kalanamak Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 (Pardon, I really have had such little experience raising children!) Kiddo is usually pretty good. Sometimes he has a conflict with his (IMO, overly) emotional father and papa comes home upset, not having disciplined the boy because Papa is too upset (don't say Papa should do the discipline, it is not going to happen). Son is not happy, Papa is very unhappy, and once I get him quieter or in another room, I talk to kiddo. Sometimes it is cut and dried, but sometimes I really can't get a straight story (because every time Papa tells me, he gets so upset he can't tell me...I'm not saying shouting or violence, just crabby and "why me"-y, and it wears me out after about half an hour, and I stop being able to "rise above it" and stop bothering telling him to "rise above it" and leave the room, at which point he stops the griping.). (Recent example, Papa stayed at the park well after the agreed upon time, kiddo raised voice at having to leave and pushed him. They have a very wrestly, ticklely, chasey, pokey relationship, meaning that is how Papa relates.) I've taken to asking my son "what should your punishment be?" This shortens the experience quite a bit for all concerned. His answers have been rather fair, I think. No dessert for two days. Give away one of his more favoured cars. And apologies. I agree, and off we go. Hubby is happy, kiddo is happy, I'm happy. Hubby calls me a miracle worker, and we get back to duties of the day. I'd say this happens about once every 3-4 weeks. Should a child get a punishment they don't wail NOOOOO about? Is this a bad method, destined to produce a Monster? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skaterbabs Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I don't know, but it seems to me a basically good kid will tend to be harder on themselves than maybe you as the parent would be, especially in cases where the kid really did learn the lesson from his/her mistake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeegal Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I seriously doubt you're going to produce a monster. Your ds sounds like a great kid. :001_smile: If ds picking out his own punishments is a concern, could you sit down with him and come out with a chart, particularly if the situations are repeated on occasion? #1 could be refusing to leave the park when Dad calls... with an agreed upon punishment. #2 pushing Dad in anger... and agreed upon punishment. Then your dh and ds could come home, say it was a #1 situation. You could check the chart and all would be said and done. However, I'll say again, your ds is seeing consequences for his actions and family harmony is being restored. I see no reason for sleepless nights worrying about your son turning into a monster, especially when the situation at hand only occurs once or twice a month. :D Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 I seriously doubt you're going to produce a monster. Your ds sounds like a great kid. :001_smile: If ds picking out his own punishments is a concern, could you sit down with him and come out with a chart, particularly if the situations are repeated on occasion? ! The monster part was a joke. My GM kept threatening my Mother with this because she was not extremely strict with children #3-6. The offenses are not commonly repeated. This method feels okay to me, but it is very contrary to anything my folks would have done. When I was punished, I cried. Perhaps I just cared more about losing a toy, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 The monster part was a joke. My GM kept threatening my Mother with this because she was not extremely strict with children #3-6. The offenses are not commonly repeated. This method feels okay to me, but it is very contrary to anything my folks would have done. When I was punished, I cried. Perhaps I just cared more about losing a toy, etc. I actually think this method has its merits. It forces the child to think what his offense was and by the type of punishment he selects for himself, you can see how he rates his own misbehavior. If he ever chooses way too easy punishment for an offense, you can always step in but if it seems like he is rather repentent and aware, you have nothing to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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