razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 First the background. C's birthday is Aug. 21. Because of that and because he was just immature in general, I didn't start him in K (for both K-level schoolwork and classroom situations like Sunday School, AWANA, etc.) until the fall after he turned 6, not 5. This has worked out very well, and I'm very glad we did this. J was and is a very immature boy as well (almost more immature, but it's been so long I can't remember for sure), but his birthday is April 20, so it wasn't so cut and dry as if he had a summer birthday. The spring he turned 5, I was on the fence whether to start him in K in the fall. I talked to the teachers and stuff at church that worked with him, expressed my concerns, and they said, oh no he fits right in, is normal, etc. So I started him in K, both in schoolwork and in SS and AWANA. Now he's over halfway done with 1st grade, and really he should just be in K. :blush: Still very immature overall, struggles with schoolwork, etc. I WANT to hold him back and have him just continue with what he's doing now and just repeat 1st grade next year. But it's really not so simple as all that. He knows what "grade" he is in, he's already been in AWANA for 2 years, is in the 1st grade SS class, etc. And it's not even just academics - if it were it'd be very easy to have him do whatever level he needs to do and "call" him any grade I want. (Except for testing purposes, since it is based on grade here, not age.) But socially he's immature as well and acts more like a Ker than a 1st grader. He is going to turn 7 in less than a month and truly my 4yo is more mature than he is. :blush: I just am FULLY realizing all this today, so I haven't gotten a chance to sit down and talk with dh about it. Anytime we've talked about this sort of thing before though he's pretty "whatever" - LOL I don't know for sure if he knows what grades the kids are in anyway. :smilielol5: Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Have his AWANA & Sunday School teachers changed their opinions about him fitting right in and being normal? What are the behaviors that make you feel he should be kept back from progressing with his age peers? Are there ways to work on those outside of class? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Eh, he doesn't necessarily have to be in the same grade in AWANA and Sunday School as he does with what you're doing in homeschooling... I was a bit worried about what would happen with this, as I have a dd with a Dec. birthday who I've been reporting a year ahead - so that was 3rd this year. At her German Sat. School they're really strict about age cut-offs, so she's in 2nd there. But in Sunday School, I figured I'd just put her in the same grade as I was reporting at, so that's where she was for K, 1st, and last year was in 2nd. Well, last year they combined the 1st/2nd class at church, and there were a bunch of new girls she hit it off with, and she went and held herself back. Just kept going into the 2nd grade class this year, and I realized it was no big deal. So she's in 2nd those two places, but she still thinks of herself as 3rd (well, that's what it says on the math book, so it must be true, LOL...) Are you thinking of holding him back in academics at home, or just for these social reasons at group classes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Have his AWANA & Sunday School teachers changed their opinions about him fitting right in and being normal? What are the behaviors that make you feel he should be kept back from progressing with his age peers? Are there ways to work on those outside of class? We actually moved, so I don't know. I did call the AWANA commander's wife (who is a good friend of mine) to see if she has heard anything, and while she hasn't, she suggested I call the leader who usually ends up signing off on his sections. So I do plan to do that. It's hard to put my finger on anything specific...he just seems very "young." (LOL I had to do that becuase of the quotation marks thread.:lol: ) Cries at the drop of a hat, doesn't "read" other kids very well, etc. Academically he is floundering. And I am pretty laid back when it comes to 1st grade stuff LOL. I did first grade twice. I think my parents told me that I was extra special because I got to stay in Mrs. H's class again the next year. Case closed, no lasting issues, we moved on. That is what I'm leaning toward. I'm not sure if "extra special" will cut it with him since it's a different sort of situation. But maybe we can come up with something. I am REALLY wishing I had gone with my gut before because it's harder now than it would have been before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Eh, he doesn't necessarily have to be in the same grade in AWANA and Sunday School as he does with what you're doing in homeschooling... Right, and really I'm not super particular about grade level when it comes to academics. But for reporting purposes and such...:confused: Are you thinking of holding him back in academics at home, or just for these social reasons at group classes? Both, but DEFINITELY for academics at home. Another concern I have about having him stay in the same grade as his "peers" (really he doesn't have any friends, and I wonder how much of it is due to his immaturity) is that in order for him to graduate at the same time they do, eventually he will HAVE to do "double-time" with his work. I'm fine if one of my kids does do that, but I don't want them to feel pressured to do that in order to graduate at the same time as the rest of their friends. I know he's just in 1st grade ;), but like I said, in order for him to end up ready to graduate along with the other kids he'll be in classes with, he'll have to cover more ground faster, and I just don't want to set us all up for failure. Especially since it's easier to hold him back now versus later.:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 (edited) We held back our April b-day boy -- actually bumped him back. We had started him in Kinder, but he wasn't ready at all emotionally. Bumped him to preschool, and never looked back. SO glad we did, because it's allowed him to be a leader in any graded setting, rather than always struggling to keep up. And that added maturity has meant he is relied on by Sunday school teachers, and looked up to be classmates. And the earlier you do it, the less of a deal it is for the child. (Our son was grateful -- he was so stressed out trying to be in kindergarten!) To be honest, at that young age, it was more of a "deal" to DH and myself than to our son! Waiting until middle school when everyone is maturing, school work gets tougher, etc. can be a nightmare! BEST of luck, whatever you decide! Warmest regards, Lori D. Edited March 25, 2009 by Lori D. added info Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 My dd has an April birthday, so I know what you mean, even if not so severely. My little trick has been to think of the grade as 1/2 or starting in January. If you continued 1st grade work quantities, length expectations, etc. into the fall, would that help? And then say around January, which just happens to be after that 1/2 year growth spurt they get (4 1/2, 5 1/2, etc.), THEN bump him up to 2nd grade level work. Would that solve your academic problem? As the others have said, socially I'd put him where he fits best. It doesn't have to match the academic work you're doing at home. For the state reporting, well what is going to give the best outcome on the test? If calling him a grade down officially does, then that's probably the smarter thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 My dd has an April birthday, so I know what you mean, even if not so severely. My little trick has been to think of the grade as 1/2 or starting in January. If you continued 1st grade work quantities, length expectations, etc. into the fall, would that help? And then say around January, which just happens to be after that 1/2 year growth spurt they get (4 1/2, 5 1/2, etc.), THEN bump him up to 2nd grade level work. Would that solve your academic problem? Yeah, my plan is to just continue what we are using now, since there ain't NO WAY he'd be ready to start the next level next year. I seriously think it will take him all the rest of this year and all next to finish these levels.:tongue_smilie: Socially...that's the million dollar question.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinatucker Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 we started homeschooling two years ago because my son was a struggling reader in the public schools for K and first. He is now in third and reading much better but still struggles. Right now he is doing a second grade curriculum although he is in 3rd. Everything else he does is 3rd grade at least just not reading. Next year we are switching curriculum to a program that is much more language arts based where our current curriculum is more reading based. This makes him basically staying in the second grade language arts curriculum. Does he need to be help back? No, he will be going into fourth grade next year as he is at or above average in everything else. One thing I am learning is that we dont need to put our kids into the public schools little box of grades. I dont plan to move him through grades and let him graduate early. He will go to school until he is 17. We have the flexability to work on the areas that they struggle in longer and let them enjoy the areas they excell in. I know eventually things will click and its more important to have him have a good foundation in reading as it will help everything else to go that much more smoothly. Kristina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Where is he peerwise, like in class settings, sports, etc.? I had totally forgotten about sports. He wants to play baseball, but he is sooooooooooooooooooo not with it LOL. Truly if I could come up with an "easy" way to tell him that he'll be in 1st grade again next year, I would in a HEARTBEAT. That's the sticking point for me right now.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinatucker Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 We go to a weekly homeschool group on post where we are stationed where they do gym, computers and spanish. This helped him break out of his box a ton. He also does gymnastics once a week. This has really boosted his confidence. He is a bit shy but I think at 8 its still pretty normal. He will go out there and run and play soccer with kids with out too much prodding! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Well, I mean, if those things are broken up into different grades, where do you put him? My son isn't shy at all...he is oblivious to how inept he is socially.;) I mostly don't want him to annoy the other kids and the teacher/coach/leader with how immature he is.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinatucker Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 Most curriculums offer a diagnostic or placement test when you switch curriculum like that. I about had a heart attack when I saw he had to go back to level 200 for christian light. We use Mcruffy now and he is doing 2nd grade while in 3rd grade. I think the placements might be a good way to go for you. If they dont have a test look real close at the scope and sequence for the grade you think he should go to and see where he falls. Kristina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 Most curriculums offer a diagnostic or placement test when you switch curriculum like that. I about had a heart attack when I saw he had to go back to level 200 for christian light. We use Mcruffy now and he is doing 2nd grade while in 3rd grade. I think the placements might be a good way to go for you. If they dont have a test look real close at the scope and sequence for the grade you think he should go to and see where he falls. Kristina Sorry, I meant classes with other kids...like if the gymnastics class is for "3rd-5th graders" or something, where do you put him? I know where he falls - solid PreK-K level work right now.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristinatucker Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 ah I see - The classes that he is in are based on his age not his school grade level. His class is like 7+ or something like that . If he tends to have coordination issues I recommend gymnastics. I am surprised by how coordinated he is now. He could barely catch a ball before but the gymnastics has helped him to learn that hand eye coordination amazingly well. He is one strong little guy too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 How handy that they go by ages! Our baseball leagues are arranged by grade.:tongue_smilie: Coordination isn't really his problem - it's all people skills.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alana in Canada Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 It was just about this time of year when my son was in Grade 1 at PS--and I realised I had to homeschool him. He'd already repeated Kindergarden, so he was already behind. He matured a LOT over that first summer and so I was able to start him back at the beginning of Grade One. Now, four years later, he's catching up nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I would keep him moving along at grade level, not holding him back. He may seem immature now, but unless he has other problems, he'll catch up by the time he's 10 or so. I've seen it happen repeatedly. You would, of course, teach him at whatever level he is ready for academically, but he'll catch up in a few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 I would keep him moving along at grade level, not holding him back. He may seem immature now, but unless he has other problems, he'll catch up by the time he's 10 or so. I've seen it happen repeatedly. But in the meantime do they drive everyone nuts?:tongue_smilie:I know my older son that we did this with, he's not immature anymore (usually LOL). Hard to say if he's as mature as the grade level he "should" be in since really what's the difference maturity-wise between 4th and 5th grade LOL. But as we were waiting for him to get to that point, he wasn't the "annoying kid who acts like a baby" like he most definitely COULD have been. Also I think my 1st grader misses out a lot on just what all is going on around him simply because his brain hasn't matured to handle it. I guess in other words, what would be the HARM in holding him back? Especially as compared to not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 But in the meantime do they drive everyone nuts?:tongue_smilie: More to add to that: Are they made fun of? Will they be a year from now? Do they not really enjoy being with their friends because they would fit in with friends a year younger over friends a year older? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 More to add to that: Are they made fun of? Will they be a year from now? Do they not really enjoy being with their friends because they would fit in with friends a year younger over friends a year older? YES, that too!!! Sure by the age of 10 he might be just the same as everyone else, but if he's been made fun of in the meantime....:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 (edited) I've had friends and relatives with this issue (usually with boys, but with 1 girl as well.) I would say: move him back now while he's young enough to get over it. And, if he ever starts to be very very mature later, it's always easy to move up later, it gets harder to more back the older you get and the more you realize what a stigma it is. The girl who got held back had 2 or 3 other children in her class held back, including one of her good friends, so she was totally fine with it, she just thought it was normal, "all my friends are doing it." (I just had to use some quotes as well, that was a funny thread. I tend to overuse parenthesis and exclamation points, not quotation marks.) So: maybe you need to hunt down some children who are being held back and arrange a playdate or two! Edited March 25, 2009 by ElizabethB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 I don't have DD in any groups yet, but she was ahead academically in Preschool. She was 3 and the other kids were 4-6. We ended up pulling her out and finishing at home. Same with K. She already knew everything they were teaching, but maturity-wise, she really needed another year. (No, she isn't really ahead academically now, we took a long break from any schooling at all.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
razorbackmama Posted March 25, 2009 Author Share Posted March 25, 2009 I talked about it with my dh tonight, and I think yes, we are going to just have him "still do 1st grade next year." (That's what we are planning to tell him.) I think dh especially at first had this thought of "he's flunking 1st grade," but really it's not that at ALL. I just SHOULD have kept him out of K from the get go like I did his older brother, and I didn't.:rolleyes: We're planning to switch churches, so whenever we do we'll just quietly put him in the K class..... Meanwhile I'll just keep plugging along with him doing what we've been doing, but without the minor pressure for him to get "caught up" now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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