Thoughts on girls: Domestic vs academic. Mutually exclusive or ideally compatible?

[Christy B]

I'm curious as to the range of opinions on raising daughters to be "keepers of the home" vs raising daughters to be competitive in the fields of academia and career.

 

I seem to be a mis-fit in both categories, among most of my friends IRL.

 

There is the uber-conservative mindset that girls are to be raised, trained, and prepared to manage a household, be godly wives and mothers, etc (usually I see this among my conservative Christian friends). Lots of these folks seem to actively discourage or simply not promote college, career, etc for girls (I'm thinking there probably aren't as many of these opinions on this board, but I could be wrong; I'm thinking more of some other forums where I used to be a regular reader).

 

Then, there are those who are gearing their daughters up to compete in a "man's world"; meaning you better be smarter, faster, and stronger in both college and career. There seems to be a deliberate avoidance of all things domestic; or maybe it's just that a heavy emphasis on strong academics, competitive sports, etc doesn't leave time for cooking, sewing, etc.

 

When my oldest daughter was just in kindergarten, I discussed this either/or scenario with a dear friend who was pursuing her master's degree while teaching Latin at a classical Christian school; her "hobbies" included expert knitting and sewing; she could bake and cook amazing meals, and she was also an avid biker and hiker. (Granted, she was single at the time, so she did have more free time; still, I think she is the epitome of a "well-rounded" person. I should mention that she felt like a mis-fit in both categories, too. The ultra conservatives were scared to death of her because she was smart, single, and knew her Bible better than any of them. Her peers in her career and college didn't know what to make of her, because she baked her own bread and sewed her own clothes.)

 

Our conclusion was that the two things -- pursuit of academic excellence and domestic expertise -- did NOT need to be mutually exclusive.

 

I'm finding, though, that it is hard -- HARD, I tell you! -- to lead my daughters down both paths at the same time.

 

What are your thoughts? Do you think one has to choose between academics and domestic skills? Do you want one more than the other? If your a mom of boys, what is your perspective?

 

It's amazing, the burning questions I can come up with, when I'm supposed to be cleaning out closets and drawers, and sorting winter and spring clothing. :tongue_smilie:

[dangermom]

I definitely want both. For myself, as well as for my two daughters (we haven't got any boys). Actually, I think my mom does a really good job with this, come to think of it.

 

I feel the two are very compatible. I was just talking this morning with my walking friend about how when I was in college, I was so brain-tired by the end of the semester that I started sewing quilts over the breaks. (That's how I got started quilting, and now I'm a serious sewist.) It was a great way to use a completely different part of my mind and rest up for the academic work ahead.

 

I'm trying to bring my daughters up to do both. We do classical education, they have chores, I talk a lot about how our family is a team and works together to keep everything working, and I'm trying to teach my 8yo to cook. (This is very important for her, since she has a lot of food allergies and will need to be able to cook well when she leaves home. No surviving on burritos for her!)

 

If you've never read the book Home Comforts, you might enjoy reading the first couple of chapters. It's the authoritative tome on how to care for everything in a home, but the first chapter is the author (who is a big-shot lawyer) talking about her love of domesticity. It's one of my favorite domestic inspiration pieces.

Edited March 20, 2009 by dangermom
added link

[dangermom]

More thoughts--right now, I think mixing domesticity and academics is quite fashionable. More and more people are knitting, sewing, decorating, etc.--even if it's more the trappings of domesticity than a real knowledge of how to run a comfortable and healthy home, it's more than we've had for decades.

 

Read, for example, Jane Brocket's The gentle art of domesticity--it's clear that she's got a PhD or something in Russian literature and she talks a lot about books and art as well as knitting and the joys of home.

 

The market is currently being flooded with gorgeous books of easy sewing projects for the home, children, and so on by hip young designers. (Seriously, it's getting ridiculous. I find them disappointing because they're usually so dang simple, and repeat a lot of projects with minor variations. How many slouchy farmers-market bags does anyone need?)

 

Media hype aside, I do think it's becoming more acceptable to meld the two. OTOH there's only so much time in the day...

Edited March 20, 2009 by dangermom

[Christy B]

If you've never read the book Home Comforts, you might enjoy reading the first couple of chapters. It's the authoritative tome on how to care for everything in a home, but the first chapter is the author (who is a big-shot lawyer) talking about her love of domesticity. It's one of my favorite domestic inspiration pieces.

 

I LOVE this book; I think everyone (not just girls!) should get a copy for high school graduation (if not before!).

[hornblower]

I have a boy & a girl.

 

I'm also the person who has Gloria Steinem in my rotating file of sig lines ;)

 

I'm raising both my kids to be academically strong, kind, considerate people.

 

Both will also know how to cook, bake, clean, garden, do basic home repair & construction, and how to take care of personal finances before they leave my care.

 

Sewing is optional. Both know how to knit already.

Edited March 20, 2009 by hornblower

[FO4UR]

Both are vital!

 

If all a girl knows is sewing and baking, she will be vulnerable apart from (and perhaps to) a husband.

If all a girl knows is business, she will be heart-broken when she desires to SAHM and can't (b/c she HAS to bring home the bacon).

 

ftr - I've never actually met too many girls who were all domestic or all business.

 

For my dd, I will push her academically just the same as my boys - according to her ability and not my perception of what she will be when she grows up. I don't know what her future holds!

 

Now, I wish my own parents had encouraged me to get a business degree rather than music ed. I LOVED college, but I find it difficult to balance being a SAHM and making $ with my degree. SAHMing (and HSing) is my "hill worth dying on" - and having the know-how to succeed at a home business would have been of greater benefit - to me. Who knows, maybe my music degree will come in handy some day.:tongue_smilie:

 

Adding - I am blessed to have a dh who takes on the job of "bringing home the bacon" - in a way, my convictions on SAHMing are very dependant on HIS convictions to provide....that could get sticky if we didin't have a good marriage. If something happened though -I would be vulnerable - I would have to give up what I love (SAHM) for what I HAD to do! (Maybe I should go get more SL debt.....:tongue_smilie:)

[Joanna H]

I have three girls and three boys. My children are all learning the same things. For instance, my boys learned how to sew. Of course, it was very basic - button sewing, making napkins & pajama pants. The girls are learning the same things but I will go more in depth with them. I want my girls to know how to make lots of different types of clothing and things like quilts and curtains.

My children are all learning the same subjects as far as academics go. I have graduated one son already and have one more graduating this year. I am trying to let their interests and God-given talents drive their academic pursuits. It seems to be working for them, time will tell!

[Chris in VA]

I want my daughter to value being a homemaker, and if she wants to be a SAHM, great. I'd prefer her to be the primary caretaker of her children, manage her home well, be able to cook a decent meal, etc.

I'd also like her to be able to hold a conversation about world events, literature, history, her religious beliefs and those of others, and generally be an interesting person.

I think she should go to college for the broadening aspect, travel overseas to see how others live, spend some time with people of different backrounds, and all that stuff. I'd love her to learn to knit, sew, can, garden, raise animals, and be somewhat self-sufficient, food and farm wise.

 

That's how I wish I was. I think she will find her own path, but I can tell her from my own experience that I think it's great to be able to see all the milestones your kids go thru, and know you've contributed to their lives in ways perhaps only a mom can--there's so much I don't want her to miss. I want her to find fulfillment at home, but have a heart for the world.

 

So, I'll offer her the best education I can, hope she can do the above extras, and really encourage her to stay home while her kids are home, but be prepared for a different kind of life, if that's what life throws at her. I don't want to tell her what I believe to be a lie--that one can work full time at a career that requires total focus and have a full time life at home, too. I believe in sequencing. Not everyone will agree--which is fine.

[Carrie12345]

I have 2 boys and 2 girls. I expect them all to be able to provide for themselves and their future families in all departments.

 

While they are all being/will be taught how to cook and change a tire, I have no intention of teaching any of them how to knit or install a toilet unless they decide these might be enjoyable hobbies.

 

I have no intention of feeding into the idea that there's a man's world and a woman's world.

[KristenS]

I wonder how to balance it all too. I grew with the assumption that I would go to college (which I did) and heard the "you can be anything you want to be" message over and over. Oddly, the one thing I've ended up being is a SAHM homeschooler ... no training for that! LOL. Fortunately my mother's domestic efforts seeped in subconsciously, and though I'm not good at domestic things, at least I've got a vague idea of what to do (and a mom to call ... and she's the kind who both sews and installs toilets herself).

 

I want both my children to be able to run a rudimentary household ... basic cooking, sewing on buttons, not washing new red shirts in with the white business shirts... stuff like that. I also want them to be academically prepared for whatever their future career choice may be, whether that includes college or not. I do believe that it's important for even a SAHM to keep up a 'resume' for those just-in-case times (at least keeping volunteer work and stuff like that on it).

 

And I hope to give them a better Biblical foundation than I received as a child.

 

As someone pointed out ... there's only so many hours in the day. Sigh. But we'll do what we can, and trust that they will at least learn how to teach themselves whatever we missed.

 

One of these days I'd like to learn to knit, myself, actually.

[SheWillFly]

I'd much rather teach to their whole potential instead of a part of it. I feel I would be doing my children (both sons and daughters) a disservice by only teaching to part of their potential roles as adults. Part of why we homeschool is so that they have the time to excel academically while also learning the skills they need to operate a household, fix a car, build a playhouse, grow a garden, bake, etc. I did not have that time as a child and am just now learning how to efficiently run a household.

 

I also feel that it is our duty as parents to equip our (personal our) children for whatever God may hold for them. So, if God wants my oldest daughter to be a lawyer, I better give her the academic footing to be able to follow God's will for her life without fear.

[Danestress]

and I would want children of either gender to be equipped to survive in it in whatever circumstances they find themselves.

 

I personally think that sewing is hobby - not a really important life skill. I knit and I love knitting, but it's not a necessary skill. Same with baking bread. I would teach an interested child to knit and bake bread, but an uninterested child of either gender could skip it, and I know from my own experience that if at 35 one develops a desire to learn to bake bread or knit or sew, one can do that. It's not too late.

 

I think all kids need to be able to cook, clean, and do laundry. I think they all need some basic consumer know-how. I think all kids need to be equipped to have a job which can support them. I know some very lovely Christian woman who have remained single into middle age (or beyond) and the ones who were prepared to support themselves in a way that allows them to have a nice home and some travel and entertainment feel fortunate.

 

I think the harder thing with girls would probably be (and I don't have any) helping them think through what they truly desire. I was encouraged to prepare for a "real" career, and any career that was traditionally a "woman's job" (nursing, teaching) was greatly scorned by my father. If I had a daughter, I would try to help her cultivate her knowledge of her true desires and callings, and also help her prepare to not have her heart's desire. If she ends up needing to support herself, I wouldn't want her to be stuck in a low paying, boring job because I discouraged her from preparing herself for something more profitable and rewarding (not that low paying jobs are less rewarding, but again, she has to know her own self and her own desires and what kind of job she would really like).

 

So I guess I would air on the side of academics and professional training, but in this family of all boys, everyone has to learn to plan and prepare meals, clean, etc.

[Avila]

I think one reason you see homemaking skills so emphasized in the HS world is that they are so undervalued and ignored in the rest of the world.

 

When I got married at 20, the only real homemaking skill I had was doing laundry. That was it. I was well-educated, but in a lot of ways, I was poorly equipped for "real" life. I knew many, many people just like me. One of my female college professors actually drilled this -- don't learn to type or do domestic skills and focus on academics, so you can pay people to do all the rest!

 

I am all for academics, but I sure would like my DDs to be able to do all the practical things too. We all have to do those, regardless of what else we do with our lives, and I have to believe it is easier to learn those skills before you are thrown into them full time.

[Ellie]

I think it's short-sighted for parents to assume that their daughters will (1) marry in the first place, and (2) that they will never need to support themselves--and, possibly, their children.

 

The truth is that even if young women marry men who are able to support their families, those men may not always be able to do that, whether because of death/disability or divorce/abadonment/poor life choices. A woman who has no marketable skills at all is a sad woman.

[Carrie12345]

and I know from my own experience that if at 35 one develops a desire to learn to bake bread or knit or sew, one can do that. It's not too late.

 

 

Exactly. Dh has a career that has nothing to do with his diploma. He learned on the job. He also began taking guitar lessons this year. He's managed to figure out how to change a diaper, feed his kids, and run a load of laundry.

 

I started college as an accounting major, and grew up taking care of children. I've figured out how to put a crib together, snake a toilet, plant a lawn, and pump my own gas (I'm from NJ, okay :tongue_smilie:).

 

A well-rounded, well-educated person (or even not-so-well) should be able to figure out how to learn to do new things.

 

And really, how many of us were taught "how to" homeschool???

[Kelli in TN]

I encourage my daughters to pursue careers that will fulfill them. I encourage them to stretch their minds. I encourage them to have big adventures while they are young and unfettered. I point out to them that while I would not trade my life today for any other life, I do have some regrets about my lack of education and life experience.

 

But I have been honest with them about my personal convictions about day care and have asked them to please pray about how they want to structure their lives at least during the early years of their children's childhoods. That does not have to mean they sacrifice their career and I point out a successful homeschool family we used to know where the dad was the "homemaker" and mom brought home the bacon. I just want them to consider that one parent should be home with the little ones.

 

I have given/am giving them ample opportunity to learn homemaking skills, pointing out to them that at the age of 20 my new husband was teaching me how to cook, clean and iron clothing.

 

So. I guess I am aiming for both around here.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I guess I lean more toward academic excellence than domestic excellence. I don't teach my daughter any differently than my boys on the domestic skills front. If it is necessary for the basic running of a household or raising children (cooking, nutrition, cleaning, laundry, child development, healthcare, financial management, clothing repair, etc.) I think ALL my children need to learn it. Sewing - I do it infrequently. I'll teach it on a need to know basis. Quilting and knitting - I don't do these myself, so I am not going to teach them.

 

I do feel that it is important that all my children learn how to learn as well as become prepared to be self-supporting. A good education makes that easier. If uber-domestic skills are needed, people who know how to learn can learn those skills on an as-needed basis.

[Mommyof4ks]

I kind of grew up with the best of both world. My parents wanted me to be competitive academically, and my grandmother wanted me to be a wife and mother so I learned both growing up. I went to college, and I have a degree 'just in case', but I really love being a SAHM and homeschooling my kiddos.

 

We have two boys and a girl, and all of my kids are being challenged academically and geared toward higher education of some sort (college, trade school, apprenticeship ect). We also take part in 4-H which has taught them many 'domestic' skills. All of the kids help keep the house and will learn to cook. I want all of my kids to be able to take care of themselves, and I think that will make them better spouses so basically they can pitch in where ever they are needed at the time.

 

I have many gfs that have had to work for a semester as a permenant sub., work part time as a lawyer, or whatever field they studied in college to make ends meet at one time or another, so teaching both seems like it will make life run more smoothly when the unexpected happens like jobloss or disability.

 

That is not to say that EVERYTHING about both must be learned as kids, because I have learned many new skills as an adult, so don't get overwhelmed with teaching all things to them right now.

[Alice]

As someone who spends time in both the professional world and the SAHM world I often feel like a mis-fit as well. :) The other doctors at work think I'm weird for homeschooling....most homeschoolers I meet are surprised that I work outside the house. (I know there are many others here who work too, it's just not what I tend to run into IRL.)

 

I only have boys now but if I have a daughter I will want her to be prepared to have a career she loves and also know that staying at home is a wonderful choice. I'd like all my kids, boys and girls, to leave home knowing how to take care of a house. I definitely wasn't in any way trained in "domestic skills" but I've done ok. I've learned to cook and bake and garden and sew as an adult. My sons who like to bake bread with me are probably already further ahead than I was. Yesterday we even made butter so we're doing pretty well. :)

 

I do think it's important for all kids to learn basic cooking and cleaning and bill-paying/finances. And to develop character traits like empathy and compassion and patience and grace that will make them a good mom or dad one day.

 

I think for me the bigger question is how to talk to a daughter about the issue of career. Chris in VA's post was great. I was brought up in the "you can do anything" era of the 1970's and was given the message "you can have it all". My Mom was a SAHM but really pushed me to be whatever I wanted. I always knew I wanted to be a doctor and I also knew I wanted to have kids but I never really gave serious consideration to how those details would work out until I was in medical school.

 

I would tell a girl today that you cannot "have it all". Noone can. If you work full-time outside of the home at a career you will miss out on things with your kids. If you work part-time at a career you will have to make sacrifices in your career. You will have to make choices that may not always be what you want but that are what is best for your family. If you choose to stay home full-time, that's a great choice, but for some people that will mean giving up the opportunity to do something else they love. It would have meant that for me.

 

I think that's an important conversation to have, and actually I shouldn't have said I'd only have it with a girl. I also plan to have it with my boys. My dh works part-time and stays home part-time also and my hope is that we will model for our kids a way to balance work and family. But both he and I have made sacrifices in our careers (and personal life) to make this work...totally worth it but still sacrifices.

 

Anyway, jumping off my soapbox now. I know I got a bit off subject but it's just what was on my mind.

[Veritaserum]

Our conclusion was that the two things -- pursuit of academic excellence and domestic expertise -- did NOT need to be mutually exclusive.

 

:iagree: I chose to stay at home with my children because I believe it is important. I also believe education is very important (as did my father) and therefore have a college degree. I feel that I am a better mother (and home educator) having had those educational experiences. :) I fully intend on getting post-graduate degrees in the future, when my children are grown.

 

Honestly, I think it's rather ridiculous to think there's some kind of either/or. Most of my friends graduated from college and currently stay home to raise their children and keep their homes. :)

 

I have five daughters and I place the same amount of importance in academics on them as I would for a son. I would also teach a son domestic skills, even though I would expect that he would grow up to work outside of the home as the breadwinner for his family. IMO, everyone (male and female) should know how to properly clean a home, prepare simple meals, and do laundry. Likewise, I think it's prudent that everyone a marketable skill. :)

[Trivium Academy]

Every child, male or female needs to be able to manage a home and be self-sufficient and knowledgeable. Every child male or female needs to be encouraged to do their best academically. I think of it more as life skills than preparing them for traditional roles.

 

I think there is a separation only at the degree of developing personal hobbies and encouraging growth within a talent or skill a child possesses that they are interested in pursuing.

[dirty ethel rackham]

 

I would tell a girl today that you cannot "have it all". Noone can. If you work full-time outside of the home at a career you will miss out on things with your kids. If you work part-time at a career you will have to make sacrifices in your career. You will have to make choices that may not always be what you want but that are what is best for your family. If you choose to stay home full-time, that's a great choice, but for some people that will mean giving up the opportunity to do something else they love. It would have meant that for me.

 

 

 

I love the way you put that.

[WTMCassandra]

I am uber-conservative, but I believe strongly that we need mothers who are comfortable in the realm of ideas. I think a mom needs to be a student of theology and logic, science and history, language and math, to be well-equipped to teach her children (every parent is a homeschooler--but some outsource more than others). I think a woman needs to be intelligent and articulate to be an appropriate helpmeet to her husband. I think a woman needs to be able to handle the family's finances if needed.

 

A man needs to have domestic skills to be able to pull his own weight around the house, help his wife when she is ill, and teach those skills to his children. If he finds himself on his own, he needs to know more than how to open a can. He needs to be able to sew on buttons and hem pants.

 

I agree completely with everyone who considers both realms LIFE skills, not gender skills. I teach my daughter how to use power tools and my son how to do laundry. I do also believe that every person needs to be prepared to support himself/herself in today's world.

[Carrie12345]

 

I would tell a girl today that you cannot "have it all". Noone can. If you work full-time outside of the home at a career you will miss out on things with your kids. If you work part-time at a career you will have to make sacrifices in your career. You will have to make choices that may not always be what you want but that are what is best for your family. If you choose to stay home full-time, that's a great choice, but for some people that will mean giving up the opportunity to do something else they love. It would have meant that for me.

 

I think that's an important conversation to have, and actually I shouldn't have said I'd only have it with a girl. I also plan to have it with my boys. My dh works part-time and stays home part-time also and my hope is that we will model for our kids a way to balance work and family. But both he and I have made sacrifices in our careers (and personal life) to make this work...totally worth it but still sacrifices.

 

Anyway, jumping off my soapbox now. I know I got a bit off subject but it's just what was on my mind.

 

I think that's a great point, especially for *both genders.

 

My sisters are both starting families, and it hasn't really hit either of them yet that there will be bigger sacrifices to make than they've been expecting.

Interestingly enough, one doesn't think her career will be impacted much by family, while the other doesn't think family will be impacted by her career.

They were raised in the 80's... A bit more "give it all to me" than "I can do it all", iykwim.

[Mekanamom]

Well... I insist on rigorous academics and basic housekeeping skills for my children.

 

What they do with those skills when they are grown/out of college is up to them.

[JennifersLost]

Both.

 

But more importantly, I'm going to raise my daughter to know that she'll have several seasons in her life and time enough for several separate "paths".

 

I believe that a young lady needs to be smart and college educated (or educated to a high degree on whatever path she's heading down - whether that's in the arts or a trade or a job that needs college). BUT, if she's lucky enough to meet her life-partner early on, I'd encourage her to have her children in her twenties and, if possible, to be a stay-at-home mom and just glory in that part of her life. I'll tell her that there's beauty and peace in a well-run home full of happy, safe kids, and try to support her in getting some alone time and some help so that that part of her life isn't as crazy as it can be, but that there's some balance there, too.

 

Then, as the kids get older, I'd encourage her to begin moving back toward her passion - whatever it is that will fulfill her and enhance the world when she'd in her 40s, 50s, etc. I will counsel her the whole time that there is plenty of time to create a whole new career after the kids grow up. I wish someone had been telling me that all along. Maybe I wouldn't have felt so torn all the time.

 

By the way - my boys are learning all the domestic chores as well as my daughter. But they are also getting the message that it will be their job to support their family monetarily, especially while the kids are young. If one of them happens to meet a woman who wants to work and they want to care for the kids - I won't have anything to say against it, but I think the majority of the time it's going to be the other way around and I want them to be prepared.

[katemary63]

I have no intention of feeding into the idea that there's a man's world and a woman's world.

 

Times have changed. We are conservative Christians. I am a 25 year SAHM and my husband and I have what would be considered a "traditional" relationship. That is our choice.

 

I taught all my kids the same things. How to cook, clean, mend. ( I'm not into sewing or needle crafts so I didn't teach that to any of them.) My girls are planning for careers and the ability to take care of themselves. A well rounded education on all levels is important for EVERYONE. Both my older girls want to be SAHMs but will be able to care for themselves or their families if for any reason they should need to. (Older one is already supporting herself completely and has her own 401K.)

 

Guess what? My son is engaged to a woman who wants to be a lawyer. Their plan is for HIM to stay home with the kids. So far, they are both still in undergrad and who knows how it will all play out, but that is the plan. She is academic, loves school and has goals to make a difference in the world in specific ways. He does not have the kind of passion she does. He's proud of her and wants to support her in her goals and being the one to stay home is one way he thinks he can do that. Makes sense to me! All I care about is that SOMEONE is home with them! If he chooses to stay home and nurture his DCs, I would be proud as a peacock! ( oops, I mean a peahen!) Oh, and she can't cook worth beans, but he can!

 

We all do beleive that God has apointed the husband to have a special leadership role in the marriage (our personal belief) and that shouldn't change just because a wife works, or a husband stays home or what ever.

Edited March 20, 2009 by katemary63

[WTMCassandra]

You're right, JennifersLost. I hadn't articulated it to myself or my daughter like this, but I agree. I remember hearing years ago, "You can have it all, but not all at once." This helped me. I had a fulfilling career during my years of infertility and am now enjoying the SAHM thing and don't feel deprived. There are seasons to a woman's life, and it can bring peace to realize it.

 

I am going to put this discussion on my mental checklist to go over with my daughter. Thank you!

[Erica in PA]

I'm curious as to the range of opinions on raising daughters to be "keepers of the home" vs raising daughters to be competitive in the fields of academia and career.

 

I seem to be a mis-fit in both categories, among most of my friends IRL.

 

There is the uber-conservative mindset that girls are to be raised, trained, and prepared to manage a household, be godly wives and mothers, etc (usually I see this among my conservative Christian friends). Lots of these folks seem to actively discourage or simply not promote college, career, etc for girls (I'm thinking there probably aren't as many of these opinions on this board, but I could be wrong; I'm thinking more of some other forums where I used to be a regular reader).

 

Then, there are those who are gearing their daughters up to compete in a "man's world"; meaning you better be smarter, faster, and stronger in both college and career. There seems to be a deliberate avoidance of all things domestic; or maybe it's just that a heavy emphasis on strong academics, competitive sports, etc doesn't leave time for cooking, sewing, etc.

 

When my oldest daughter was just in kindergarten, I discussed this either/or scenario with a dear friend who was pursuing her master's degree while teaching Latin at a classical Christian school; her "hobbies" included expert knitting and sewing; she could bake and cook amazing meals, and she was also an avid biker and hiker. (Granted, she was single at the time, so she did have more free time; still, I think she is the epitome of a "well-rounded" person. I should mention that she felt like a mis-fit in both categories, too. The ultra conservatives were scared to death of her because she was smart, single, and knew her Bible better than any of them. Her peers in her career and college didn't know what to make of her, because she baked her own bread and sewed her own clothes.)

 

Our conclusion was that the two things -- pursuit of academic excellence and domestic expertise -- did NOT need to be mutually exclusive.

 

I'm finding, though, that it is hard -- HARD, I tell you! -- to lead my daughters down both paths at the same time.

 

What are your thoughts? Do you think one has to choose between academics and domestic skills? Do you want one more than the other? If your a mom of boys, what is your perspective?

 

It's amazing, the burning questions I can come up with, when I'm supposed to be cleaning out closets and drawers, and sorting winter and spring clothing. :tongue_smilie:

 

If I had to choose, I'd emphasize academics over domestic for my ds and my dd-- in fact that *is* what I emphasize. I don't sew myself so obviously that isn't high on my priority list, and cooking, cleaning, etc. I think can be learned pretty easily as an adult. I actually learned *everything* that I know about domestic things after I was married, and it wasn't difficult at all to pick up. I already have taught my kids more about domestic things than I knew before marriage, and I intend to keep instructing them about them.. but it's not our emphasis, and I would never stress that over academics, for either gender.

[Amy loves Bud]

I'll jump in here.

 

I was an "all career" kind of gal before my first was born. I was a resident and hand grand aspirations to pursue a career in maternal fetal medicine. There would be no need to do anything domestic because I would (and did)hire those folks.

 

Then my first son was born and I quit. And I figured it out. I cook (pretty well), clean (not as well, but I could if I wanted to), sew, quilt, decorate, grudgingly do crafts with my children, chauffeur them to soccer, and more. It wasn't that hard to learn. I didn't need to spend 18 years studying it.

 

My son and daughters will learn how to do the basics to take care of themselves, but they will also have a rigorous academic educations that will enable them to pursue whatever they desire.

 

If a person is educated in a way that they know how to learn, that ability will translate into domestic areas as well as academic areas.

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

I think I choose "stress academics" simply because I'm rotten at the domestic stuff! :D

 

I stayed home for 7 years, and never got to the point that I liked being domesticated. I'm much happier when I work, but prefer not to work full time. Well, actually, I'd prefer to not work at all, and have enough $ to hire an "Alice" to do all the domestic stuff. I'd still choose to mow the lawn, though, because that's my favorite chore.

 

My dh has mad domestic skillz....He can cook, bake, clean & iron circles around me. He would prefer to stay home and have me bring home the bacon. I'd jump on that bandwagon, 'cept I have an underlying health problem that is exacerbated by fatigue.

 

Because of our lifestyle, the kids have no concept of gender roles, and we'll probably keep it that way.

[TKDmom]

I know I don't have much to add to this discussion. It sounds like nearly everyone believes that we should emphasize both. I was also raised by a mother who told me that a woman could do anything a man can do "and do it better." :) But now this attitude annoys me a little.

 

I fully intend to teach my daughter just as rigorous an academic program as my boys. And everyone needs to learn, and appreciate the need for basic homemaking skills. But for me, it is important to instill, in my dd especially, a sense that she is not a man and should not be expected to be a man to succeed in the world. We need to appreciate that women can make unique contributions to society. I wish mothers were honored more rather than being "just" a mom.

 

When my 1st child was born, I had a really difficult time, b/c I had not been raised with the idea that there was any value in staying at home. I knew it was the right thing for me to stay at home, but I felt angry and unfulfilled doing it. It took me a year to reconcile myself to staying at home. And now here I am expecting my 4th and I am just now coming to the point that I'm not only reconciled to the idea , but I appreciate that it is a blessing to be able to do so.

I want my kids to do their best academically and be successful in whatever they do. But I also want them to appreciate the value in staying home to raise a family (or to have a spouse who is able to stay at home).