Mama Anna Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I have no real experience with "friends coming over to play." I grew up in a rural area where that didn't happen on a regular basis. Now we live in a little cul-de-sac in student housing, and it's different. Questions for you: Is it normal for a parent to just send their dc over to play at your house with no prior arrangements? ("Hello! My mom said I could come over and play at your house today.") We're not talking close friends of the family, here, though the dc might be considered a friend of dd. Is it okay for said dc to invite themselves to supper? After all, it's not as if there was a specific going-home time set by their parents . . . (We're on a tight budget, almost always eat leftovers for supper, and rarely have more than just enough.) What is your experience? Mama Anna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I have no real experience with "friends coming over to play." I grew up in a rural area where that didn't happen on a regular basis. Now we live in a little cul-de-sac in student housing, and it's different. Questions for you: Is it normal for a parent to just send their dc over to play at your house with no prior arrangements? ("Hello! My mom said I could come over and play at your house today.") We're not talking close friends of the family, here, though the dc might be considered a friend of dd. Yep. We have kids coming and going all the time. It's fine with me. Is it okay for said dc to invite themselves to supper? After all, it's not as if there was a specific going-home time set by their parents . . . (We're on a tight budget, almost always eat leftovers for supper, and rarely have more than just enough.) No, not okay. What is your experience? Mama Anna . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 We're in the reverse situation, lol. We used to live in a large apartment complex with many kids, and now we're in an area where driving has to be involved. In the apartments, I was fine with kids (mine or others) knocking on doors, asking for friends to come *out* and play. I wouldn't allow my children to invite themselves in, and I didn't allow others to invite themselves *into my home. I'd just suggest they all go out and run around. As far as dinner goes, there's nothing wrong with saying "Okay kids. Time to say goodbye to Billy and get ready for dinner!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 If the kids live in the neighborhood, I have no problem with them calling to ask if my kids can play, or knocking on the door and asking. No one invites themselves to eat here, sorry. And my kids know not to ask me if their friends can eat here in front of the friends...they have to talk to me about that privately. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Yes to children showing up to play unannounced. No to uninvited supper guests. I also have no problem saying, "Okay kids, my guys need to clean up and get ready for supper. Thanks for coming over...we'll see you tomorrow." Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I have no real experience with "friends coming over to play." I grew up in a rural area where that didn't happen on a regular basis. Now we live in a little cul-de-sac in student housing, and it's different. Questions for you: Is it normal for a parent to just send their dc over to play at your house with no prior arrangements? ("Hello! My mom said I could come over and play at your house today.") We're not talking close friends of the family, here, though the dc might be considered a friend of dd. Is it okay for said dc to invite themselves to supper? After all, it's not as if there was a specific going-home time set by their parents . . . (We're on a tight budget, almost always eat leftovers for supper, and rarely have more than just enough.) What is your experience? Mama Anna We lived in a really nice SMALL neighborhood where more than half the families were related. It was divine. The kids played all day long everywhere. I would feed them snacks sometimes and water ALL the time. I had a jug and plastic cups with their names in marker sitting by the front door. My dd ate elsewhere as well. At dinner time I would politely say everyone needs to go home, it's time for dinner, and dd can play after she does the dishes. When we had enough, I'd let them stay (if only one or two kids were there - sometimes they were a group of 5 or more!). I tell my dd to come home when other eat unless they ask her if she can stay. Also, if your kid can't play - maybe you are doing school - just say so. We can't play right now (giving reason optional) but later when they can play, I will send them over and you can come back or play at your house.....something to that degree. I really love when the kids are actually safe enough to play like that. We NEVER made prior arrangements for the kids to play. They just did. Unless it was special - like a trip to Chuck E Cheese or the park - then the moms or grandmoms would call and ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarleneW Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Yes to kids just showing up. No to inviting themselves to supper. Between our 4 kids and the neighbor kids, there can very easily be 7-8 kids together at once. They generally go back and forth between houses. No I will say all the parents are friends and we all know each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I do think it's kind of odd for a child to come over to play with no prior discussion, and it's not like your kids can go OUT and play without a parent supervising. So I would definitely send them home saying, "Well,now is not a good time for us, maybe we will see you later." I would just do that to train everyone to understand that you don't TELL ME when we are playing at my house. At my children's age (11) it happens all the time, and that's fine, If I don't want guest over, I can send them all outside. I rarely turn a play date into a dinner invitation. I just send everyone home when it's time. Sometimes I invite a child to stay, but not every time. Likewise, my kids sometimes go looking for friends in the neighborhood. There is a big green field where the boys play a lot, so usually "can you play" means outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I think you have gotten great advise. I wish we were in your shoes. There are no kids on our block to play, nor is it safe to play outside. As a result, my kids rarely get to play outside and our play dates are once or twice a month at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Anna Posted April 1, 2009 Author Share Posted April 1, 2009 You just validated my gut reactions! :) I don't really have a problem with a kid showing up at the door and asking if they can play with dd. And I understand wanting to play inside if the weather is nasty - though I'd appreciate a call from the parents first if inside play would be the obvious expectation. It's the sense of "I'm coming over to play" that I get from the way she begins to come in as she's speaking that offends me . . . but that's starting a whole other subject which wouldn't be productive of anything but relieving my feelings. ! :lol: I must say, I certainly hope I never hear of my girls volunteering to stay for someone else's dinner. ("I can stay and eat with you. My mom said I don't have to be home until dark.") But this kid's home is different, her parents' style is different. All I can do is enforce my house rules while she's here. Anyway, thanks again for your replies!! (PS: Cadam, I believe I have used all of your suggested statements, as well as a couple that are a bit stronger (For example, in reply to "Why can't I come in?" came "Because it's our home and we haven't invited you in yet." Etc.) but I deeply appreciate that I'm not the only one to be as straight-forward. Sometimes I'm not sure that I'm not rude. But someone has to train the poor kid!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey in TX Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Neighbor kids come over every day. It's the neighborhood hangout. It does get annoying sometimes, but allows a good insight into what's going on, an which kids are what they appear to be. If we're not leaving the house for activities, typically the kids all have snacks. Occasionally they'll stay for dinner, but it's usually just Friday night pizza. Weekends are almost always an impromptu sleepover--sometimes here or across the street. We live on a quiet street, so the kids have all been allowed to play outside sans adults since 5y/o. It's just expected. When a parent is working from home, kids know to come to our house. If DH is working from home, it's outside (which is normally the case, anyhow) or the game room upstairs. Best suggestion is find boundaries that work for you now. Know that they will change as the kids get older, but you are the parent and it is your castle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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