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people, I am a little. bit. dissapointed in you all, that you didn't warn me....


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about the very real downside to providing a history-rich world for one's children.

 

So. We've had glorious weather here, actual sun and warm temperatures, and I've been working like a fiend in the garden. This is my alone time, my happy time, when I can focus on my little thoughts and carry on a lovely interior narrative. You know what I'm talking about.

 

(At this point in the story, some of you with only small children should stop reading. Because it will come as a shock to learn that even when your children are teens, they still hate it when you are focused on something other than them. When they're toddlers they hate it when you're on the phone. When they're older, they still hate that, and anything else that takes you "away" from them.)

 

On Saturday, my boys entertained each other, so it was all good. I was, however, continually interrupted, not in my work but in my thoughts, which is darned annoying. I would hear a rustle behind a bush and would turn around and see two boys, intent and dangerous, with suction-cup arrows pointing directly at my "heart". Then off they swoop, capes flying.

 

Today, the youngest was off with a friend, so my oldest felt the need to check on me continually. The front door would open and there he would be, peering at me. I would have to work a minute to adjust my voice so that I did not sound irritated, and finally, if he did not go away, I would ask, "yes?"

 

Usually it was "nothing." Or "do you know what time it is?" Or, "looks good mom." But I was thinking for heavens sake, and I just did not want to be interrupted, and besides, he was letting the heat out of the house. "Don't you have some history reading to do, honey?"

 

Heavy sigh, irritation, "yes!"

 

Later: Door opens. Boy standing in the door. Mother adjusts voice. "Yes?"

 

"Mom. Do you know what the Mayans did with their sacrificial victims?"

 

"Yes, I remember."

 

"That heart thing?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Don't you even find that mildly disturbing?"

 

"I find it very disturbing." Almost as disturbing as the fact that you keep interrupting me!

 

"Blood thirsty! Isn't there any civilization that isn't completely bloodthirsty?"

 

"Probably not, honey."

 

Why!? Why must we face these questions when we simply want to scoop and sling compost? On the weekend, for crying out loud!

 

And all that adjusting of the voice didn't work one teeny bit, either! At dinner my son looked accusingly at his father and said, "you need to help mom in the garden more, dad. I think she's overwhelmed. She's just totally grumpy when she's out there."

 

If. they. only. knew!

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That quotation was born out of desperation. I swear that DD absolutely cannot be silent if she is conscious. Talking, humming, singing, noises . . . AAAAGGGHHH! And I am an introvert who does NOT like noise. I've even been known to say "Noise pollution--please stop." But that's for noises/humming, not talking.

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Grumpy when you are gardening - he wasn't ignoring your tone of voice. he just missed the point - don't they all?

 

My dd admitted to me one day that she could probably talk all day and that she didn't really have to have something to say. She just enjoys talking.

 

 

I wish it it were warm enough to get in my garden.

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That quotation was born out of desperation. I swear that DD absolutely cannot be silent if she is conscious. Talking, humming, singing, noises . . . AAAAGGGHHH! And I am an introvert who does NOT like noise. I've even been known to say "Noise pollution--please stop." But that's for noises/humming, not talking.

 

 

Lol! I can relate to that. I wouldn't mind so much if ds actually said something. It's the constant, meaningless noise that drives me bananas!

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This is all so true. Today I got ready to go for a jog because it was sunny and I was restless and I needed to be on my OWN. Of course ds10 says, "A jog? Can I go too?"

 

"Umm....no; I want to go at my own pace," I say and rush out the door.

 

Poor child. He loves me. He loves to be with me. I love him. But there are four of them and together they can tag team being close to me 24/7.

 

And yes, I'm grumpiest when they interrupt my "thoughts" (read daydreams). And I daydream 24/7, too, LOL.

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Actually this thread makes me feel A LOT better knowing that other people feel the same way about their children's constant chatter. I love my kids to pieces and I really am glad that they love me and want to be around me - even my 10 year old. But sometimes I wish they didn't have to show their love by telling me every little thought that pops into their heads! I am an introvert and I recharge by being quiet - alone - with my thoughts.

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OH! Those endless Lego descriptions! And my first three are boys...

 

I've more than once had a talk with the 15yo about "knowing your audience".

 

"It's not that I don't want to hear what you have to say, honey. It's just that you need to be able to discern when to go on and on about something and when to just give a little snippet of info. Would you like me to describe my knitting projects in detail to you?" His nose squinches up in disgust because the answer, of course, is a resounding, "Not on your life, Mom!"

 

"But if I'm with a group of knitters, then I can describe the details and they eat it up, right?"

 

This has been effective so far because there is no chance on earth that they want to hear about my knitting, in detail :D

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(At this point in the story, some of you with only small children should stop reading. Because it will come as a shock to learn that even when your children are teens, they still hate it when you are focused on something other than them. When they're toddlers they hate it when you're on the phone. When they're older, they still hate that, and anything else that takes you "away" from them.)

 

....

 

"Don't you even find that mildly disturbing?"

 

"I find it very disturbing." Almost as disturbing as the fact that you keep interrupting me!

 

.....

And all that adjusting of the voice didn't work one teeny bit, either! At dinner my son looked accusingly at his father and said, "you need to help mom in the garden more, dad. I think she's overwhelmed. She's just totally grumpy when she's out there."

 

If. they. only. knew!

 

 

I wish I could adequately describe to you the lift in my heart as I read this. I just want to laugh right out loud, except that then I'd wake sleeping children who are being allowed to sleep because they are both recovering from the flu, and because I am recovering from their flu, and my own (read: way too much togetherness!) and am hording my alonetime more than usual.

 

Dare I admit that this encapsulates some of my biggest fears about next year and the possibility that our oldest may go to public school? Yes, yes, I worry about that one, and her social interactions, and the busy work, and the daily grind. But, equally, I worry about what life will look like here at home, when I have only the one. The one who is energy, defined. To whom I must listen, perpetually and completely (None of that murmered, half hearted, "Mmmmmhmmmmm...that's interestesting...sure sweetie" stuff with her!). She who must be attended.

 

You said you were moving this way, right? Really. Our children's marriages and all that -- should we not begin planning now?

 

Please?

 

Doran

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LOL! I resemble that remark!

 

My 6'2", 15 year old drags his friends who are not accustomed to such rich imagination into his world now, too. On any given weekend, I may unsuspectingly come downstairs to find Spartan warriors raiding and pillaging, wearing a weird amalgam of what's left of armor and weaponry from another era of childhood.

 

He's re-reading his books on ancient Greece from last year right now, so I have no idea what to expect as spring draws on.

 

And he's obviously told all his friends that they need have no fear of "playing" with his Dad and I, either, so now instead of having one Clifford, the Big Red Dog, in my house, I may have three or four at any given time. I'm not sure my old bones will survive this period intact.....

 

Good luck on trying to get any thinking done. I have to do that when I'm shopping on the weekend (and even then he calls me every five minutes)....

 

Regena

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about the very real downside to providing a history-rich world for one's children.

 

So. We've had glorious weather here, actual sun and warm temperatures, and I've been working like a fiend in the garden. This is my alone time, my happy time, when I can focus on my little thoughts and carry on a lovely interior narrative. You know what I'm talking about.

 

(At this point in the story, some of you with only small children should stop reading. Because it will come as a shock to learn that even when your children are teens, they still hate it when you are focused on something other than them. When they're toddlers they hate it when you're on the phone. When they're older, they still hate that, and anything else that takes you "away" from them.)

 

On Saturday, my boys entertained each other, so it was all good. I was, however, continually interrupted, not in my work but in my thoughts, which is darned annoying. I would hear a rustle behind a bush and would turn around and see two boys, intent and dangerous, with suction-cup arrows pointing directly at my "heart". Then off they swoop, capes flying.

 

Today, the youngest was off with a friend, so my oldest felt the need to check on me continually. The front door would open and there he would be, peering at me. I would have to work a minute to adjust my voice so that I did not sound irritated, and finally, if he did not go away, I would ask, "yes?"

 

Usually it was "nothing." Or "do you know what time it is?" Or, "looks good mom." But I was thinking for heavens sake, and I just did not want to be interrupted, and besides, he was letting the heat out of the house. "Don't you have some history reading to do, honey?"

 

Heavy sigh, irritation, "yes!"

 

Later: Door opens. Boy standing in the door. Mother adjusts voice. "Yes?"

 

"Mom. Do you know what the Mayans did with their sacrificial victims?"

 

"Yes, I remember."

 

"That heart thing?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Don't you even find that mildly disturbing?"

 

"I find it very disturbing." Almost as disturbing as the fact that you keep interrupting me!

 

"Blood thirsty! Isn't there any civilization that isn't completely bloodthirsty?"

 

"Probably not, honey."

 

Why!? Why must we face these questions when we simply want to scoop and sling compost? On the weekend, for crying out loud!

 

And all that adjusting of the voice didn't work one teeny bit, either! At dinner my son looked accusingly at his father and said, "you need to help mom in the garden more, dad. I think she's overwhelmed. She's just totally grumpy when she's out there."

 

If. they. only. knew!

 

I do love that they're curious, and that they're willing to share. I delight in it. Mostly at night. When they're asleep. And I can think back on the day in complete sentences. But I am ever so thankful my inner dialogue isn't audible.

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... I'd so rather be interrupted by comments about the Maya, than by a rundown of the specs of YET ANOTHER Star Wars ship.

 

There are times when I actually say to them: "Honey, you know how sometimes Mommy gets grumpy when you've talked for a long time? Well ..."

 

My 11yo ds is an only child, and (like seemingly all his friends) is rather obsessed with Star Wars. He pores over the books from the library, and is constantly telling me about some tidbit of trivia from the Star Wars universe. I like Star Wars just fine, but not in such detail!

 

I, like Kendra, have had the "know your audience" chat many times with ds. Someday it will sink in. Right??

 

Wendi

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... I'd so rather be interrupted by comments about the Maya, than by a rundown of the specs of YET ANOTHER Star Wars ship.

 

There are times when I actually say to them: "Honey, you know how sometimes Mommy gets grumpy when you've talked for a long time? Well ..."

 

OK, so are our sons related??!!! He talks more than all 4 dd's combined. . . ;)

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Boy, you kids are just full of gems today!

 

"...mommy's ears are full"

 

"know your audience"

 

Oh, my! I will remember these!

 

Thing is, my boys don't talk all that much. But they are present. My neighbor's daughter comes over to chat with me sometimes and goodness, she utters more words in 5 minutes than both my boys together will speak in a week. It's exhausting.

 

I guess what I'm waiting for is the moment not when they realize that work outside is play, but when they realize that thinking and talking are play, for adults. Ok, maybe not for menfolk, but for me, yes. That silent mommy narrative, that daydreaming time is essential to my wellbeing!

 

And Doran, yes, we'll be getting together real soon to set up those arranged marriages. ;)

 

Thanks for listening, guys.

 

Mayan ritual sacrifices! Oy!

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