How do you feel about attending a church...

[Ellie]

Our Priest says that it is all right for Catholics to attend other denominations. Because in a lot of Catholic churches there are mixed marriages. Such as a Catholic being married to a Methodist. The only thing a Catholic can not do at a different church is to receive communion.

 

If you remember when John Kerry was running for president, he attended a Baptist church and took communion. There was a large uproar that he should be ex communicated from the Catholic Church for this.

 

Remember as a Catholic, we believe that the Host and the wine are indeed changed into the true body and blood of Christ. Most of our Protestant cousins believe the Host and the wine are just a symbol of Christ's body and blood.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

A Catholic may go to another church service, but it does not absolve him from the obligation to attend Mass.

[Laura K (NC)]

I'm going to try to preface each paragraph with "The Catholic belief is..." If I don't, then please read it into each paragraph. I'm saying what the Catholic Church believes, and has always believed since apostolic times.

 

It is the Catholic belief that Jesus meant for his apostles to grow the Church, and we believe that He gave the apostles specific means to share Jesus' own grace. Catholics understand this foremost to be baptism, but the other sacraments, we believe, are also established by Christ as a support system for our journey on earth.

 

Insofar as Christ gave Baptism to the apostles, and encouraged them to baptize others, He gave them "something" that is both himself, and a little bit beyond Himself. The Body of Christ is the bride of Christ. Jesus is the head, we are the members. So it is wrong to disconnect the "Body" from the "Head," to say that the Church can be severed from Him.

 

The Catholic Church believes that it was the very one instituted by Christ. The apostles who were given the commission to go out and baptize were in the same "Body of Christ" that Augustine, Aquinas, Mother Theresa, and Pope Benedict XVI are in -- and that body of Christ has been Catholic without interruption.

 

The Protestants, we believe, broke off from the Church, and took a whole lot of the Church with them. For the most part, baptism is the same. The doctrine of the Trinity is the same. The New Testament, which was canonized by the Catholic Church, is the same. Protestants, therefore, are saved "through" the Catholic Church, since it was via centuries of evangelization, scrutiny, and scripture study that Christianity was preserved and promoted.

 

Everything we know about Christ was passed on to us by someone. We can't deny that. Evangelization is a work. Therefore a work is necessary for salvation. We have been given the commission not only to believe, but to DO something. Mt 28:19-20. If we do not DO something with our faith, it is dead-- it is no faith at all. It's in the scriptures.

Edited March 31, 2009 by Laura K (NC)

[KarenNC]

And, when it comes down to it, I feel like being Catholic is as much a part of my "culture" as it is my faith.

 

This is an important point. As one who has made an even bigger change than you are contemplating (I'm a Hellenic Neopagan, so left not only Christianity but monotheism as well:)), I will caution you that leaving the religion of your heritage, social circle and family is a big step and not to be taken lightly.

 

Honestly, Protestant and Roman Catholic Christianity are different enough that it truly does qualify as changing religions in many ways, in my view (and, as you can see, the view of many in the RCC). Not as big a difference as if you became Jewish, for instance, but not as small a one as going from Baptist to Methodist, either. It is a radically different way of viewing and understanding Christianity (as you are seeing). For someone whose family has been RC long-term, it is likely bound up in your cultural heritage as well, probably more than you realize. This is something I had to face and I didn't expect it. In fact, the culture aspect kept me from joining a somewhat more "socially acceptable" faith that I had considered very seriously, and almost drew me back into trying to "pass" as even a very liberal Christian for the sake of my child because it would have been easier all around. In the end, I had to realize that the best lesson I could teach her was the importance of being true to what one really believes to be right, even if it is not convenient or popular. For me, that meant leaving the belief system of my family and society.

 

Changing from one to the other is likely to have long-term ramifications not only for you and your children, but for your relationship with your extended family if they are practicing Roman Catholics (as it sounds like they are from your descriptions). It can have an impact on your relationships with your friends who remain Roman Catholic (especially as you say you have never really known anyone closely who was Protestant, I am guessing that your social circle is primarily RC). It can have an impact on your children's relationships with their friends, if they have to explain why they aren't going to the "true Church" anymore (this may not be as big a deal at their ages as if they were older, not sure). If you try to keep them as RC, will it make it harder for them to find a place within this UM church? How will you feel if they are not experiencing the same religious rites of passage, etc that were important to you and that you expected they would have?

 

I can't say don't make a change because that would be very hypocritical;). No one but you can know where you need to be and why (though I have to say it sounds like this is not something you are desperate to do). I can say that I believe you are beginning to see that it isn't something done without a lot of consideration and deliberation and only if you truly believe that it is a more spiritually necessary place for you to be. There is a wide range of possibility within any religion and any denomination. There is a great deal of variety within the RCC in terms of experiences, ways of expressing one's faith, ways to create and find community, etc. It is worth talking with your husband as you are doing to pinpoint precisely what needs he feels are not being met and see if there aren't ways within your current situation to try to meet some of those needs. Talk with your priest or trusted friends within your congregation to see if there are avenues you have not yet explored. I think we often get locked into to thinking that the way we are doing something now is the only way it can be and that we have to turn to the "exotic" if you will to find something we are missing. Sometimes it isn't possible to meet needs without a radical change, but it *is* possible in a great many situations by just looking at your current situation with new eyes.

 

As one person pointed out, try to help your husband consider what will happen if, "once the new wears off" (and it will---small groups have their own sets of issues, believe me) of joining this smaller church, it will be where you and he feel is the most spiritually appropriate place for both of you and your children, so much more appropriate that this large a step is not only desirable but imperative. I wholeheartedly believe that only if it is truly imperative is it worth the ramifications of a really major change such as this.

[kellycbr]

I know! Actually, the sign up is this week for September. My dh is not happy that there is a $150 fee and that's another reason why he wants to consider the change now.

 

 

 

 

I teach Sunday school at a Catholic parish. I've never heard of anyone being turned away if they can't pay. $150 sounds like a lot to me, but we live in the sticks:D with a little tiny old Mission church. Figure out what you can afford, and ask the priest if you can pay X amount. It thats the deal breaker with your husband, I'd really talk to your priest.

[Jumping In Puddles]

or has already received it!

 

No, he just turned six today and is still in kindergarten. My intent was to start him in first grade to have first communion in second grade.

 

 

Is the Eucharist really the body of Christ? Do you take it literally when you read Christ saying "This is my body" and "whoever eats my body and drinks my blood will have everlasting life?" If you don't, then it may be that a different church would better match your beliefs.

 

 

 

Yes, I do believe that.

 

This is an important point. As one who has made an even bigger change than you are contemplating (I'm a Hellenic Neopagan, so left not only Christianity but monotheism as well:)), I will caution you that leaving the religion of your heritage, social circle and family is a big step and not to be taken lightly.

 

 

 

I think it may be a northern NJ thing, but religion, God, and faith is not a big point of discussion around here - even among people I consider deeply religious (go to Mass everyday). I have seen more discussion of religion on this board in the past year than in my entire life. I really wonder if anyone would even notice or ask what Church we attend.

[KarenNC]

I think it may be a northern NJ thing, but religion, God, and faith is not a big point of discussion around here - even among people I consider deeply religious (go to Mass everyday). I have seen more discussion of religion on this board in the past year than in my entire life. I really wonder if anyone would even notice or ask what Church we attend.

 

Even your family when your children don't make First Communion at the expected time?

 

It may indeed be a bigger social thing down here in the South. It may also be that there is an implicit assumption that everyone is basically the same (as you said everyone you've known is Catholic or Jewish, so the assumption in your area is likely that if you aren't known to be Jewish you are Catholic). You may actually find that you didn't realize those implicit assumptions until you are on the outside. I found some of that. Does your husband perhaps come from a different area of the country or a community where religion is a more socially-oriented thing and he misses that? Around here the church has historically formed the hub of social activity.

 

The important thing to consider is whether *you* would notice the differences and what that would mean. For some people it truly doesn't seem to matter. I have to admit that I have trouble understanding that viewpoint because it matters deeply to me. As I said, only you will know how much it matters to you.

 

I've never been a part of a church that charged a specific amount for religious education, but it is not going to be a free ride anywhere simply because there are costs associated with it---utilities, materials, building maintenance, etc. Everyone is expected to contribute. Is there a way that your husband can offer to volunteer with the RE program or elsewhere in the parish in exchange for a lesser fee if the $150 is something you can't afford? That sort of volunteer work would also give him a chance to form the small group connections he is seeking.

[chiguirre]

:iagree: that $150 is a bit steep, ours costs $80 (even if you homeschool CCE!!!) OTOH, the UMC may not charge for Sunday School but if you become members, you'll be expected to contribute financially. Maybe you could just deduct the $150 from what you would normally put in the collection plate and call it even?

[Jumping In Puddles]

Even your family when your children don't make First Communion at the expected time?

 

 

 

Yes, they would notice that and probably ask but my family would most likely not say anything. I'll ask my parents what they think, but they are very open minded, non-judgemental but we'll see. ;)

 

Let's put it this way about my dh, he doesn't feel church is necessary, he has a relationship with God and he doesn't need a church. BUT, if he is going to attend one, he may as well attend one that is closer and like I said before, he encounters nice people when he drops stuff off there (sometimes clothing/food etc.) so to him, what's the difference?

 

That being said, he is not UNHAPPY with the church we currently attend - he just thought we might want to give this church a try (closer, free religious ed, nice people, beautiful, small) but does not in any way HATE our current church he just thinks this one may be better/friendlier.

 

He grew up going to church and Sunday school and he believes in God but he is not going to do Bible Study, or evangelizing of any sort. He keeps to himself - which is very normal around here and we both like it that way.

 

In other words, he is not looking for direction or meaning or purpose in life --- he is very comfortable in his faith and to him, a church is a church so why not pick the closer one? :lol:

 

Actually, volunteering at the Church for part of the tuition might work out very well for him. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

:iagree: that $150 is a bit steep, ours costs $80 (even if you homeschool CCE!!!) OTOH, the UMC may not charge for Sunday School but if you become members, you'll be expected to contribute financially. Maybe you could just deduct the $150 from what you would normally put in the collection plate and call it even?

 

haha, I thought of that! And if my dh or I can't volunteer for it, that is what I would do.

 

CCE = CCD? :confused:

Edited March 31, 2009 by Jumping In Puddles

[littlebug42]

If your husband really doesn't care, why did he become Catholic to begin with? I ask this question because I went through the RCIA process 5 years ago to become Catholic and it was not an easy thing to do. It was quite time consuming and I can't imagine going through it all if it didn't mean anything to me.

 

As a former protestant, I do have to say that sometimes I long for the days when things were a little easier when it came to religion in my life but for me, the Catholic church is the answer to many life-long questions that I had in my faith. I can't imagine leaving it. What are the rules of your Archdiocese regarding home schooled kids? In our Archdiocese (Cincinnati), CCE classes are not required if the child is being taught at home. The parish priest makes the determination on whether or not the children are ready for first communion etc. We have a small parish with a parish school and CCE classes are not even offered here because the demand is small. You have to go to another parish for those classes. We have chosen to do them at home and our parish is supportive of this.

[unsinkable]

Yes, they would notice that and probably ask but my family would most likely not say anything. I'll ask my parents what they think, but they are very open minded, non-judgemental but we'll see. ;)

 

Let's put it this way about my dh, he doesn't feel church is necessary, he has a relationship with God and he doesn't need a church. BUT, if he is going to attend one, he may as well attend one that is closer and like I said before, he encounters nice people when he drops stuff off there (sometimes clothing/food etc.) so to him, what's the difference?

 

That being said, he is not UNHAPPY with the church we currently attend - he just thought we might want to give this church a try (closer, free religious ed, nice people, beautiful, small) but does not in any way HATE our current church he just thinks this one may be better/friendlier.

 

He grew up going to church and Sunday school and he believes in God but he is not going to do Bible Study, or evangelizing of any sort. He keeps to himself - which is very normal around here and we both like it that way.

 

In other words, he is not looking for direction or meaning or purpose in life --- he is very comfortable in his faith and to him, a church is a church so why not pick the closer one? :lol:

 

Actually, volunteering at the Church for part of the tuition might work out very well for him. Thanks for the suggestion.

 

 

 

haha, I thought of that! And if my dh or I can't volunteer for it, that is what I would do.

 

CCE = CCD? :confused:

 

Have you ever heard of Mission? It is an 8 evening Catholic retreat that really helps ignite your faith.

[Jumping In Puddles]

If your husband really doesn't care, why did he become Catholic to begin with? I ask this question because I went through the RCIA process 5 years ago to become Catholic and it was not an easy thing to do. It was quite time consuming and I can't imagine going through it all if it didn't mean anything to me.

.

 

My dh is not Catholic, he just has been attending the Catholic Church for about 12 years now. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but he has never seen anything in the church we attend where he was like "huh?" he just considers it his church but he is not pretending to be Catholic, a service is a service to him. **But it is not to me, that is why I asked if it would be weird! The first few responses were leading me to believe that it didn't matter what the Church denomination was but as this thread moved on, other Catholics have made some great points. I blame this on the fact that my knowledge of other religions is very poor. THAT will not happen with my kids!

[Susan in IL]

My dh is not Catholic, he just has been attending the Catholic Church for about 12 years now. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but he has never seen anything in the church we attend where he was like "huh?" he just considers it his church but he is not pretending to be Catholic, a service is a service to him. **But it is not to me, that is why I asked if it would be weird! The first few responses were leading me to believe that it didn't matter what the Church denomination was but as this thread moved on, other Catholics have made some great points. I blame this on the fact that my knowledge of other religions is very poor. THAT will not happen with my kids!

 

Why can't you go to mass, and he can go to the UM church? I have friends who are in "mixed" marriages who do that kind of thing. You just need to figure out what denomination you want your kids to belong to.

[unsinkable]

Why can't you go to mass, and he can go to the UM church? I have friends who are in "mixed" marriages who do that kind of thing. You just need to figure out what denomination you want your kids to belong to.

 

If Puddles was married in the Catholic Church, she & her husband would have had to agree to raise any children in the Catholic faith.

[chiguirre]

CCE = CCD? :confused:

 

Yes, when I was growing up it was CCD and now it's CCE at least here in Houston. To be honest, I have no idea what either acronym stands for and I've never seen it called by whole words instead of letters.

 

My kids' classes are very similar to what I remember from CCD. I don't think much has changed in 30 years, so it definitely won't feel unfamiliar.

[Jumping In Puddles]

Why can't you go to mass, and he can go to the UM church? I have friends who are in "mixed" marriages who do that kind of thing. You just need to figure out what denomination you want your kids to belong to.

 

I don't think he'd go for that, he would probably (but I'll ask him) prefer to just stay at our church - which he doesn't hate - he just figures a church is a church so why not all just go to this one? If when he gets home today, I say I think it is a good idea to keep the kids at our RCC, he would be fine with that if I explained why.

 

This is not a huge deal to him... more like it was a suggestion (he had just come back from there dropping off our crib :crying: but that is another story!) and noted why he liked it there but he doesn't mind staying where we are at.

[Jumping In Puddles]

If Puddles was married in the Catholic Church, she & her husband would have had to agree to raise any children in the Catholic faith.

 

I remember discussing this with the priest when we got married and we signed something IRC, and my dh said then that was totally fine! I'll remind him.

 

I will talk to him when he gets home, at this point I think we'll just stay at our current church. :)

 

I'm going to be off the computer for the rest of the day but I'll check back tonight. :) Thanks all for the lively discussion and NOT flaming me!

[unsinkable]

I remember discussing this with the priest when we got married and we signed something IRC, and my dh said then that was totally fine! I'll remind him.

 

I will talk to him when he gets home, at this point I think we'll just stay at our current church. :)

 

I'm going to be off the computer for the rest of the day but I'll check back tonight. :) Thanks all for the lively discussion and NOT flaming me!

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

It has been a really nice thread!

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I was raised Assemblies of God, married a pastor who was non-denominational, and now we attend a Southern Baptist church. I have no problem with it all, we're all on the same team!;)

[dirty ethel rackham]

Here in the 'burbs of Chicago, our Religious Ed program is $150 per year for the first child, but no more than $250 per family. More if not parishioners. Catechists get a break of $80 when they teach.

[Danestress]

His option is to sit in a church and not be able to celebrate communion legitimately for years and years because he's not Catholic. I couldn't do that. Eucharist is a fundamental part of corporate worship for me, and while I am happy to occasionally attend a Catholic church for various reasons, I couldn't do it weekly and forgo a sacrament that is so crucially important.

 

(or is your church letting him participate even as a non-convert? My understanding is that the priest shouldn't be doing that).

 

In your shoes, though, I don't think I could just switch to a Methodist church if I really believed Catholic teachings about the Eucharist.

 

I can imagine workable solutions. You could go to Saturday Mass and then just go to a Methodist church on Sundays as his date, but not take communion. He could go to church with you most of the time but occasionally go to a protestant church for communion.

 

But maybe you should just find a warmer, more inviting Catholic church, if your husband doesn't have a problem with Catholicism itself.

[KristenS]

It might be that he'll find it matters to him how the kids are raised, now, more than it did when you were first married and the kids were still theoretical. :)

 

Like I've posted already, I'm Methodist. My dh is agnostic. He didn't have to sign anything for us to be married in my church, but it was an agreement we made long before I would even accept a proposal that any children we had would be raised in a Christian church. He was fine with that ... he wasn't raised in a church and it's a lack he sorely feels (long story). He didn't want our kids to miss out.

 

Now that our kids are older and learning things in Sunday School and being taught at home by me, it's become a bigger issue. He *wants* them to have this education, but he also struggles with it because it's something he can't yet bring himself to believe, and he's a man of integrity ... he can't teach what he doesn't believe is true.

 

Not that this is your situation ... but it might be subconsciously playing in to it. Your dh doesn't seem to see the difference between the RCC (so very important to you) and the friendly little church down the road. And the differences are important ones. Maybe he just doesn't realize the long-term implications of bringing kids up Catholic vs. bringing them up in some other version of the faith.

 

Just something to think about.

 

You might also see if there are some interfaith groups in your area, where your Catholic church (or some other one close by) participates with other churches on community service projects. That might be something that would appeal to him on the fellowship level, and still let your family bond with the Catholic church more strongly.

 

((hugs)) and still hoping you can find a good workable solution!

[Brigitte]

Here in the 'burbs of Chicago, our Religious Ed program is $150 per year for the first child, but no more than $250 per family. More if not parishioners. Catechists get a break of $80 when they teach.

 

Wow, here in the mountains of southwest Virginia, it is $20 or $25. For the First Reconciliation class and the First Eucharist class they thought they might have to charge us about $20 (or what ever the books cost), but since the parents volunteered to bring the snacks and provide the food for the reception, they didn't need to charge us.

 

I guess we are very lucky.

[Tammy]

As a non-church goer....non-religious person.....I didn't know picking a church could be so complicated.....LOL.

 

.

[HRAAB]

As a non-church goer....non-religious person.....I didn't know picking a church could be so complicated.....LOL.

 

.

 

;) After a huge family theology discussion - which could easily have escalated - I almost envied my atheist brother-in-law. He just sat there, shaking his head at the rest of the family.

 

Janet

[littlebug42]

My dh is not Catholic, he just has been attending the Catholic Church for about 12 years now. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but he has never seen anything in the church we attend where he was like "huh?" he just considers it his church but he is not pretending to be Catholic, a service is a service to him. **But it is not to me, that is why I asked if it would be weird! The first few responses were leading me to believe that it didn't matter what the Church denomination was but as this thread moved on, other Catholics have made some great points. I blame this on the fact that my knowledge of other religions is very poor. THAT will not happen with my kids!

 

Ahh!! I understand now.

[Zoraida]

My dh is not Catholic, he just has been attending the Catholic Church for about 12 years now. This probably doesn't make sense to anyone but he has never seen anything in the church we attend where he was like "huh?" he just considers it his church but he is not pretending to be Catholic, a service is a service to him. **But it is not to me, that is why I asked if it would be weird! The first few responses were leading me to believe that it didn't matter what the Church denomination was but as this thread moved on, other Catholics have made some great points. I blame this on the fact that my knowledge of other religions is very poor. THAT will not happen with my kids!

 

Out of curiosity,were you and your husband married in the Catholic Church. I use to teach RCIA for several years. We would have husbands and wives coming into the RCIA from other denominations. Sometimes after going through the RCIA process for over a year or more - one spouse would convert while the other spouse would remain with their old church. In order for the spouse who is converting to the Catholic faith to receive communion, the couple would have to be married in the Catholic Church. The marriage is always an informal process. The couples would meet in the church chapal for an informal 5 minute ceremony with the other RCIA students as witnesses. Just curious.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida