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Feeling sad - Mom said she doesn't think I can homeschool :(


MitchellMom
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UPDATE: My parents watched my children yesterday and apparently my son was wild. When he acts this way at home, I threaten to send him to time out or take his toys away, and he stops, but he will not stop when they tell him to (he jumps on their couch and bangs toys against the floor, or something like that; that's what my mom said). Anyway, I talked with her on the phone last night and she said my children would not act this way if I sent them to school! She said they would have another authority figure disciplining them so they would know there were other adults they had to obey, not just me. She said they would see other children being disciplined and learn from those children's mistakes and not act out at her house as much. How do I respond to that?! She basically said I was ruining my children's personalities by not sending them to school!!!!

 

I've been homeschooling since November but I have to say I've been feeling really relaxed about it. After all, my daughter is not yet 5 (birthday is Monday) and my son is only 3. I mean, I make sure she does her writing and reading at least 5 days a week, and we do math 4 days a week, and for science we simply do things like plant seeds and we are going to grow caterpillars/butterflies. (The Sonlight science just makes no sense to me and is dull, so we are just not doing anything formal.) But today, my mom was talking to me about how I am pregnant (yay! A boy due 9/11!) and she thinks I will not be able to homeschool when he arrives. She said she thinks I will not be able to give my daughter and older son the attention they need for school, and I will not be able to provide them with the socialization opportunities they need, while also caring for a newborn. This broke my heart. I love having my children home with me. In fact, two weeks ago I pulled them out of their (terrible) preschool completely because I just did not see where it was benefitting them. (My mom says my children MUST go to school to learn how NOT to act.) She made me feel so guilty and my self-esteem dropped waaaaay down, to the point where I now am wondering if I should send my daughter to the charter school that she got into for the fall.

 

I know it sounds like I'm posting this just to whine, but honestly, I don't know how you other moms stand up to the constant questioning and doubting from people like your own mothers/family members. What do I do? How do I know I will be able to do this in the fall?...

 

Thanks for your advice.

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I'm sorry your mother hurt you... but honey... they're YOUR children. She had her turn to call the shots, when you were a child. Now YOU are the parent who gets to choose what is best for these children. You need to (with gentleness and respect) put your foot down and say "mom, I love you, I'm going to do this and I'd like your support. If you're not going to support me, I'm still going to do it." Homeschooling does require support. How is your dh? Is he behind you? Any friends? Any local hs groups?

 

Realize that she means well, perhaps, but is sadly misinformed. I'm sure you know all about "socialization" so I'll leave it at that... your children will learn best from YOU. Nobody loves them more than YOU. :grouphug:

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I'm sorry your mother hurt you... but honey... they're YOUR children. She had her turn to call the shots, when you were a child. Now YOU are the parent who gets to choose what is best for these children. You need to (with gentleness and respect) put your foot down and say "mom, I love you, I'm going to do this and I'd like your support. If you're not going to support me, I'm still going to do it." Homeschooling does require support. How is your dh? Is he behind you? Any friends? Any local hs groups?

 

Realize that she means well, perhaps, but is sadly misinformed. I'm sure you know all about "socialization" so I'll leave it at that... your children will learn best from YOU. Nobody loves them more than YOU. :grouphug:

 

 

My husband totally supports homeschooling, but even he says he worries I will feel overwhelmed when the new baby is here. :(

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Given your curriculum list, I wouldn't say you've been a slouch academically :D. If it weren't hsing, if would be something else that your mom doesn't approve of. You just can't win this argument, so it's time to pass the bean dip. In a couple of years, you might be surprised to hear your mom bragging about how well your hsers are doing. It's been known to happen.

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You sound like you are doing well already. Find someone else to support you and join you on this adventure. Many family members come around after awhile.

 

Does your mom work? If she doesn't perhaps she would enjoy the benefit of having some time with her grandchild during the day. My mom does work, but she loves having her days off with her boys. She loves that they can stay up late with her some nights, too. (We live downstairs from them so it's easy to do.)

 

My SIL takes one boy at a time during the week. They have a blast and get to do things they wouldn't normally.

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My husband totally supports homeschooling, but even he says he worries I will feel overwhelmed when the new baby is here. :(

 

How would you feel about working through the summer and taking your 3 month break from Sept-Nov? I've never hsed with a baby, but lots of others have and survived. Your dd is quite ahead academically, it won't do her any harm to have a light spell and pick up again later.

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As a mama, I can say that you might feel overwhelmed or you might not. But your daughter is ONLY 5! Cut yourself some slack, hon. Life throws something at all of us from time to time. We dodge, we duck, we work it out, and we survive. I still wouldn't trade all that homeschooling accomplishes for us, just to have it "easier".

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Sorry you had to listen to that. :grouphug:

 

I will say that I found it kind of funny that your mom said..."(children MUST go to school to learn how NOT to act.)"

 

You can take your children to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, and even to the neighbors to learn that!Glad to hear your dh is supportive. And yes, you may feel overwhelmed when the baby gets here, but there is nothing wrong with scaling back and doing the basics and even taking time off for all of you to adjust and love on your new addition! Lots of learning will still be taking place. They are young.

 

You can do this! :001_smile:

 

ETA: FWIW...I started homeschooling three years ago without the support of my parents. It hurt that they couldn't encourage me in something that I was determined to do. Something that would be best for my boys. It wasn't until a few months ago she said that she is proud of me and the way the boys are turning out and how bright they are.

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I'm sure veteran HS-ers will chime in, but your children are only 5 and 3. At that age, it's okay to stop HS formally altogether when the baby arrives. Chances though, you'll be able to sneak in some session, especially when the baby is sleeping. You can even put off 'socialization' for a while.

 

I had my third baby when my older children were 5 years 10 months and 3 years 8 months. I didn't HS at all for 2 months and they only have socialization with other kids once a week in religious setting.

 

As long as you're relax and not trying to replace school (complete with everyday socialization with other kids), then it's not going to be overwhelming. When you think about it, your older children helping you to care for the baby is also socialization.

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I can see why what your mom said hurt. My neighbor said the same to me when I was pregnant with my third. I was homeschooling my son for first grade (so he was 6 or 7) and had a 3yo girl. I continued to homeschool.

 

Now that third baby is about to turn 16. My son graduated college with an EE degree with a 3.9 GPA and had gone through the honors college. He also went on full scholarship based on his SAT scores. The little three year old is getting her associates degree in a few weeks with a 4.0 GPA and will go to a 4 year university next year with all her tuition paid. Oh and I also added a fourth child to the mix.

 

That was not said to brag, but to let you know that you are doing great. And it can be done with a newborn at home. Your daughter and son are still little and they will be fine. Homeschooling is your decision (and your husband's); they are your kids. Only you can know if it is right for you. (And if your are a Christian, let me add, that God will let you know if it is right for your family). Enjoy your little ones. They grow up so fast.

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How would you feel about working through the summer and taking your 3 month break from Sept-Nov? I've never hsed with a baby, but lots of others have and survived. Your dd is quite ahead academically, it won't do her any harm to have a light spell and pick up again later.

 

That's what I'm planning to do! :) I plan to take off the whole month of September.

 

I'm sure veteran HS-ers will chime in, but your children are only 5 and 3. At that age, it's okay to stop HS formally altogether when the baby arrives. Chances though, you'll be able to sneak in some session, especially when the baby is sleeping. You can even put off 'socialization' for a while.

 

I had my third baby when my older children were 5 years 10 months and 3 years 8 months. I didn't HS at all for 2 months and they only have socialization with other kids once a week in religious setting.

 

As long as you're relax and not trying to replace school (complete with everyday socialization with other kids), then it's not going to be overwhelming. When you think about it, your older children helping you to care for the baby is also socialization.

 

You really think that is socialization?... That's good to know because I do plan to have them help me! I will be taking them both to a morning preschool two mornings a week in the fall, just for time to play with other children, since if I rely on myself to schedule it, I'll never do it! Right now, the only real social setting they get - other than the mall and grocery store - is weekly Sunday School classs.

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My mom says my children MUST go to school to learn how NOT to act.

 

I don't mean to offend you, but that has to be one of the dumbest statements I've ever read. Being with you, having you teach her day after day how to act, observing how you and dh relate to people is how your children will learn proper conduct. Being with poorly-behaved children five days per week, six or more hours per day, will have a negative affect on your children's behavior.

1 Corinthians 15:33: Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

 

My children are 17, 14, 9 & 7. They have never been to school or even preschool. Sometimes when our family is out in public, strangers (especially employees of restaurants) come over to us to compliment us on the good behavior of our kids. My kids will hold conversations with people of any age, and adults have often expressed surprise at how my kids joyfully interact with them. (Sorry about the bold print, but I can't remove it and don't want to retype it.)

 

When we first decided to homeschool (dc#1 was 3 months old), dh's sister wrote to us to tell us that our children would turn out to be hermits and wouldn't be able to relate to other people. We did write a response, but we basically ignored her for the next few years (it helped that she lived a day's drive away). Then we went to stay with her for a week when dc#1 & 2 were 6 & 3yo. After that visit, we received a letter of apology from SIL. She was thoroughly amazed at how out-going and fun my kids were and how they acted like they had known SIL & BIL all their lives. We visited her again two years later, and she enjoyed it just as much. She has been telling us that we need to come stay with her again. Last year after a visit with us, she wrote us an email telling us that we've done a great job with our kids.

 

In short, your mother doesn't know what she's talking about, and you need to ignore her (I know that'll be hard). Time will vindicate your homeschooling choice.

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I know it sounds like I'm posting this just to whine, but honestly, I don't know how you other moms stand up to the constant questioning and doubting from people like your own mothers/family members. What do I do? How do I know I will be able to do this in the fall?...

 

 

You just keep quietly and confidently standing your ground - believe us boardies when we say you are doing just FINE at this point, according to what you are telling us.

 

I had a very strongly opinionated family member grill me about my plans for homeschooling, for two hours straight, when my oldest was about 4 or 5. And then he/she never once asked me again about how homeschooling was going, until about a year ago. By then, the good results had started to become obvious, and this person had high praise for the job I was doing with my kids. You hang in there, if you think this is the best for your kids.

 

:grouphug:

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i understand how you feel. My mom and I are extremely close but she has said to me that she doesn't know how I can homeschool four children. She basically said I was going to make them "weird" if I homeschool. She means well but she is buying into the whole sterotype of homeschoolers because she only knows "weird" homeschoolers--and let me tell you those people would be weird even if they were in school!

 

I told my mom that she was entitled to her opinion and I was entitled to mine and we had to agree to disagree on this topic or it would ruin our relationship. She is still worried but a little more accepting of it.

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I learned a long time ago that this is MY life and not my moms. She raised her kids...she made her mistakes and good decisions. Now, I will make mine. My advice is not to listen to one word of it. She raised you...now it is your and dh's turn to raise your kids in the way you see fit.

 

My mom wasn't gung ho on homeschooling at first...neither was my MIL. Now, they are both all for it because 1. they see how well the kids are doing and 2. they don't have a choice in the matter. ;)

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Look through a kindergarten class or a school catalog sometime. There are centers for reading, centers for math, and then centers for creative play. The creative play centers typically feature things like toy dishes and food and clothing, so the kids can try on what it feels like to do things, creatively put together meals and be a person with some responsibility.

 

Schools have to use toys for this because they don't have real kitchens and real food. They have to use dolls because no one is going to hand a real live baby to a classroom of 1st graders. You're going to have a chance to show your kids how incredibly wonderful, complicated, fun and serious a baby is. Your oldest can practice her reading by reading stories to the baby. Even your three year old will be able to be a little helper, getting diaper supplies, rattles, a fresh outfit.

 

To my mind, this totally qualifies as socialization.

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She made me feel so guilty and my self-esteem dropped waaaaay down, to the point where I now am wondering if I should send my daughter to the charter school that she got into for the fall.

 

 

 

I know how you feel. My mother's opinion still means so much to me, even though we have different values on a lot of things. My expectation of her disapproval was right there when I was deciding whether or not to homeschool, even though I had my husband's support. (You can read about my decision in this other thread: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?p=895805#post895805) So I can't really tell you to just forget about what she thinks. I can only encourage you to try not to let it shape the decisions that you and your husband make for your family. If you decide to homeschool and later change your mind, she might have something to say, but mothers always say something, don't they?? ;-) But if you stay with it and your children thrive, Mom will probably end up being your biggest cheerleader, telling all her friends how great homeschooling is. I know it hurts, but don't let it make you waver.

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But today, my mom was talking to me about how I am pregnant (yay! A boy due 9/11!) and she thinks I will not be able to homeschool when he arrives. She said she thinks I will not be able to give my daughter and older son the attention they need for school, and I will not be able to provide them with the socialization opportunities they need, while also caring for a newborn. This broke my heart.

 

I can beat that. My former MIL told me I needed to abort a baby because I wouldn't be able to provide the attention to the older child and would rob his childhood if I had another baby. :glare:

 

Your mom will get over it eventually. Just keep smiling and know that you , your kids and your husband are doing well even without her support.

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I'm sorry your mother hurt you... but honey... they're YOUR children. She had her turn to call the shots, when you were a child. Now YOU are the parent who gets to choose what is best for these children. You need to (with gentleness and respect) put your foot down and say "mom, I love you, I'm going to do this and I'd like your support. If you're not going to support me, I'm still going to do it." Homeschooling does require support. How is your dh? Is he behind you? Any friends? Any local hs groups?

 

Realize that she means well, perhaps, but is sadly misinformed. I'm sure you know all about "socialization" so I'll leave it at that... your children will learn best from YOU. Nobody loves them more than YOU. :grouphug:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: No need for me to type a response when it has been done so nicely for me. Have faith in yourself. :grouphug:

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Jessie, it's great to see you. :001_smile:

 

Don't let your mom bring you down and ruin all the progress you've made. :glare: It sounds like you're really getting in a groove and loving the homeschooling. Yes, a new baby will be an adjustment, but as others have pointed out, your first two are still so young that they will be fine. And yes, I believe that kids get plenty of socialization with "just" their siblings.

 

You will be fine. :grouphug:

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I will say that I found it kind of funny that your mom said..."(children MUST go to school to learn how NOT to act.)"

You can take your children to the grocery store, Wal-Mart, and even to the neighbors to learn that!

 

:lol::lol::lol:

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First I would like to say, :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:, with all of the above and I am very sorry your mother hurt you.

 

That said, I would like to point out one thing. Your dd is just turning 5, that means she's going into kindergarten. By the time your new bundle of joy is 4, she will only be going into 4th grade. Please, please, please don't stress over this. You will have plenty of time to stress when she hits 6th or 7th.

 

I home schooled my 2 youngest boys from K - the beginning of 3rd/4th grades. I stressed constantly about not getting things done, how if they were in school they would be getting science and history like they were supposed to. We always managed to get math and English done, but rarely if ever science and history. We ended up putting them in ps when middle ds was in 4th grade. In some ways it has been a good thing; however, in most it hasn't. They are both coming home next year:hurray: and they will be in 6th and 7th grade.

 

In hind site I wish we had never put them in. I wish that I could have relaxed more back then and realized that in spite of the fact that they weren't necessarily learning everything the kids in ps were, they were still learning.

 

Your children will grow quickly, some days/weeks will seem longer than others. But before you realize it they will be in high school and we all know what comes after that. There are plenty of things to worry about when they get to be that age. Now is not the time to worry, now is the time to enjoy and learn from that enjoyment, for you and your dc.

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I'm 50 and I've been homeschooling since 1992. I've graduated two so I feel I can speak from the "older woman" perspective. I agree with what all the others have said. I read all the posts and found myself nodding all the way through. I just felt a desire to reinforce all that advice by saying "Amen!"

 

Also want to emphasize that socialization is the process whereby children learn how to get along in the adult world and become productive citizens. This is NOT accomplished by putting them with groups of other children their own age. It is accomplished by including them in your life, your daily activities, your chores.

 

Again, you are doing a marvelous job homeschooling. Your mom just sounds insecure. Do not allow her comments to discourage you. As the others said, many parents come around. My dad, with his PhD in Political Science, was horrified when he found out I was going to homeschool my children. Now he brags on them continually - it took several years. Just keep doing what you know is right. She'll probably come around, too.:)

 

As far as the baby goes, here is an article that I think will encourage you. What you will find as you go through your homeschool journey is that character is much, much, much more important than academics. You will not be able to teach your children everything there is to know in the world during their time with you. They will be old and gray and still learning new things. What you need to teach them now is how to live, how to love God with all their hearts, how to treat others with kindness, how to have a servant heart, how to work cheerfully, how to respect proper authority, how to persevere through the rough times, how to be thankful. It won't matter how smart they are or how talented they are or what their SAT scores are if they haven't developed godly character. Godly character can best be taught by parents at home (Deuteronomy 6).

 

The Baby is the Lesson

 

God gave us families to learn how to get along with other people. Honestly, they do not need any more socialization than they are already getting. You are doing very well and you should be proud of what you've accomplished so far.

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Your kids! Your decision! You must do what's best for your kids, regardless of your mother's opinion!

 

dh will benefit from some conversations about how the new baby (CONGRATULATIONS!!!!) will effect your schooling. If he's anything like my dh, he just needs to know that you are planning for any time off, making sure the kids get the basics. Maybe call the first 3 months after baby is born "summer";)

 

:grouphug:

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Has your mom ever homeschooled? No? Has she ever lived with someone who was homeschooling? No? So how does she know whether or not you can do it?

 

Children do learn how not to behave in school. They also learn it at home. It is a coincidence that all of the well-behaved children your mother knows also went to school. It's an easy mistake to make, though, since so many go to school.

 

The school year my fourth child was born, I had a third grader, an academically advanced five-year-old doing first grade work, and a two-year-old. The baby came in October. It was my first year of legally, officially homeschooling. I did four hours of school a day while the baby slept in a carrier or I nursed him while I taught at the dining room table. It wasn't really that big a deal. The only adaptations I made were ensuring my two-year-old's nap time coincided with schooltime, and putting the changing table in the room where we did schoolwork so that I'd be accessible to the kids while I dealt with diapers.

 

And I'm flaky. Really, I'm a loopy woman who forgot, yesterday, to send her near-sighted kiddo's glasses with him to a ballet and forgot the day before that the kids had a Scouts meeting in the evening. So if I can do it, anyone can.

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Love all the previous responses, and really I think that if for 6 months all you did was snuggle with the new baby, read books to the kids, count diapers, and throw out the crayons and play dough on the table a couple times a weeks, your kids would be way better off.

 

I just wanted to add that I think sometimes people say things like that when they think you are willing to listen and perhaps insecure enough in your own decision/ability. Not that your mom is a bully, but people put out there what they think you're willing to put up with. Now of all times, you need to get that kind of negativity away from you. I would suggest that you let your Mom know, politely but firmly, that you have done your research and made your decision and her input on the topic is no longer welcome. You don't have to convince her, she will see the results and probably come around in a few years.

 

Because she's your mom and you want to maintain a good relationship, you might want to divert her "helpfulness" into an appropriate method... like Mom you are so great with art projects, would you like to come over and do one once a month? Or take the kids to the local symphony's children's performances if she's a music lover... that kind of thing.

 

Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

 

Tana

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Just to give you another perspective - I don't believe in any formal education before the age of seven! I just snuggled my children, went for nature walks, planted the garden, sang songs, counted blades of grass, drew pictures, went to story hours, etc! And now my boys are in Jr and Sr high school and doing above grade level work in all subjects - they are just regular kids who had time to be children!!!! As a matter of fact, the Waldorf Education thought is not to start grade one until 7 years of age. So why am I telling you all this - just to relax and enjoy your children. Worry about formal education down the road and do all the Mommy things with them when they are this young!!!

 

Enjoy!

Myra

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TOTALLY agree with the other posters! My mom pulled that stunt when my oldest was supposed to start kindergarten. The fall he was to start K, I also had a 4yo, 2yo, and 6mo. She said, and I quote, "It will be so hard with a newborn, with all the lesson plans and stuff."

 

*I* said, and I quote, "It will be hardER making sure that everyone is up and at 'em in the morning to get him off to school. And Mom. It's KINDERGARTEN. IT'S NOT THAT HARD."

 

Not to mention that it was absolutely, positively NONE of her beeswax, and if she had continued to harrass me about it, I would have told her politely that this topic is off-limits for discussion. I've had to tell her that about another issue.:tongue_smilie: Fortunately she stopped. Heck, she had to - I was right - dealing with a child in school would be ten times harder than homeschooling a KINDERGARTENER!!!!!!!!!

 

This is a decision between you and your husband. NO ONE ELSE. Take off the time you need to - I'd say that you've got lots of time built up already you can use.;)

 

:grouphug:

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Has your mom ever homeschooled? No? Has she ever lived with someone who was homeschooling? No? So how does she know whether or not you can do it?

 

 

 

This is position I was going to take! :tongue_smilie:

 

Seriously though, very few people who *don't homeschool understand what it's like *to homeschool.

 

It does feel awful when our parents doubt our abilities, but I've spent enough time proving my mother wrong on so many things that I've been able to turn it around on her. "See, and you thought you didn't raise me to be capable of that!" ;)

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I'll be homeschooling for the first time next year but am fortunate that my brother has already blazed this trail for me. He and SIL have been hsing for about 4 years now. When they started, I thought they were nuts. My parents were also skeptical but (wisely) did not voice their opinions. My mom said that they were great parents and she believed that if it wasn't working and the kids were having real difficulties then brother and SIL would surely do something different. So, while she was so wrong to have deflated you, maybe it would defuse the situation to just reassure her (with a comment on how much you need her support and how much her encouragement means to you) - not that you'll put them back in school but that their education is very important to you.

 

Summer

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I too have had my own parents 'question' why I am homeschooling when I have 4 under the age of 5. It is overwhelming and they see that. I also see that they are reacting out of their emotions for their grandkids/me. It's an opportunity for them to "fix" the situation for us. I'm sure your mom loves you and the kids and that's why it hurts to hear those words.

With that said I have to echo what others have said... follow your husband's lead on what is right for your family. IF you are overwhelmed in the fall when you are at the end of your pregnancy and have the baby then allow for crazy times, tired days, lots of coffee, and naps. Give your mom the great updates about the day and ask for her help (if that doesn't overwhelm you.)

One semester or so will not hurt her education!!!

Hugs to you as one who has been there!!!!

 

Cathy

DS(5) Phonics Pathways, Right Start Math, My Body Science, Geography

DS (4)

DD (3)

DS (2)

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I don't think you are officially a homeschooler until some friend or family member says something totally stupid. So, welcome to the club!

 

You've gotten some great advice already. One thing I would add is to try to put yourself in your mom's shoes. She's talking out of fear and that fear stems from love - love for you and her precious grandchildren.

 

I totally agree with trying to make grandma a part of homeschooling. My MIL has been taking dd to swimming in the mornings recently. She said something about it cutting into school time (not said in a negative way). I told her that it was a little tough on those swimming days to get all our work done but the swimming counts as PE and I think that is so important. I could tell it really made her feel good.

 

Also, make sure grandma has plenty of stuff to hang on her fridge. They like that. ;)

 

Hang in there- you are going to do great.

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A mother of 12 who homeschool gave wonderful advice - before your baby comes have your year planed - yes it seemed like allot but it really did help and our ds had a fine year. I actually liked it so well I make a habit of it now. Of course things don't always go just as planed, but hey that is o.k. you add stuff take stuff out and regroup a little but the main plan is still there and going strong.

 

You are great with you children now so you will continue to be great:)

 

Sorry about your mother not supporting you and maybe even offering to help out. I do know about this - we have homeschool for the past 10 years our ds was an Academic Honors Recipient to W.W. University and my parents did not even acknowledges it. She is a freshman and on the deans list - they still ignore it, so the other day she told my father it was her home education that prepared her for college. That is why she does so well

 

Then with our ds 6 they again started on us to send him to school - he needs other children, he is to hyper for you to teach(now what would have school done with him - I am sure he would not be able to read). Well I do take him to co-op. And there are plenty of ladies who sit in the nursery with their babies. And other mothers love to help them with their babies and children.

I say you do as you heart is telling you to do and find a good group of homeschoolers to befriend for support. You and your children deserve the best and it is clear you are the best for them :D

Blessings

Lisa

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(((Hugs))) to you! My mom wasn't in favor of us homeschooling for many reasons (including the socialization one) when my kids were that age. I just listened, and said, "hm, that's something to consider." And I kept doing my thing.

 

Have you ever known 5 year old children who were able to teach other children how to act? I haven't! Now, occasionally I might see something crop up in my kids, where I think, "if they were around other kids more, they wouldn't do xyz annoying behavior." But for every one of those, I'll bet there are at least ten or more behaviors that only a parent would train out of them. (Take conflict resolution for one, you know how 5 yo's--or even 10 yo's--solve that on the playground, right? Not what you want!!).

 

Socialization is about kids learning how to behave in society--something they will learn better from adults than peers. And your kids will learn how to socialize with many different ages by homeschooling.

 

And...let's say you aren't able to give your children, who will be in K and preschool next year, quite as much attention as you'd like--have you read this article? The Baby IS the Lesson.

 

My dh is disabled, and sometimes he has to come first in what we do, in caring for him--and my kids have learned so many things about helping others, being selfless, thinking of others before themselves, how to behave around someone with a cane (really, there are tons of adults in this world who have NO idea what to do around someone with a cane--my dh gets honked at and run into with shopping carts at stores--people are often careless or even uncaring, it's appalling!)...

 

I believe that sometimes God's curriculum is even better than ours--and that with a new baby in the house, you'll find that to be true. I hope you have a great year! Hang in there!

 

And btw...my mom came around in a few years, after she started seeing some of the fruit of homeschooling. Maybe yours will too. Merry :-)

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I know it sounds like I'm posting this just to whine, but honestly, I don't know how you other moms stand up to the constant questioning and doubting from people like your own mothers/family members. What do I do? How do I know I will be able to do this in the fall?..

 

When someone tells me I can't do something, it just makes me dig in my heels and prove them wrong. Your oldest is only 5. It's not at all imperative that 5 year olds do any formal schooling. In the fall, just relax and enjoy your kids. Read and play games with the older ones when the baby naps. Resume formal schooling after Christmas. Or next fall. Really. You'll be fine, your kids will be fine, and your mother will get over it.

Edited by LizzyBee
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I'm so sorry that your Mom is unsupportive. I too have been there and it really hurts that the person you expect to love and support you unconditionally gives you such strong opposition!

 

In the end I had to ask her to stop questioning our decision as we were happy with it. And that has worked. And I know now that she does support our decision with at least one of the children. She will come around with the others. But in the meantime at least she doesn't give me any grief about it.

 

I also wanted to address the whole baby and schooling thing. When DD was born I had my boys in school and preschool and let me tell you it was HARD. Trying to juggle a babys nap and feeding times with the time demands of the other childrens schedules was not easy and on this matter I have to say that homeschooling would have been a breeze in comparison because it's so much more flexible.

 

Hang in there; your Mom will come around and in the meantime surround yourself with people who support you in what you are doing. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job!!

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Hmmmm....if your baby is due in September of this year, and you weren't to homeschool, then your eldest would be starting Kinder about the time the baby was born. Most Kinders around me are half day. Your 3 year old would still be at home with you all day. So your mom thinks that it would be less stress on you to have to get your daughter ready for school each morning and have to pack up the baby and toddler to walk/drive your daughter to school. Then 4 hours later again take the baby and toddler to get your daughter.

 

I think that I would sit down and tell my mom that I appreciate her concern, but that I would really appreciate her support and help during this time. No matter whether your one child is in school for a few hours or if all three of them are at home, having 3 children under 6 is a bit of work for anyone!

 

As for schooling.....your daughter is going to be soooo far ahead of the other 5 year olds in her class that frankly, she's likely to be bored and understimulated. A wonderful recipe to kill off the love of learning in a child!! Yes, the first few months after the baby is born you may not be doing schoolwork as rigorously as you are now....but ya know what, it's ok. Your daughter will already be far enough ahead that taking a short detour into "life lessons" instead is not going to harm your daughter's education. In fact, bonding with her baby brother and practicing her reading skills on her two younger siblings can be an extremely positive situation. The more your kids bond at a younger age, may it will help keep that bond stronger as they grow up.

 

I think I'd also talk to my husband and tell him that you also appreciate his concern for your wellbeing, but that homeschooling is important to you and that you really want his support while you work through a schedule for the three kids. Frankly, you'll be needing this help if the 5 yo is in school or not!

 

The absolute worst case.....the baby is born and you find that next summer when the baby is almost a year old that everyone was right and you can't handle 3 little ones and homeschooling. Ok....your daughter will be old enough age wise, and it sounds like she's darn close now to start 1st grade. So because she's so young right now, you haven't actually held her back....because she'll still be ready to enter school right where her age dictates. But, honestly, I think you want this enough that you will figure out a way to do it....because it's important to you.

 

And, we'll be here to listen to you "whine" when things get rough and to encourage you to take it one step at a time and that it really is possible to do it!

 

Good luck, and congrats on the baby news!

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I know it sounds like I'm posting this just to whine, but honestly, I don't know how you other moms stand up to the constant questioning and doubting from people like your own mothers/family members. What do I do? How do I know I will be able to do this in the fall?...

 

Thanks for your advice.

 

Seriously? I'm a big girl and so are you. My mom might give me advice but I would never follow it unless *I* agreed with it. I'm an adult now and a mom. I'm the one raising my children, not my mom. Unless there is some dynamic you're not stating such as you're bedridden, or you live with your mom who is financially supporting you, she has no right to tell you how to parent and educate your children. Period.

 

Sending kids to school to learn how not to act?? Honestly, that's absolutely laughable!

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If she's completed 100 EZ lessons, she's reading better than most K students and many first graders (and some 2nd graders, and 3rd and 4th graders...)

 

So, you could do nothing for a year and still be ahead of all those children getting a little phonics and a lot of sight words.

 

In fact, I bet if you gave her the IOWA test for K students now, she would score well on it.

 

For K, it would have taken me longer to get my daughter ready for school than we spent doing school.

 

I didn't tell my mom or husband how much time we spent a day until they had seen results that they were impressed with--like at the end of the year when she was reading anything.

 

Mom: That's not enough time. Me: Mom, how well is she reading? Mom: But shouldn't you be spending more time? Me: But Mom, you can't argue with the results, can you? I only worked with her when she was ready to pay attention, and when we worked, we worked hard.

 

Husband: But shouldn't you be teaching her Shakespeare or something then? Me: No, she's in Kindergarten. She just turned 6 this spring. We'll spend a bit more time next year. Maybe we'll get to Shakespeare next year.

 

(We're not doing Shakespeare this year, either, see my sig. for current work. She does read out of the NIV on her own. She can read out of the KJV but claims (like my husband) that it's not in English, so I let her read the NIV.)

 

Edit: if your mom is truly concerned and not just nagging/venting about the whole homeschool thing, I would offer to test her with the Iowa Test of Basic Skills for K to show that she's already doing K work and that a year of Kindergarten would be a waste.

Edited by ElizabethB
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I've been homeschooling since November but I have to say I've been feeling really relaxed about it. After all, my daughter is not yet 5 (birthday is Monday) and my son is only 3. I mean, I make sure she does her writing and reading at least 5 days a week, and we do math 4 days a week, and for science we simply do things like plant seeds and we are going to grow caterpillars/butterflies. (The Sonlight science just makes no sense to me and is dull, so we are just not doing anything formal.) But today, my mom was talking to me about how I am pregnant (yay! A boy due 9/11!) and she thinks I will not be able to homeschool when he arrives. She said she thinks I will not be able to give my daughter and older son the attention they need for school, and I will not be able to provide them with the socialization opportunities they need, while also caring for a newborn. This broke my heart. I love having my children home with me. In fact, two weeks ago I pulled them out of their (terrible) preschool completely because I just did not see where it was benefitting them. (My mom says my children MUST go to school to learn how NOT to act.) She made me feel so guilty and my self-esteem dropped waaaaay down, to the point where I now am wondering if I should send my daughter to the charter school that she got into for the fall.

 

I know it sounds like I'm posting this just to whine, but honestly, I don't know how you other moms stand up to the constant questioning and doubting from people like your own mothers/family members. What do I do? How do I know I will be able to do this in the fall?...

 

Thanks for your advice.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I could have posted that, just change the ages of the kids and add a doubtful hubby to the mix. My kids had just been accepted to a very good charter school as well. I know it's hard to deal with that decision and others' doubts. Don't let her doubts become your own. You've had babies before, it's not like you don't know what you're getting yourself into. Homeschooling doesn't take as many hours per day as 'regular' school, so you're full attention won't be needed for as long as your mom is probably imagining. Maybe she hasn't noticed, but most kids don't learn how not to act (and that being a positive thing) from school anymore. IME, they learn the opposite - how to act badly.

 

I won't send my kids to our local public schools for the reason stated by the PP's - they wouldn't learn anything and would be bored. There was nothing new they would have taught my K'er this year - it would have been a waste of his time.

 

I have plenty of friends who continue to have kids while hs'ing. You can feed the baby and teach simultaneously. It works for many, many other families out there. I totally agree w/ Merry about "The Baby IS the Lesson". I haven't read the article, but it sounds like exactly what I was thinking. The kids will learn so much about how life works, mothering, family, etc. just by being there w/ you and the baby.

 

In the end it's your own decision to make, so make sure you're basing it on what you really believe. Don't take other people's doubts into account unless you agree. Good luck and I wish you the best!

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I have found in the past that as long as you hold your head up high and tell the person with the concerns confidently that you know it isn't easy but you know its the best thing for your family, they can't argue with you. There are so many statistics to back you up. You can do it!! Yes, the year after a baby is born is a lot of adjusting and you may have times you feel overwhelmed but that doesn't mean it won't work. Try to plan ahead for next year before the baby comes, make the plan very simple (your kids are young and you've given them a great start). :)

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My husband totally supports homeschooling, but even he says he worries I will feel overwhelmed when the new baby is here. :(
You might but here is a big insider's secret for you: If you don't homeschool at all for a good year after the baby arrives, it won't be a big deal. You will get caught back up. I know, your child could be ahead if you didn't take a big break, and that will make you feel guilty, at first. But it will be fine. Really. (We didn't like SL Science either.)

 

How many generations had kids with siblings and no school until they were 6 or 7? Why is it so terrible all of the sudden now?:001_huh:

 

I could not read one word until I was six and a half and I still ended up at high school level in 3rd grade. It is okay. You aren't going to scar her for life if you don't keep up with academics. We took a year off and now Emily is reading a novel (Princess Diaries Cleopatra, daughter of the Nile) and a ton of non-fiction history on her own. It comes with time and majurity, and actually, less pushing. ;)

 

Sending kids to school to learn how not to act?? Honestly, that's absolutely laughable!
How many people homeschool as a result of school teaching their kids how to act badly? Maybe when we were kids school was helpful, but times have changed.

 

:grouphug:You will be just fine. And congratulations!!

Edited by Lovedtodeath
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The babies are a piece of cake! It's when they start toddling... :) :) :)

 

My kids are almost 6, almost 4, almost 3, and 1-1/2, and it does get a little crazy sometimes. When it's TOO crazy I just pack them up and head out somewhere. :) We school year-round so if a day goes off-kilter, it's really no big deal. We also just learn 4 days per week. Secular studies for a 5-year-old really only take 45-60 minutes per day. It's really amazing how much they just soak up by being in a rich environment and from talking with you. Yes, it will be tricky and sometimes stressful, but what a precious thing to be their teacher. :)

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My husband totally supports homeschooling, but even he says he worries I will feel overwhelmed when the new baby is here. :(

 

Honey,

 

You probably *will* feel overwhelmed. *I* feel overwhelmed every time I think of all there is to do - and all I *want* to do that seems to never get done. But, it's just a feeling. I don't have to be a slave to it. I just have to acknowledge that, yes, this is hard work at times. And, often times it is rather unrewarding work. Just like any other work!

 

There will be days that you will just get "the basics" done. And, there will be weeks when your "basics" are much more basic than you think they should be in the middle of summer planning mode - LOL! But, I have found that even when we are in that mode, my kids are learning. Just a little bit every day adds up to *so much* over time - really.

 

Of course, there are days that aren't overwhelming. There are moments when your heart will sing, and all is right with the world. Treasure those moments. And when those days come that it's hard to face "the daily grind", trust that some more of those moments are on their way.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that homeschooling isn't always cream and roses! But, if you plan your work, and work your plan, you will be *amazed* at the results you get.

 

Best wishes!

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Sometimes it takes the grandparents a while to see the light. Both of my (professional educator) parents were totally against homeschooling when I started six years ago, but after a few years they were completely sold.

 

FWIW, lots of folks homeschool through having babies. I even know some personally! Your kids are young so you don't have to be doing a lot of school with them each day anyway.

 

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. ((()))

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I didn't read all the responses but I'm in a very similar place to you. I have a 5 yr old who will be 6 in the fall and a 2 yr old who will be three in the fall and I'm expecting #3 due mid-September. :)

 

My Mom isn't quite as open as yours but she expresses the same thoughts. Usually it's more like "I'm just worried about you and how hard it will be." In the past she has more openly disagreed with our choices. She really didn't think we should have a third child. What I have done is say to her "I appreciate your opinion. But this is our choice and this is what we're going to do. I know what your opinion is and I respect it but disagree. If you keep bringing it up it's only going to make me feel bad." She's been able to respect that.

 

As for how to juggle with a newborn....I don't know. :) My plan is to start our 1st grade year in August so we get a good 4-6 weeks of school in before the baby. I plan on taking 2-3 weeks off. I know I can take more but for me personally I find I do better with structure, so I think school will HELP me. When I had my 2nd I found that it worked for me to have more of a schedule each day in order to stay sane. But that's me. I hope to have things well planned out this summer so I don't have to do a lot of planning with a newborn. I know in advance that I need to go into it with the idea of giving us all a lot of grace and having low expectations. :) I know we won't get everything done every day and there will be days we do nothing. But I also think we'll figure it out.

 

Just wanted to give you another vote for you CAN do it. And as for your Mom, I'd just smile and say "Thanks for your opinion." And then do what you want.

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I think you want this enough that you will figure out a way to do it....because it's important to you.

 

And, we'll be here to listen to you "whine" when things get rough and to encourage you

 

:iagree:

 

Edit: if your mom is truly concerned and not just nagging/venting about the whole homeschool thing, I would offer to test her with the Iowa Test of Basic Skills for K to show that she's already doing K work and that a year of Kindergarten would be a waste.

 

I wouldn't do this. I would just let the results in life a year or two from now speak for themselves. The child's education is not the grandmother's responsibility - it belongs to Mitchell Mom, who sounds like she is right on track. And if she starts trying to prove things to her mother, I would think that would only show her mother that she is not really confident in what she's doing.

 

I have found in the past that as long as you hold your head up high and tell the person with the concerns confidently that you know it isn't easy but you know its the best thing for your family, they can't argue with you.

 

:iagree: I have to fake my confidence at times, but fake it I will, because I know I'm learning how to teach my kids step by step, and that they and I will "get it" sooner or later. I have more confidence in my important position as Mother in my kids' lives than I did ten years ago, so I operate on that confidence when I'm faltering or being questioned.

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