Jean in Newcastle Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Advice from secular and Christian viewpoints are welcome, though I will apply it as a Christian.;) What do you do when life is spinning out of control? I know what to do physically and practically (thanks to all the good threads on this topic). It is my inner life that is spinning out of control in response to my outer circumstances. I can't sit quietly and sip my tea, or "do the next thing" etc. until I can get my mind focused on the right things. Somehow I don't think "How can you be such an incompetent idiot." is the right focus! So what kind of self-talk gets you out of feeling like a stressed, overwhelmed failure? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Advice from secular and Christian viewpoints are welcome, though I will apply it as a Christian.;) What do you do when life is spinning out of control? I know what to do physically and practically (thanks to all the good threads on this topic). It is my inner life that is spinning out of control in response to my outer circumstances. I can't sit quietly and sip my tea, or "do the next thing" etc. until I can get my mind focused on the right things. Somehow I don't think "How can you be such an incompetent idiot." is the right focus! So what kind of self-talk gets you out of feeling like a stressed, overwhelmed failure? Hugs to you!! I have been there and it feels so awful. I turn to the Psalms when I feel this way. When I was really in turmoil and filled with uncertainty and fear of our future, I turned to Psalm 46. It did then and still does now, fill me with a sense of God's holiness and His ultimate ability and power to do all things. He can control the earth's forces yet loves me so much He sent His very Son to the earth for us--for you--to suffer, die, and rise again. What can anything in this world do to me? I find great peace knowing that it is He who holds our future. I walk in faith knowing He is all He says He is and that He will never leave me nor forsake me - to the very end of the earth. There is so much comfort in focusing on our awesome God. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Advice from secular and Christian viewpoints are welcome, though I will apply it as a Christian.;) What do you do when life is spinning out of control? I know what to do physically and practically (thanks to all the good threads on this topic). It is my inner life that is spinning out of control in response to my outer circumstances. I can't sit quietly and sip my tea, or "do the next thing" etc. until I can get my mind focused on the right things. Somehow I don't think "How can you be such an incompetent idiot." is the right focus! So what kind of self-talk gets you out of feeling like a stressed, overwhelmed failure? For me the first step is normally to recignize that this isn't something I set out to do. Second step is to realize that I am forgiven by my Heavenly Father thus I have no right to withhold forgiveness of myself. I do not have the right to hold that grudge against myself and by doing so it locks up my ability to think rationally. One of my favorit verses is II Tim. 1:7. It says,"For God has not given us a spirit of timidity(fear), but of power and love and discipline(sound mind)." The words in () are ones that other versions use. I realized many years ago that when I was in fear, my mind was being operated by my emotions. When we are being governed by our emotions our rational decissions seem to fly out the window. The thing with this is most of the time I hadn't recignized that it was fear that was governing me. Ps. 84:11 says For the Lord God is a sun and shield: The Lord gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. How long does it take us to walk uprightly when we have made a wrong choice? Just long enough to turn around and run to Him. The battle truly is generally in our mind and getting it to line up with the Heart of God. When we can do this it makes it so He is truly free to continue to work in our lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Exercise helps alot. For me it burns off the negitive stuff. I can then usually focus, feel better about myself, and find some needed perspective. Do something positive for yourself physically. Whether that's exercise, meditation or something else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nova mama Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 (edited) Oh, you've touched on one of my favorite topics!! Romans 12:2 admonishes us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but soberly, according to the faith God has given us. Recently I started wondering just how highly (or lowly) I ought to think of myself. Apart from God, I am utterly hopeless and doomed. It doesn't get any lower than that! But the Bible says that in Christ, I am redeemed, beloved, justified, more than a conqueror!! I've made a list of things the Bible says I already am (I stopped at 24). That is how I should think of myself: Created in His image Genesis 1:26 A little lower than the angels Psalm 8:5 Reconciled to Him Romans 5:10 Loved by Him Romans 5:8, John 3:16 Saved from His wrath Romans 5:9 Heirs of God Romans 8:17 Co-heirs with Christ Romans 8:17 Free from the law of sin and death Romans 8:2 Justified Romans 8:23; 5:1 Called according to His purpose Romans 8:28 More than conquerors Romans 8:37 New creations 2 Corinthians 5:17 Christ's ambassador 2 Corinthians 5:20 Crucified with Christ Galatians 2:20 Clothed with Christ Galatians 3:27 His workmanship Ephesians 2:10 Created for good works Ephesians 2:10 Seated with Christ in the heavenly realms Ephesians 2:6 Saved by grace, through faith Ephesians 2:8 Alive with Christ Colossians 2:13 Raised with Christ Colossians 3:1 Saved and chosen for holy work 2 Timothy 1:9 A chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God 1 Peter 2:9 Gifted to administer God's grace 1 Peter 4:10 Edited April 17, 2009 by nova mama Table got all smashed up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 When my brain starts spiraling inward with negative thoughts I try to refocus on something else. First I confess (to God) that I am sinning by only focusing on myself, then I work on replacing those thoughts with scripture. This is an active thing. It is hard work to do, and I often fail at it, but it's important to keep trying. Pray for the Lord to help, (remembering that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you) and keep focusing on scripture. I find it helpful to write certain verses out, or to sing psalms or other hymns. Music is a great way to make your mind refocus. I also find it helpful to list out my day in order to stay focused on tasks. It really helps to focus on physical things. Exercise is a huge help. Go for a walk (I prefer to run :)) and listen to some good music while you walk. Meditation is also great. That is a little different than prayer, in that it is more pondering something over in your mind. Sit somewhere quiet and maybe read just a verse of two of scripture, or think on a "scene" from scripture, and just focus on that. Meditation is hard work and requires an active mind. Maybe try to stay focused on that thought for 2 or 3 minutes. Of course, longer is better, but it is hard to do. :grouphug: to you. I know it is hard to maintain a quiet spirit when life is so out of control, and/or your body (ie hormones, or something) drags you down. Remember to keep praying; peace is a fruit of the Spirit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Natalieclare Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 There is some fabulous advice here. I just wanted to add, if you would like a day to think your own thoughts/take a breath/meditate/let yourself catch up with yourself, you could drop your kids off here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Oh, you've touched on one of my favorite topics!! Romans 12:2 admonishes us not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but soberly, according to the faith God has given us. Recently I started wondering just how highly (or lowly) I ought to think of myself. Apart from God, I am utterly hopeless and doomed. It doesn't get any lower than that! But the Bible says that in Christ, I am redeemed, beloved, justified, more than a conqueror!! I've made a list of things the Bible says I already am (I stopped at 24). That is how I should think of myself: Created in His image Genesis 1:26 A little lower than the angels Psalm 8:5 Reconciled to Him Romans 5:10 Loved by Him Romans 5:8, John 3:16 Saved from His wrath Romans 5:9 Heirs of God Romans 8:17 Co-heirs with Christ Romans 8:17 Free from the law of sin and death Romans 8:2 Justified Romans 8:23; 5:1 Called according to His purpose Romans 8:28 More than conquerors Romans 8:37 New creations 2 Corinthians 5:17 Christ's ambassador 2 Corinthians 5:20 Crucified with Christ Galatians 2:20 Clothed with Christ Galatians 3:27 His workmanship Ephesians 2:10 Created for good works Ephesians 2:10 Seated with Christ in the heavenly realms Ephesians 2:6 Saved by grace, through faith Ephesians 2:8 Alive with Christ Colossians 2:13 Raised with Christ Colossians 3:1 Saved and chosen for holy work 2 Timothy 1:9 A chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God 1 Peter 2:9 Gifted to administer God's grace 1 Peter 4:10 :iagree: He is faithful even when we are not. Christ is our hope. In our weakness He is strong. Be thankful for those times when you fall and fail - those are the times that cause us to rush back to our Saviour for His wisdom, His love, His forgiveness, His strength. If we never felt lacking, we'd never turn to Jesus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 18, 2009 Author Share Posted April 18, 2009 Thanks for all the responses. It was helpful to have specific verses to read and think about. I shooed the kids out in the afternoon (it was beautiful here) and the SILENCE was golden! Does it count as meditation, Wendy, to just bask in the silence? Then dh came home and I was able to go to the mall by myself for a couple of hours. BY MYSELF! It was so nice not to have to talk to anyone! I'm not caught up or anything (though I did get a couple of things done), but my peace is back. Dh and ds11 are gone to a Men's night Bible Study and dd7 and I are ordering pizza. Then we'll get that exercise a couple of you mentioned. (Partly to work off the pizza). And Natalieclare, I just might take you up on that offer one of these days! (Or we could both ditch the kids and go thrift shopping at Goodwill. . .) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 The only thing that makes me feel better is to DO something. Even something little. Take action on what you CAN. If you find you just can't get the will or the energy or ... the whatever, just BE. Sit in your discomfort and misery and remind yourself that emotions come and go. There is always a brighter day. If you did not have bad days you might not appreciate and recognize the really good ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 I take out my good memories and polish them. Someone I knew kept a keepsake box of things he'd done that pleased him. He said he looked through them before tests, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 (edited) I focus on all the hard stuff I've overcome. That helps to make me feel competent. I also like to sing along to I Will Survive really loud and probably off-key. Well, you did ask... :leaving: Edited April 18, 2009 by chiguirre lame smilies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 18, 2009 Author Share Posted April 18, 2009 I focus on all the hard stuff I've overcome. That helps to make me feel competent. I also like to sing along to I Will Survive really loud and probably off-key. Well, you did ask... :hurray::smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Hugs to you!! I have been there and it feels so awful. I turn to the Psalms when I feel this way. When I was really in turmoil and filled with uncertainty and fear of our future, I turned to Psalm 46. It did then and still does now, fill me with a sense of God's holiness and His ultimate ability and power to do all things. He can control the earth's forces yet loves me so much He sent His very Son to the earth for us--for you--to suffer, die, and rise again. What can anything in this world do to me? I find great peace knowing that it is He who holds our future. I walk in faith knowing He is all He says He is and that He will never leave me nor forsake me - to the very end of the earth. There is so much comfort in focusing on our awesome God. :001_smile: I could have written the original post, Kate how beautifully put, thank you. ((((Jean)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 (((Lizzie in Ma))) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeanestMomInMidwest Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 (edited) I do hold on to this, that I get a new start every day. I also say, "whats done is done." No use dwelling on something that has already happened; instead, focus on the future that can be changed. When I make some specific mistake, I just make a mental note of, "well, next time that happens, I'll do thus and such." I make a lot of mistakes, but strive not to make the same ones over and over. Much of the time when I parent in a way that I do not want to be parenting, I take a deep breath. Apologize to my kids. Then I set up the same scene in my mind and replay it the way I *should* have reacted. Then if the same things sets me off again, I'll have already thought about how to act differently. Other times I just note what I did wrong, and what I will do differently in the future. In our house we have "good mistakes." Good mistakes are mistakes that you learn from. Any mistake can be a good mistake and nobody gets beat up or needs to beat themselves up over a good mistake. I teach my kids this, too. In our house, "well, did you learn something?" and "what could you/we do differently next time this happens?" are common phrases. Edited April 18, 2009 by MeanestMomInMidwest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 19, 2009 Author Share Posted April 19, 2009 Other times I just note what I did wrong, and what I will do differently in the future. In our house we have "good mistakes." Good mistakes are mistakes that you learn from. Any mistake can be a good mistake and nobody gets beat up or needs to beat themselves up over a good mistake. I teach my kids this, too. In our house, "well, did you learn something?" and "what could you/we do differently next time this happens?" are common phrases. I really like what you said about good mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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