nap time. Thats whats so great about homeschooling, its flexible!

[ClassicMom]

Time does go oh so quickly as one poster put it. This too shall pass.

 

Give yourself some slack, it could be much worse if your son were in highschool. But he's only in 1st grade.

 

You received a lot of good advice here, much of which I have done myself. We usually did school at the table or at the couch with baby on lap, in the swing, exersaucer, etc. He became part of the routine. My son had terrible collic and so I had to hold him most of the time as well. I kept him in a sling as much as possible.

 

We used nap time to our full advantage even though I just wanted to nap. When daddy came home, he was in charge and I was able to nap then.

 

Take some of these wise ladies advice. Stick to the three R's and just be consistent with that right now. You can get a lot done and you will be amazed at what you accomplish. Give him library books to read for science and history. Take the baby for a walk outside for nature walks. Classical music just may calm the baby. Can he do some educational computer games? DVD's? It's almost summer, do you take a break?

 

Take some time for yourself too. Getting stressed out will also stress the baby which will make him all the more irratable (been there too).

 

Hang in there. We all care for you here.:grouphug: