Are the happiest people those who don't do what they don't choose to do?

[Colleen]

I am capable of A LOT of things that I choose NOT to do...I revel in the fact that I am at a point in my life where I am completely self sufficient and can do ANYTHING I CHOOSE to do, but don't have to.

 

I think having THAT mindset makes life grand, don't you? You will find the happiest people usually think somewhere along these lines.

 

I'm thinking about this remark from home'scool in the thread about whether or not to hire a house cleaner. Because her comment applies to more than just that particular subject, I wanted to start a different discussion. I'm thinking about this in terms of the big picture, life in general, not housecleaning per se.

 

On the one hand, I like what she said here, and of course there's a lot of truth to it. There are all manner of things we opt not to do ourselves, though we'd be capable (at least passably;)) of doing so. Just because we can do "X" doesn't mean we have to. Such is the beauty (and luxury) of choice.

 

Where I get off the train of thought, to a degree, is in the suggestion that the happiest people subscribe to this mindset. Reading between the lines (and perhaps I'm misreading), what I hear in that is a lack of appreciation for that which is not particularly pleasing to us. A desire to only partake of those things that we choose. It sounds to me (again, this may very well be my own misinterpretation) not so much self-sufficient as it does self-gratifying.

 

Now, I enjoy self-gratification as much as the next person, but I also believe there's great value in doing things that may not "feel" comfortable/good/enjoyable to us. I do think things that are hard work, or frustrating, or of little or no interest to us can make us (and others) better people.

 

And I can't say that the happiest people I've met in life are those who only do that which they choose to do (if that makes sense). On the contrary, the people whom I've found to be most content are often engaged in work that fulfills others at least as much, if not more, than it does themselves.

 

What's your perspective? (Btw, sorry for the convoluted subject line; I couldn't decide how to phrase that! LOL)

Edited February 7, 2009 by Colleen
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[Stacy in NJ]

Did you see the part where she said she was at a point in her life~~~~ Meaning she's probably already done many thing that may or not be self gratifying. She's already paid some dues and can at this point choose to do certain things or not. There can be a fine line between doing something boring or unpleasant to learn, overcome and grow and doing it in a self-martyring way. Maybe happy people may know when challenging themselves is worthwhile and when it's just prideful.

[snickelfritz]

Balance in all things, including:

 

Doing things for ourselves and allowing others to do for us.

 

Doing things for other people and allowing them to learn to do for themselves.

[Colleen in NS]

what I hear in that is a lack of appreciation for that which is not particularly pleasing to us. A desire to only partake of those things that we choose. It sounds to me (again, this may very well be my own misinterpretation) not so much self-sufficient as it does self-gratifying.

 

I also believe there's great value in doing things that may not "feel" comfortable/good/enjoyable to us. I do think things that are hard work, or frustrating, or of little or no interest to us can make us (and others) better people.

 

I've been thinking about that post for a little while, too. I hear what you're saying here, but I interpreted the intention to mean, giving permission to make a few choices. Not choose only self-pleasing activities, but to at least have some choices. I feel sort of the same way as that poster - that I've done a lot of "grunt work" or survival work for years, and now I'm wondering if perhaps I might just have a few choices in my life now. Choices that aren't selfish, that will help my family and perhaps others, but choices I've never been able to choose before, or even thought were appropriate choices. (thus my S/O thread on housecleaning - I'm arguing with myself in that thread, trying to work things out in my mind.)

 

For me, homeschooling and all it entails is the thing that is my hard work, the thing I don't always feel comfortable doing (I feel inadequate all the time, as I see all the things ahead of me that I need to learn in order to give my kids the education I want them to have).

 

the people whom I've found to be most content are often engaged in work that fulfills others at least as much, if not more, than it does themselves.

 

Again, it's the home educating for me. Daunting, but fulfilling, uncomfortable for me, but I'm confident it's the best for my kids, so I do it. But since it has become bigger in our lives, I wonder, do I move other things out of the way now, so that I can make more room for this?

[Staci in FL]

I think about it like this: the only things I've ever done in life that were worth much at all took a lot of hard work. And it is those things - the things that took hard work - that have given me happiness in life. The self-gratifying parts of my life haven't amounted to things that ended up being worthwhile to me.

 

Staci

[Miss Marple]

On the contrary, the people whom I've found to be most content are often engaged in work that fulfills others at least as much, if not more, than it does themselves.

 

I think Aristotle would agree with you :001_smile: He concluded, in Nicomachean Ethics, that the happiest people were those who were the most virtuous. And to be virtuous, one must be involved in doing virtuous things.

 

"Happiness, on the other hand, no one chooses for the sake of these (pleasure, honor, reason), nor, in general, for anything other than itself." and "If activities are, as we said, what gives life its character, no happy man can become miserable; for he will never do the acts that are hateful and mean. For the man who is truly good and wise, we think, bears all the chances of life becomingly and always makes the best of circumstances, as a good general makes the best military use of the army at his command and a good shoemaker makes the best shoes out of the hides that are given him..."

Edited February 7, 2009 by CynthiaOK

[Aubrey]

I guess it depends on what you choose. One could choose to be self-gratifying. I doubt that person would find much happiness.

 

I read the Home'scool's comment differently. What I heard was that the happiest people are able to prioritize. They know that what they can do & what they should do aren't always the same thing.

 

I imagine a woman could hire help in part so that she can help others more.

[Carol in Cal.]

...are those who have real accomplishments and who also understand Grace.

 

I think it takes both.

[lionfamily1999]

If there was a person whose sole purpose in life was self-gratification, I think they'd find it a thankless job at best. It seems like you would constantly be facing failure. How can you make yourself happy if you do not include the happiness of others?

 

That being said, I envy people with the ability to say 'no.' I think, if you've reached a level of maturity where you can realize it's okay to fail or be rejected or just admit you cannot do it all, and still think yourself a good person, or at least keep from thinking negatively about yourself, then you've reached an age of happiness. Whether or not that is self-gratification, I don't know.

 

Happiness, for me, comes from doing my best, being my own definition of a 'good' person, and succeeding. When I fail, I feel crushed. When I am rejected, I question my worth. When I fail at being a 'good' person, I feel like nothing. So, my happiness relies, in large part, upon how I interact with others. Self-gratification, comes from doing my best, being my 'goodest' (lol) and succeeding.

 

IOW, heck if I know, I'm just glad to have made it through the day.

[msjones]

I think the apostle Paul had it right -- happiness comes from being able to be content in any circumstances -- choices or no choices. I know people who can filter through all kinds of misery to find one little thing in which to rejoice. And I know people with vast freedom and opportunity who still feel unhappy.

 

So, in a quest for happiness, I think the need for choice/options/opportunity is less important than the need for a spirit of contentment.

[Hillary in KS]

I think that people who ONLY do what they choose to do are rather selfish people.

 

I think that people who choose to do that which must be done, regardless of whether or not it matches their desires, are among the happiest people.

[Colleen]

I'm trying to wrap my brain around this thought. I'm not sure I totally get what you are asking.

 

I'm responding to what someone else said (as previously quoted), and wondering whether or not others agree with her observation.

 

I wonder how many people truly choose most of what they do. Or is it that they can find contentment in most of what they do?

 

You raise a good point ~ the potential distinction between happiness and contentment.

 

Well we might choose to help others because we personally get things out of helping others. How many people help others and get nothing out of it? I mean not even a wee bit of satisfaction that we helped?

 

True!

[Colleen]

Balance in all things, including:

 

Doing things for ourselves and allowing others to do for us.

 

Doing things for other people and allowing them to learn to do for themselves.

 

That's a good way of expressing it; thanks for your reply!

[Colleen]

Did you see the part where she said she was at a point in her life~~~~

 

Yes, I saw that part; I read her post in its entirety.

 

Meaning she's probably already done many thing that may or not be self gratifying. She's already paid some dues and can at this point choose to do certain things or not. There can be a fine line between doing something boring or unpleasant to learn, overcome and grow and doing it in a self-martyring way. Maybe happy people may know when challenging themselves is worthwhile and when it's just prideful.

 

I think I see what you're saying. I believe some people are "yes"-men, e.g. they'll agree to take on more than they want to/are able to, and then they make others aware that of their "sacrifice". That's certainly different from choosing to do hard work without a bad attitude and/or blowing one's own horn.

[Tokyomarie]

I imagine a woman could hire help in part so that she can help others more.

 

I have hired domestic helpers at different times in my life, for different numbers of hours/week, mainly to ensure basic survival and cleanliness during challenging circumstances, including long-term weekly help during our overseas sojourn.

 

Now, at this time in my life, I have hired help for just a few hours 2-3 times a month, partly so I am able to perform volunteer functions in roles that not just anyone can easily fill.

[Colleen]

I feel sort of the same way as that poster - that I've done a lot of "grunt work" or survival work for years, and now I'm wondering if perhaps I might just have a few choices in my life now. Choices that aren't selfish, that will help my family and perhaps others, but choices I've never been able to choose before, or even thought were appropriate choices.

 

I sorta kinda understand, but I may not be hearing you correctly. I'm not entirely sure what you consider "grunt work" or survival work. If we choose to have children, for example, isn't the work that it entails in essence a choice we've made? I'm thinking about this now as I start the adventure (?!;)) that is parenting young adults. I confess, I feel rather like this overwhelming task has been placed before me without my assent. Of course, I took the job on myself when I entered parenthood. I just...didn't realize what it was I was taking on.:tongue_smilie:

[Colleen]

I think about it like this: the only things I've ever done in life that were worth much at all took a lot of hard work. And it is those things - the things that took hard work - that have given me happiness in life. The self-gratifying parts of my life haven't amounted to things that ended up being worthwhile to me.

 

When I first read your post, I thought, "Oh, I've enjoyed a ton of things that didn't take much work at all!":D But you've made that connection between happiness and what's genuinely worthwhile. Good point; thank you.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm at a point in my life where I know myself in a way that I didn't know myself when I was younger. I know my spiritual gifts. I know what kinds of things in general are my strong points and what aren't. I am at the point where I want to make choices to maximize my strong points. If I had the money I would want to give away some of those things that are not that strong - like housecleaning. BUT - God hasn't seen fit to give me that kind of money and so I take a certain amount of pleasure out of still finding improvement in my weak areas!

[Colleen]

Interesting quotes; thank you.:)

[Colleen]

I read the Home'scool's comment differently. What I heard was that the happiest people are able to prioritize. They know that what they can do & what they should do aren't always the same thing.

 

Okay, that makes sense. Now the question is, when does "want" come into play? (Again, I'm not talking here specifically about how a house gets cleaned.) If I can do something, and I should do something, does the fact that I don't want to do it trump the first two? Rhetorical question; just musing.

 

I imagine a woman could hire help in part so that she can help others more.

 

Yes, that's true. I wonder how often, when we choose not to do a given job ourselves, we use that time to serve others? I know in my case the answer isn't impressive. Good food for thought.

[Colleen]

...are those who have real accomplishments and who also understand Grace.

 

I think it takes both.

 

Yes; anything without grace is lacking. Thank you for pointing that out.

[Colleen]

That being said, I envy people with the ability to say 'no.' I think, if you've reached a level of maturity where you can realize it's okay to fail or be rejected or just admit you cannot do it all, and still think yourself a good person, or at least keep from thinking negatively about yourself, then you've reached an age of happiness.

 

I wonder about this. Do most people really struggle with saying "No"? Is it more a cultural issue? Gender specific? It's not an issue for me, so I have trouble understanding it.

[Colleen]

in a quest for happiness, I think the need for choice/options/opportunity is less important than the need for a spirit of contentment.

 

Very true. Sometimes it's difficult to keep that in mind, in the midst of our choice-laden culture...

[Colleen]

I think that people who choose to do that which must be done, regardless of whether or not it matches their desires, are among the happiest people.

 

Well said; thanks for contributing to my musing.:)

[Colleen]

You both make good points about maximizing our strong points and serving others. Thank you.

[snickelfritz]

Okay, that makes sense. Now the question is, when does "want" come into play? (Again, I'm not talking here specifically about how a house gets cleaned.) If I can do something, and I should do something, does the fact that I don't want to do it trump the first two? Rhetorical question; just musing.

 

Is it

a. One specific area that you are lacking in, or an occasional occurrence, and you are generally responsible in other areas?

 

b. A habitual thing that you refuse to do something if you don't want to do it?

 

The first situation is something that can happen and you can still be a productive person and a positive and beneficial influence on those around you.

 

The second situation makes for (the only way I can think to phrase this) a spoiled brat.

[Colleen in NS]

 

I sorta kinda understand, but I may not be hearing you correctly. I'm not entirely sure what you consider "grunt work" or survival work. If we choose to have children, for example, isn't the work that it entails in essence a choice we've made?

 

Not that I've not had ANY choices, but have had fewer than what I perceive others around me have. I'm quite sure, among people we know around here, that we are among the lowest income. Sure, I chose to get married, chose to have kids, chose to be a SAHM. Don't regret any of that. But because of mine and dh's backgrounds before marriage, we haven't had a lot of financial room going into this family adventure. Ever since I stopped earning money 11 years ago, we have lived below what is considered poverty level, sometimes far below. We have struggled to stay out of debt and I've worked really hard to stretch dh's income. It's not the having-children-related diaper changing and meal cooking and laundry doing tasks that I'm talking about. It's things like making sure my homemade-spreadsheet-on-old-computer for the family budget is balanced to the penny, every week, so that we don't lose track of finances and risk not having money to pay a bill. Or searching for a place to buy bulk beans because it's cheaper than buying meat because I have to pay the bills before I can buy groceries so I should keep the grocery bill as low as possible. Or learning to cook those beans. And learning to cook a lot of other things because it's cheaper and because of food allergies. Or not buying convenient rice or pasta anymore, because wheat flour, oats, and cornmeal are cheaper and oh, well, I can learn to make pasta myself so I can continue to keep the grocery budget low so I can buy heating oil this winter. And doing all this while caring for babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and young elementary age kids.

 

Now - I am glad I have learned these and many more skills. It has taught me that I can learn a lot of things I never thought I could learn. I've also developed my creativity by living this way. But it got exhausting after a few years to try and do EVERYTHING myself.

 

Now my youngest is 8, and it's starting to feel like I might have some more flexibility. Like, I could tutor for pretty decent money here, and maybe hire occasional cleaning help so I can concentrate more on the growing educational side of our family life. The tutoring could enable the cleaning help and education, and the cleaning help and education (that I'm getting, too!) could greatly help build a tutoring business, which could give us some more financial breathing room. I didn't have this choice before, or at least I never realized I did. But if I change my mentality a little bit (hire out some of our DIY tasks), I might have a choice that could give our finances a boost.

[Linda in Oregon]

I think the apostle Paul had it right -- happiness comes from being able to be content in any circumstances -- choices or no choices. I know people who can filter through all kinds of misery to find one little thing in which to rejoice. And I know people with vast freedom and opportunity who still feel unhappy.

 

So, in a quest for happiness, I think the need for choice/options/opportunity is less important than the need for a spirit of contentment.

 

 

Thank you msjones - and Paul,

 

I think you hit the nail on the head. You put to words exactly what I was thinking, anyway.

 

I do think, though, that it's also important to recognize and feel my full range of feelings - I'm human after all. Only when I dwell in those negative feelings, when I get stuck there, I have to realize that I've made the choice to do so. Sometimes that may even feel like a comfortable place to be. But, ultimately, it's my responsibility and desire to choose happiness instead, no matter what my circumstances may be.

 

Is this what we are talking about? Sorry if I got side-tracked....

[TXMomof4]

 

Okay, that makes sense. Now the question is, when does "want" come into play? (Again, I'm not talking here specifically about how a house gets cleaned.) If I can do something, and I should do something, does the fact that I don't want to do it trump the first two? Rhetorical question; just musing.

 

 

 

.

 

I think it's again all about balance. I know that I should eat my vegetables, I can eat my veggies, but I want ice cream. I can make that choice now - and I do. But not every day. I have the ability to make that choice to do what I want to do, rather than what I ought to do. If you take away that choice (not specifically ice cream, but you get what I mean) then yes, I would be less happy. However, happiness and contentment are not the same thing. I can be content with carrots, but I'm sure happier with ice cream.

I am a little medicated, so if that doesn't make sense - carry on!

[NancyNellen]

I didn't read all the responses, but I think the happiest people are those who can do anything with joy and gladness without thought of themselves. Those people, in my opinion, who are constantly seeking self-gratification are the most discontent in day-to-day living.

[JWSJ]

I am capable of A LOT of things that I choose NOT to do...I revel in the fact that I am at a point in my life where I am completely self sufficient and can do ANYTHING I CHOOSE to do, but don't have to.

 

I think having THAT mindset makes life grand, don't you? You will find the happiest people usually think somewhere along these lines.

 

 

Self sufficient is the main word in this quote.

 

I once worked for an unethical employer. I hated it, but I didn't have a choice. Quitting meant going hungry and homeless.

 

I didn't have the luxury of choice.

 

Being self sufficient has allowed me to be true to myself and hence happy.

 

I believe that is something to strive for.

[Home'scool]

On the one hand, I like what she said here, and of course there's a lot of truth to it. There are all manner of things we opt not to do ourselves, though we'd be capable (at least passably) of doing so. Just because we can do "X" doesn't mean we have to. Such is the beauty (and luxury) of choice.

 

Where I get off the train of thought, to a degree, is in the suggestion that the happiest people subscribe to this mindset. Reading between the lines (and perhaps I'm misreading), what I hear in that is a lack of appreciation for that which is not particularly pleasing to us. A desire to only partake of those things that we choose. It sounds to me (again, this may very well be my own misinterpretation) not so much self-sufficient as it does self-gratifying.

 

Now, I enjoy self-gratification as much as the next person, but I also believe there's great value in doing things that may not "feel" comfortable/good/enjoyable to us. I do think things that are hard work, or frustrating, or of little or no interest to us can make us (and others) better people.

 

And I can't say that the happiest people I've met in life are those who only do that which they choose to do (if that makes sense). On the contrary, the people whom I've found to be most content are often engaged in work that fulfills others at least as much, if not more, than it does themselves.

 

Let me see if I can expand a bit on what I posted.

 

In terms of this specific conversation, regarding hiring a cleaning lady, my statement refers to being free of doing things (enter mind's voice) "just because I can, and therefore I should, and if I didn't than that would make me a bad person, and maybe my standards for myself are dropping, and am I being lazy, and does the neighbor think I am lazy?" ....... and on it goes.

 

I am at a very happy place with this scenario because I no longer worry about what others think and secondly, and here is the most important point -- no longer feel that I have to do everything in order to prove I am self-sufficient. Just in the way I do not care what people think about me if I have a cleaning lady, I also do not need to prove my self-worth through my ability to do ALL the work ALL the time BY myself because I don't NEED anybody and poor me I stand alone in this world. Too passive-aggressive for me!!!

 

Now, in a broader scope of happiness, a lot more goes into it for me. I also revel - again absolutely revel- in choosing the harder path of homeschooling. I love challenging myself and my kids. I could send them to private school, but I choose not to. NOT to be a martyr, not so I can "tote the weary load" and "bear my cross", but because it is a path I choose and find exciting and challenging.

 

I also still take pride in doing things that aren't pleasing. I am proud of myself for getting a yearly mammogram, for going to the dentist 2x per year, for exercising 4x per week (gawd I hate excercising!) -- all these things are hard, uncomfortable, frustrating, etc. - but I find the good in them and do them.

 

Ditto for offering to take a neighbor's kids for the weekend when her husband is in the hospital. Her kids are a pain, but she is a sweet person.

 

To make a long post short (!) -- when it is the right thing to do ("right" meaning adds value to my or someone else's life) - then I try to find a way to do it and I find meaning and value in that.

 

When it is something as banal as being a martyr because "I partake in drudgery because I should" - I have moved on from that long ago.

 

Life is too short for pity-parties.

[Trivium Academy]

I believe the happiest people are those who appreciate what they have without allowing desire for better things to spoil their satisfaction, understand and maintain healthy relationships, and have goals to work towards in all areas of their life so that they are continuously growing in some way or another.

 

A happy person knows that even if there is some bleakness in their life, there is still a reason to smile and move forward. I'm not sure 'happy' is the correct word b/c anyone can choose to be happy under any circumstances, every day. You can decide to have a good attitude and be happy even if you're homeless and repressed.

[Stacy in NJ]

I like your post. Life is too short to agonize over whether one uses a cleaning service, or volunteers at the homeless shelter, or mows their own lawn or bakes their bread from scratch.

 

There's an important balance between self-discipline and service to others and a little bit of carpe diem, baby.

[mom2att]

I'm at a point in my life where I know myself in a way that I didn't know myself when I was younger. I know my spiritual gifts. I know what kinds of things in general are my strong points and what aren't. I am at the point where I want to make choices to maximize my strong points.

 

Yup--what she said. Case in point: I am a lousy cook. I don't like to cook. I'd rather do most anything than cook. However, my family still has to eat, so I do prepare food for them. What I don't do is spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to be a better cook--I'd rather direct my energy toward something I enjoy doing, something I feel I already do well. That doesn't mean it's self-serving just because I enjoy it, in fact in my case it's actually something that is a benefit to others. I lead a large homeschool co-op. It takes a lot of my time and energy, and I love doing it. There are 100 families in our community who benefit from being a part of this group--I'd much rather spend my energy on this endeavor than trying to figure out what to fix for dinner AGAIN.

 

Like I said, anything but cooking . . .

[Margaret in GA]

DS (12) and I watched Unbreakable the other night and it promted a similar discussion about happiness. M Night Shyamalan has all these Kaballah (sp?) themes in his movies about fulfilling your purpose in order to be happy. It's the same idea that Chrisitanity teaches: use your talents, do whatever you do with all your heart. I think there is a difference between engaging in entirely self-gratifying activities and seeking those big things that fulfill you. In the broad sense, I have seen people being absolutley miserable homeschooling. If you cannot be glad in your life's purpose, maybe it isn't your purpose and you should stop banging your head against the wall. In a narrow sense, I see my daughter being absolutely miserable doing math. Too bad, you need to learn how to do math ;)

 

To sum up,I believe this:

If I do things all day long I don't want to do, that doesn't mean I'm unhappy. If I do things all life long I don't want to do, I am.

[lionfamily1999]

 

I wonder about this. Do most people really struggle with saying "No"? Is it more a cultural issue? Gender specific? It's not an issue for me, so I have trouble understanding it.

I don't know how to answer that, other than to offer how 'no' effects me. I feel guilty, not _______ enough (insert anything there, good, strong, kind). I feel like I'm letting someone down, like I'm avoiding responsibility, being unhelpful... really, the list is endless. There is a lot of guilt for me in saying no. I don't believe it's gender specific, if only because my husband is the same way. He will stretch himself so thin, trying to do everything that people ask him to do. I try to be understanding about all the late nights and lost family time, but I find myself yelling at him, just tell them NO, even while knowing that I would have done the same thing.

[Colleen]

I no longer worry about what others think and secondly' date=' and here is the most important point -- [b']no longer feel that I have to do everything in order to prove I am self-sufficient[/b].

 

Thanks for expanding on your thoughts; I've enjoyed reading your posts.:) So it sounds like you used to be overly-concerned about what others thought of you and/or your choices. That isn't my nature. I can't really identify, either, with the need to "prove" one's self-sufficiency. I don't feel, when I grow my own vegetables or clean my own home or (fill in the blank with all manner of things), that I'm "proving" anything to anyone ~ other than myself, I suppose. If I run three hours, I'm proving to myself that I can run three hours ~ nothing more, nothing less, kwim?

 

When it is something as banal as being a martyr because "I partake in drudgery because I should" - I have moved on from that long ago. Life is too short for pity-parties.

 

Agreed ~ and thanks for the reminder! What I wonder is whether pity parties are indeed genuine. For example, I hear women around me talking all the time about how busy they are; how much running around they're doing taking Billy and Susie to this, that, and the other; how they don't have time for such-and-such because of their packed schedules...yada, yada, yada. Yet even as they throw a pity party, they seem to take a perverse pride in all of it. People are interesting.

[Colleen in NS]

Amazing what Laura's original question about to hire or not to hire spun off. I have learned a lot of good stuff from that and the spinoff threads.

[The Governess]

Most people go through seasons in life; sometimes life is an uphill battle, and sometimes you are coasting downhill. There are seasons where we have to put in long hours, where our mental and physical health is compromised, where pain, stress, exhaustion are our constant companions. And then we get a reprieve, and life feels manageable again.

 

The last four or five years have been very hard work for me, and I feel like I'm just now getting to a place where I can breathe again. A very hard pregnancy and year post-partum, an international adoption, stressful paperwork and therapy and health concerns for dd2, and on top of all of this my dh starting a business that is just now getting to the point where cash flow is consistent. I feel like I've reached the peak of this hill. And I feel incredibly blessed that we are in a position where I can get a little bit of a break.

 

I don't feel entitled to help. I am sooooo grateful that I have choices right now, that I can choose to say: no, I don't want to take on that responsibility right now. I know that in the future I won't always have that choice. But, right now I do and I feel so blessed that I do. I feel like it is a gift to me, and I know that at any moment it will expire, so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. :001_smile:

[The Governess]

Amazing what Laura's original question about to hire or not to hire spun off. I have learned a lot of good stuff from that and the spinoff threads.

 

:iagree:

[happyWImom]

I think the apostle Paul had it right -- happiness comes from being able to be content in any circumstances -- choices or no choices.

 

:iagree: That's the lesson I especially want to teach my dc. With them, (especially dd) one little thing won't go right/perfectly, and she is "Oh, this is the worst day!"

 

I have a constant struggle with myself, because I am always trying to just do what pleases me, and I have to remind myself "IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT ME". I'm not going to interpret what the original poster meant, but I do thank her for getting a good discussion going.:001_smile::001_smile: