Homeschooling Only Children

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Hello all,

I am homeschooling my only son, age 7. I am looking for feedback from others, especially with only children, on the socialization question. At present, I have my son involved in cub scouts, homeschool karate, choir, akaloo, sunday school, and any events that arise at the children's library. I read the thread about SWB recommendation of no more than 1 activity a week. Does this apply to only children who do not yet have a regular friend for playdates? I have been doing every activity known to man:tongue_smilie: since I do worry that he needs a friend. Maybe I should not worry so much about this??? Any thoughts?

 

I appreciate your help.

Thanks,

pris

[hillfarm]

I have only one child, a 10yo dd. We have always homeschooled. And added to the situation, we live in a very rural area at the end of a dead end road with no other children near her age. So I would have to say that I have always been a little hypervigilant about socialization.

 

I usually try to keep it down to one or two activities a week, plus attending church on Sundays. We don't do sports because of the ridiculous amounts of time the coaches require around here, even for a beginner's kid team.

 

Definitely you have to learn how to select the best options from amongst all the very good ones. Another thing I realized was that I am a life-long learner and learning new things gives me great pleasure even now as an adult. I don't have to make sure dd has experienced everything and learned everything by the ripe old age of 10. It is okay, maybe even better, to leave a few things for her to discover and learn on her own as an adult:D.

 

We did do more social things away from home when she was younger (story hour, etc.), but not nearly as many as you listed. Now that she is older, she has a couple of friends with whom she desires to spend inordinate amounts of time chatting with on the phone (that's another story, but I can check off the socialization issue!).

 

I guess my bottom line advice is to not knock your self out. You don't have to provide constant socialization. It is good for kids to learn how to entertain themselves sometimes. This is a marathon, not a sprint, you don't have to pack a lifetime of socialization into one year's time.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

I appreciate your input:) I also would like any input not only from those with single childrenm but also anyone who thinks they have any insight into this socialization concern.

 

Thanks,

pris:lurk5:

[Chris in VA]

My dd has two brothers, but they are 8 and 10 years older than she. Most of her socializing comes from church and church choir. She is also in ps this year, but, surprisingly, has not made good friends. She gets along well enough with her classmates, but I thought she'd make more contacts, if you know what I mean.

 

Anyway, I think it's good to have kids to play with--and to learn to entertain oneself. I don't think constant social stimulation is good for anyone, even the most raging extrovert, because learning to be alone and comfortable with oneself is a skill that protects one's integrity, sense of person, and ability to handle diverse opinions of others without compromising one's own morals and worldview.

 

Tina, from the old boards, said it well--and this is a paraphrase--Since socialization is really defined as learning the norms and standards of a culture (Thanks, Tina), I don't want my child learning or attempting to learn those from a peer. What they learn from peers is the "peer culture," and that is often the law of the jungle. Too much peer interaction just isn't desirable, imo. Just what is too much is, of course, a squishy line--

 

I'd slow down, if I were you. Like the PP said, your child has years to develop friendships. I think, as long as there's some time with others, and as long as the child learns he's not the center of the universe at home, an only can do quite well being homeschooled. As far as the Center of the Universe, I mean, don't always let him win at games, keep the standards for respect high, and help him give to others--give him something bigger than himself in his life.

[chai]

I homeschool an extroverted only. We certainly do more than one activity a week! (I have gotten more selective about our outside activities, though.) I think the key is to find those activities that actually allow your son to interact and play with others. Some activites are not set up to do that. For us, the best sources of friends has been park days and co-op. Our other activities include choir and riding lessons during the school year and swimming and tennis during the summer. These activities haven't produced as many friends for dd, but we are doing them for other reasons.

 

A good rule of thumb that I've heard for outside activites is to have one sports-related (active) and one arts-related. I'd probably add one just for friendship-making.

[GoVanGogh]

Tina, from the old boards, said it well--and this is a paraphrase--Since socialization is really defined as learning the norms and standards of a culture (Thanks, Tina), I don't want my child learning or attempting to learn those from a peer. What they learn from peers is the "peer culture," and that is often the law of the jungle. Too much peer interaction just isn't desirable, imo. Just what is too much is, of course, a squishy line--

I agree.

 

I have an only boy, also age 7. He attended preschool for a few months, otherwise has always been homeschooled. We live in the city - and in an area where homeschooling is extremely popular. (Thus nearly every business has classes offered for homeschoolers.)

DS is very active :tongue_smilie: and fairly outgoing - he likes to be "out and about" or have friends over but he also likes to be home, playing by himself. I tend to follow his lead for socialization, as he is vocal (in a good way) about what he is interested in and what he isn't interested in.

I have found that - for us - two scheduled activities is optimum. Any less and we both feel antsy. I can manage three, but any more and we feel too frazzled. Two still leaves us plenty of time for school work, field trips and impromptu park dates.

It took me a year or so to find what works best for our family.

 

DS is good friends with two public schooled neighbor kids, both basically 'only' children - one is a tag-along and the other has a new baby sister. They are both very outgoing. But they are like little puppy dogs wanting to constantly play. (Both mothers have said that about their own children, otherwise I wouldn't use that analogy, but it fits.)

I love the neighbor kids - but they wear DS and I out by their constant, "Play, play, play. We want to play" attitude.

I often feel that the mothers look at my DS and think, "Oh, that poor lonely homeschooled only child." But they don't see or realize that DS has a lot of quality socialization opportunities. Quality, not quantity.

 

A good rule of thumb that I've heard for outside activities is to have one sports-related (active) and one arts-related. I'd probably add one just for friendship-making.

I look for something active (P.E. or dance), something artsy (art or music) and - because we have quality academic homeschool classes in our area - something educational (chess or science.)

We have found several very good friends through those activities and the continued the friendships beyond the classes.

[erica471]

I struggle with this so much, too. My Dd is really outgoing and just can't get enough of being with friends.

 

She has been in ballet, soccer and then church activities. We also go to a library art class. It's never enough for her.

 

We do have kids nearby and cousins so that helps. I am not a very social person. I'd rather be curled up with a book or knitting solo than be out with friends.

 

One thing that I think is going to help us both is that she is attending a 3-week summer day camp :D . Personally, I think 2 or even three activities a week is PLENTY.

 

 

But, if it makes you feel any better my Dd doesn't have one particular friend, either. I'm not sure that kids in this age range 5-8 do? I have only the one child so I'm not help there.

 

So, I don't think I can offer ANY help at all, but I totally understand this worry.

[erica471]

 

 

I often feel that the mothers look at my DS and think, "Oh, that poor lonely homeschooled only child." But they don't see or realize that DS has a lot of quality socialization opportunities. Quality, not quantity.

 

 

 

 

I love this! :iagree:

[Samiam]

What about scheduling play dates at your own home? I think this is very valuable, more so than scheduled activities. I have found that at most activities, the children have very little time for "free socialization" because they are busy doing whatever activity is scheduled, then it's over and most parents hop in the car and are off to the next errand/event, etc.

 

My good friend HS's an only, and they are impossibly busy. Both she and her son are extrovert types, but sometimes I think they over do it, at least for me. They have somewhere to be and something to do every day, almost. In between they invite friends over to play, and plus neighborhood children are always around.

 

She has a hard time understanding why I can't take my own son (same age as her DS) to EVERY activity they go to.....cuz I have two little ones to drag along and it's just not possible to do that every day.

[skaterbabs]

I think this is something that you do what works for YOUR family and YOUR child.

 

In my family, we get along best and work best when we have a LOT to do. For example, two years ago Michael's craft stores near me offered preschool & homeschool art classes on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. (They stopped offering them at the end of that year, unfortunately.)

 

My children looked forward to Art days and were always easier to deal with on those days. DD also took dance, and all three kids are involved at church. So on Sunday we had church, Tuesday was art, Wednesday was AWANAs at church, Friday DD had dance.

 

That year was one of the easiest we've ever had because the kids were actively involved in several things and were actually ready for bed when we got home in th eveenings. :tongue_smilie:

[OnTheBrink]

My dd isn't an only, but there's 10 years between her and her brother, so she's like an only.

 

She's very social and enjoys friends quite a bit. During the school year, she's involved in a weekly PE class and a weekly music class, as well as church 2x a week. I think that's plenty. I'm not an extrovert at all, so any more than that and I'm going crazy.

 

I think you need to do what works best for your family. If you can get quality schooling done with all those activities, great! If you find yourself stressed and rushed all the time, cut back.

[Maria/ME]

I'd have to agree with the idea of whatever works best for your child.

 

My dd11 is very social, yet at the same time needs a LOT of down time. For the social aspect we have church activities, a few friends from there who PS and dd sees on weekends or after ps school. We have met with hs groups in other areas and maintained some contact and get together now and then. We go to the library, swim lessons (where she has met and gotton together with kids) and various other summer activities. I would say on avg we have peer group socialization 3x a month in some form.

 

More important to me, than the peer group socialization is socialization with all age groups. So my dd has friends/mentors in their teens and early 20's as well as older friends, couples and family's and several elderly people that she enjoys very much. People that we ALL like to socialize with. Instead of going off and playing we encourage her to be part of the group and others' treat her as part of the ongoing conversation. To me, this is the true meaning of "socialization", and will hold her in good stead in coming years. This type of socialization my dd gets on avg. 15x a month and more in the summer.

[Cheryl in NM]

Hello all,

I am homeschooling my only son, age 7. I am looking for feedback from others, especially with only children, on the socialization question. At present, I have my son involved in cub scouts, homeschool karate, choir, akaloo, sunday school, and any events that arise at the children's library. I read the thread about SWB recommendation of no more than 1 activity a week. Does this apply to only children who do not yet have a regular friend for playdates? I have been doing every activity known to man:tongue_smilie: since I do worry that he needs a friend. Maybe I should not worry so much about this??? Any thoughts?

 

I appreciate your help.

Thanks,

pris

 

I have an only, he's 12 now. We've always had at least 2 outside activities per week. Now he has something 5-6 days per week due to sports. I would say, just make sure your son isn't worn out from all the running. Remember the academics. I have used social time as a reward for good behavior and focus during schoolwork. My ds is socially well-adjusted. You know what's best for your son so if your gut is telling you to slow down do it, if your gut is saying you are doing fine then you are.:001_smile:

[katemary63]

My DD8 has 3 older siblings but they are all adults. She and I are alone most of the time. She has always been homeschooled. I think what you are doing is plenty!

 

We do this during the school year:

Sunday - church and Sunday school

Tuesday - co-op music class

Wednesday - Awana

Her 4-H BF comes over after she gets out of PS and spends the

afternoon playing, eats dinner over, then I take them to Awanas.

Thursday - co-op PE

2X month - 4-H meetings or activities

 

During the summer, we drop Awanas and co-op classes obviously, add Swimming lessons and try to pick up a few play dates and sleepovers. We do a lot as a family too.

 

I personally think less "socialization" is better. Kids learn how to be good, kind, responsible people by being around good, kind, responsible ADULTS!

 

However, we do have to "feed" our children's desires for spending time with peers. I do that carefully, since I think unmonitored time with other kids is potentially harmfull at worse and at best, unlikely to be quality "socialization."

[Ravin]

My DD is 5 1/2 now, and while I hope she won't be an only indefinitely, she at best will have a large age gap with sibs when they finally come along.

 

She's in a weekly enrichment program that makes her technically a part-time PS student, that runs on Mondays. We only do one activity besides that so far, a class through the city. Right now it's a drama class. This summer it will be swimming lessons. In addition, I babysit a friend's kids once a week, ages 6 (same grade as DD) and 3, so it's a regular playdate for DD. Sometimes she plays with the kids down the street, but not so much lately as they've evidently decided she's too young to play with them.

 

Here pretty soon I want to get our newly formed Spiral Scouts troop going. So far it's just that same friend's boys and DD, we need another family or two to get us motivated.:tongue_smilie:

[Audrey]

I agree with a pp's comment on "Quality over Quantity."

 

We have always homeschooled our only ds (9). We live on a farm several miles from the nearest very, very tiny town. I used to worry about his socialization, too and enrolled him in pretty much anything that I could find. Big mistake. It became apparent that there were groups with great kids and groups with really cr*ppy kids. It was also pretty clear which type of groups the cr*ppy kids steered toward, so we avoid those now.

 

For the most part, we do only have one activity a week. But that doesn't mean that activity is his only opportunity to play with other kids. He will go to a friend's house/farm or they will come here. I will also take him into town frequently to play at the playground.

 

Once we pared it down to quality activities that ds actually wanted to do, we were much better off. When we were into every group, there wasn't really more socializing going on, just more drama. :rolleyes:

 

FWIW, the best group we've found is our local 4-H. The best sport we've found is the area's swimming club. That one requires a lot more travel time, but it is worth it.

[Aurelia]

It looks like a lot, but if both of you enjoy it and are thriving, then it works for you.

 

I have an only who LOVES to socialize, right now she is doing dance, swimming, gymnastics and weekly homeschool group activities. It's a little much, IMO, but she is happy and enjoys it. (Thank goodness dance breaks for the summer at the end of this month!) She also usually plays at McDonald's once a week for 2-3 hours (she's allergic to grass and pollen and mold or we would go to the park more :glare:). I don't really like doing more than 2-3 things at a time, and I like them to be physical since we have the arts pretty well covered at home. It gets too expensive with both time and money, plus I think Ariel needs some time to just "be."

 

Don't worry. Friends will come.