Help me understand a person with little inhibition and lack of social appropriateness

[Paz]

My friend is a great person, very friendly, has lots of friends, outgoing, very successful in his profession. But he does not have a feel for what is appropriate to say in certain situations and will say just about whatever comes to his mind. It is probably what you would see in a younger child or teen, like if you've ever reminded your teen not to comment on someone's divorce, or bad experience, etc because you feel like he or she just might blurt something embarassing out. It is as if the boundries are down or this person is not sure of certain boundaries. He did not have much guidance when growing up and pratically raised himself. He also has difficulty with certain diction like he mixes metaphors and sometimes choses words that are outdated. He has not had any physical trauma that could cause this. Could this be a learning disability of any type? I am just trying to figure my friend out. He intrigues and frustrates me at the same time.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Sounds like possible Asperger to me.

My dad is just like that. And yes, he would probably qualify as *light* Asperger, but it wasn't recognized when he was growing up.

Once, my mom's best friend lost her 18yo son to suicide. A couple of weeks later, my parents invited the friend in question to go sailing, to change her mind. While onboard, she was talking about her cat who was really picky. if you give the cat the wrong kind of food, it wouldn't eat. My dad said "oh, don't mind the cat. If it's the wrong food, it won't commit suicide".

 

oh boy...

[Rosie_0801]

Sounds like he lacks socialisation, huh? It might be Aspergers but might just be the lack of upbringing. My dad is a bit like that.

 

Rosie

[LG Gone Wild]

Sounds like possible Asperger to me.

My dad is just like that. And yes, he would probably qualify as *light* Asperger, but it wasn't recognized when he was growing up.

Once, my mom's best friend lost her 18yo son to suicide. A couple of weeks later, my parents invited the friend in question to go sailing, to change her mind. While onboard, she was talking about her cat who was really picky. if you give the cat the wrong kind of food, it wouldn't eat. My dad said "oh, don't mind the cat. If it's the wrong food, it won't commit suicide".

 

oh boy...

 

Wow. :blink:

 

Your poor dad. Did he realize it afterward or did it just completely escape him?

[Paz]

CleoQC, this is the type of thing I'm talking about. It seems at times like there is almost an unspoken need to say things that really shouldn't be said. It seems to be worse when he is tired or under stress.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Wow. :blink:

 

Your poor dad. Did he realize it afterward or did it just completely escape him?

 

He never did realize it. Even today he can't understand what's wrong when we tease him about it.

[Alicia64]

Just wanted to add a possibility: high anxiety.

 

I don't think people in our culture have any realization that a person who is totally normal in a situation where he's cool and confident, acts like a goof when he's uncomfortable.

 

I'm not saying that's your friend, but I've seen it often in people and give them a pass.

 

A.

[Perry]

I often say really stupid things when I'm uncomfortable. My dh calls it a leaky social filter.

[dragons in the flower bed]

It seems at times like there is almost an unspoken need to say things that really shouldn't be said. It seems to be worse when he is tired or under stress.

 

Until you said this, I was thinking it was probably just a lack of social training. If it's worse when he's tired or stressed, though, it could be coprolalia. It's always what people notice first about my partner, who has Tourette's with coprolalia. He learned to mask his tics, so it looks like he's stretching, adjusting his shirt, looking at an interesting sight that caught his eye just behind you. He also taught himself to think of curse words as socially unacceptable so he would stop using them so much. But, oh, the inappropriateness! I have learned to never, ever remind him, "Remember, don't mention their divorce," because he'll come home from the event with a migraine caused by holding back the urge to say it. His best bet for getting through it without saying something he regrets is to just forget about that issue he's not supposed to mention, forget it completely.

 

Coprolalia is rare. It's most likely lack of awareness or maybe a kind of absent-mindedness in the moment, or even social anxiety. But there is that small chance it could be physical.

[Paz]

Here's another thing I just remembered. When he is real tired and stresses he'll do strange things like salute a few times or jump up in the air and hit his toes together, just strange physical actions.

[Marylou]

He never did realize it. Even today he can't understand what's wrong when we tease him about it.

 

And you tease him because . . . . . ???????

[joannqn]

I doubt he intents to cross boundaries, do harm, or cause any other discomfort in those around him.

 

I'm guilty of the behavior you've described and I can tell you that I don't mean to upset others. Things just come out. Sometimes I don't understand why something is an issue. Some socially correct behaviors just don't make sense to me which makes it harder to conform.

 

I don't have a diagnosis for you but I can say that a few of my friends who have ADD/ADHD kids have suggested (really told me under no uncertain terms) that I have ADD as well. I don't have an official diagnosis, though. Someone recently suggested that my son might have aspergers based off of a description I wrote about him. I don't know if he has aspergers but I can tell you that I understand him because he's exactly like me in all the ways that led that person to suggest aspergers.

[dalynnrmc]

Sounds like possible Asperger to me.

 

:iagree:

 

High anxiety is a sometimes symptom of AS as well.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Here's another thing I just remembered. When he is real tired and stresses he'll do strange things like salute a few times or jump up in the air and hit his toes together, just strange physical actions.

 

If I knew someone like that, I'd assume they did have Tourette's but hadn't told me either out of shyness or because he hasn't been diagnosed.

 

(I'm not a neurologist but I play one on the internet.)

[Peela]

I wonder if teh world actually needs people like that just to keep things kind of alive? I know it can be uncomfortable- but does he suffer from it much, or is it just those around him?

My dh is a bit like that but not through any problem (although unofficially ADHD all his life)- he just likes to cut through social bull*rap so that he can really meet people. He will meet total strangers and either will repel them with his brazenness, or they will just open up to him amazingly. He has an inbuilt bull*rap detector too. He thinks he developed the way he did because of a rageaholic mother who was also suicidal. He just became real, and learned to sense what was going on under the surface, and respond to that, rather than the surface that most of us respond to. I guess its one of his most irritating yet endearing qualities :)

Probably most of us are way too socially sensitive and worry too much about what people think of us.

[Mad Jenny Flint]

That tickled me (the neurologist comment).

 

I agree it is probably some kind of mild disorder... most people, even with poor upbringing, if they have any kind of interaction with the outside world, tend to train themselves out of socially inappropriate behavior, because they can pick up on social cues that, indeed, the behavior is inappropriate. It is this inability to read social cues that creates a persistence in the undesirable behavior. Poor guy.

[KidsHappen]

Here's another thing I just remembered. When he is real tired and stresses he'll do strange things like salute a few times or jump up in the air and hit his toes together, just strange physical actions.

 

This makes it sound like Asperger's. People who just have poor social filters or are unaware of social bounderies rarely have physical tics like this.

[Rhonda in TX]

He is socially awkward and uses metaphors and other sayings incorrectly. The saluting, etc. could be something like Tourette's, but it could be a type of stimming, which is common with people on the autism spectrum. My DS still does it occasionally, especially under stressful circumstances.

 

Just my thoughts, but definitely not a definitive answer. :)

[KidsHappen]

My dh is is the most normal person I have ever met and yet he has an incredibly poor social filter. He can be painfully honest, brusque, blunt and even downright rude and yet completely unware. He certainly doesn't mean to be this way and it's not that he does not care. He just doesn't seem to understand social bounderies. After my dm died, the entire immediate family was visiting us in out hotel room. It was getting kind of late so my dh announced, "I know you all are grieving but I am tired so you have to leave now." I was so-o-o mad and he was totally perplexed as to why. He honestly did not understand what he had said wrong. :001_huh: He is getting better but only because I let him know when he says something that is totally out of bounds. I used to be very sensitive but I have developed a much tough skin after living with him for 18 years. I let most things slide these days because I know that that's just who he is. His intentions are good but he just doesn't seem to understand. I honestly do not know how he functions in the work world. I do know that he has a lot of friction with people and God help anyone he has to deal with who has no idea what they are doing. I had a customer service person call me once to inform me that he had to talk to me from now on because my dh was just too hard to deal with.

 

I do have one dd that is just like him. She is young and learning so I guide her more but she is just as clueless as her father. She frequently says she just doesn't understand when I instruct her on basic social interactions, politness, plesantries and bounderies. For instance, she recently helped her uncle with his landscaping. After they were all done, he asked her what she thought and her answer was that she had no opinion on the matter. When I tried to explain to her that the appropriate response in that situation was to either offer constructive critisism or at the very least some minimal comment to the effect of un-huh, that is very nice, her answer was that she really just didn't care one way or the other so why should she patronize him? If you are trying to carry on a conversations with her and it is something (the weather, a tv show, the time of day) that she in uninterested in she will just announce, I don't want to talk about this and walk away. :glare: This child is 17 years old and she has had proper training she just utterly fails to understand.