DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 A young man in our youth group got in a ton of trouble last year for continually breaking his parents' rules and the youth group's rules by kissing a girl. Neither teen was allowed to date, and they continued with it for so long and got so carried away that now the girl's parents won't even allow her to attend SS class, and the boy isn't allowed to go on any overnight trips (including missions trips, etc.). Anyhooo....today is the boy's 16th birthday. The youth leader posted on the boy's facebook page: "Happy birthday! You're 16 and never been kissed. LOL" :001_huh: I dunno, it struck me as really juvenile and uncalled for. I was involved in the situation for various reasons (I was counseling the girl at the time, at the request of her parents, which is one of the reasons for my involvement), and let me tell you, it was pretty bad stuff!! Maybe it's just me. Maybe he was just trying to make light of things. I still think it was a dumb thing to say. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Well, maybe it was in poor taste, but I'm sure the youth leader didn't mean any harm and just thought he was being cute. I think his comment should have been made privately, though, as if the girl's parents see it, they might be quite offended that the group leader is making light of a situation that is very serious to them -- and clearly, this was a lot more than a few stolen kisses at the movies or something. The youth leader really should have known better. I'm guessing that the youth leader is relatively young, too? If you think people will be upset by the comment, perhaps someone should politely explain to the youth leader that his post was inappropriate for a church website, and hope he removes it before anyone complains. But yes, I agree with you that it's a dumb thing to have said publicly, mainly because of the prior problems you mentioned. (Otherwise, it probably wouldn't have been a big deal.) Cat Edited March 28, 2009 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Yeah, in light of the circumstances, really thoughtless. A pet peeve of mine is the whole "Youth leaders need to be young and hip in order to be relevant," as if it's the primary requirement. Seems to me wisdom and maturity would be the most desired qualities. Just wondering if the youth leader is young? (Watch--the leader will be mature in this case, and just made a tactless mistake...that always happens when I generalize!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Ick. I don't know that it's worth making anything out of, but I agree that it's in (very) poor taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 A pet peeve of mine is the whole "Youth leaders need to be young and hip in order to be relevant," as if it's the primary requirement. Seems to me wisdom and maturity would be the most desired qualities. Just wondering if the youth leader is young? (Watch--the leader will be mature in this case, and just made a tactless mistake...that always happens when I generalize!) I was thinking the same thing! Young and hip is nice, but I think "a good influence on the kids," should supercede the "cool" part. I think a youth leader can be all of those things -- whatever his or her age! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 ok, so we all got the same ick-factor, but yeah, not worth doing (or saying) anything over it. For the record, youth leader is 46 years old, married to a school teacher, and is the father to a 15 yo girl and a 12 yo boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 If he is 46 with teens of his own, he should have known better. That's just tacky IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Yup, in poor taste. I know every teen wants the things they get chastised for posted on facebook, NOT!:glare: It's like shoving failure in their face. Depending on the relationship with the youth leader I might ask him if he would want his wrongs posted on his facebook account? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Yeah, in light of the circumstances, really thoughtless. A pet peeve of mine is the whole "Youth leaders need to be young and hip in order to be relevant," as if it's the primary requirement. Seems to me wisdom and maturity would be the most desired qualities. Just wondering if the youth leader is young? (Watch--the leader will be mature in this case, and just made a tactless mistake...that always happens when I generalize!) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 The constant picking apart of every little thing a youth leader (or any type of pastor) says is a pet peeve of mine. I get so sick of seeing it on this board. That is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 If he is 46 with teens of his own, he should have known better. That's just tacky IMO. :iagree::iagree::iagree: I have to admit that I was picturing the youth leader to be a young man in his early 20's. It sounds like there's a certain 46 year-old dad who's trying a little too hard to seem young and cool... :glare: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 The constant picking apart of every little thing a youth leader (or any type of pastor) says is a pet peeve of mine. I get so sick of seeing it on this board. That is all. Thank you for your contribution to this thread. It was very helpful! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) The constant picking apart of every little thing a youth leader (or any type of pastor) says is a pet peeve of mine. I get so sick of seeing it on this board. That is all. ? Is it possible there's a bit of....defensiveness here? I haven't noticed that much slamming or picking apart of youth ministry leaders here at all. Even the original post seemed to be a way of venting a tiny bit *without* making an issue out of it in person. I think it's common and assumed, and (sorry, but...) scriptural, that ministers of the Word are held to a higher standard because of their position of responsibility. Either way, I'm sorry that you've been hurt by the comments here. :grouphug: Edited March 28, 2009 by Julie in CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Imo, it shows the lack of maturity and judgment & is likely why and how they got away with that behaviour during youth group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I think you should express your reservations to him in person if you are someone who sees the teachings of Scripture as authoritative. If you go into it wondering "Is this in poor taste or is it just me?" you'll be more open to his point of view. If you go in sure that it's in poor taste, bolstered by lots of people's opinions, it will be hard to listen, and you may realize that you've picked up some stones to throw along the way. It may well be that he has shown poor judgment or even sinned outright, but I think a redemptive interaction is more likely if you go in and express the way you read it and ask what he intended and go from there. Treat him the way you would want to be treated in similar circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Thank you for your input. Edited March 28, 2009 by DB in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 ok, so we all got the same ick-factor, but yeah, not worth doing (or saying) anything over it. For the record, youth leader is 46 years old, married to a school teacher, and is the father to a 15 yo girl and a 12 yo boy. Bizarre, just bizarre. I don't think I would do anything about it, but I wouldn't have much trust in this guy anymore. I think it was a really weird thing for an adult man with kids, who knew the situation to say. Hmmm, that facebook - causes more trouble then its worth maybe? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Eh, it wouldn't bother me. It's a saying, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed." He may have been alluding in a joking way to what went on before, or he might not have been. I definitely would not want an offhand comment on Facebook to color the way I see someone, especially a pastor. To be completely honest, I would be upset to know that someone would take a joke made by my husband (who is a youth leader) on Facebook, and bring it up to an online forum for discussion, just to share how "icky" I found it. That doesn't communicate respect, to me. Church leaders deserve our respect and support, and if a person has a sincere problem with something done or said, it should be discussed with that person, imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Jenn~ Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 I don't think it's a huge deal. Mildly innapropriate and definitely getting close to if not crossing a line. I agree that speaking with him in private would be the best way of handling it.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Nevermind. I just can't do this tonight... Edited March 28, 2009 by DB in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DB in NJ Posted March 28, 2009 Author Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Nevermind. Edited March 28, 2009 by DB in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 ? Is it possible there's a bit of....defensiveness here? I haven't noticed that much slamming or picking apart of youth ministry leaders here at all. Even the original post seemed to be a way of venting a tiny bit *without* making an issue out of it in person. I think it's common and assumed, and (sorry, but...) scriptural, that ministers of the Word are held to a higher standard because of their position of responsibility. Either way, I'm sorry that you've been hurt by the comments here. :grouphug: Oh Julie, i'm so sorry, you must have misunderstood me! Nope, no defensiveness or hurt to worry about. Just pointing out what I see as an issue, but it's ok if I'm the only one. Sadly, I think the dominant personality set among us trailblazing homeschool moms tends to lean toward judgement rather than grace. That's all I was getting at. Thanks for the hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 Oh Julie, i'm so sorry, you must have misunderstood me! Nope, no defensiveness or hurt to worry about. Just pointing out what I see as an issue, but it's ok if I'm the only one. Sadly, I think the dominant personality set among us trailblazing homeschool moms tends to lean toward judgement rather than grace. That's all I was getting at. Thanks for the hugs! Well, hugs anyway! :001_smile: I'm sorry, I thought in the past you mentioned you or your husband being in the ministry and perhaps being hurt by other people's judgments. It must have been someone else. I've hit 40 now, and my memory is certainly not what it used to be. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 (edited) Well, hugs anyway! :001_smile:I'm sorry, I thought in the past you mentioned you or your husband being in the ministry and perhaps being hurt by other people's judgments. It must have been someone else. I've hit 40 now, and my memory is certainly not what it used to be. :001_huh: You get big memory props! You are half right, we are in ministry, but I'm not speaking from the experience of being hurt. It does make me more aware of this issue because if you spend any time at all in ministry, you will meet a TON of people who have been really trashed by others. Awesome, Godly people who have been gossiped about and critisized, sometimes to the point of them bailing out of ministry all together. It's just so sad to see how Satan works through Christians to harrass pastors and leaders. Those in fulltime ministry are under major spiritual attack, on a constant basis. Even when we vollunteer pastored, it didn't even compare in the slightest to the spiritual warfare we went through after we took the leap to go into vocational ministry. I'm not saying there isn't a higher standard, absolutely there is. I'm just saying that I'd like to see 2 things come back into fashion 1) the benefit of the doubt, 2) biblical conflict resolution. It would make a big difference. BTW, Deb- I've gone off on a rabbit trail here. Please don't take this all as directed at you. Edited March 29, 2009 by Shannon831 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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