what do you do with a student who refuses to work?

[JennyL]

I'm at my wits end. I have tried using a timer, taking away priviledges, etc. I don't know what to do with my oldest son that is 8. He just sits and stares at his work, he wastes so much time. He knows how to do it, that's not the problem. I've tried giving him different work in a different order instead of his usual schedule.

 

What am I doing wrong? Do we just need a break? I hate to do that because afterwards it is always hard to start up again. Tell me I am not alone. :confused:

[HollyinNNV]

I'm at my wits end. I have tried using a timer, taking away priviledges, etc. I don't know what to do with my oldest son that is 8. He just sits and stares at his work, he wastes so much time. He knows how to do it, that's not the problem. I've tried giving him different work in a different order instead of his usual schedule.

 

What am I doing wrong? Do we just need a break? I hate to do that because afterwards it is always hard to start up again. Tell me I am not alone. :confused:

 

There are a lot of things you could tell us that would help us make better suggestions.

 

1. What curriculum are you using?

2. Has he ever done his work?

3. Where is he supposed to do his work?

4. Do you sit there with him? Do you monitor him occasionally? Do you leave the room?

5. How long is his school day?

 

Give us all the particulars.

Holly

[PeterPan]

Ahh, the battle of the wills, eh? If that's what you think it is, be very matter of fact. If he doesn't want to work, he goes to bed. And if he's in bed when Daddy comes home, he's toast. That's what we did in our house when dd went through that stage.

 

Make doggone sure though you're really matching him correctly with the work. Sometimes things seem easy to us that are overwhelming to them. Or the assignment seems stupid/pointless. Or you're asking them to do something independently that would go better if done TOGETHER. If you put away the paper and do it on the whiteboard what happens? Then hand him back the paper. Are you walking away? At that age they need careful supervision or even just presence. You may have to bring him to the counter and have him sit on a stool to work while you cook. You may need to have him tell you when he has completed one and is ready to moe on to the next. Sometimes when they're overwhelmed they just clam up. Sometimes if you chop the paper in strips (same assignment, just in 1/5's) it goes better. Just play around with it till you figure out WHY he's doing what he's doing, then you can fix it.

[homeschooltoone]

Can you do some of the work with him? That's what I do with my son now, he's in 3rd grade.

[PeterPan]

PS. Sometimes it's a sign that it's spring and you just need to go run around outside and play more. :)

[JennyL]

I didn't even think to include that info, it might be helpful! He is working on Math U See, level Beta. Yes, he completes it all the time. He does a page of math a day. Right now he is doing additon problems and place value. He does his work in the kitchen or dining room. I am usually in the room with him, and I monitor him all the time. (I have a 14 mo old baby that I need to supervise.)

We usually spend 3+ hours in the morning and we have our reading time in the afternoon.

Thanks, Holly. I'd appreciate your input.

[Homeschooling6]

I'm at my wits end. I have tried using a timer, taking away priviledges, etc. I don't know what to do with my oldest son that is 8. He just sits and stares at his work, he wastes so much time. He knows how to do it, that's not the problem. I've tried giving him different work in a different order instead of his usual schedule.

 

What am I doing wrong? Do we just need a break? I hate to do that because afterwards it is always hard to start up again. Tell me I am not alone. :confused:

 

My 8yr. old 2nd grade son would come to 'school' grumpy. He would take forever. He would get upset if he had to redo his penmanship.

 

My dc love those dart guns. I bought about 40 darts. I sat down with my ds told him that everytime he comes to 'school' cheerfully and does his work willing he can have a dart. If he comes with his attitude then I will take a dart away.

 

It's been two weeks and I don't know what happened to Mr. Grumpy because only Mr. Cheerful-Willing comes to school now :)

 

My goal is to make it a habit before the darts run out;)

 

Also wanted to add that actual shcool work for us is about 2hrs. this includes

 

CLE Math 2 I do some with him and he finishes on his own

BJ Spelling 2 I do this with him

R&S Reading we do the reading & vocab. together he does one workbook pg on his own

R&S Phonics we do this together

BJ Penmanship he does on his own.

Growing with Grammar we do together (my son is not a strong reader yet ;) )

 

HTH,

Edited April 1, 2009 by Homeschooling6

[Alana in Canada]

JennyL.

 

So it is just math?

And he does it, but sits and stares at it for a long time?

Is that it?

[Alana in Canada]

I don't know if I would exactly advise this, but with my eight year old and math I sometimes have to talk her through every single step--especially division and yesterday, three digit multiplication. She said she "couldn't" so we ate one bite of the elephant at a time.

 

Like this:

"What's the problem?"

"456 x 6"

"Where do we start?"

"What's six times six? Where do we write the six? do it."

"Where do we write the three?"

and so on.

It's exhausting, but some days, that's what it takes.

[JennyL]

It really is just the math. But here's where I'm stumped. It is not too hard for him, I have watched him do it. It's not too easy for him either. He will end up doing it, I guess he is just bored with it. I can't give up math, so what do I do?

 

His argument is, "I just don't want to do school."

[JennyL]

I forgot to add, thank you for all of your answers. Theyn have really made me feel better. Yes, it is exhausting some days, but I know it won't last. Maybe we will work on math later in the day.

[wyomom]

My older two dd's did the very same thing during 1st, 2nd and 3rd grades. Drives me crazy. I have found you have to sit with them for their lessons. Especially math. Once in awhile ds will do his math sheet on his own if it's his day to go to coop classes or awana which tells me his is capable of doing his work independently. He just has a very bad case of daydreaming. UGH! Most days if I leave him on his own, he could sit at the desk for hours staring at his fact sheet and be in tears at the thought of still having to do it after sitting there that whole time. So, I do it with him. I have a 2 month old and a 2 yr old ds who is into everything these days so I feel your pain in having to sit with your 8yr old during these lessons. It does get to be a juggling act. Usually, I have the baby in the sling and set my 2 yr old up with his trucks and playdough or string beads or some other activity or he just wants his own pencil and paper to do school with his older brother. Usually he is trying to steal his brother's paper and pencil which makes things really fun.

 

Because I am juggling the younger two, we have to get ds's school done quickly so when he starts messing around and checking out on me, I have found two methods of discipline that have been effective for him. One is to either stand in time out at his time out spot with his nose touching the wall until he is ready to join us at the desk and do school nicely. (if he comes back and still daydreams through school, he is back at the wall) the other is to get out of his chair and start picking up the floor. I noticed one day the floor in our classroom was a mess. So, every time he goofed off or mentally checked out on me he had to clean up a section of floor or I gave him a number of items he had to pick up. He HATES cleaning so this was good motivation and it got the room ready to vacuum. Very nice. :tongue_smilie:

 

For us, either one of these works well. In fact today he was literally crying over having to do his little saxon subtraction facts worksheet so he had to go stand at the wall. When he came back he was still grumpy but he got half of it done before he sllooooowed way down again and I had to put him back on the wall. Then he came back and got through the rest of the lesson well.

 

I hate to admit it, but a good school day with him is based on how many times he had to stand on the wall or how clean he got his room done. UGH! Frustrating.

[Shelly in the Country]

Wow, I'd like a solution to this, too. My dd is a dawdler. She has always dawdled. My ds has not presented with this problem so far. I've found white noise sometimes helps my dd. Instrumental music sometimes helps her focus. I think she has gotten tired of our limited selection of instrumental praise choruses. We have tons of classical music but she doesn't like that for some reason....perhaps I'll pull out my dh's Star Wars soundtrack. Seriously though, I've noticed she has more of a problem with dawdling if she doesn't like the assignment. She likes math, but hates copying problems. If she is doing Singapore workbook assignments, she's fine, but not the textbook, since she has to copy it. She hates copywork. She hates doing the comprehension questions in her history workbook, but she'll do her science comprehension questions readily enough because it's her favorite subject. And we can't very well just eliminate any subject she doesn't like. If it were up to her, she'd do nothing but read and write poetry. We use a timer to help keep her on task and treat the whole thing as a discipline issue. I've also found long breaks from school kill her motivation. If we take a long break, it can take weeks to get back in the groove again. I've gone to only 1-2 week breaks (we school year round).

 

Sorry if that was rambling, I have a teething baby in my lap which affects my coherency and typing ability. :001_smile:

[Haiku]

So it's really just math, which you're sure he's capable of doing?

 

Ok, here's what I'd do. Tell your son that you have noticed that he seems unhappy with math and that you are proposing a math vacation. He can have a week (or two, or 5, your discretion), with the caveat that he has to earn his math vacation days with days of cheerful, compliant, timely work.

 

For example, if he comes to school on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and does well with math, but he is grumpy and uncooperative on Wednesday and Friday, next week he can have three days of math vacation.

 

Good luck!

 

Tara

[DarlaS]

Doesn't Mr. Demme suggest going to the next lesson when the child understands it?

 

My kids ALL do this if the material is not at least a little bit challenging.

 

If you're worried about moving ahead too quickly, you could shake things up a bit with some Evan-Moor math centers (or math games) to re-enforce what he's learned or cover a few things not covered in Beta.

[PollyOR]

I don't have little one's anymore, so my situation is different.

 

If a child is taking too long (has a hard time focusing), I do the assignment with them. It shows them how quickly things can go and how much sooner they can move on to what they want to do.

 

My 13yo was doing this yesterday, so I sat down with her and we whipped through it. I didn't lecture her or make her feel bad.

 

I have to sit with my 10yo almost all the time, because she has a hard time focusing. It used to bother me, but now I've accepted that it is what is best for her.

 

It's like doing the dishes (or some other household task). If you don't want to do it you tend to drag your feet. But, if someone jumps in and helps, it goes much faster and can even be fun.

[JennyL]

Tara, I love that idea!

 

Darla, yes I think you are right. I don't think he has mastered this area yet or we would move on.

 

Polly, I think I am going to have to make it a point to sit with him and do it.

 

Thanks again, everyone!

[3Rivers]

I had a few thoughts. First, I think there is something about boys at ages 7-8. I don't know, but I SO relate.

Things that have helped:

 

* rewards and consequences: My son loves gym. If he doesn't get his work done we don't go. Simple as that. No work? no play. If he isn't going to do his work, then he's going to sit on his bed or, in some cases with a smart mouth, in the corner.

 

*Sometimes, he just needs me more and isn't aware of his feelings enough to verbalize it. Or something I thought was easy for him, wasn't.

 

*Avoid getting in the "fray". Keep your feelings of anger and frustration out of it and decide ahead of time what your terms are and then simply follow through. No compromise. One day I had to say that if he wasn't going to work, he wasn't going to eat. He was familiar with that from our study of the early colonists. I didn't get angry, but I didn't budge. He finally decided for himself that he wanted his meals that day. LOL

 

*It helps for my son to see what his work is for the day. I make a list of just today's work for him to see and check off. That way he has the power to check off things and see how much farther to freedom. haha

 

This is for the daily grind kind of work. Some days we just need a break and just go to the park, or do a fun project. Everyone needs a change of pace sometimes, which helps too.

 

Jamie R.

[PeterPan]

It's spring and that can feed into it. They start to get antsy and want to do other things. Surprise him and turn his math for the rest of the month into a secret mission. Fold the papers real small, write a reward inside (zoo trip, park, friend over, fruit smoothie, etc.), and hide them. See if that doesn't help. :) That's what I did the year my dd was slogging through 4 digit subtraction, and boy did it turn it around! :)

[Beach Mom]

I have 6 and 8 yo DSs, the 8yo more prone to lack of focus than the 6yo. I found (through trial and error) that adding a 15-20 minute outdoor break in our morning has cut 30-45 minutes off of our total lesson time. The boys need to run around. I strategically place the break before math as that is where the daydreaming happens at our house. Mysteriously, he now gets through math in a reasonable time. After running around a bit the rest of our lessons go much more quickly.

 

I got tired of saying "focus" 100 times every day.

[skimerinkydo]

1. Take a quick, active break. Jumping Jacks, walk around the block, etc. Something short.

 

2. You could try breaking the lesson into smaller chunks...do one part before lunch and one after.

 

3. What I often did with my son who would become resistant and doing any and all schoolwork...was learn or work. If he refused to learn (do his schoolwork), then he would work (do a chore such as sweep the floor, clean a toilet, etc.). When the chore was done he was to return and do his work. After a little while he figured out he would rather learn than work...most of the time.

[rose_king]

Thank you for making me feel normal. I have a very headstrong 11yro. Sometimes school is cheerful and wonderful. Sometimes it's..ummm...not so great. She does the same thing if she is in a really bad mood. Sits and looks at it like it will do itself. If you find something that works, let me know. :) I will watch and see what advice you get and take some myself. Just know you are not alone. ;)

 

Rose

[jenL]

The ideas in this thread are great! I'm also struggling with my daydreaming 6yo who makes things for himself much harder than they have to be!

[Stacy in NJ]

It really is just the math. But here's where I'm stumped. It is not too hard for him, I have watched him do it. It's not too easy for him either. He will end up doing it, I guess he is just bored with it. I can't give up math, so what do I do?

 

His argument is, "I just don't want to do school."

 

If it's just the math save it for the last subject. Tell him that as soon as he's done with his math he's free to go play/do whatever he like to do.

[K&Rs Mom]

If it's just the math save it for the last subject. Tell him that as soon as he's done with his math he's free to go play/do whatever he like to do.

 

I do that sometimes with my 6yo. That way I can leave the room and it becomes her problem, not mine - takes away her power to drive me crazy. Sometimes she'll finish right up, sometimes fool around for an hour then finally hand in her paper with lots of illustrations.

 

Other days, it helps to stay with her. If I agree to write the answers that she tells me, she'll knock out a math page in about 3 minutes. She likes the company and feels like she's getting away with something because I'm doing part of the work, yet she's still the one doing the problems and getting practice.

 

Now if I could only know which day would require which solution.... :tongue_smilie: