How much do I let go of?

[Trivium Academy]

(Background: moving in with my parents, I have a moving date of the 28th and I'm packing the kids & my stuff for living and storage)

 

My dilemma is: the more stuff I keep, the more I have to store, the larger the storage space I have to rent, the more I have to pack.

 

BUT- if I don't take everything now, I'll have to buy it again later...or will I?

 

This divorcing business is hard. Just moving on its own is stressful, changing jobs...I won't list the many things I'm doing right now b/c *I'm* not even willing to admit to all it without having a panic attack.

 

I look inside my garage and I see an artificial Christmas tree that I won't be using in the next year but it sure would be nice to have when the kids & I have our own place, the list goes on. The kitchen was easy, I separated what I'm taking from what I'm not, the coffee maker was a hard one (I love the coffee maker we have, I bought it but I don't *need* it).

 

I don't need towels but it's hard to let them go. My personal collection of cleaning products, don't need it and I'm not taking but it's hard. I feel like I'm homeless. Lol.

 

How much do I let go? How vigilant should I be in leaving stuff behind? We have a nice outdoor play set, wooden, I want to take it but I'm terrified of taking it apart and not being able to put it back together, or that it won't fit on the moving truck. AHHHHHH!

 

:svengo: Okay, just releasing some crazy,

[Anne Rittenhouse]

I think I would think about where you are going to be after your parent's place. Where will you be living? What will you be doing? (Jobs, school ect....) What kind of finances will you have in the end, especially at the begining?

 

With new beginings you and your kids may be so busy with settling into you new lives that shopping for things may take a back seat. I think that storage for the short term might be less expensive that replacing alot of things. (Then again most of my stuff is so old, I'd haul it to the curb and light a match.)

 

I also think your children are fairly young and probably would benefit from famililar objects being brought out of storage in their new home. The christmas tree and ornaments will be important to them; the kitchen towels will not.

 

Do you have friends that will take a few things so that you don't have to pay for all the storage costs?

[MamaT]

I agree, storing things would probably be less expensive than trying to replace them. I know familiar things during a change help my kids to "settle."

 

We have taken down a wooden play set, moved it, and set it up again. It was not really difficult, just hard work. We had a trailer that we borrowed to move it on.

 

I'm sorry you're having to make these hard decisions. Remember, this is a season and it will pass. Before you know it, you and your kids will be settled somewhere and this will be a memory. :001_smile:

[Lizzie in Ma]

No help, just hurting for you. Prayers going your way from here.

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Twinmom]

It will probably be more expensive to rebuy than to store, at least in the short term. If it were me, I'd not evaluate on the storage issue but rather on the "need it, love it, do I ever use it?" front. For example, do I NEED 6 extra blankets, or can I get by with 2? Do I LOVE that artwork or can I donate it? Am I willing to go to the extra work of putting back together the playset (it CAN be done, but it's a lot of work in your situation) or shall I let it go? Do my children use it enough to go to that effort?

 

Tough decisions...I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've been reading your posts and praying for you, though I've not responded before now.

 

:grouphug:

[eternalknot]

My dilemma is: the more stuff I keep, the more I have to store, the larger the storage space I have to rent, the more I have to pack.

 

BUT- if I don't take everything now, I'll have to buy it again later...or will I?

 

BTDT. I kept way too much, and not only was it more expensive to store but it was overwhelming (physically and emotionally) to unpack it all downline (between work, my school, kids' stuff).

 

How long will you be staying with your parents? If you'll be there longer than 6 months, you'll be surprised at how much you: (a) forget what is in there and paid to store unnecessarliy, and/or (b) may be down off of that initial determined high that kept you doing Superhuman feats (packing, moving, new work, new school, the whole do-over etc) the way you're running now - and unpacking everything will be just one more massive thing you have to pencil into your already full and exhausting schedule once your 'new' life is more underway.

 

As a former military wife, I've also always founder it harder and more time-consuming to unpack than to pack (and with littles underfoot, blech - even more challenging)! Each move I got smarter and smarter about what I transported, but none of those moves prepared me for a separation/divorce move. Different beast entirely.

 

 

We have a nice outdoor play set, wooden, I want to take it but I'm terrified of taking it apart and not being able to put it back together, or that it won't fit on the moving truck. AHHHHHH!

 

 

Put an ad on Craigslist for a barter, or enlist a neighbor to help :) on both ends of your move. Heck, to me this sounds like an "invite my girlfriends over for pizza and margaritas" afternoon and project LOL. Take step-by-step pictures as you disassemble it so you can reference those downline. Number your steps on paper to include in your pictures. Put small parts (screws, etc) into ziploc baggies making sure to label the baggies with the corresponding step number.

 

I wish you well on your new life :grouphug:

[Sharon in SC]

It will probably be more expensive to rebuy than to store, at least in the short term. If it were me, I'd not evaluate on the storage issue but rather on the "need it, love it, do I ever use it?" front. For example, do I NEED 6 extra blankets, or can I get by with 2? Do I LOVE that artwork or can I donate it? Am I willing to go to the extra work of putting back together the playset (it CAN be done, but it's a lot of work in your situation) or shall I let it go? Do my children use it enough to go to that effort?

 

Tough decisions...I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've been reading your posts and praying for you, though I've not responded before now.

 

:grouphug:

 

This is exactly what I was preparing to post. Do you want it? Love it? Need it? If the answer is yes to any of those questions, keep it. If not, say good riddance 'cause managing it is not going to be worth it, most likely.

 

Meanwhile, :grouphug:, Jessica. Let us know when you're settled in your parent's place. Remember, mine are down there, too, and I'd love to take you for coffee! :)

[Melissa B]

Just a practical thought - We just moved our wooden playset last week. We needed two people to break it down and load it, a trailer to move it and three men to put it back up. (And it still cost us the back window of a pickup that got knocked out trying to shift the monkey bars.) If I wasn't sure I had all of that, there is no way I would have moved the playset. But, in your case, I would sell it on craigslist unless your ex plans to remain in the house and wants to keep the set there. They still sell used for quite a bit of money.

 

I'm so sorry you are having to make these decisions.:sad:

[ereks mom]

No help, just hurting for you. Prayers going your way from here.

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

[Melis]

Hi (((Jessica)))!

 

Pack up all the things that you LOVE and WILL need/want in the future (keep that coffee maker!). Leave or sell the rest. Try and keep it simple (I know...easier said than done).

 

As for the playset...I would have a hard time with that one too. Do your children play with it a lot? Is your soon to be ex-husband going to be at that house for a while? If so, you could leave it there for the time being and not make a decision until you absolutely have to? Can you set it up at your parents?

 

Love and hugs to you,

~Melissa

[Parrothead]

The play set can stay with your ex. Let him have something the kids can use when they visit. Anything that is cheap to replace, toss or donate. Things like towels and linens can be easy to replace during a white sale. Keep the bare minimum so you aren't totally without in your new place.

 

Maybe you'll want to start a new tradition for Christmas. Instead of a tree that will bring back memories, start a tradition of going to a local tree farm and bringing home a real tree.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug:

 

I think I would sell the swing set. Unless it is just a sentimental thing... In a year, your dc will be older and might prefer something different anyway.

 

Store what you will *need* in your new home, and only what you know you will need. (Coffee makers and towels don't take much space but those things add up $-wise.)

 

Another thought? Will looking at your present Christmas tree cause you ill feelings when you bring it out next year? idk - If it were *me*, I would want to start new memories (with new tree and ornaments) and move on (keep the kids special ornaments). A box of ornaments takes a lot less space than the tree.

[Tammy]

for me....it was easier to rebuy things..(all of my stuff was pretty much like someone else said....put to the curb with matches, LOL)...I got some really good deals! Craig's list is great for used furniture and such. If it isn't that far of a move....then I vote for storage! How long are you looking to stay with your mom?

[KidsHappen]

SO hard. I would keep the things you love. It will reduce the anger later. So if you love the coffee pot, keep it. Keep things that would be expensive to replace and you know that you will continue to have a use for. So the Christmas tree. They are very expensive and can be hard to replace on a limited budget. If you want to get rid of the old memories and build new ones, dump the ornaments that don't have sentimental value and get new one later. I would leave the playground. You are right they are hard to move, you don't know if your new place will even have the room for it or if you will even need it. Leave for dad so they have something to play with their. As I said before pictures and mementos very important. More than the bare minimum of linens, towels, dishes and such, not so much. I know the task can seem overwhelming but take each item one at a time and ask yourself - do you love it, do you want it, do you need it, can it be easily replaced - and so on. You can do it, hon. :grouphug:

[Trivium Academy]

The playset is stressing me more than it should, I'm not taking it. I'd rather buy a new one than deal with moving it. Great point about ornaments! I will downsize that, I don't think we need 6 boxes of Christmas stuff, I will only take my favorite stuff/sentimental stuff and leave the rest.

 

Off to pack and jam with blaring music while neither of the kids are here. Thank ya'll, you're the best thing next to someone being HERE helping. :)

[muffinmom]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BellaMama]

:grouphug:

[Elaine]

Just wondering about your husband. Does he want the stuff sold?

[Trivium Academy]

No, it's more of a decision of what to keep or give to him. I'm good now, I've packed up all the decor and curtains and that was VERY helpful in making the atmosphere looking like we ARE moving. I have about 18 boxes packed and it won't be too much longer before I'm done.

 

Y'all really helped with the motivation!

[TraceyS/FL]

Glad it's going well and you are motivated!

 

I'm pondering lots of the same types of decisions..... can be crazy. I'm guessing though - i have more "junk" than you! LOL!!!

 

:grouphug:

[muffinmom]

No, it's more of a decision of what to keep or give to him. I'm good now, I've packed up all the decor and curtains and that was VERY helpful in making the atmosphere looking like we ARE moving. I have about 18 boxes packed and it won't be too much longer before I'm done.

 

Y'all really helped with the motivation!

 

 

Wow...I'm impressed!

[Scarlett]

No, it's more of a decision of what to keep or give to him. I'm good now, I've packed up all the decor and curtains and that was VERY helpful in making the atmosphere looking like we ARE moving. I have about 18 boxes packed and it won't be too much longer before I'm done.

 

Y'all really helped with the motivation!

 

 

Sounds like you are making decisions and making progress on packing today. I just wanted to mention...I am not a fan of storage. So store what you must but if it were me in your shoes, I would not pay to store anything unless

 

1) I LOVE it

2) I NEED it

3) It holds extreme sentimental value.

 

My MIL has had a 20 X 30 foot storage rental for 8 years now. $115 per month. That is $11,040 so far. Does anyone think there is $11,000 worth of 'stuff' in there? :glare:

 

It has made me determined not to store anything. It helps me purge stuff too.

[Danestress]

If he's staying in the house, I would leave the outside equipment for him - that way your children (or at least your son, I guess?) will still get to use in when visiting him. There might be other things that you don't really need but that he might like to have and your son might feel more "at home" seeing in his place.

 

Also, if you are moving close, then when people say, "Is there anything I can do for you?" which they surely will say, your response could be, "Well, actually, if you have some space in the attic, I would love to store a couple of boxes."

[bettyandbob]

I'd vote for getting a smaller storage unit or even none at all. Unless you have very expensive or stuff you can't value (antique or sentimental), then replacement probably not more expensive than the cost of long term storage.

 

My house is mostly Ikea. If I had to do what you are doing, I'd jettison most things. Not because it's not nice or in good condition. When you begin to get back on your feet and in your own place you may be able to easily replace things using freecycle (there were tons of artificial xmas trees listed in dec and jan., I see Ikea furnishings there all the time, I see book shelves and beds there) , estate sales, garage sales and thrift stores. I have a few things I'd put in storage (a couple of rugs, a leather sofa, china and crystal, and an antique clock). Storage units may seem cheap at first, but the whole time your stuff is there you aren't using it and it's all loosing value. I would not store a playset unless I knew when I'd be in my own place. Do you have a plan for that specifically and know for sure you will be out of your parents soon.

 

I know what you are going through is very hard. Remember the stuff you have is just stuff, nothing more. It can be very freeing not to be tied to stuff.

[Mamagistra]

No, it's more of a decision of what to keep or give to him.

 

Silly question perhaps, but isn't some of the stuff his? :001_huh:

[*anj*]

Silly question perhaps, but isn't some of the stuff his? :001_huh:

 

I was kind of thinking the same thing. And since the kids will be visiting him, shouldn't some of the familiar stuff be there?

[Trivium Academy]

He and I already agreed upon splitting of the 'stuff'. He's getting the most important things to him, the Wii, flat screen tv and all his video games. He'll be in a parsonage where everything is provided for him (furniture, appliances, even trash cans). I'm leaving him absolute necessities like dishes and silverware, a few pots and pans, towels, linens and a twin size bed for ds4 when soon-to-be-ex has been cleared (meets requirements) to have ds4 overnight. I'm even leaving a few of ds4's toys.

 

I'm essentially taking very little, most of the kitchen items were gifts to me from Christmas and birthdays, he has no interest in homeschooling or in our hsling items. Other than our (kids and I) own clothes, toys and personal items we really don't have much outside of hsling items. If we owned a home where we were able to invest in furniture or much else, we'd have a lot more to divide. As it is, I could rent a 10' moving truck and still not fill it if I weren't taking the kids' seesaw and bikes. The biggest items I have are three bookcases and all of our hsling items.

 

I really cannot share anymore given the circumstances, but soon-to-be-ex will be provided for, and well- he hardly has to even pay for his college education. I cannot share about the circumstances that has led us to this point with the exception that he was court-ordered out of the house, that cannot happen unless there is good reason. So, no the stuff is not his- he has never been invested in anything that I'm taking.

[sleepy]

I cannot share about the circumstances that has led us to this point with the exception that he was court-ordered out of the house, that cannot happen unless there is good reason.

 

Oh goodness, Jessica. :sad: I had no idea. :grouphug:

[Dobela]

I probably don't need to say this but make sure you take everything that may have sentimental memories for your child. A friend went thru a nasty divorce and left several things behind for her ex thinking he would want them for sentimental reasons for their kids. She was wrong. After she left, he sold or threw away everything she left behind.

 

She even kept her wedding pictures and all of the family photos even though I know she wanted to burn them. It has now been several years later and they are so precious to her now grown son.

 

Since you are moving in with your parents, maybe they can use of your items as well as sort of a payment for their love and generosity. If you like the coffee maker, maybe you can use it at their home to make coffee for everyone. Or use your towels to replace some of their old worn out towels. Has your mom always admired that pretty bowl? KWIM?

 

In the meantime, I have prayed for you and wish you the best.