How do you help kids manage their own schedule?

[Ginevra]

I'm getting testy about this. I had a little "mom-going-off" moment today that left my kids (dd12 and ds9) staring at me with their eyes glazed over. I need a plan of action to help transfer the reins over, especially with my 12yo. Let me show you how the problem looks.

 

I want dd to get up by 8:00am. She does know this. I wake her up at 8:00, but this is not good because she falls back asleep. So, I wake her up at 7:30, so at least if she falls back asleep, I can wake her up again without messing up the schedule. But still, I'm already annoyed because she didn't get up the first time.

 

Then, she snails around. I'm not necessarily aware of it, because I have my own things to do in the morning and I'm trying to get those done so that *I'm* ready to start school at 9:00. What happened today (and many such days) is that I appear at 9:05, ready for them to start school and find dd still in pjs with bedraggled hair, breakfast not eaten yet, not a thing begun. So, I tell them what time it is and how we are already behind and to *GET BUSY!* Which they do, but again - I'm already ticked off that I have to be the constant time-schedule-minder.

 

And so it goes, every day, the whole day long. They have plan books, in which I tediously write all the things they are to accomplish each day, yet I still seem to be continuously saying, "Aren't you done your math yet? It's been an hour!" "You need to move on to English." "Start your piano." "Do you clean-up chore." "Take a shower." and on and on and on. Really, I'm sick to death of it! Help me help them mind their schedules, please.

 

P.S. It's not that I'm militant that we must start and stop everything at these exact moments, so don't misunderstand. It's just that I want to get it to where they have in their *own* heads, "Oh, I should hurry and finish breakfast; it is 8:45!" or "Let's see...the only thing I still need to do is practice piano for 20 minutes and then I can e-mail my friend." I just want the to be able to manage their own schedules and organize their own tasks in such a way that I don't have to constantly talk-talk-talk-talk-talk them through.

[Letty's3Angels]

:lurk5: I have the same problem. I read somewhere that they need a planner just like we do. They need to start taking responsibility now so that when they go to college or in real life, they know what they need to do.

 

I have not implemented yet, but someone mentioned here that Rod and Staff has a student planner.

 

It's on my list to buy.

 

:lurk5:

[Impish]

Well, what natural consequences are there for them if you let them go and quit nagging them?

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I know firsthand how hard it can be not to nag your kids. But, what I have learned is that as long as they have you to keep on them and remind them, they aren't going to do it for themselves.

 

OK, so school starts at 9AM. You go to the school area at 9AM and start a stopwatch. If the stopwatch runs for 10 minutes- guess what- that's 10 minutes off their TV time, video game time, whatever works. My time is valuable, you waste my time- I lay waste to yours.

 

It is no fun to be still sitting and doing work at 4PM when the neighbor kids are outside. It's no fun to come home from dance at 9PM and have to do more school either. Not getting up on time must mean you aren't getting enough rest and need an earlier bedtime. If you can't get ready in an hour, you must need to wake up earlier so you have more time. These little life lessons have a much bigger impact than getting yelled at by mom.

 

There have been days when my child has taken an hour to do a spelling page - ONE spelling page- and I just want to scream. Some days I lose it and start nagging her. The work doesn't get done any faster and *I* am the one who is left frazzled and drained. Just exactly who is supposed to be running the show here? I try to remind myself to keep my mouth shut and let natural consequences take care of the situation.

[Rosie_0801]

Have you tried the prodding at the other end of the day? If you are sitting there perkily saying "Sweetheart, I know it's 11pm, but you need to finish your grammar before bed," I'll bet they won't take more than a few days to decide it's better to work in the morning.

 

Rosie

[Catwoman]

Rosie, can you come to my house and get me on a schedule? ;)

 

Cat

[Katrina]

Well, right now I'm single parenting it, and I need time to do other things in the house that I used to be able to rely on my dh to help with. I need my kids to be a little more motivated as well so I'm not nagging, which then turns to frustration, then yelling, and then it all goes downhill.

 

Here's my new policy I've just implemented, hopefully it'll work. They get their schedule at the beginning of the week. If they don't get everything done for Mon by bedtime, then I get to take away one item. (like their Ipods). Tues, they have to complete the rest of Mon's work and Tues's work or I get to take away something else of theirs, etc. I'm being more relaxed about what time everything gets done. If my dd wants to sleep in, then I can do some one on one work with my ds, or do some housework. She's actually liking the independence of going into her room at night and doing her math as "homework". However, I wouldn't let her interupt MY life...as in, if I had an apt, or need to cook dinner and she wants my help at that time then too bad. She can learn to work when I'm free to help her.

[Rosie_0801]

Rosie, can you come to my house and get me on a schedule? ;)

 

Cat

 

No. I am only getting about 7 hours sleep per night and am hardly coping with my own life. Would you like me to send Mum over? I learned from a master ;)

 

Rosie

[Barb_]

Other than you yelling what is the consequence? I am so very hugely bad at this. I will yell until steam comes out my ears but I am terrible at coming up with consequences.

 

I have no suggestions but I do have that same child in male form so I know how frustrating they are.

 

What I do is make it their problem instead of mine. If I'm ready to go at 9am and they have been putzing around for an hour or 90 minutes, I tell them it's timre to start anyway. Even if they aren't dressed or they haven't had breakfast. Around 10:30 or so, I may let them break for peanut butter toast or something but then it's right back to work. After all the schoolwork is done for the day, THEN it's time for morning chores, teeth brushing, etc. No free time for playing outside, reading, crafts, or hanging out with friends until all the morning AND afternoon chores, duties, and hygene is complete. I'm not punitive or nagging...just matter of fact. In the past, I've explained that I'm rushing around in the morning so that I can teach them in a timely manner and still have time left over for my chores, starting dinner, etc. If they aren't ready to go when I am, I can either waste my time waiting or simply get started and allow them to use up their free time later. Sometimes if I see someone wandering aimlessly, I'll say, "Is this how you want to spend your free time?" That usually gets the offender back on track.

 

Barb

[Barb_]

:lurk5: I have the same problem. I read somewhere that they need a planner just like we do. They need to start taking responsibility now so that when they go to college or in real life' date=' they know what they need to do.

 

I have not implemented yet, but someone mentioned here that Rod and Staff has a student planner.

 

It's on my list to buy.

 

:lurk5:[/quote']

 

Just a warning. This only works with certain types of personalities. Not everyone can work with a planner, kids and adults included. Give it a shot but don't beat a dead horse if they don't take to it like a duck to water (how's that mixed metaphor??). My 14yo is a planner addict. My 19yo has attempted the planner 5-6 times but manages to use it for a week or so. However, she's had some success with a wall calendar for the most important events coupled with text reminders. Both are straight A students. :::shrug:::

 

Barb

[ciyates]

Susan talked about this at the Cincy convention! Here are her tips (which really seem to be working so far for us).

 

1. They have to be responsible for getting themselves up. Each night remind them to set the alarm clock for whatever time you want them up. If they fail to get up wake them and tell them that since you are now having to spend time waking them you could not complete your task and now they have to help. It sounds stupid but that has really helped with us. I would wake my ds (13) an he would just fall back to sleep. Not now!

 

2. Give them a timeline. Example 9:00-9:30 read 10 pages of history. If they don't do it in the alloted time (because they are staring off into space) make them follow you around all day doing their work. Don't stop what you have to do to make allowances for it.

 

3. Give them timers and set the timers for them. She also said be cautious about this because some kids get stressed about the timer and can't function.

 

4. Have them write events on the wall calendar. It makes it more permanent and they also realize how their plans interact with the rest of the family.

 

Hope this helps!

[lmrich]

Help them get into a good routine. They are not old enough to be completely on their own yet. Establish the routine and enforce it for two to three weeks that means you are on the routine too. You can't take a phone call and get distracted and not have lunch ready on time. You can be gentle and gracious about it, but be serious about it too. We started our school year with the 12 and 9 year olds working downstairs in different rooms and with me checking every assignment as it was done and then going over the next assignment before they moved forward. That went on for two to three weeks, they had to learn HOW to work independently. Now I let them work in their room and they come to me for help as needed (there are some subjects that we do together). It really allows me the time to work with my 7 year old and tutor(for money) throughout the day. If you want this, if this is a big deal for you, train them and know that it will take time to establish a new routine. By the way, it is quite simple if the work isn't done, you don't get to do anything else and I will make sure on the day someone is slow or distracted that we do something fun - ice cream trip, go look for tadpoles, play at the park etc... I wouldn't make so punitive just natural.

[Ginevra]

Thanks for the repies. I'll try to address them.

1. They do have planners, to those who suggested planners. It hasn't helped much, except that I can now tell them, "What is still on your planner?" 20 times a day. And the planner is just school work, not everything else, so perhaps that needs to be changed for next year.

2. natural consequences - that is part of why it is a problem - the consequences mostly become *MY* problem. If they start school late, it drags on for so late in the day. Yes, that should be a problem for *them*, since they are doing schoolwork when they could be doing what they like, but *I* seem to be the only one who really suffers it! *I* don't want to be still hanging around helping them write lab reports at 4:00. (For the record, the ds9 understands this better than dd12. He does sometimes begin his math even before 9:00, because he wants to be finished faster.) I am considering the idea of taking the time off of their free time, since they wasted mine.

3. If I "make" them start school, despite being un-ready, it again hurts *me*, not them. I don't want to sit and read with a child whose breath smells like a trash can. I don't want to walk through my daughter's disheveled bedroom to get to our school area just because she didn't get her act together early enough to make her bed and put her clothes away before 9.

4. Currently, we do use timers and I do make things "homework" if they are not finished in the time-frame. I do not (yet - planning to change this) have it written down how long I expect them to spend maximum on a given subject. So, I will tell them, for example, to set their timer for 45 minutes for math and when the timer goes off, they know the rest will be homework.

5. I am revving up to have my daughter set her own alarm in the morning. I thought I might let it go, though, until the new school year. I just don't like to seem as though I'm turning into a drill sergeant overnight.

 

One other thing, I don't necessarily *yell* at them about it day after day. I did raise my voice pretty much this time, but it's not in particular yelling I want to avoid. It's just the endless telling them what to do and when to do it and when they should be done and when to get ready for the next thing, etc. Take a shower, for example. Okay. Hair is dirty, body has been playing soccer. It should be obvious to dd that she needs to take a shower! Must I point it out? I let her go to bed tonight without a shower (because she was running LATE!), but I know tomorrow, she'll be skanky and needing a shower. I dread even having the words come out my mouth, but we go to co-op tomorrow and I don't want her to go skanky. I'm sure there are some who would let that natural consequence fall her way, too, but I'm not one of them. We must be clean to go to "school". But in my imaginary dream world, she would set her alarm for 7:30 tonight, knowing she clearly needs a shower tomorrow morning and so must build in the time to do it before we leave for co-op. But it will not happen that way. I will nag her out of bed and it will be late for a shower if she manages to take one at all and I'll be annoyed about her greasy head all day.

 

How's that for negative self-talk? :tongue_smilie:

[Tree House Academy]

My kids are 9 and 5. My 9 year old gets up naturally at the crack of dawn, ready to start his day. Many mornings, I come into the school room at 9 (when I roll out of bed with bedraggled hair and in my pajamas) to find ds9 sitting at his desk systematically eliminating the work he can do on his own. All the while, my 5 year old whines he is hungry, he is not finished eating (after an hour of sitting there picking at food), etc. etc.

 

So, we instituted 2 things. #1 - allowance. Allowance is give IF you do your chores all week AND you do not whine or complain about doing school, getting dressed, taking a shower, etc. when told. #2. - Reward. If brother is done with school by the time I need to run errands in town, then brother gets to pick the movie, brother gets to help me with the packages at the post office...and YOU get to come home and finish school while brother plays. That gets him moving every time!

 

Another thing I do with my younger is that I set a timer. When I say 10 more minutes, I mean 10 more minutes. When the timer goes off, he gets up whether he is finished eating, etc. or not. It really works.

 

But, I think one of the HUGE differences is that my kids are naturally early risers. Have you thought of moving school to a time when your kids are more likely to get up on their own?

[Peela]

For the first several years of homeschooling I was a drill sergeant about starting school by 8.30 am in the morning. Since dd14 HAS to have a shower and she always takes ages, and both kids have chores, it means waking up whenever necessary in order to start school by 8.30. Generally, 7am is wake up time, and whether I wake them or they wake themselves, they had better be out of their rooms within 10 minutes or else tomorrow, I wake them at 6.45. For a while I was waking them at 6.30 because they were taking so long to get ready! Starting school by 8.30 was a priority for me because I am a morning person, even though dd isn't. Nowadays I cut her a little bit of slack as long as she is starting by 9 because she has been able to finish on her own before afternoon activities like her part time job.

 

Also, I get up much earlier than them, so my chores are done well before theirs and my mornings are relaxation time with dh. We have a morning spa and often a walk together.

 

I do our "together work"- work they need me for- in the mornings. I just prioritise it. I have chronic fatigue and by early afternoon I am whacked and I need to rest. So everything they need my help with, and our read alouds, has to happen before lunch.

 

I DO yell and move them on, when necessary. Both have a schedule. If they are being immature and irresponsible, I might yell. I dont have a problem with it. My kids arent crushed by it. But it doenst happen so much nowadays. If I am yelling its usually a sign I am not backing up my threats with consequences. Sometimes it takes a day or two of drill camp to make them realise I mean it. But once the order and routine is again established, I become very sweet again :)

 

If its hurting me, it's not working right. It has to work for me, first. It has to hurt THEM, not me. I need them to be ready by 8.30 so we can get most of our work done in the mornings. Its not negotiable and its a priority, so I make sure it happens. Confiscate pocket money, skip shower (for dd who loves her morning shower), bring dad in to back me up, yell, follow them around, ban electronics, take away ipods- whatever it takes to make it happen.

 

My son however still really wants me to tell him what to do next. I have a schedule on his desk and one on mine. I dont actually mind too much that he wont look at his schedule because I know he wants the human contact. If I am feeling impatient though, I will just tell him to read his schedule.

 

I am wondering if you are trying to do much else other than just be with the kids while they homeschool. I found long ago that it doesnt work for me to try and clean the house or do chores during school time. I need to be 100% present in the room, even if I am just hanging out here. I am available. I find if I am not present, the amount of work that gets done drops dramatically and suddenly the kids become needy and helpless again.

Also, just getting ready in the morings- perhaps if you get up earlier and get ready yourself so you can be on their case for a few mornings without having to do your own thing.....it might help pull them into line.

It takes whatever it takes, no matter how we might wish they would just behave themselves! Usually it takes us getting off our butt and making it happen.

[Amy in TX]

The dc look forward to two things on school days: their "school treats" (some small junky snack like a lollipop or brownie, and their 30 minutes of screen time (computer/playstation).

 

They don't get these things until and unless:

 

Schoolwork has been started by 9am sharp. (They start late and they lose the "treat" for that day.) If they're not dressed or still eating, fine, but they better be working at 9!

 

All schoolwork is completed and checked off in a lesson planner I keep for each dc.

 

Daily chore(s) are completed (also listed in the lesson planner).

 

They've had 30 min. of some kind of exercise (listed in lesson planner).

 

Also, I am "off duty," meaning unavailable for help, once I start preparing dinner. So that's another incentive for finishing earlier.

 

Reading over this, it looks a little draconian, but it is the *only* way work and chores get done in a timely fashion without my yelling at everyone.

 

By the way, we start so late partly because I am an extreme night owl myself, and partly because I've read that teen brains are wired to stay up later and wake later. Once I allowed dd14 to start sleeping as late as she wanted, as long as she's working by 9am, she actually started sleeping better and waking more easily.

 

:001_smile:

[Ibbygirl]

I know firsthand how hard it can be not to nag your kids. But, what I have learned is that as long as they have you to keep on them and remind them, they aren't going to do it for themselves.

 

OK, so school starts at 9AM. You go to the school area at 9AM and start a stopwatch. If the stopwatch runs for 10 minutes- guess what- that's 10 minutes off their TV time, video game time, whatever works. My time is valuable, you waste my time- I lay waste to yours.

 

It is no fun to be still sitting and doing work at 4PM when the neighbor kids are outside. It's no fun to come home from dance at 9PM and have to do more school either. Not getting up on time must mean you aren't getting enough rest and need an earlier bedtime. If you can't get ready in an hour, you must need to wake up earlier so you have more time. These little life lessons have a much bigger impact than getting yelled at by mom.

 

There have been days when my child has taken an hour to do a spelling page - ONE spelling page- and I just want to scream. Some days I lose it and start nagging her. The work doesn't get done any faster and *I* am the one who is left frazzled and drained. Just exactly who is supposed to be running the show here? I try to remind myself to keep my mouth shut and let natural consequences take care of the situation.

 

 

Wow!!! Those are true pearls of wisdom. Man, I wish you were my mom! :) hehe

[Ginevra]

Peela, Thanks for that. The things you wrote resonate with me. I do get up early (about 6:30), but there are a fair amount of things I need to do in the morning, including time with dh before he leaves for work at 7:00. I find that I *must* do my exercise in the morning. If I leave it for later, it just won't happen.

 

I need them to be ready by 8.30 so we can get most of our work done in the mornings. Its not negotiable and its a priority, so I make sure it happens. Confiscate pocket money, skip shower (for dd who loves her morning shower), bring dad in to back me up, yell, follow them around, ban electronics, take away ipods- whatever it takes to make it happen

 

This is true for me, too. I simply cannot let the dd lay around for hours in the morning because she isn't a morning person. We MUST be in gear early or else the last few things will not get done. I have the work they need me for last on the schedule, which is one reason why I become totally irritated if we're not keeping the pace, because I know I will be using up my whole afternoon. This probably can't be changed much, because I also have a 4yo ds who is starting a few school-work things. I need the time in the morning when the older two are doing math independantly to spend teaching him reading.

 

I do plan to focus first on the getting-up issue. I'm "warning" dd that she has to complete this set of things before 9:00 and then if she clearly cannot get her act together, I'm going to keep waking her up earlier and earlier so this perhaps will sink in.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

Man, I wish you were my mom! :) hehe

 

Could you come over here and tell this to my dd, who is certain she has the most evil mom on the planet? :rolleyes:

 

I dread even having the words come out my mouth, but we go to co-op tomorrow and I don't want her to go skanky. I'm sure there are some who would let that natural consequence fall her way, too, but I'm not one of them. We must be clean to go to "school". But in my imaginary dream world, she would set her alarm for 7:30 tonight, knowing she clearly needs a shower tomorrow morning and so must build in the time to do it before we leave for co-op. But it will not happen that way. I will nag her out of bed and it will be late for a shower if she manages to take one at all and I'll be annoyed about her greasy head all day.

 

I know how you feel- it is important to me that my daughter looks nice when she goes out also. But let me tell ya, you might as well fix your dd Eggs Benedict on a bedside tray with a newspaper and a rosebud vase and give her a little bell to ring for your service. Cause right now, you are being played like a Stradivarius. BTDT and have the T-shirt.:tongue_smilie:

 

I would suggest asking your dd at night what time her alarm is set for. Let her hit the snooze button once. Do you have a water gun? Ice cubes are another good way to give someone a jolt in the morning. I know it sounds cruel, but it works- without you having to open your mouth to say one word.

 

If your standard is that we are clean or we don't go out (which is mine), then that stands. Even if I have paid for the class and they are doing something really super fun and cool that day, if we are not ready, we do not go. Skanky girls can stay home and wash baseboards, clean toilets, you get the idea. Also, I expect a 5 year old to be able to wake up, shower, and dress herself. So if my dd is having trouble with that, it must mean we need to go back to having 4 year old privileges until we can show we are capable of taking care of our responsibilities. 4 year olds don't talk on the phone, they don't have video games, and can't go out and play without Mommy going outside with them.

[sandellie4]

If you haven't already, I would think about choosing one battle at a time with them. Every time they start to slip...you're on battle 3, whatever that is, and suddenly they're having trouble getting up in the a.m. again...BOOM...wake them up earlier every day (or whatever consequence you're using) to get them right back on track. Continue on with battle 3 like nothing ever happened. I'm working with my 13yo on this, and we've had to revisit the a.m. thing *four* times. But each time he gets it quicker, and with my other kids, and I hope with him, my long, long list of battles ends up taking care of itself in the end. Once we're down to battle 5 or 6, and they see I mean it *and* they get some sense of reward for taking care of business, the rest tends to take care of itself, at least to some degree.

 

Something that's helped us was to break up some of the tasks into smaller pieces at first, always for the wee ones but it's helped with the older ones, too. I had the wee ones make up a "picture schedule," where they drew what they were supposed to do in the a.m. (brush teeth, etc.). We ran off copies and they post them on the noteboards in their rooms the night before. They check off each item as they do it the next a.m. Anything that is not done costs them 5 minutes of the playtime they will have after lunch.

 

Then, right before lunch, they post their picture schedule for the afternoon. Same thing, except that they get to help with dinner cleanup for 5 minutes for each incomplete item, instead of going outside to play.

 

My older ones, starting at about age 11, have more trouble getting up in the a.m. I wake them up 15 minutes earlier every day until they figure it out (like I'm doing now with the one ds). One of my dds was very challenging with the bedtime thing and since she was allowed to sleep late on Saturdays, I would shave 5 minutes off her Saturday sleep time when she delayed school. That was the end of that.

 

As for the skanky thing, I don't make a deal of it. They just can't do any activity outside of the house until they do it. No class, no gettting together with friends, no talking on the phone because the odor is sooooo bad that I'm concerned they could have a toxic influence on their lovely friends. This week my 15yo (the one who likes to sleep late on Saturdays) thought she would see what would happen if she was skanky until the very...last...minute. She was ready late and wanted me to run her to class, but I pointed out that I was involved in a cooking activity by then, that I had assumed she wasn't going to make it to class, so she would just have to wait until next week. Boy, was she mad. But I think I answered her question.

 

We have special needs kids for the most part, so getting them to manage as much of their own lives as possible is a top priority for us. Otherwise, I end up yelling all day and I DON'T DESERVE THAT. But even with our neurotypical kids, sometimes we have to take a real nuts-and-bolts approach, breaking everything down into tasks and consequences, because they are such a *mess* or are they are testing. Usually, they catch on quicker, of course. The lessons seem to last with all of them, because if they "fall off the wagon," boom, we're right back where they started.

 

Hang in there! It's difficult but once your children are working more on their own, you will be glad you made the commitment to teach them those skills.

 

Sandy

[Ibbygirl]

Could you come over here and tell this to my dd, who is certain she has the most evil mom on the planet? :rolleyes:

 

 

She'll thank you when she has kids of her own. :) If you're considered evil you must be doing something right. :)

 

Blessings,

Jen

[HeatherInWI]

I'm with Quill on the natural consequences. Around here, play, breaks, snacks, going places, etc., won't happen unless the work is done first. When that's consistent, it's amazing how fast the dc learn to work their way through what needs to be done!

[Catherine]

magical.

 

I devote the same block of time to each child, each day. They know this, and they know that I do not change or extend the time for any reason. I write our assignments daily, and they do not get any free play time or screen time until it is all finished. Period.

 

I allow each one 30 minutes of screen time (it's usually game cube games or old cartoons on Hulu that they watch with dh). I also restrict lego time and outdoor time until work is finished. It seemed draconian at first, even to me, but it has them begging ME to hurry to do school work and to clarify any questions or assignments. Even my 7 yo works independently now on handwriting, reading (he reads constantly anyway), and practicing piano. I manage to oversee my 12 yo's cello practice far better and he is making great progress. Best of all, the nagging and unpleasantness has disappeared. HTH.

[Ginevra]

In case anyone still cares, I thought I'd tell you all how much better today went and what helped.

 

First, I wrote in their planners the amount of time I expect each subject to take. Anything over that is homework. This has been the rule, but I spelled it out for them and with it written right there on the planner, it was more clear. I also wrote in the NOTES section on their planner, down the right-hand side: BEGIN AT 9:00 and then the schedule according to time break-down and subject. I knew this would be more fluid than that, as it will not necessarily always take those exact amounts for each subject. But this worked as incentive, too. When my son got his math done in 35 min, instead of the 45 on the planner, I told him he could add the time to his break, or he could go ahead with his next subject, leaving the extra time to the end of the day. He chose the later option. :D

 

Second, I moved History and Science to an earlier time-slot in the day. This helps because those are the two subjects which require the most assisance from me. It was better because I wasn't already at that mental point of wanting to get the day overwith already!

 

Third, I had to get tough on getting dd out of bed. I woke her up the first time at 7:30 (not 8:00, which she prefers). She fell back asleep, but I was exercising, so I didn't intervene until 8:00. At 8:00, I pulled her covers down to her feet and said, "GET UP." Which, if you knew how tender-hearted I am, seemed pretty darned cruel! :D She didn't like it, either. She was very grumpy. I announced to the room at large, "Everyone must be 100% ready to begin school at 9:00 or they will lose their priviledges for the day." I spouted this warning again at quarter of. Astoundingly, they were 100% ready at 9:00.

 

Fourth, I told dd later in the day that our morning wake-up routine needs to change. I said I thought she needed to begin setting her own alarm so that I don't have to be concerned with waking her up over and over. I set forth the options. If she wants to have lay-around time, she needs to get up earlier, like 7:30. If she wants to sleep later, she can, but she will not have any lay-around time. It will be out of bed and get busy. Again, she was not thrilled that I was laying down these plans, but I think it will work out now she knows I intend to have it a certain way.

 

Thanks everyone for your good ideas. Little bits of this and that advice have helped me get a plan in place that I think will make us all happier in the end.

[Karen FL]

This was a very helpful thread for me!

In the past the stress and the onus has been upon me rather than my 9 y.o son where it rightly belongs. I have now put the onus of his schedule almost solely upon him. What a relief!

The night before I write out all of his assignments for the next day including chores. I highlight the chores. I've instructed him that the highlighted items must be completed upon arising.

The other items he must start to complete in any order he wishes.

Any items with asteriks he must complete with me. Examples of items with asteriks are: FLL, cursive writing.

We started this new system on Monday and he's doing better every day. He did suffer consequences for not being dilligent yesterday. He was dawdling and goofing off. I conversed with him about the benefits of being dilligent. I also read him some tips from *Time Management Tips for Your Kids Suggestions From Homeschooling Moms*, a resource I downloaded from the Homeschool Freebie of the Day Website.

I just showed him the clock and he was pleased to see that it's only 11 AM and he's almost done with everything. Yesterday, he didn't finish until 4 :30 PM. He is doing much better today! Yay!

[Pajama Mama]

I agree with others that you should set consequences and let your child deal with it. If your child messes up then she has only herself to blame. "Hey!-you were told that you must do *** or *** will happen. That was your choice." I bet if she loses out on something a couple times she will figure out a way to get things done.

 

Ds11(12 next month) was making me crazy. We're using a cyberschool and I was constantly on him to get things done, wake up to go to your virtual class, etc. Then I wised up. He is now responsible for all of his work, classes, contacting teachers with issues, etc. I am available to help him with things he doesn't understand. But I am not going to wait around for him to get his butt moving. If he doesn't get done by 2:30-no friends, no videogames, etc.

 

I've also stopped doing his laundry. He complained once too often so now his clothes are his responsiblity:001_smile:

[Joanne]

What I do is make it their problem instead of mine. If I'm ready to go at 9am and they have been putzing around for an hour or 90 minutes, I tell them it's timre to start anyway. Even if they aren't dressed or they haven't had breakfast. Around 10:30 or so, I may let them break for peanut butter toast or something but then it's right back to work. After all the schoolwork is done for the day, THEN it's time for morning chores, teeth brushing, etc. No free time for playing outside, reading, crafts, or hanging out with friends until all the morning AND afternoon chores, duties, and hygene is complete. I'm not punitive or nagging...just matter of fact. In the past, I've explained that I'm rushing around in the morning so that I can teach them in a timely manner and still have time left over for my chores, starting dinner, etc. If they aren't ready to go when I am, I can either waste my time waiting or simply get started and allow them to use up their free time later. Sometimes if I see someone wandering aimlessly, I'll say, "Is this how you want to spend your free time?" That usually gets the offender back on track.

 

While I agree with the above...

 

 

I'm surprised at this thread. With respect to the OP, what I see are children who have been trained to not obey, not follow through, not build excellent habits of attention, detail and routine.

 

What I read was a wish that Mom could do "her stuff" while the kids are expected to do theirs. While this would be nice ;) it's not fair or realistic. The only way to get these (or any) children into a consistent, on time routine is to train them. That means an extended period of time where mom will be *with* them during every stage of chores, meals, hygiene and school. And it won't be accomplished in a couple of days or even a couple of weeks.

 

Essentially, they've been taught that they *can* get up slowly, not eat, not do school. Now you'll have to teach them that the former rules are gone and that they have to accomplish a realistic list of things each day, on a schedule reasonable for their ages.

 

I do think that getting up, chores, hygiene, eating and school work is a reasonable expectation for kids 9 and 12 but not until Mom has been there *with* them as they build the skills necessary to sustain this structure.

 

After the routine has been trained and established, the above quote makes sense.

 

I'm not saying this from a know it all place; truly. It's only because I went through this with my kids. I was SO FINALLY DONE with "their lack" of follow through but what I realized (in prayer) was that I had trained them to behave that way and I was going to have to invest time and energy and my presence to make the situation better and to hold them to a reasonable standard.

[Barb_]

While I agree with the above...

 

 

I'm surprised at this thread. With respect to the OP, what I see are children who have been trained to not obey, not follow through, not build excellent habits of attention, detail and routine.

 

What I read was a wish that Mom could do "her stuff" while the kids are expected to do theirs. While this would be nice ;) it's not fair or realistic. The only way to get these (or any) children into a consistent, on time routine is to train them. That means an extended period of time where mom will be *with* them during every stage of chores, meals, hygiene and school. And it won't be accomplished in a couple of days or even a couple of weeks.

 

Essentially, they've been taught that they *can* get up slowly, not eat, not do school. Now you'll have to teach them that the former rules are gone and that they have to accomplish a realistic list of things each day, on a schedule reasonable for their ages.

 

I do think that getting up, chores, hygiene, eating and school work is a reasonable expectation for kids 9 and 12 but not until Mom has been there *with* them as they build the skills necessary to sustain this structure.

 

After the routine has been trained and established, the above quote makes sense.

 

I'm not saying this from a know it all place; truly. It's only because I went through this with my kids. I was SO FINALLY DONE with "their lack" of follow through but what I realized (in prayer) was that I had trained them to behave that way and I was going to have to invest time and energy and my presence to make the situation better and to hold them to a reasonable standard.

 

I agree with you, Joanne. Since you quoted my post above, I just want to clarify that it sounded to me that the OP's children did know what to do and had been properly trained (and nagged); they had simply chosen not to do it. Someone asked for an example of natural consequences and I gave it. FWIW, I was a putz as a kid. On purpose. I knew what I was supposed to do but I knew that my mom would propel me through my morning if I dragged my feet. She woke me up, literally carried me to the couch and placed my clothes next to me, brought me juice and toast to wake me up, and nagged until we were out the door. Every day. Looking back, I realize it was partially a way to draw attention to myself (and away from my siblings) and partially a way to delay the inevitable work on the horizon. My childish mind thought that if I delayed long enough, I wouldn't have to do it.

 

I was miraculously cured, however, when my mom started working when I was 11 and could no longer nudge me all morning.

 

Barb

Edited April 30, 2009 by Barb F. PA in AZ

[Ginevra]

Hi, Joanne. Actually, it's not at all that I expect them to begin their schoolwork and do it while I go do whatever I want. I am on hand, most often in the same room, throughout their schoolwork time. That is the entire reason why I'm driven completely crazy if it drags on interminably. Because I can't get to "my stuff" if I'm doing schoolwork with them. Also, they do know what is expected. It's not coming from left field that they are to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, make their beds, put their clothes away and begin their schoolwork. I had inadvertantly "trained" them to have to be told what to do now, what to start, when to move on and so on. That was the major renovation I wanted to accomplish.

 

The "my stuff" part is mainly before schoolwork when I am exercising, showering, drying my hair and doing some cleanup chores. At 12 and 9, surely I ought not have to continually inform them that they should eat breakfast now, brush their teeth now, make their bed now and so on. My goal is for them to self-manage those details and then, once they begin their schoolwork, self-manage the time-frame of each subject. Not that I expect to go read a book in the sunroom then. :) I also have a 4-year old and he needs his share of assistance both before school and during.

 

P.S. Things going very well this week. DD getting up by her own alarm clock now.

 

On purpose. I knew what I was supposed to do but I knew that my mom would propel me through my morning if I dragged my feet. She woke me up, literally carried me to the couch and placed my clothes next to me, brought me juice and toast to wake me up, and nagged until we were out the door.

 

I am sure my dd would love a routine that was something like that! :lol: I did give her the option of setting her alarm earlier (7:30), which would give her time to snail around or later (8:00), which would eliminate snail time, but let her sleep later. She chose 8:00. Either was fine, but if she's not ready to go at 9:00, it comes outta her fun.

[CAMom]

I haven't read the replies yet but I have this exact problem! Mine are 16 and almost 13 and I still have to "babysit" them or nothing gets done. In fact, I grounded my dd for today (she can't hang out with her friend this afternoon) because when I confronted her about things not being done when I asked for them to be done, she blamed me for it. What in the world?:confused:

 

I'm so incredibly frustrated but it helps knowing I'm not alone. Now...off to read the replies.