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Ack, are we being a bunch of divas???


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My dd is performing in a musical theatre production this month. She was cast in one of the lead roles in the highest cast and is pretty happy about it. We paid a tuition fee for her coaching and performance, etc. While she dances in the ensemble for all shows, she is a character role for only three shows.

 

A girl from another cast has a conflict and has asked my dd to switch shows with her. This girl is involved with multiple activities and so one date conflicts with one of these other activities. DD has changed her schedule to accommodate these shows, even missing her last two classes of ballet for the year. While dd is willing to cover the show for the other girl, dd does not want to give up one of her shows. 1) She is in a higher cast and has rehearsed with this cast only all season. 2) She has made all kinds of friends in this cast and is emotionally involved. 3) The only shows dd could give up are her opening night and the last show before the cast party, both of which mean something to her. 4) As a parent, I'm thinking that I paid for her experience here and I want her to be in the higher cast. ;)

 

We aren't diva kind of people and I'm worried that we are being unreasonable. I'd love some objective input since we are brand new to the theater scene. When we've done Nutcracker with our professional ballet company and someone can't make it, they just put another dancer in their place. That's the extent of my knowledge here.

 

The mom is supposed to be contacting me soon. Apparently she isn't choosing to go through the director.

 

Thanks a million,

Laura

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No. Your daughter earned her spot. She switched around her schedule for her role. If she wants to help out the other girl and pick up the other girls date she can't do, that's one thing, but she shouldn't have to give up the position she earned, as well as worked her time conflicts out for.

 

The other girl is asking too much. She needs to give up something. Either her other conflict, or her role on her conflicted dates.

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You sound a little bit worried about having to say no, so I'm going to give you the Rah Rah speech:

 

Just because someone asks that doesn't mean you are obligated to capitulate. You can say no.

 

You don't have to offer any explanation. You don't owe anyone any explanation.

 

Just say, "I'm sorry but that's not going to work for us. We are going to keep my daughter's schedule as it is."

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My dd is performing in a musical theatre production this month. She was cast in one of the lead roles in the highest cast and is pretty happy about it. We paid a tuition fee for her coaching and performance, etc. While she dances in the ensemble for all shows, she is a character role for only three shows.

 

A girl from another cast has a conflict and has asked my dd to switch shows with her. This girl is involved with multiple activities and so one date conflicts with one of these other activities. DD has changed her schedule to accommodate these shows, even missing her last two classes of ballet for the year. While dd is willing to cover the show for the other girl, dd does not want to give up one of her shows. 1) She is in a higher cast and has rehearsed with this cast only all season. 2) She has made all kinds of friends in this cast and is emotionally involved. 3) The only shows dd could give up are her opening night and the last show before the cast party, both of which mean something to her. 4) As a parent, I'm thinking that I paid for her experience here and I want her to be in the higher cast. ;)

 

We aren't diva kind of people and I'm worried that we are being unreasonable. I'd love some objective input since we are brand new to the theater scene. When we've done Nutcracker with our professional ballet company and someone can't make it, they just put another dancer in their place. That's the extent of my knowledge here.

 

The mom is supposed to be contacting me soon. Apparently she isn't choosing to go through the director.

 

Thanks a million,

Laura

 

#1 Neither you, nor your daughter, should feel obligated to switch.

 

#2 The other mom should be going through the director. Even if you agreed to the switch, the director might not.

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If the other girl is overscheduled with other activities, that's not your problem, and there's no reason for your dd to be inconvenienced so the other kid can get her way.

 

The other mom should have done a better job of planning and prioritizing before she allowed her dd to participate in the theatre production. her poor planning is not your problem.

 

Just say no. You don't need a reason; you can just say you're sorry, but the change won't work for you. If the mom persists, you can either tell her what you really think, or you can politely make an excuse and get off the phone.

 

Either way, don't give in. Your dd needs to know that her needs are as important as anyone else's, and while it's "nice to be nice," it's not acceptable to allow others to take advantage of you and your good nature -- and that's exactly what the other mom is trying to do.

 

Cat

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We are also involved in theater, I would give the following reply:

 

"We would be happy to HELP YOU OUT by covering the show on the day of your scheduling conflict. However, we have friends and family members who have purchased tickets and are planning to attend each of the shows in which dd plays a lead character. They would be terribly disappointed if they were to miss her performance. So I am afraid that we would not be able to assist you if dd has to give up one of her previously scheduled lead shows."

 

This woman is likely coming directly to you because she knows the director would be very unhappy with this kind of swapping around. Does your theater company have a policy regarding this kind of thing? If your conversation does not go well with this other parent, I would then make a preemptive call to the director to share the same message and the facts about your own daughter's commitment and LACK of conflicts. You should definitely be your child's advocate in this issue. Our company bases casting decisions on many things, not the least of which is the ability to commit to the show's rehearsal and run schedule (in our company this is a commitment on paper at audition time). Your daughter has stuck to her commitment, she shouldn't be penalized because someone else is unable to do so. I agree with the others, it is not your fault that the other child is overly committed to other activities.

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but NO WAY would I do this (or let my daughter do this). Your daughter deserves to be where she is, and doing what she has studied/trained to do. She should be nothing but proud! It is certainly not her fault the other girl has a schedule conflict.

 

Just wanted to throw my 2 cents in.

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We are also involved in theater, I would give the following reply:

 

"We would be happy to HELP YOU OUT by covering the show on the day of your scheduling conflict. However, we have friends and family members who have purchased tickets and are planning to attend each of the shows in which dd plays a lead character. They would be terribly disappointed if they were to miss her performance. So I am afraid that we would not be able to assist you if dd has to give up one of her previously scheduled lead shows."

 

This woman is likely coming directly to you because she knows the director would be very unhappy with this kind of swapping around. Does your theater company have a policy regarding this kind of thing? If your conversation does not go well with this other parent, I would then make a preemptive call to the director to share the same message and the facts about your own daughter's commitment and LACK of conflicts. You should definitely be your child's advocate in this issue. Our company bases casting decisions on many things, not the least of which is the ability to commit to the show's rehearsal and run schedule (in our company this is a commitment on paper at audition time). Your daughter has stuck to her commitment, she shouldn't be penalized because someone else is unable to do so. I agree with the others, it is not your fault that the other child is overly committed to other activities.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

This sounds like absolutely perfect advice to me!

 

Cat

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I would be surprised if the director would even agree to such a switch. I have directed many shows and when you put a cast together, particularly for a musical, the cast has to fit together in a certain way. So, one girl would fit with certain people but not so much with others and that can make a big difference. If the director had wanted the other girl with your daughter's fellow cast members, she would have been placed there to begin with. I would absolutely not switch with her and would refer her to the director if she has issues.

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Well, I will keep you posted because the mom just emailed me! :001_huh:

 

But I have such confidence with all of your responses. Dh is willing to take over the "child advocate" role here to help out if the other mom gets out of hand. I think dd is relieved that it's been taken off of her shoulders. Originally, the other girl came to dd directly.

 

I'll be back soon.... :)

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I don't think you're being a diva; but I don't think the other girl is either. Maybe she is of the "it doesn't hurt to ask" camp ::shrug:: or maybe she thinks she is being proactive by finding a replacement before running it by the director. I'm a bit turned off by some of the assumptions made by other posters, wow.

 

You're certainly well within your rights to say no, and I admire your desire to avoid confrontation whilst still advocating for your daughter. I hope the situation remains drama-free, and that your daughter enjoys her first performances :)

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Beware of advising her to talk to the director. She may tell the director that she talked to you first and imply that you/your daughter have agreed to the switch. If the director then agrees to the switch, you could have a much bigger problem. You might want to let the director know what you're being asked and that you're unwilling, as a pre-emptive measure.

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Beware of advising her to talk to the director. She may tell the director that she talked to you first and imply that you/your daughter have agreed to the switch. If the director then agrees to the switch, you could have a much bigger problem. You might want to let the director know what you're being asked and that you're unwilling, as a pre-emptive measure.

 

I think this is a great idea. It just seems odd to me that the other girl wants to switch for the opening night and final show especially since your dd is in the better cast.

 

But then again, I basically trust no one, so take it with a grain. LOL

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I think this is a great idea. It just seems odd to me that the other girl wants to switch for the opening night and final show especially since your dd is in the better cast.

 

But then again, I basically trust no one, so take it with a grain. LOL

 

I was thinking the same thing, so I guess we're both a couple of paranoid lunatics. :willy_nilly:

 

I can't imagine that there's not an ulterior motive here.

 

Cat

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I was thinking the same thing, so I guess we're both a couple of paranoid lunatics. :willy_nilly:

 

I can't imagine that there's not an ulterior motive here.

 

Cat

 

:iagree:

 

Ria (joining the paranoid masses...lol)

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LOL, it's not all that dramatic. There are three possible switches dd can make: opening, another night, and closing. We have family tickets for the middle night, so that was never an option.

 

The mom's email was very polite. I don't think there's an ulterior motive, I think she just wants her dd to have all her number of shows even if there's another activity. Normally we would just switch, but the circumstances just aren't that easy.

 

I replied that dd could cover the girl's performance but was not able to switch. There is yet a younger cast (there are three casts) and I suggested she ask there for the character switch.

 

Dh spoke with the director last Saturday when he dropped off dd for rehearsal. The director understands, said we are fine, and gave a talk to the kids about not getting mad if someone won't switch. ;) Unfortunately, this girl was an hour late and missed the spiel. :tongue_smilie:

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I'm glad you and the other mom can work it out.

 

I think my suspicions rise from having another friend whose dd is in dance and theatre and the stories I hear of the back stabbing make me shudder. I'm glad this doesn't appear to be the same scenario. :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

In the end, the mom asked nicely via emails (a couple of times) and I told her that dd could not switch because of ticket situations, but dd would be happy to cover the other girl's performance conflict.

 

They took us up on the offer and dd has friends or family coming to see all of her shows. YAY!

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