How does your hs group enforce participation?

[klmama]

I'm in a homeschooling group that expects everyone to participate. Great. I participate. Then, when I do, I have to hear constantly about how other people aren't participating. It gets old. How does your hs group enforce participation by members?

[Carrie12345]

I'm in a homeschooling group that expects everyone to participate. Great. I participate. Then, when I do, I have to hear constantly about how other people aren't participating. It gets old. How does your hs group enforce participation by members?

 

It doesn't. "Homeschooling" and "required participation" sounds funny to me, and to most of the homeschoolers we associate with.

[Jenny in Florida]

It doesn't. "Homeschooling" and "required participation" sounds funny to me, and to most of the homeschoolers we associate with.

 

It seems to be an amusing concept for most of the secular homeschoolers in our area, too. Which is why we no longer belong to a homeschool group.

[Amy loves Bud]

Ours does not. I don't think I'd want to be in a group that required participation, simply because of the whole seasons of life thing. Sometimes we can do more, other times we can't. I'm happy to serve the moms who are in a period when then can't participate, and appreciate what the group does for me when I can't - like after Romy was born.

[Carol in Cal.]

They require coop participation as the price of admission, making it very clear up front. Then they schedule it, and then if people don't come through they ask about it and talk about it (peer pressure), and presumably the last resort is to replace them. Since the coop days are very attractive, people mostly put up with this.

 

I'm not in that group, but I respect their clarity. Since I work fulltime and homeschool, I don't have a full day to spend on that. When I have free time I spend it with my DD doing things that I pick, some of which involve other kids and some of which do not.

[Adrianne]

I'm in a homeschooling group that expects everyone to participate. Great. I participate. Then, when I do, I have to hear constantly about how other people aren't participating. It gets old. How does your hs group enforce participation by members?

 

I am confused, are you upset that you have to help out or are you upset because others do not help out?

 

 

Participation is highly encouraged by our group but I am not sure how enforceable it is. Coops are only as good as the people who participate and work to help to group succeed. Our leadership works hard to make it clear that the group succeeds because everyone participates. When a spot needs to be filled, those who may not be participating at the moment are asked to help out. For instance, "Ms Smith can you help out in nursery today?".

 

Usually there is a place for everyone i.e., I just had a baby so I spend most of my time in the nursery. (I also teach classes only because I want to.)There are many jobs for those who don't want to teach like helper, clean up crew, organizing field trips, set up crew etc.

 

We do not allow people to just drop off their kids. However you can send your child with another family but you must help out in some way (even sending thank you cards to speakers)

 

These things are made very clear to people when they sign up and again is made very clear during the year.

[Amy loves Bud]

They require coop participation as the price of admission, making it very clear up front. Then they schedule it, and then if people don't come through they ask about it and talk about it (peer pressure), and presumably the last resort is to replace them. Since the coop days are very attractive, people mostly put up with this.

 

I'm not in that group, but I respect their clarity. Since I work fulltime and homeschool, I don't have a full day to spend on that. When I have free time I spend it with my DD doing things that I pick, some of which involve other kids and some of which do not.

 

This is a good point, Carol. I'm also in a smallish coop and participation is mandatory. We were assigned our roles at the beginning and knew what we were getting into. If you didn't come through, I imagine you (and your kids) wouldn't be allowed to participate.

 

The group I was referring to in my post states that its purpose is to support the homeschooling parent. We have field trips and other activities, but the mission is support. So if someone can't participate...we support them.:D

 

So I guess it really depends on the group and its purpose.

[KidsHappen]

They require coop participation as the price of admission, making it very clear up front. Then they schedule it, and then if people don't come through they ask about it and talk about it (peer pressure), and presumably the last resort is to replace them. Since the coop days are very attractive, people mostly put up with this.

 

I'm not in that group, but I respect their clarity. Since I work fulltime and homeschool, I don't have a full day to spend on that. When I have free time I spend it with my DD doing things that I pick, some of which involve other kids and some of which do not.

 

I don't think that is necessarily true. I belonged to an extremely successful homeschool group in FL. that had over 150 families. All participation was voluntary. We had meeting, activities, field trips, co-ops, social groups, mom's nights, regular classes at the science center and just about everything else you could imagine. People were free to participate in any and all events that they wished and we never had a shortage of helpers, teachers, leaders, etc. I would not belong to an organization that required participation nor do I think it is necessary.

[jonesloonybin]

I am in a couple different groups. One does not have any requirements at all. The other requires you to host or organize at least 1 thing a year. You could host something at your house or park or be the mom that goes to one of the monthly Border's days. (This is where you meet new/interested members. Our homeschool group has a policy of not allowing you access to the yahoo group unless they meet you first or you are sponsored by a member)

 

I think this is pretty reasonable. But I do find myself doing more with the group that has no requirements. The goal of that group is less about academics and more about establishing a "community"

[klmama]

Just to clarify - this is a county-wide support group of several hundred families that provides educational meetings for parents, field trips (as scheduled by parents), social events for moms, classes (as planned and scheduled by parents), and play-groups. All are activities that parents schedule as their contribution. Basically, any way we want to contribute, we can. Still, some are joining the group and not doing anything to partipate. It used to be small enough that they would just call and ask what we were going to do for our contribution, but now, even doing that becomes a big job. I know several leaders spend 20+ hours a week doing what they do just to organize things, so I can see how they get frustrated with those of us who volunteer a couple of hours a year, and even more with those who do absolutely nothing. I'd love to have some suggestions for increasing participation so they don't feel so overwhelmed.

[Ellie]

I'm in a homeschooling group that expects everyone to participate. Great. I participate. Then, when I do, I have to hear constantly about how other people aren't participating. It gets old. How does your hs group enforce participation by members?

We didn't "enforce" participation.

 

First, it was a support group, not a co-op of any kind. Our primary activities were park day once a month and Moms' Night Out once a month. Whoever came out was whoever came out.

 

Second, we planned field trips twice a year. One of the leaders would schedule a field trip-planning meeting; whoever showed up was the field trip committee, and no one organized more than two field trips, so if only 2 people were there, we only had 4 field trips for half the year. That never happened, but if it had, one of the leaders would have looked any complainer in the eye and said, "So, next time I guess you'll be at the meeting, yes?"

 

We planned two field trips a month, on the second and fourth Fridays; having a regular schedule like that made it easier for people to attend because they weren't always having to rearrange their schedules (park day was on Friday, too). We required people to actually sign up *in advance, by a deadline,* and we charged for all field trips, even the ones which were free. We didn't give refunds unless the outing was cancelled. We tried to have a variety of field trips so that most people could make it to at least one a month. If we didn't have enough sign-ups by the deadline, we cancelled the trip and gave refunds (we rarely had to cancel). The leaders also never stood with their faces red at a field trip location because no one bothered to show up.

 

Third, we only had one business meeting a year, in August; at that time we passed around a sign-up sheet for things like parties/potlucks/whatnots. Whoever was interested in organizing one signed up to do it, and did all the planning on her own (usually more than one person signed up, so they became the committee), and then just let us know what we were doing. If no one signed up for an event, we didn't have the event, and no one was upset. If anyone *had* been upset over it and had gone to one of the leaders to complain, the leader would have looked her in the eyeball and said, "Why don't you organize that and get back to us?"

 

We were always satisfied with our group participation; the few rules we had (signing up and paying in advance for field trips, for example) kept us accountable to keep commitments but didn't overburden anyone.

 

I doubt that I would stay in a support group if I were being badgered about participating (even if I participated). I was never in a co-op, was never interested (they weren't really "invented" when I was hsing, anyway), but if I were in charge, I'd have similar rules (sign up and pay in advance, not enough participation=no class+no worries, etc., no complaining if things don't work out the way someone thinks they should but isn't willing to help).

[klmama]

I am confused, are you upset that you have to help out or are you upset because others do not help out?

 

 

 

Neither, actually. I'm frustrated that when I participate, like I'm "supposed to," leaders complain to me about how others aren't doing anything. I don't like to be complained at about other people. I understand their frustration over how much time they are putting in, often 20+ hours a week. It could be lighter if everyone contributed in some way, as they agreed to upon joining the group each year. The size of the group has discouraged the amount of interaction and relationship, though, and it's harder for the peer pressure approach to work with a group this size. It used to work, but it doesn't seem to now. I'm looking for other ideas to share with them.

[Rosy]

A few ways--first of all, when people register they sign a form stating that they have read the handbook and agree to abide by it, and the handbook states that everyone has to be a part of the set up or clean up crew for at least one semester, and be involved in one of our "teams"--missions team, field trip team, party planning team, etc. We have a leadership team member whose job it is to make sure everyone is plugged in somewhere and contributing to their team. Someone who didn't make their commitment would lose priority at registration (basically, they don't get first pick at classes), and would be removed from the group if it continued.

 

Most of our members are happy to help out, and since we give clear definitions of how they can be involved, it's easy to sign up for an area of interest and have a coordinator help members know how/where to participate.

 

Just to clarify - this is a county-wide support group of several hundred families that provides educational meetings for parents, field trips (as scheduled by parents), social events for moms, classes (as planned and scheduled by parents), and play-groups. All are activities that parents schedule as their contribution. Basically, any way we want to contribute, we can. Still, some are joining the group and not doing anything to partipate. It used to be small enough that they would just call and ask what we were going to do for our contribution, but now, even doing that becomes a big job. I know several leaders spend 20+ hours a week doing what they do just to organize things, so I can see how they get frustrated with those of us who volunteer a couple of hours a year, and even more with those who do absolutely nothing. I'd love to have some suggestions for increasing participation so they don't feel so overwhelmed.

 

If I was running your group, I would set a small joining fee if you don't already have one--$5/yr., maybe--and have people sign up for a contribution area when they register. So if someone signed up for field trips, you would have a field trip coordinator who is responsible for making sure field trips happen monthly or bi-weekly or whatever, and would let the group leader know if someone is shirking their responsibility. Next year when it's time to register, they don't get to register until they can demonstrate that they planned their field trip(s). They don't get to be on the e-mail list or mailing list unless they've done their duty.

 

We used to be a lot more lax, and had much lower participation. Once we got organized, we found that people didn't mind participating, they just had to be told where they were needed and what contribution would be helpful to the group.

[Mari]

Neither, actually. I'm frustrated that when I participate, like I'm "supposed to," leaders complain to me about how others aren't doing anything. I don't like to be complained at about other people. I understand their frustration over how much time they are putting in, often 20+ hours a week. It could be lighter if everyone contributed in some way, as they agreed to upon joining the group each year. The size of the group has discouraged the amount of interaction and relationship, though, and it's harder for the peer pressure approach to work with a group this size. It used to work, but it doesn't seem to now. I'm looking for other ideas to share with them.

 

I've seen two groups now that use a committee system. Basically every member must serve on one of the committees, whether it's for field trips, holiday parties, monthly coffees, etc. Interestingly, both groups limited the number of committee members so that all committees were equal in size. This worked well although some members tended to become lazy in not offering help outside of their committees. Their attitude became "I've already done my share for the year so I don't need to contribute more." So there is that.

[Mari]

I understand the frustrations you are having but the leaders of your group need to know that attendance is indeed participation. Without attendance there would be no group to lead. Also, does your group exist primarily to offer support to the parents or the children? This is important because I would hate to exclude any child from activities or playtime with other children because his/her mom was a slacker or simply overwhelmed by homeschooling. I know in my first year of homeschooling I couldn't offer much of my time or talent but I would have surely thrown in the towel early if we did not have a relaxed group of families to hang with.

[klmama]

I understand the frustrations you are having but the leaders of your group need to know that attendance is indeed participation. Without attendance there would be no group to lead. Also, does your group exist primarily to offer support to the parents or the children? This is important because I would hate to exclude any child from activities or playtime with other children because his/her mom was a slacker or simply overwhelmed by homeschooling. I know in my first year of homeschooling I couldn't offer much of my time or talent but I would have surely thrown in the towel early if we did not have a relaxed group of families to hang with.

 

The first year, parents aren't expected to do anything. The next year, though, they are supposed to sign up to do at least one thing in service to the group.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

The group I was referring to in my post states that its purpose is to support the homeschooling parent. We have field trips and other activities, but the mission is support. So if someone can't participate...we support them.:D

 

 

 

I think that if things are not explicit and required to some extent, it's easy to end up having misunderstandings that are significant and lead to bad feelings.

 

If people truly want to serve completely selflessly, that is fine. If people want to serve and their expectation is that this will only attract others who also want to serve, this generally does not work. No one can govern or predict other people's reactions to things like this.

 

Last year I led a free middle school literature group that met monthly. I hosted the kids and assigned the books and taught literary elements and led discussions. Parents were welcome to stay and observe or leave and come back. It was interesting to see how people took this. Several people wanted me to use another approach. (These were people I had never met before!) Some wanted to come only if there was going to be a balance of boys and girls. (It was open to both, but I was not going to set a quota.) Some were extremely grateful that I offered this at all. Others wanted me to offer more so that it would meet longer so that they could drop off their children for a long enough time to do some errands. (We met for 90 minutes, and kids could stay for another half hour to play by prior arrangement.)

 

I guess I could have gotten all irritated about this, but I had met all my objectives for the class. I wanted 4-8 students total. I wanted to work with kids who would actually do the reading and I was willing to call on them to make sure that everyone participated. My DD made some new friends, and so did I. They got to read and get various points of view on a bunch of really good books, most of which they would not have read on their own.

 

I loved teaching this class, and I really enjoyed the new friends we made, and that is my overwhelming remembrance of it. I really had to reach to remember the one pretty unfriendly person who dropped their kid off and always seemed sort of vaguely hostile, or some of the discussions I had with people with different opinions that were not so pleasant.

 

I think that in a coop you get out of it what you emphasize, and you have to make ongoing decisions about whether it is or is not a good fit.

 

It sounds like the leaders of the OP's coop are in a mode of complaining all the time, which is really unpleasant, and either they are just 'like that' or they are being sort of passive-aggressive to get others to step up, or they are on the verge of serious burn out. Hopefully they will either clarify and enforce their requirements or decide to serve cheerfully whether others do or not. Otherwise, they will continue to work as martyrs or quit, neither of which is as good an outcome as the prior ones.

[Pretty in Pink]

We are members of a small-ish group (50-75 families?) that spans a few counties. Participation is completely voluntary yet we have an amazingly successful group. We have a co-op of sorts, various clubs for students (chess, poetry, science, etc. over the years), field trips, and all of the standard stuff like park day, bowling, mom's night out, etc.

 

I'd be uncomfortable about people complaining behind other members' backs.

[Carol in Cal.]

I don't think that is necessarily true. I belonged to an extremely successful homeschool group in FL. that had over 150 families. All participation was voluntary. We had meeting, activities, field trips, co-ops, social groups, mom's nights, regular classes at the science center and just about everything else you could imagine. People were free to participate in any and all events that they wished and we never had a shortage of helpers, teachers, leaders, etc. I would not belong to an organization that required participation nor do I think it is necessary.

 

I'm just confused...thanks.

[klmama]

If I was running your group, I would set a small joining fee if you don't already have one--$5/yr., maybe--and have people sign up for a contribution area when they register. So if someone signed up for field trips, you would have a field trip coordinator who is responsible for making sure field trips happen monthly or bi-weekly or whatever, and would let the group leader know if someone is shirking their responsibility. Next year when it's time to register, they don't get to register until they can demonstrate that they planned their field trip(s). They don't get to be on the e-mail list or mailing list unless they've done their duty.

 

We used to be a lot more lax, and had much lower participation. Once we got organized, we found that people didn't mind participating, they just had to be told where they were needed and what contribution would be helpful to the group.

 

What good ideas! Thank you. I'll pass them on.

[klmama]

I've seen two groups now that use a committee system. Basically every member must serve on one of the committees, whether it's for field trips, holiday parties, monthly coffees, etc. Interestingly, both groups limited the number of committee members so that all committees were equal in size. This worked well although some members tended to become lazy in not offering help outside of their committees. Their attitude became "I've already done my share for the year so I don't need to contribute more." So there is that.

 

This is a good idea. Right now it's more "How are you going to serve?" instead of offering specific things for people to volunteer to do. With a better idea of what is needed, people would probably be more willing to be involved. Thanks!

[Plucky]

I chose not to belong to the group that mandated participation and they broke up anyway. Too many opinions in the "inclusive" group.

[Sandy in Indy]

I'm the director of a very small support group (20 families). It takes all of the moms (and a couple of dads) to make everything happen when we have classes--not participating isn't an option. Some jobs are more time-consuming than others....some semesters you teach; some you show up and help in a class. It's not really a big deal.

 

My real frustration is folks who sign up for a responsibility--knowing that we just don't have extra people--and then flake out at the last minute. Last month, some of our kids participated in a JA program. It had been on the calendar since last September. Two days before, one of the moms who was supposed to go called and said she had a dr's appt (not an emergency--I asked!). That kind of thing makes me see red... And always...always....always....after I spend weeks in the summer figuring out who's going to teach what and where everyone will be stationed, someone emails and says...uh, I don't think we'll participate. Don't sign up if you don't want to participate!

 

:rant:

 

What's the point of belonging to a group if you don't participate? No, we don't make our members attend every field trip or parent meeting, but I do ask members to live up to the responsibilities they've agreed to.

[Murphy101]

actually I'm thrilled to be in a group that requires it.

before I felt I had to beg and plead for every bit of participation

most just wanted to be on an email list or get a newsletter

 

now I'm in one that when you pay dues, you sign up for a committee.

it's great because

1. it's not vague "participate" -it's we need help in these areas, pick one.

2. it's a committee, so you're NOT signing up to carry a boulder of work all by yourself.

3. there's wiggle room for seasons of life b/c some committees are lots of activities and some are only 1 or 2 things the entire year.

 

When I joined I was 6 months pregnant with baby #9 and I signed up for the committee I was the most interested in - middle school activities. the leader came up to me not 2 minutes after I signed up and was very nice about saying that she thought I was signing up for a committee that woudl require too much of me and would I mind if she just slotted me in some other less active area? YES! I was thrilled and it was a total load off my shoulders. Next year, I'll be able to be my more active self.

 

ETA: that "NOT" in point 2! :)

Edited February 4, 2009 by Martha

[Mommyof4ks]

For our co-op participation is required which makes sense. If we want our kids to have reliable teachers and plenty of class options then we must all chip in.

 

The homeschool group in our area that sounds like what you are describing has people in charge of different areas (book sale, field trips, so on) and they can look for help if need be. We don't enforce participation, but basically if no one signs up for an area then we don't get to enjoy that particular activity. We did not have a field trip coordinator at the beginning of the semester, so we did not get group field trips. That got someone motivated to fill that position. If activities are desired, then someone will fill the postion, but I am not sure that one can enforce participation rules.

[mktkcb]

Well, I belong to a pretty large homeschool group/isp, and some things are required, and some are not. Required participation is mostly limited to quarterly meetings. You absolutely cannot miss those, and if you do you either have to schedule a makeup meeting with the directors, or pay a fine, or both. Most activities/field trips are totally optional. We have a highschool coop that has about 4 classes once a week, parent sponsored, with hired teachers who are very good. It is very well run, and every parent is required to help in some way.....usually sitting in class a couple times a semester to help grade papers etc., and the like. But these requirements are VERY up front. We don't view them as burdensome for the most part. Just necessary for the smooth operation of the event, iykwim.

Kayleen

[fivetails]

The group we were part of before didn't have any requirements for participation - it wasn't a co-op, just a group that got together for skating, christmas craft day, some field trips, etc....

 

The group here where we moved to doesn't seem to have any like that either (again, not a co-op) ...at least, nobody has handed me anything that says so or told me about any....events are open to those who choose to come....

 

I have to say, I'd be uncomfortable joining a group that required things like hosting a big event, having "Mom's meetings" at my house, things like that...mainly because I'm shy. I'd mess it up somehow because of that. I can just imagine a big group of woman here in my living room, me trying to play hostess...I'd prolly spill coffee on them just as one of the cats hacks up a hairball on the floor. :001_huh:

 

You want me to help? Give me some research to do. Give me paperwork that needs to be handled. Send me for supplies. Give me anything that means I don't have to be "on stage" in some way and we can work. :D

[mcconnellboys]

I've never heard of forced participation. You pay your money. If you want your money's worth, then you participate. If you don't, then your money becomes a contribution to others. I'm not sure how one could "force" participation? I never seen this in any groups around here. Perhaps they could specifically state that if there is no active participation at least once, etc. monthly, then the family would be dropped?

[Ellie]

That would be a support group :-)

 

I wouldn't be in a support group that mandated participation, either. :glare: I prefer the groups which are casual and which are member-led, not leader-led, as in the leader comes up with all of the ideas and then nags the members to get them done. Saw that way too many times back in the day.

[newlifemom]

I belonged to a group that was a well run cooperative. We had monthly support meeting for parents, mom's night, dad's breakfasts and 2 8 week co-op sessions. You could join this group and not participate in anything. You could go to the monthly meetings. You could sign up and be a part of the 8 week co-op classes. Those classes require participation of some sort. When you have 50+ families, average 3.37(my dh figured it out once) kids per family meant quite a few teachers. The parents were/are the teachers. If they don't do it, then no one else will. KWIM? Now some parents might just help teach the preschoolers, or run a class where there is some sort of video class occurring. while I do not think it is right to 'complain' b/c not enough people are participating I certainly understand. If you have somewhere in the neighborhood of 150 children trying to attend co-op classes, but only have 5 moms sign up to teach something then there will be a problem.

 

I said all that to say, I think in some instances participation of the parent is mandatory. When we had moms who wanted to sign up their kids for the co-op classes and just leave for 2 hrs we were floored. There is a reason it is called a cooperative. There were stipulations for women that were very pregnant or just had a baby, but even then most worked up to the end and were right back in the thick of it. Hey, we're homeschoolers right?:001_smile:

[Garga]

Whether or not people participate, there should be no talking about anyone behind their backs. I absolutely cannot stand negative talk about people.

 

I used to be a negative talker (gossiper, maybe?) until I became friends with my awesome mil. I have never, ever in 16 years of knowing her, heard her say a single bad thing about anyone. Ever.

 

Which means I know she has never said a single bad thing about me. I feel safe with her. And I've learned to give others that safety as well.

 

No more negative talk about others from me!

[Murphy101]

Whether or not people participate, there should be no talking about anyone behind their backs. I absolutely cannot stand negative talk about people.

 

I used to be a negative talker (gossiper, maybe?) until I became friends with my awesome mil. I have never, ever in 16 years of knowing her, heard her say a single bad thing about anyone. Ever.

 

Which means I know she has never said a single bad thing about me. I feel safe with her. And I've learned to give others that safety as well.

 

No more negative talk about others from me!

 

*sigh* yes and no.

 

I would try not to bad-mouth anyone specific, but the bottom line is that if a few are being overly burdened, they have to speak up about their needs to get support. So I might say, hey can someone, anyone, help out?! But I wouldn't say, so and so is loafing.

 

That's why I like the committee participation requirement of the group I'm in. There's no reason for anyone to have to do either and everyone benefits.

 

I guess I just don't see the point of joining a support group if someone isn't going to bother giving or getting support?:confused: I've been in groups in the past that didn't really require anything but my money and there was little to no support going around. It was exhausting and lonely and frustrating for myself and my kids.

[klmama]

I would try not to bad-mouth anyone specific, but the bottom line is that if a few are being overly burdened, they have to speak up about their needs to get support.

 

That's exactly the situation here. No specific names mentioned, just a general frustration with the lack of help from many of the people that are in the group. The leaders are overburdened. I do think they've brought it on themselves, though, with the lack of good organization as far as committees, etc.

 

I've gotten some good suggestions about dues, committee assignments, refusing readmission the next year for those not following rules (although I can't see them doing that), etc. If anyone else has any ideas not yet mentioned, please share!

[Murphy101]

I've gotten some good suggestions about dues, committee assignments, refusing readmission the next year for those not following rules (although I can't see them doing that), etc. If anyone else has any ideas not yet mentioned, please share!

 

Oh something I lthink my group does from the beginning that I think weeds out those not really interested in participating..

 

Before anyone can be a member they have to attend at least 2 monthly partent meetings. You'd be surprised how many people honestly have zero interest in participating in any way other than paying dues. They just want to get emails/newsletter and that's it. I would imagine this policy weeds out a LOT of those people.

 

Before anyone can join the group coop, they have to be a member for 1 year. A lot fo people only want to join for the coop, which is huge and I hear pretty good. But they don't really want to be a participant in a support network. The MAIN focus of the group is as a support group, the coop is only a part of that, not the other way around. This policy makes sure that the coop members have had a chance to get to know each other and ensures that the main goal of the group - to support and encourage each other - stays the main focus of membership.

[Alison in KY]

I'm glad I came here and searched under this topic tonight. This is exactly what I've been working on with our local group. I am pushing to change our support group rules to mandatory participation....which might be the wrong wording, but what I mean is that everyone does something. It doesn't mean that everyone has to show up for everything, just that we all do a little bit to make a united support group. Currently our group is run with about 5% doing the majority of the work. But, everyone is benefiting from that 5%. Also, even if you are a non-member you are welcome to join us. Well, that's just nice, but what's the difference between paying dues and being a member vs non-member then? There really isn't a difference in the way it's handled. So, I want everyone, except maybe first year homeschoolers, to sign up to do something...host a park day, do a field trip, hold a support group meeting, etc. I really dont' care, and I don't care if you do it as teams, but I think to avoid burnout from mom's who have been doing it awhile (that's the theme in my neck of the woods...mom's do all kinds of helping with the support group, then after 5 years or so they just disappear :)) that we have to go in that direction. I just hope if this idea is accepted by our leadership board, that it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. That's definitely not my intentions.

 

Thanks for starting this topic.

 

Alison in KY

[Ellie]

I would try not to bad-mouth anyone specific, but the bottom line is that if a few are being overly burdened, they have to speak up about their needs to get support. So I might say, hey can someone, anyone, help out?! But I wouldn't say, so and so is loafing.

If there are a few that are being "overly burdened," then either they have martyr complexes (and I say this lovingly), or there is way too much going on in the group.

 

That's why I like the committee participation requirement of the group I'm in. There's no reason for anyone to have to do either and everyone benefits.

What kinds of committees do y'all have???

 

I guess I just don't see the point of joining a support group if someone isn't going to bother giving or getting support?:confused: I've been in groups in the past that didn't really require anything but my money and there was little to no support going around. It was exhausting and lonely and frustrating for myself and my kids.

What's your definition of "support"? We were happy with a park day and a Moms' Night Out and an ocassional field trip. If someone wanted to plan an activity, then she did. If no one wanted anything, then it probably wasn't necessary. That was a true *support* group: we supported each other without putting pressure on each other.

 

The leader of group in the new city where I moved long ago was very wise. If someone went to her and said, "I was thinking we could do thus-and-such," and she'd look her in the eye and say, "That sounds like a great idea. Why don't you plan it and get back to us?"

 

Some support groups have way too many things going on, such that many people are busy doing those activities instead of actually, you know, staying home and teaching their dc.

 

I was in leadership on a regional level for some time, and I saw more support groups burn out leaders *and* members because people thought there needed to be many activities and the members were nagged to step up and do them. The tail was wagging the dog.

 

JMHO.

[snickelfritz]

What kinds of committees do y'all have???

 

I'm on the first two, so I put a little more info. The others are pretty self-explanatory.

 

1. New(er) to Homeschooling...It has several experienced homeschoolers that are there to support and help those that are new to it. I "believe" that this could be your only committe the first year, thus allowing you to ease into it. But, I signed up for the next one before I knew about this one.

 

2. Preschool fellowship.... schedule playdates for preschoolers.

 

3. Elementary fellowship

4. Elementary service

5. Elementary field trips

6. Middle School fellowship

7. Middle school service.

 

etc...

 

Each committe is pretty specific, which makes sure that 1 committee isn't the work horse of the group. It's a pretty large group, which helps to make it possible to fill all of those committe positions.

 

"

What's your definition of "support"? We were happy with a park day and a Moms' Night Out and an ocassional field trip. If someone wanted to plan an activity, then she did. If no one wanted anything, then it probably wasn't necessary. That was a true *support* group: we supported each other without putting pressure on each other. "

 

Our support group doesn't require field trip participation or anything other than attending 2 mom support meetings in a year. These meetings are sort of like professional development. Last meeting had one breakout session where the local Technical college talked to high-school parents about options that were available to them. Our session talked about ways to incorporate movement into your teaching. Skipping rope while memorizing math facts and such. I haven't actually been to a single activity or field trip, EXCEPT the night moms meetings. Our new to homeschooling group does some extra meetings at Panera, just to chat and talk but I haven't been able to make it to one of those.

Edited February 7, 2009 by snickelfritz

[Murphy101]

Thanks Erica!:)

 

If there are a few that are being "overly burdened," then either they have martyr complexes (and I say this lovingly), or there is way too much going on in the group.

 

This is not really true. Just because a group has a lot going on, doesn't mean every member has to participate in every event. Far from it actually. By having plenty of activities to choose from, mebmers have a better chance to particpate in what works for them. Vs either doing the 2 or 3 things available whether they are what you need or not just to be involved.

 

And it's not a martyr complex either. I don't have to do anything, but my kids do need certain things and has the primary educator, it's my job to get those things for them. For example, in a previous hs group there was absolutely ZERO activities for my older kids to meet other kids. I don't think I was being a martyr to try hard to get members to be active with middle school activities, but they just weren't interested and my kids were sufferring for it. So now they are in a group that has more active members and more chances to get with other kids. We haven't done much this year, but at least we've had various opportunities - which is all I'm really asking for.

 

 

What's your definition of "support"? We were happy with a park day and a Moms' Night Out and an ocassional field trip. If someone wanted to plan an activity, then she did. If no one wanted anything, then it probably wasn't necessary. That was a true *support* group: we supported each other without putting pressure on each other.

 

The leader of group in the new city where I moved long ago was very wise. If someone went to her and said, "I was thinking we could do thus-and-such," and she'd look her in the eye and say, "That sounds like a great idea. Why don't you plan it and get back to us?"

 

See now, if that was working for you, then that's great.:)

It wouldn't have worked for me.

And not everyone is comfortable planning things on their own, esp for a large group. It can seem over-whelming and exhausting. A committee of helpers for a common goal removes that pressure.

 

Some support groups have way too many things going on, such that many people are busy doing those activities instead of actually, you know, staying home and teaching their dc.

 

I was in leadership on a regional level for some time, and I saw more support groups burn out leaders *and* members because people thought there needed to be many activities and the members were nagged to step up and do them. The tail was wagging the dog.

 

JMHO.

 

I have no idea how a group can have too many activities. I wouldn't pressure others to do them, but the more activities, the more choices and opportunities people have to participate in what works for their family.

 

There's this silly notion that one has to do everything, which is just nonsense. Of course the family should choose what works for them and not do more than that.

 

I think there's some confusion about 2 different issues being discussed here.

 

1 is having an active and thriving support network. Which is what the OP is really asking for help in creating.

 

The other is individual families needing to look at what works for their family and not over committing to outside activies. Honestly, this second issue has nothing to do with the support group, imho. I've seen it time and again. If they weren't over committing to the support group, they'd be doing it elsewhere, sports, church, or whatever. In fact, I'd bet they are doing it in every area, not just the support group.

[dirty ethel rackham]

We don't. We have an "If want something, do it" and "If you build it, they will come" philosophy. If you don't participate - so what. You don't benefit from the activities. Our group is a pretty independent bunch:).

[dirty ethel rackham]

I understand their frustration over how much time they are putting in, often 20+ hours a week. It could be lighter if everyone contributed in some way, as they agreed to upon joining the group each year.

 

WOW. What are they doing that required 20+ hours a week? Does the group have to have so much "stuff" that it requires that much work? Where is the homeschooling in all of this?

 

(I hope this doesn't come across as snarky. I am curious.)

[Ellie]

I have no idea how a group can have too many activities. I wouldn't pressure others to do them, but the more activities, the more choices and opportunities people have to participate in what works for their family.

If there are enough activities going on that someone could be out of the house every day of the week, yes, that's too many activities.

 

If the leaders of this group are spending upwards of 20 hours a week doing stuff for the group, that's too many activities.

[Sheila in OK]

And I think I'm in the same group as Martha and snickelfritz. ;-) The requirement of attending at least two meetings before being able to join is new. The reason for it is we had a lot of people sign up, pay their money, and then were never seen/heard from again. We don't want to waste anyone's time and money. If you don't want to give/get support, what's the point?

 

I think there are two different levels of participation here though. First, everyone does have to be on a committee. This is partly to spread the work around fairly, and partly to ensure everyone makes connections which can be difficult in a large group. As for activities, field trips, parties, service projects, etc. are totally optional. I wouldn't want to be in a group that was any other way. We all have seasons where our level of participation in outside activities is higher or lower.

 

I'm on the first two, so I put a little more info. The others are pretty self-explanatory.

 

1. New(er) to Homeschooling...It has several experienced homeschoolers that are there to support and help those that are new to it. I "believe" that this could be your only committe the first year, thus allowing you to ease into it. But, I signed up for the next one before I knew about this one.

 

2. Preschool fellowship.... schedule playdates for preschoolers.

 

3. Elementary fellowship

4. Elementary service

5. Elementary field trips

6. Middle School fellowship

7. Middle school service.

 

etc...

 

Each committe is pretty specific, which makes sure that 1 committee isn't the work horse of the group. It's a pretty large group, which helps to make it possible to fill all of those committe positions.

 

"

 

Our support group doesn't require field trip participation or anything other than attending 2 mom support meetings in a year. These meetings are sort of like professional development. Last meeting had one breakout session where the local Technical college talked to high-school parents about options that were available to them. Our session talked about ways to incorporate movement into your teaching. Skipping rope while memorizing math facts and such. I haven't actually been to a single activity or field trip, EXCEPT the night moms meetings. Our new to homeschooling group does some extra meetings at Panera, just to chat and talk but I haven't been able to make it to one of those.

[Ellie]

We don't. We have an "If want something, do it" and "If you build it, they will come" philosophy. If you don't participate - so what. You don't benefit from the activities. Our group is a pretty independent bunch:).

 

Sounds like my kind of group :-)

 

I also like the model where as a group grows, it divides geographically; then each group does its own activities according to the needs of the members in that specific group. Two large county-wide groups in California do it that way.

[Murphy101]

If there are enough activities going on that someone could be out of the house every day of the week, yes, that's too many activities.

 

But isn't that their personal problem of not scheduling wisely?

Just because there are that many activities possible, it doesn't mean that anyone has to do any of them, much less all of them.:confused:

 

If the leaders of this group are spending upwards of 20 hours a week doing stuff for the group, that's too many activities.

 

To me that's a group problem and some leaders need to say "NOT ME!" I can't imagine our group leaders are spending 20+ hours a week for the group. Very likely not 20+ hours a month. And I love that they don't have to because a support group should support each other, not dump a load on a few just because they are in leadership roles. Even if those few are willing to take the load.

 

And I think I'm in the same group as Martha and snickelfritz. ;-) The requirement of attending at least two meetings before being able to join is new. The reason for it is we had a lot of people sign up, pay their money, and then were never seen/heard from again. We don't want to waste anyone's time and money. If you don't want to give/get support, what's the point?

 

:iagree:This is what I've seen in nearly every other support group. A LOT of people want nothing more than to be on an e-list and maybe to get a newsletter. I said repeatedly then, keep your money - bring yourself! But alas they didn't want to do that.

 

For those that want to actually meet people IRL and be a part of activities planned for their kids, it's great to see something more involved than handing over a check.

 

I think there are two different levels of participation here though. First, everyone does have to be on a committee. This is partly to spread the work around fairly, and partly to ensure everyone makes connections which can be difficult in a large group. As for activities, field trips, parties, service projects, etc. are totally optional. I wouldn't want to be in a group that was any other way. We all have seasons where our level of participation in outside activities is higher or lower.

 

:iagree: I just had baby #9, my dh has been given notice that he's being laid off in a few months. So money and time is tight around here and all I've done so far is the monthly parent meetings. But my middle schoolers need to meet some kids with similiar age interests and I hope to be able to get more involved in that area soon. If nothing else, it's a great relief that someone is plannign middle school stuff right now because I really can't, but it's something I want for my boys.

[snickelfritz]

I would dislike it intensely. I'm uncomfortable meeting new people, so going to activities and not knowing who would be there would give me hives and make me hyperventilate. It's not "bad", but it's not for me.

 

I can go into our big support group and know that I will sit with my group members, who I am kind of starting to get to know. We are grouped by our committees and that means that we are grouped by similar interests and that gives us(me) conversation starters. The meetings happen at regular times and we get a newsletter ahead of time. If I want to go on a field trip, there is a procedure and I know what that procedure is and I can follow it without making a spectacle of myself. I know what to expect. This is what I need. It's not "bad" or "good", but it does fit a certain style of person.

 

I'm glad there are both types of groups available.

 

With the way that you did school, it doesn't surprise me that you liked your support group to be a bit more unstructured. It suits what little I know of your personality from these boards. :D

[TCoppock]

I joined a homeschool co-op last year in hopes that DS would have some much needed social interaction. This particular group not only mandated participation but they had the nerve to picked your job for you. The mothers that ran the group were like junior high school girls. If you weren't in their little group you were basically ostricized. I HATED every minute there. When DS completed the semester of classes I thought I would never be apart of another homeschool group. Thankfully, I have found a very laid back group of homeschoolers. We have park days, chess classes, moms night outs, and occasional field trips. Nothing is forced on any of us. If one of us finds something interesting we bring it up to the other moms and that's how field trips are planned. I can honestly say I participate much more in this type of setting then one in which jobs are forced on me. I think if your group does need more participation they should post a list and allow people to sign up. Sorry for my rant but it still makes me want to cry when I think of how miserable these women made me feel. It is a hard balance meeting your child's needs as well as your own.

[TCoppock]

What exactly do you all mean when you say PLAN or HOST a park day? With my group it is given there is park group every Thursday at the same time and same place. Any one who wants to come comes. We don't plan any specific activities. It is a time for the moms to interact with other moms and the kids to play with other kids. So I'm wondering if I am missing how someone "planning" or "hosting" park day is actually considered their volunteer time. Unless in your group there is more to it which is what I'm wondering.

[woolybear]

There is a difference between a hs coop and a hs group, which maybe more about park dates, holiday gatherings and the occasional class. A coop often has some set standards requiring participation. In my opinion, a hs group, should not. The hs groups in our area do not. The coops I know about do.

[Sheila in OK]

Well, you're right--that would be one of the easier jobs. :001_smile: But someone still has to plan the time and place, make sure it gets in the newsletter, and actually SHOW UP on the appointed day to greet any newbies who might be coming for the first time. It is very uncomfortable to show up to one of those park/play dates when you don't know anyone, and find out that you're the only one there (BTDT).

 

What exactly do you all mean when you say PLAN or HOST a park day? With my group it is given there is park group every Thursday at the same time and same place. Any one who wants to come comes. We don't plan any specific activities. It is a time for the moms to interact with other moms and the kids to play with other kids. So I'm wondering if I am missing how someone "planning" or "hosting" park day is actually considered their volunteer time. Unless in your group there is more to it which is what I'm wondering.

[Peek a Boo]

And I think I'm in the same group as Martha and snickelfritz. ;-) The requirement of attending at least two meetings before being able to join is new. The reason for it is we had a lot of people sign up, pay their money, and then were never seen/heard from again. We don't want to waste anyone's time and money. If you don't want to give/get support, what's the point?

 

I tend to be w/ Martha too ;)

Ellie's hardcore tho -- as SpyCar is w/ Ramen, so is Ellie w/ homeschool activities. :D

 

I always have to raise an eyebrow when i hear the OP's Q.

 

Our group in NY simply had two levels of membership: particpatory and non-participatory.

 

If you sign up to participate [and fulfill that] then you get a discounted rate. If you just wanna receive a newsletter and be part of something, you paid an extra 10 bucks or whatever. Their supplying of money w/o taking advantage of anyone's work [w/ Maybe the exception of the newsletter] WAS their participation.

 

and if i was the one sending out newsletters? you betcha I'd be happy to take their $20 [or more?!] and stick it my pocket for sending out newsletters that I'm doing anyway.

 

My rule for running an activity is to NOT do it unless I

 

1. would do it even if it was just my own family participating, or

2. was working w/ a few seriously committed families that i already knew wouldn't flake out.

 

Each year at a leadership conference I hear another group ask about this and i quiz them:

do you charge to join your group?

how much?

ok, so you have 60 families that paid $30 each, and only 10 of you regularly participate? use the money for an end of year party, raise your rates $5 next year, and give yourselves a discount next year.

That's when Tim Lambert says - "I like the way you think."

 

i do think that the biggest draw to getting more people to participate is in marketing what the few ARE doing: take pics and post them on the yahoogroup. send them to the paper and let everyone know which page. i try to get more people to participate simply because I'm a big advocate for homeschooling and like to "put a face" on homeschooling locally, but I draw the line at complaining that "all this work I do" is a waste of my time or their money.

:D

 

good luck!