Alicia64 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Hi Everyone, I saw Colleen's post earlier and it broke my heart. Sadly, I have way too much knowledge about "difficult" parents. Not always of course, but usually difficult parents turn out to be ones who have something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's a very serious problem. . . especially for their children. Googling Narcissism is a great way to start. People like Colleen will find people who understand. If you've never had a narcissistic parent -- it's very, very hard to fathom what these parents do. And, to make matters worse, these people make themselves look like gems to the rest of the world. Only the kids/spouses know the truth. Anyway, this is an awesome place to start. Don't let the freakish name of the site scare you. The people on this site are awesome and supportive. http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/adult-children-of-psychopaths-and-narcissists-f28.html Take care, Alicia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Alicia-Thank you for posting this. I'm going to look into this when I have more time to sit and read. I scanned the forum you posted and so far, I think they have a picture of my mom near that definition. I really appreciate the insight and hope that maybe I will learn better ways to deal with my mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Hi K ~ I'm so sorry. It's not really a club any of us want to belong to!! A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCMom Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Well, not my mom. She's textbook Borderline Personality Disorder but has always refused therapy of any kind. "It's just the way she is." This excuses everything. My childhood was just, well, icky. But ya know, now I realize that I can only control me. She is the one who has alienated everyone and is all alone (so to speak, she lives with us, aack :glare:), miserable and has never, as far as I can tell, been happy. It's too bad because there must be an interesting, wonderful person lurking somewhere under all of that cr*p. I see that person once is a great while, when she is not trying to destroy everything and everyone around her.... And even now I work every day to remember and apply what I've learned about healthy relationships. I have to do this every. single. day. Sigh. It's tough and I'm sorry for Colleen and all of you other ladies with toxic parents. It sucks. Georgia (My sisters and I have a running joke. If you need to know how to handle a situation, especially a relationship or parenting issue, do EXACTLY the opposite of what Mom would do. It works, lol.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 30, 2009 Author Share Posted March 30, 2009 Oh, Georgia! She lives with you??? You are a tough cookie!! You ought to consider looking at this site -- it's a home for both children of Narcissistic and Borderline parents. The labels tend to get interspersed, I noticed, which isn't a big deal. It's nice to "talk" to people who understand how odd and over the top these people can be. Please join us or at least just take a look: http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/adult-children-of-psychopaths-and-narcissists-f28.html Take care, A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Thanks for the link Alicia. I am going to look at it when I have more than 10 minutes as once. Georgia - your mother lives with you???? You are a saint. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FourOaks Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Thanks for posting this link. I plan to check it out when I have some time as it sounds just like my family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Oh, I agree! LOL I'd gladly give up my membership any day! :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 My mother also has Borderline Personality Disorder. It sure does make for a rough childhood! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 My dad is a narcissicist, but compared to many of the stories on that forum, he was nearly perfect. ;) It seems to have been much worse for the children when their mother is narcissistic, hm? My own late mom was a saint for putting up with dad, imo, but she loved us kids with a calming warmth. We owe her a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 31, 2009 Author Share Posted March 31, 2009 My dad is a narcissist and I thought it was pretty awful: really bad anger but looked like a saint to everyone outside our home. Beautiful cars, homes, trips. He was "such a great guy". But not nice to be around if you were his kid. He was furious when I started hs, told my kids he thought it was "stupid". Then lied about saying it. A. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 It's too bad because there must be an interesting, wonderful person lurking somewhere under all of that cr*p. I see that person once is a great while, when she is not trying to destroy everything and everyone around her.... ) Isn't this just the worst. When a toxic someone shows a side that you like....or even love.....sometimes I think it would be better if they were just awefull ALL the time. It tears you up to love someone that hurts you so bad. Bleccck. I actually don't enjoy thinking about the "good times" our family had at all. They are bitter to the core since it gives me a glimmer of how things could have been....but just plain weren't. Those memories had power to suck me into a false sense of, "Oh, it wasn't that bad...see, there were good times." Always had to fight that one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I need to clarify. First, thank you for replying to my thread, and thank you for your honesty and willingness to reach out and help others. I said to someone in a private message that when I "air my dirty laundry", I do hope someone else will connect and find something helpful in the conversation. Your post here is a good example. Having said that, please know that my parents are by no means narcissistic, nor are they "toxic". I don't even know that I'd call them difficult. Actually, in a sense they're very easy. What's difficult is the unresolved junk and its accumulation, which in turn creates a level of discomfort between us. And it's difficult to know my parents are comfortable keeping the junk brushed under the rug in an effort to maintain a peaceful relationship with my sister and her family. Anyway. Just wanted to clarify. Best to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Indeed your situation from what you've posted does not seem like narcissitic. Just not "right" and in denial. I am the daughter of a narcissitic mother, and indeed there never has been much at all of a normal relationship. Most things when I was growing up and even now are center around her definitions and hers alone. There has always been fury to face if we didn't respond or do exactly what she wanted, even as adults who have a right to our own lives and choices. She does the same thing to her sister, and I suspect even to my father who has always accomodated her. The slightest infraction is always punished in order to maintain her as queen. There never was much warmth and understanding, nor will there be. That is so very different. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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