Dorms: Is this common?

[Mary in GA]

Ds has been living at home while going to a small university. He is transferring into a larger one and wants to live on campus. The university is still within commuting range, but the morning traffic would be horrible so I say if he can pay it's OK. That was before we started actually looking at the dorms.

 

Now, at this school everything is co-ed. The only single gender dorms are female only. They are not coed by floor or section. They are coed by suite. It was not this way when I attended this school (briefly). Am I overreacting? Are most universities, the public ones anyway, like this? I really don't like this.

 

For incoming freshman there are several single gender dorms for each gender. Ds can't live in one of these since he is a transfer student, although he will have just turned 19 when he starts in the fall.

 

Mary

[Sharon in MD]

The dorms that were suite style housing were single sex in the suite, but you could have opposite sex next door. If they were the standard hall arrangement with 2 kids to a room and a hall bath, they were single sex in a wing and but with both sexes often on the same floor. Some dorms were single sex per floor.

 

The only place we found this not to be the case were the strictly Christian schools, where the single sex dorm still rules.

 

I know it is disappointing. But we have decided to live with it, since we really don't feel like there is anything we can do about it.

[chaik76]

Yep, most colleges I know of are like this. I don't personally have a problem with it, but I do understand why some do.

[K-FL]

From what I hear, the state schools are that way--at least single sex/suite, but mixed per floor. The one state we visited (Fl Gulf Coast-Ft Myers) the dorms were more like apt. buildings anyway w/open halls. The were finishing up a new dorm for 1st yr students that was more separated, but we didn't get to tour it. The also had 0 visitation rules, and each student had a private room. In reality, your suite-mates "friend" could be basically living there. :o(

[Mary in GA]

Sigh. That's what I was afraid of. This school doesn't have any visitation rules either to speak of. Obviously, I can't do anything about it, so I guess I'll have to live with it! 25 years makes a big difference! Now I feel really old!

 

Mary

[Gwen in VA]

Both my kids lived in a single-sex floor freshman year and then on a floor that was co-ed by suites afterwards. So far it has worked out fine.

 

Two points --

 

1) My dd never ever left her suite in her pj's or anything. Her suite was her "house", and just like you don't leave your house without being properly attired, she and her roommates never left their suite without being ready to face the world. There was no running in-between suites at weird hours whatsoever.

 

2) At least at my kids' college, the roommates/suitemates have to come up with an agreement about partying, quiet hours, and visitors of the opposite sex. My dd's suite's agreement about guys this year was simple -- none beyond the living room. Period. Even last year, when she had a party animal for a roommate, they did make the agreement that no guys were allowed in the room, and the roommate never broke it.

[Brenda in MA]

it's basically the arrangement that we saw during our college tours.

 

One thing to be aware of, though, is that some schools are going to coed rooms or "gender neutral" housing. Sounds shocking, but unfortunately, it's true. I have a friend who has a dd at Stanford, and she was shocked to find out about this arrangement in some of the dorms there.

 

I've seen references on the web to this fact, as well (look at pg. 7 of 15):

 

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery0,29307,1838306_1759869,00.html

 

Yet another thing to worry about.....

 

Brenda

[Brenda in MA]

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1838306_1759869,00.html

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

Both my kids lived in a single-sex floor freshman year and then on a floor that was co-ed by suites afterwards. So far it has worked out fine.

 

Two points --

 

1) My dd never ever left her suite in her pj's or anything. Her suite was her "house", and just like you don't leave your house without being properly attired, she and her roommates never left their suite without being ready to face the world. There was no running in-between suites at weird hours whatsoever.

 

2) At least at my kids' college, the roommates/suitemates have to come up with an agreement about partying, quiet hours, and visitors of the opposite sex. My dd's suite's agreement about guys this year was simple -- none beyond the living room. Period. Even last year, when she had a party animal for a roommate, they did make the agreement that no guys were allowed in the room, and the roommate never broke it.

 

Right, like living in an apartment house. The neighbors are a bit friendlier, but otherwise, just like you would not leave your apartment in your towel and flip-flops, you would not do so in the dormitory. It's not like when I was on dorm and the bathroom was down the hall. You're in your *home* and you make your own rules for visiting, etc, just as you would if you were living on your own and working instead of attending school.

[cathmom]

The dorm my son lived in this past fall was like this too, except they were only rooms. The bathroom was down the hall. So I highly doubt people were getting fully dressed (or what passes for fully dressed these days) to go to the bathroom. Hopefully they were not walking back to their rooms wrapped in a towel after a shower, though!

[Matryoshka]

When I went to college in the late 80's (I shudder to do the math) I lived on a co-ed floor (single sex rooms). The bathroom was down the hall and also co-ed. We'd walk back and forth in bathrobes. It was like living with siblings. No one looks all that good on their way to a shower.

 

I have to admit that I totally draw the line at co-ed rooms. Eech.

[Nan in Mass]

I lived in an all-girls dorm my freshman year at one college where most of the freshman dorms were structured that way, and then I transfered to someplace with coed dorms and bathrooms. I liked the second much, much more. It was more comfortable and felt much safer.

 

The people on your hall were your siblings. The coed bathroom was just like having a coed bathroom at home. The first stall was for the boys, seat left up (sorry about being graphic here but I'm trying to be frank enough to be reassuring), and the boys were as happy about that as the girls. Nobody looks great brushing their teeth first thing in the morning, so I never felt like I was being watched in a way that made me uncomfortable. People wore their clothes back and forth to the shower because the stalls were double ones, each with its own changing area (unlike my first dorm where there was one big changing area and shower-only stalls). They weren't busy, so people spread out when they chose a stall. People wore their pajamas with or without a bathrobe (depending on the person) to and from the bathroom at night. Everyone was more relaxed around each other and took each other for granted, rather than thinking about whether someone was of the opposite sex or not. I felt much more like I was a person and much less like I was a girl than I did with single sex dorms. I heard several mothers complain that it took away all the fun.

 

It was safer. Everyone on the hall looked out for each other. Having the boys there meant that visiting boys stayed polite to the girls. Every girl came with a whole lot of very obvious big brothers. The boys were great about walking us anywhere we wanted to go late at night. At the first hall meeting, they explained to the freshman that they could knock on any door and get an escort at any time, if they felt uncomfortable. The girls, did, too. If nothing else, it was nice to have company for the long walk across campus to the computer labs. And someone would come get you and walk you home, too, unlike in my first dorm, where in theory there was an escort service, but nobody used it because it was uncomfortable because you didn't know the person and it was inconvenient because it required lots of phone calls, etc.

 

Truly, the coed halls were not a problem.

 

-Nan, hoping this reassures someone who has to use them

[Gwen in VA]

I too had a great experience with a co-ed dorm. The bathroom had shared sinks but the toilet/shower area was in a separate room with a lock on the door.

 

I remember my dorm very fondly. No problems whatsoever!

[mcconnellboys]

We've been visiting mostly smaller, liberal arts schools. I don't recall any schools (even my alma mater, which was a large state university) telling us that they had dorm rooms coed by suite. I believe all of them have been by floor or by wing, etc. No coed suites. I think that would have gotten my attention very quickly......

[Ms. Riding Hood]

just like you would not leave your apartment in your towel and flip-flops, you would not do so in the dormitory. It's not like when I was on dorm and the bathroom was down the hall.

 

Well, depending on the dorm, at MIT you have to go "down the hall" to the bathroom, which you share with your (possibly) opposite sex floor mates. Read all about it here, and see pictures, too. Like the idea of your son/daughter showering/using the toilet right next to someone of the opposite sex? :glare:

[AnnetteB]

The freshman dorms at Western Oregon University are a nightmare.

[Mary in GA]

One thing to be aware of, though, is that some schools are going to coed rooms or "gender neutral" housing. Sounds shocking, but unfortunately, it's true. I have a friend who has a dd at Stanford, and she was shocked to find out about this arrangement in some of the dorms there.

 

I've seen references on the web to this fact, as well (look at pg. 7 of 15):

 

http://www.time.com/time/photogallery0,29307,1838306_1759869,00.html

 

Yet another thing to worry about.....

 

Brenda

 

Well, depending on the dorm, at MIT you have to go "down the hall" to the bathroom, which you share with your (possibly) opposite sex floor mates. Read all about it here, and see pictures, too. Like the idea of your son/daughter showering/using the toilet right next to someone of the opposite sex? :glare:

 

I confess this type of arrangement is totally new to me, and it really blows my mind! The school ds will be attending is GA Tech, and probably the geographical location has something to do with the fact that it hasn't gone "gender neutral" or unisex bathrooms yet!

 

Mary

[Mary in GA]

Both my kids lived in a single-sex floor freshman year and then on a floor that was co-ed by suites afterwards. So far it has worked out fine.

 

I lived in an all-girls dorm my freshman year at one college where most of the freshman dorms were structured that way, and then I transfered to someplace with coed dorms and bathrooms. I liked the second much, much more. It was more comfortable and felt much safer...

 

Truly, the coed halls were not a problem.

 

-Nan, hoping this reassures someone who has to use them

 

Thank you for your reassurances, and I'm trying to feel reassured! At least I'm going to have to be resigned to it, because I can't change it. I'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt!

 

Mary

[Brenda in MA]

The following article about college rooming arrangements was in the National Review today.

 

http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=YTk5NGFjOTY3YjFmYmIxNzY3NThmMWJjNTU3OTMyMTM=

 

FYI,

Brenda

[Gwen in VA]

FASCINATING article, Brenda. Thanks for posting it.

 

What a strange world we live in. Walter Williams recently wrote an article about the role of customs/tradition in our society that is somewhat relevant --

 

http://www.sj-r.com/opinions/x126917181/Walter-Williams-Laws-replacing-common-decency-in-today-s-world

 

(Sorry. The linker doo-dad isn't working for me right now!)

[Joan in GE]

What a strange world we live in. Walter Williams recently wrote an article about the role of customs/tradition in our society that is somewhat relevant --

 

http://www.sj-r.com/opinions/x126917181/Walter-Williams-Laws-replacing-common-d

 

Gwen, that is an interesting article because it describes how life was in many parts of Switzerland until recently (though the article is about the US in the 40's). People didn't lock there doors in the villages... You almost never saw police before because of the moral standards of the populace and their own self-policing...In special parts of parks you still see signs that the grass/flowers are supposed to be watched by the public...But with the growing EU and changing border policies things are changing very fast....

 

My son came home today with a story about "gender-equality" for the interns at the Swedish mission that is like the coed room story...a one room apartment for 2 girls and a guy who never knew each other before...

[bettyandbob]

I lived in co ed dorms in the 80s. Coed by hall or half hall. It was kind of new for state universities in my state back then. However, I remember at the time there was had been research that found such dorm situations were much safer.

 

Additionally, it was found there was less property damage in co ed dorms than in male only dorms. Based on my older brother's descriptions of behavior in his dorm at Va Tech, I'm not surprised there is less property damage. Apparently, a female presence prevents evenings spent flooding the hall to create an indoor slip and slide.

[Robin in DFW]

for the "few". I think it is ridiculous to force these types of changes off on students and their families to satisfy a small number of people in order to be politically correct. I'm sorry, if students want to conduct themselves in an immorally questionable way, let them do it on their own, not at the expense of everyone else.

 

I've always felt a dorm should be a place where a student can live and feel safe...not forced to conform to someone else's idea of what is "current" and "acceptable". The schools really need to watch it or many good students are going to go elsewhere.

 

Since when do we want our freshmen, 18 year old daughters, sharing a room with a guy or a "gender confused" individual. I don't and I know my daughters don't. Sorry for being so closed-minded here, but I'm sick to death of this "everything goes" mentality that has invaded our world. What ever happened to modesty? morals? Geez!

 

My dd20 went off to college 2 years ago, lived in a co-ed dorm, but divided by floors...girl floors, boy floors, no mixed floors or co-ed rooms. The problem was, there was no oversight, her roommate regularly had her boyfriend sleep over along with other male friends. After spending the night at home, my dd returned to the dorm one morning to find a strange boy sleeping in her bed...needless to say, she switched rooms that week, finished out the semester and left that school. She now lives at home and goes to CC.

 

I know kids will have to face this sort of thing eventually, but you know, at 18, fresh out of high school...no.

 

Stepping down from my soapbox.

Robin

[Oakblossoms]

It's possible you could find an off-campus/close to campus studio for less than the cost of dorm rooms.

[Laurie4b]

Dh had a good question: if all the experts say that we should not put brothers and sisters in the same room past a certain (very young) age, why would that not apply at college? Habitat for Humanity counts it as an indication that you need better housing if bro's and sis's share rooms; foster parents cannot put sibs of different genders in the same room... so all of a sudden, it's okay?

[Cindyg]

Dh had a good question: if all the experts say that we should not put brothers and sisters in the same room past a certain (very young) age, why would that not apply at college? Habitat for Humanity counts it as an indication that you need better housing if bro's and sis's share rooms; foster parents cannot put sibs of different genders in the same room... so all of a sudden, it's okay?

 

Excellent point, Laurie. I can't pee in the stall next to a guy at Walmart. That would be considered indecent if not down-right dangerous. Why is it great day in and day out for college kids?

 

I don't know what the world will look like when my kid is ready for college, but I suspect Dad will not approve of the set ups you guys are describing here.

[Gwen in VA]

Sometimes opting out of on-campus housing is not an option.

 

Many colleges require students to live on campus freshman year. Requiring students to live on campus sophomore year as well isn't unusual (my kids' college does this). And some colleges do require on-campus housing all four years.

 

Also some colleges (think Stanford) are in areas where housing is unbelievably expensive, while others (think Yale or Temple) are in tough areas where you do not want your child living nearby but off-campus.

 

I have always before considered on-campus housing a good thing, but this thread is making me wonder if sometimes having the flexibility to move off campus might not be a good thing.

[Kathy in MD]

for the "few". I think it is ridiculous to force these types of changes off on students and their families to satisfy a small number of people in order to be politically correct. I'm sorry, if students want to conduct themselves in an immorally questionable way, let them do it on their own, not at the expense of everyone else.

 

I've always felt a dorm should be a place where a student can live and feel safe...not forced to conform to someone else's idea of what is "current" and "acceptable". The schools really need to watch it or many good students are going to go elsewhere.

 

In the '70's I lived in both a single sex and a co-ed dorm. We did have a serial r*pist on the campus, when I lived in a single sex dorm. The only guys who'd provide escort service were from a dorm accros campus and you had to call well ahead of time. Very different from when the guys were in our dorm and you KNEW the guys you were asking to escort you. And I never felt the slightest threat from ANY of the guys in our dorm.

 

Since when do we want our freshmen, 18 year old daughters, sharing a room with a guy or a "gender confused" individual. I don't and I know my daughters don't. Sorry for being so closed-minded here, but I'm sick to death of this "everything goes" mentality that has invaded our world. What ever happened to modesty? morals? Geez!

 

I agree. I wouldn't want to share a room with a member of the opposite sex. I especially wouldn't want to be assigned a roommate of the opposite sex. But I've also had a bad roommate of my sex, so there are problems that way also.

 

My dd20 went off to college 2 years ago, lived in a co-ed dorm, but divided by floors...girl floors, boy floors, no mixed floors or co-ed rooms. The problem was, there was no oversight, her roommate regularly had her boyfriend sleep over along with other male friends. After spending the night at home, my dd returned to the dorm one morning to find a strange boy sleeping in her bed...needless to say, she switched rooms that week, finished out the semester and left that school. She now lives at home and goes to CC.

 

This is a roommate problem!!!!!!! Did your dd discuss the problem with her roommate? If that brought no results did she discuss it with her dorm adviser? It seems as though she got fast results after finding a stranger in her bed. It's not always easy to find a different room in the middle of the year, so the powers that be must have responded to her complaint.

 

I know kids will have to face this sort of thing eventually, but you know, at 18, fresh out of high school...no.

 

Stepping down from my soapbox.

Robin

 

My mother, who went to a conservative, midwestern school in the '40's, knew of situations where the boyfriend spent the night with the roommate. So it's not new, by a long shot.

 

My school was also a conservative, midwestern school. The year I started was the first year freshmen girls (not boys of course, why interfer with their high jinks or studies :glare:) weren't required to have permission from their prof to study late at the library or in the studios. You can imagine the attitudes of male profs who didn't think girls should be studying a male dominated field when asked for a permission slip every single night for 2 weeks or more.

 

But my school did set up a co-ed dorm. It made for much healthier attitudes toward members of the opposite sex because we got to know them as PEOPLE. There was much more coversation in the lounge. We would eat meals together. We would do things as a group. Warped male attitudes were corrected, swiftly and pointedly. We no longer feared talking to a guy in the dorm because we'd be seen as poaching.

 

Yes, there were illicit nights, but we had those before the dorm went co-ed too. Where there's a will, there's a way. But I found the advatages of a co-ed dorm far outweighed the disadvatages.

[mcconnellboys]

Yes, when we visited Vandy, we were told that as housing is updated, students will be required to live on campus. They will begin with freshmen but in the end all students will live on campus.

 

Centre College here in Kentucky includes room and board in its tuition for all four years and even upper classmen have to make special requests to opt out of university provided housing.

 

More and more schools seem to be moving toward this requirement....

[Oakblossoms]

Well, I guess just not apply to those schools. That's a ridiculous requirement. A full-time student isn't even going to spend the majority of their time in classes. Why should they be forced to live with other students? I think it's a silly requirement and can see it as an extension of childhood in a negative fashion.

[Gwen in VA]

I think the housing requirement is intended to help kids develop relationships with other students and to foster community.

 

I transferred to an engineering school as a sophomore. As a transfer student, I was not eligible for on-campus housing, though by the grace of God I did end up living on campus.

 

I met many other transfer students, and the #1 complaint of transfers at that school was that they never felt like they truly belonged. Since they never took the standard freshman classes and never lived on campus, they found it significantly harder to make friends and find their niche in the school community.

 

(I did feel like I belonged -- because I was a member of a close-knit living group that provided most of my friends and most of my social life for my three years at that school.)

[mcconnellboys]

Yeah, I think that in addition to creating more income for the school, it creates a more cohesive campus environment. We visited Vandy on a Thursday afternoon while school was in session - and there still weren't many kids moving around on campus. I got the impression that they have really become a commuter's campus.... The same might be true of other large schools adopting this trend, as well. And for schools in smaller towns, like Centre and DePauw, there's really not all that much available off-campus for kids, so creating on-campus options insures they can find housing.

[Laurie4b]

I think the housing requirement is intended to help kids develop relationships with other students and to foster community.

 

I transferred to an engineering school as a sophomore. As a transfer student, I was not eligible for on-campus housing, though by the grace of God I did end up living on campus.

 

I met many other transfer students, and the #1 complaint of transfers at that school was that they never felt like they truly belonged. Since they never took the standard freshman classes and never lived on campus, they found it significantly harder to make friends and find their niche in the school community.

 

(I did feel like I belonged -- because I was a member of a close-knit living group that provided most of my friends and most of my social life for my three years at that school.)

 

For some colleges, it's town-gown relationships plus a way to control alcohol consumption. Students living off-campus and having wild parties makes for tense town-college relationships and the college has less control over drinking.

 

I still think, however, that off-campus housing should be permitted for students. I moved off-campus as soon as I could (sophomore year) and was very happy with that decision. I just needed more space/privacy than dorms provided. Lots of other kids lived off campus, too, so I had friends at the apt. besides my roommates. My primary social groups weren't based on living proximity though--they were teammates and friends from a Christian fellowship group.

 

We are hoping to be able to put a downpayment on a house near campus for ds's when they go to school, and let them do the upkeep and have roommates. Our hope is that they can sell it afterward and make some money--or at least come out even on housing.

[asta]

I lived in co ed dorms in the 80s. Coed by hall or half hall. It was kind of new for state universities in my state back then. However, I remember at the time there was had been research that found such dorm situations were much safer.

 

Additionally, it was found there was less property damage in co ed dorms than in male only dorms. Based on my older brother's descriptions of behavior in his dorm at Va Tech, I'm not surprised there is less property damage. Apparently, a female presence prevents evenings spent flooding the hall to create an indoor slip and slide.

 

Ok - since this thread was linked from the other one, I thought I'd resurrect it.

 

My son just read this over my shoulder and said "Then what the heck is the point of living in the dorms?"

 

LOL

 

A week or so ago, DH and I were discussing college options and I told him about this thread - the whole "dual gender room" thing - DS got a look of abject horror on his face.

 

DS might be able to handle a co-ed suite. Might. A room? Oh... no. He isn't wired that way. He could handle a dorm where one floor was female and another was male. He could even handle the "one wing female, one wing male" dorm. But I'm having difficulty finding places.

 

Gah.

 

 

a

[JFSinIL]

Most schools ds has visited are this way, too. I mean, your roommate and bathroom mates are same sex, what is the problem? If the young adult lived in an apartment building it would not be single sex. The next-door neighbors cold easily be the opposite gender. NONE of the schools, including the state schools, had any mixed-gender roommates. Yes, the kids next door might be the opposite sex, but not in your own room or bathroom.

Edited November 26, 2009 by JFSinIL

[asta]

Most schools ds has visited are this way, too. I mean, your roommate and bathroom mates are same sex, what is the problem? If the young adult lived in an apartment building it would not be single sex. The next-door neighbors cold easily be the opposite gender. NONE of the schools, including the state schools, had any mixed-gender roommates. Yes, the kids next door might be the opposite sex, but not in your own room or bathroom.

 

Yes, I understand the apartment complex concept. But the story linked discussed Stanford's new "gender neutral" concept of mixed sex rooms.

 

My kid isn't wired that way.

 

It isn't even the "only child" thing - he has a very European approach to the human body (not flipped out about nudity or anything), he belongs to a co-ed scouting group - it is simply that he wouldn't feel comfortable living with a woman he wasn't in a relationship with (eg: planning on marrying).

 

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm starting to think I'm going to have to help kid find an extremely conservative college just to avoid the whole dorm thing. Living in an apartment won't be an option for him for years yet, so dorm it is.

 

 

a

[Mandy in TN]

Just offering options-

 

For those of you looking for separate male/female dorms in a dry area where freshman are not allowed to have visitors of the opposite sex in their room at all during their first semester, at a campus that doesn't require weekly church attendance, look at Berea College. The students do have a convocation requirement. One of their choices to meet convocation requires this semester was attending the college's production of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

 

Of course, I have no idea what really goes on in those dorms, but the rules in the freshman dorms look designed to encourage participation in campus activities.

 

Mandy

[Luanne]

for the "few". I think it is ridiculous to force these types of changes off on students and their families to satisfy a small number of people in order to be politically correct. I'm sorry, if students want to conduct themselves in an immorally questionable way, let them do it on their own, not at the expense of everyone else.

 

I've always felt a dorm should be a place where a student can live and feel safe...not forced to conform to someone else's idea of what is "current" and "acceptable". The schools really need to watch it or many good students are going to go elsewhere.

 

Since when do we want our freshmen, 18 year old daughters, sharing a room with a guy or a "gender confused" individual. I don't and I know my daughters don't. Sorry for being so closed-minded here, but I'm sick to death of this "everything goes" mentality that has invaded our world. What ever happened to modesty? morals? Geez!

 

My dd20 went off to college 2 years ago, lived in a co-ed dorm, but divided by floors...girl floors, boy floors, no mixed floors or co-ed rooms. The problem was, there was no oversight, her roommate regularly had her boyfriend sleep over along with other male friends. After spending the night at home, my dd returned to the dorm one morning to find a strange boy sleeping in her bed...needless to say, she switched rooms that week, finished out the semester and left that school. She now lives at home and goes to CC.

 

I know kids will have to face this sort of thing eventually, but you know, at 18, fresh out of high school...no.

 

Stepping down from my soapbox.

Robin

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

[asta]

Just offering options-

 

For those of you looking for separate male/female dorms in a dry area where freshman are not allowed to have visitors of the opposite sex in their room at all during their first semester, at a campus that doesn't require weekly church attendance, look at Berea College. The students do have a convocation requirement. One of their choices to meet convocation requires this semester was attending the college's production of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

 

Of course, I have no idea what really goes on in those dorms, but the rules in the freshman dorms look designed to encourage participation in campus activities.

 

Mandy

 

I don't worry about whether or not there is alcohol at a school. Alcohol is everywhere. I think we either trust our kids to "go off" to college or we don't. I trust my kid to go, I just know he doesn't have the overall independent living skills to manage an apartment (aspie).

 

I have actually looked at Berea college and find it quite intriguing. I don't know what their sciences program is like, tho'. Rocky Horror? Now THAT is amusing.

 

 

a

[Lizzie in Ma]

I lived in an all-girls dorm my freshman year at one college where most of the freshman dorms were structured that way, and then I transfered to someplace with coed dorms and bathrooms. I liked the second much, much more. It was more comfortable and felt much safer.

 

The people on your hall were your siblings. The coed bathroom was just like having a coed bathroom at home. The first stall was for the boys, seat left up (sorry about being graphic here but I'm trying to be frank enough to be reassuring), and the boys were as happy about that as the girls. Nobody looks great brushing their teeth first thing in the morning, so I never felt like I was being watched in a way that made me uncomfortable. People wore their clothes back and forth to the shower because the stalls were double ones, each with its own changing area (unlike my first dorm where there was one big changing area and shower-only stalls). They weren't busy, so people spread out when they chose a stall. People wore their pajamas with or without a bathrobe (depending on the person) to and from the bathroom at night. Everyone was more relaxed around each other and took each other for granted, rather than thinking about whether someone was of the opposite sex or not. I felt much more like I was a person and much less like I was a girl than I did with single sex dorms. I heard several mothers complain that it took away all the fun.

 

It was safer. Everyone on the hall looked out for each other. Having the boys there meant that visiting boys stayed polite to the girls. Every girl came with a whole lot of very obvious big brothers. The boys were great about walking us anywhere we wanted to go late at night. At the first hall meeting, they explained to the freshman that they could knock on any door and get an escort at any time, if they felt uncomfortable. The girls, did, too. If nothing else, it was nice to have company for the long walk across campus to the computer labs. And someone would come get you and walk you home, too, unlike in my first dorm, where in theory there was an escort service, but nobody used it because it was uncomfortable because you didn't know the person and it was inconvenient because it required lots of phone calls, etc.

 

Truly, the coed halls were not a problem.

 

-Nan, hoping this reassures someone who has to use them

 

Hey Nan, that sounds familiar, did you go to Umass too? :)

That was my experience as well.

[Grace is Sufficient]

Yes, there were illicit nights, but we had those before the dorm went co-ed too. Where there's a will, there's a way. But I found the advatages of a co-ed dorm far outweighed the disadvatages.

 

I guess the point many are making is that there should at least be a choice, and schools are rapidly taking that choice away. It sounds like your choice for your college students is a co-ed dorm. From what I'm hearing here, most or all of the schools you look at will offer that choice.

 

For those of us who will not pay one red cent toward a student living in a co-ed dorm, we may find our choice of schools limited.

 

Even those of you who are convince the rest of us of the safety and superiority of co-ed dorms aren't really trying to tell us that we should be forced to put our students there, are you???

[Mandy in TN]

I trust my kid to go, I just know he doesn't have the overall independent living skills to manage an apartment (aspie).

 

I have actually looked at Berea college and find it quite intriguing. I don't know what their sciences program is like, tho'. Rocky Horror? Now THAT is amusing.

My ds is interested in field and organismal biology. I don't know what field your ds is looking at, but according to collegeboard, 7% of Berea's students major in one of Berea's three biology concentrations.

· Visual and Performing Arts: 11%

· Business/Marketing: 9%

· Engineering Technologies: 8%

· Biology: 7%

 

I would think that a college like Berea would be great for an aspie. All freshman live on campus without cars. The college puts a lot of effort into giving them shared experiences that provide many opportunities for students of diverse backgrounds and personality types to spend time together. Then, 82% (also a collegeboard stat) of them return for their second year. In this respect, Berea is structured and stable.

 

Even though my ds is not an aspie (he is actually an empathetic dyslexic), I know that he will be more comfortable making friends in structured situations and that he will be more likely to form bonds knowing that there is a strong statistical likelihood that the students will return the next year.

 

 

The Rocky Horror thing had me laughing. I was a Rocky Horror regular for several years.

 

Mandy

[Sara R]

My mother, who went to a conservative, midwestern school in the '40's, knew of situations where the boyfriend spent the night with the roommate. So it's not new, by a long shot.

 

Yes, this behavior may not be new, but it is vastly more accepted and promoted now than it was back then. Back then, a roommate who did that would have had a bad reputation. It would have been very much looked down upon. There were resident advisors (or someone similar) on each floor whose job it was to prevent this kind of thing from happening.

 

Now promiscuity is quite acceptable. If you are prevented from sleeping in your room (so you can do well on your midterm tests the next day) because the roommate "sexiled" you, you have no recourse.

 

I went to BYU. Everyone who applies there signs an honor code promising, among other things, to "live a chaste and virtuous life." There are "Residential Living Standards" that give rules for when the opposite sex is permitted to visit, even for off campus housing.

 

I really appreciated the clear standards, as did most people I knew, especially compared to my friends who went to other colleges. Yes, I did see a little bit of inappropriate behavior going on among roommates (though nothing like the descriptions I heard about other colleges). But if a roommate at BYU clearly violated the rules, you had recourse. You didn't just have to put up with being "sexiled."

[AndyJoy]

The University of Idaho in Moscow, ID still had single-sex floors/halls when I was working there in 2006. They also had halls/floors you could choose with stipulations like no alcohol, over 25 only, etc.