Janice in NJ Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) OK, I've scanned the Sonlight vs. CHEC post. I popped over to Spunky's site and read her thoughts. And I just have to say :angry::mad::banghead: GET REAL PEOPLE!!!!! Regardless of who wants to lay claim to the "ownership" of the homeschooling movement, the bulk of the heavy-lifting is being done by the mommas! You just can't get around that. So WAKE UP! (And no offense to you hsing dads out there either. Rock on! I've just got my knickers in a knot, so please ignore me!) Years ago we went to an "annual meeting" for our homeschool group. All of the kids were piled into the church basement to "watch a video" (THAT went well. ;))and all of the parents were upstairs in the church pews facing forward looking nervous. (Why is it that Christians just don't know how to meet new people and hang out! Why were we all facing forward? I digress!!!!) Anyway. In an attempt to help everyone "get to know each other" the leader suggested that we go around the room and introduce ourselves. He pointed to the couple in the first row on the other side. "Let start with you folks." The couple stood up and turned to face the group and the husband introduced them, "Hi. We're the _______ (last name). I'm ____ and this is my wife _______. We have three children in grades ______, _______, and ______. We've been homeschooling for ____ years." They turned and sat down. The next couple stood up. Around the room we went. It was fascinating; I felt like I KNEW these people! :001_smile: As the tide of rising and falling adults switched over to our side and started rising and falling behind us and coming up the rows - it was soon going to be our turn - my husband leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. I knew it was coming. I was ready for it. And I knew that he was right. You see - only the husbands were introducing the couples. They kept saying things like "We've been homeschooling for ___ years." They were stumbling over their words. Hardly any of them had the data straight. They didn't know what grades their kids were in. They didn't know how long they had been homeschooling. SOME of them got it right, but they were in the minority. But what amazed me was that NONE of the wives were doing any of the talking. They were all silent - except when they were nudging and correcting their husbands - whispering in their ears. My dh leaned over to me and grinned, "You know that you will be introducing us, don't you?" he whispered. "These guys are crackin me up. Who do they think they're kidding? I can't believe they have the guts to stand up and act like they're in charge of the homeschooling. This is hilarious." True to form, he didn't say a word. He just stood up next to me when it was our turn to introduce ourselves - grinning from ear to ear. I did all of the talking. Rock on ladies! And don't worry - no one is going to take your job away from you. We get no pay, long hours, little to-no-rewards, no pay, our kids think that we're mean, did I mention that there is no pay and LONG hours and that hardly anyone is going to ever tell you that you are doing enough and if you work really hard and figure out all of the things that you don't know, then you are going to be aware of all of the things that you should be doing that you can't do because you don't have enough _________ and___ and _____.... did I mention that there's NO PAY but you constantly have budgeting problems because there is never enough time, energy, and brain power to accomplish half of what should be done. .....don't worry ..... no one in their right mind would try to steal your job! They might try to take the credit, but you'll still get to do the work. :001_smile: LOVE YOU GUYS! Peace, Janice Enjoy your little people Enjoy your journey Edited January 31, 2009 by Janice in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Amen, sister. I hate (hate hate) when I hear the sentiment that in a homeschool the father is the principal and the mother is the teacher. My dh wants to be involved with the picking of curricula, etc, and he tries to do what he can, but hs-ing is a part time job (at least) and he already has a full time job and is getting his masters' so there's no time for him to do the hs-ing, too. So, we just acknowledge that this is my show for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janice in NJ Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Dh has a very demanding job. He parents, but he doesn't homeschool. That's my deal. All's well. I just don't get HOW that could be a problem. Actually - it never IS a problem except when I've been at a homeschooling convention listening to a speaker who obviously hasn't done much homeschooling - sorry they're usually male although I have met some female keynotes who have never homeschooled (scratching my head here.....Huh?). Anyway, when it dawns on me that the speaker is dumping theory instead of experience-driven advice, I have to figure out how to walk out without making too much of a disturbance... when I really want to be disturbing! Folks who have theories about homeschooling but haven't had the chance to "test" their theories by actually DOING THE WORK Galileo-style need to be sitting in the back listening - IMHO. Isn't life grand? Peace, Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I agree, but I haven't actually come across this. Dh always says, "Jennifer homeschools the kids." And at the meetings and conventions I've been to there's hardly been a man present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Kevin Swanson shares the story that when his son was around 12 y.o., his wife approached him and said "Y'know how you travel all over the country talking about homeschooling? How about you actually do it?" She then handed over the books and he's been in charge of his son's education ever since. :D That wouldn't work well here due to the nature of dh's business, but I've often dreamed about doing the same thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Sorry, Janice. I couldn't do anything but crack up, almost literally ROTF with laughter at your OP. I could imagine the entire thing. How many women after you stood up and took back their work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :hurray::hurray::hurray: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) Rock on! I laughed out loud because I could see exactly the situation you found yourself in. I've found myself there a time or two. My dh is the type to let me do the talking, too. On the other hand, we were in a small homeschool group while in Belgium. It is the only place I've been where the dads were equally as involved as the moms--field trips, activities, instruction. Since it was our first year or two of hsing, I thought that was the 'norm.' Imagine my surprise when we got back to the States. No dads on field trips or play days. Shucks. When we returned I found out about a largish homeschool group in our metro area. I went to a first of the fall (or end of summer) meeting where all the neat classes and clubs and activities were talked about. It was a huge group and I decided my guys would benefit from being a part of it. When I went to the sign up desk, the men (should have been my first clue) would not let me join....because dh was not there to sign the papers, too. Sheesh, my dh is a pilot and is gone a lot. If I had to wait for him to 'approve' and sign every little thing, I'd never get to do anything. After I calmed down, dh and I laughed about it over the phone. It is quite clear that neither of us would ever have fit in with that style of group. We are a partnership, not a lord and 'little lady.' ;) We've been homeschool group free ever since. Edited January 31, 2009 by Happy incomplete thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Huh. I consider Dh equal partners in this endeavor. Since homeschooling is our lifestyle and not just a matter of getting through some curriculum, I see him as helping out just as much as I do. Yeh, he is heavy on the financial, emotional, discipline, curriculum plannning, wood shop, pe, and science end of things, but I couldn't do this without him. He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, what curriculum we use, what the kids did yesterday and is every bit as capable of introducing our family as I am. Homeschooling is a nature extension of being a Mom & Dad and it takes both of us. Just a different perspective, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Huh. I consider Dh equal partners in this endeavor. Since homeschooling is our lifestyle and not just a matter of getting through some curriculum, I see him as helping out just as much as I do. Yeh, he is heavy on the financial, emotional, discipline, curriculum plannning, wood shop, pe, and science end of things, but I couldn't do this without him. He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, what curriculum we use, what the kids did yesterday and is every bit as capable of introducing our family as I am. Homeschooling is a nature extension of being a Mom & Dad and it takes both of us. Just a different perspective, I guess. I would say the same thing is true for us. We are equal partners. He actually does some of the teaching. Don't tell anyone, but he is a better teaching than I am!! We set the vision together. He knows what we are learning about and why I have chosen the curriculum I choose. He knows what grade the kids are in (but we only have two to keep track of. :-)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Amen, sister. I hate (hate hate) when I hear the sentiment that in a homeschool the father is the principal and the mother is the teacher. :001_huh: We have a one-room schoolhouse. I'm the principal and the teacher. Dh provides the funds and some support but has very little to do with the running of our school. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 DH always wanted a "Priscilla and Aquilla" marriage, so did I. Thankfully we found each other in our 30's, and that's always been our mode. He wants to discuss the general direction and priorities of our homeschooling, but he leaves the implementation and details to me. For the last six years though he's had difficult medical problems and has been disabled for the last 4 1/2, so I've taken on more and more of what he used to do and sometimes have to make major decisions without him. So do we stop homeschooling because he can't be the "principal," or do we continue because DH trusts me to work out what is best for our family? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 That's funny! I think we are programmed in church settings to let the men lead in everything even though they are not really 'in charge' of everything (if that makes any sense). It is funny that the only setting my DH introduces us or talks about our lives is in church, that is usually my job everywhere else. He is not very social, and though I am not either someone has to speak up lol. Anyway, at our house I do the 'academic' stuff, and hubby teaches them hunting, fishing, woodworking, and he reads to them every night. He does not do the math, language arts, history and so on, but he is teaching them daily. I do admit that he cannot answer how long we have homeschooled or what grade our kids are in, but then we don't focus on that much (I know the answer though ;)). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janice in NJ Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 That story is bizarre. Do those folks know that women can sign for things in this country? They have signing authority. :001_smile: I just don't get it. My dh is an AMAZING father. Very hands-on. Very connected with his kids. He just has no time to teach math lessons. :001_smile: And I have no time to work at the Met. No problem. I can't remember the last time I tried to take credit for his job. And I don't feel insecure about it. I'm fine with not working at the Met. :001_smile: And he's fine with not teaching math. He's quite secure about that too. :001_smile: Peace, Janice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 (edited) Amen, sister. I hate (hate hate) when I hear the sentiment that in a homeschool the father is the principal and the mother is the teacher. My dh wants to be involved with the picking of curricula, etc, and he tries to do what he can, but hs-ing is a part time job (at least) and he already has a full time job and is getting his masters' so there's no time for him to do the hs-ing, too. So, we just acknowledge that this is my show for now. (Bolding mine) :001_huh:I have never heard such a statement. My dh works long hours, so I do all the homeschooling. No problem because he does the cooking, which gives me more time. :001_smile: ETA- Of course, DH is very much interested in what she is learning. I do the actual teaching and he listens and adds his support and perspective. Edited February 1, 2009 by Blessedfamily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Huh. I consider Dh equal partners in this endeavor. Since homeschooling is our lifestyle and not just a matter of getting through some curriculum, I see him as helping out just as much as I do. Yeh, he is heavy on the financial, emotional, discipline, curriculum plannning, wood shop, pe, and science end of things, but I couldn't do this without him. He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, what curriculum we use, what the kids did yesterday and is every bit as capable of introducing our family as I am. Homeschooling is a nature extension of being a Mom & Dad and it takes both of us. Just a different perspective, I guess. This is how I see us homeschooling; it's just been a while that we've full-time homeschooled, but I feel that he is 100% responsible, just like me. He talks with the children, examining their understanding of materials. More of a general way, since he's not getting out the notebooks. Hmmm.maybe he homeschools in a general dad/child- directed learning way, and I try to homeschool with a kinda classical bent. Either way, I am fine with my husband saying he's where the buck stops...The principal....and I'm the leader of the actual learning. (Would that be a teacher?) When our kids don't get their work done...it's dad getting them to in the mornings...or telling him that he can wake them up when he leaves for work (early) or working with them on Saturdays...all day....to help adjust attitudes. Yup, I'm ok with him saying, "We homeschool." I suppose that I'm lucky. I do know families where the dad doesn't take responsibility for their children....and then, I suppose....she homeschools! Carrie :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 My dw feels equally weirded out when people automatically assume that she must be the primary teacher because she's the mom. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 (edited) Huh. I consider Dh equal partners in this endeavor. Since homeschooling is our lifestyle and not just a matter of getting through some curriculum, I see him as helping out just as much as I do. Yeh, he is heavy on the financial, emotional, discipline, curriculum plannning, wood shop, pe, and science end of things, but I couldn't do this without him. He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, what curriculum we use, what the kids did yesterday and is every bit as capable of introducing our family as I am. Homeschooling is a nature extension of being a Mom & Dad and it takes both of us. Just a different perspective, I guess. :iagree:. "We" homeschool because "we" are a family and "we" are in this together. Dh knows what grades the boys are in as well as I do (sometimes not that well), and he knows where we are heading. He explains things I can't seem to get across, and he's the sole funder of our school. He reinforces the importance of a good education and stirs up great conversations with the boys. So "we" homeschool, but with different job descriptions. Edited February 1, 2009 by JudoMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristenS Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I guess we're lucky. :) I consider us partners. I do most of the actual teaching, but he works so that I can stay home. I choose curriculum, but I discuss my goals with him to make sure we're in agreement, and he helps me make sure my choices are within our budget. I slog through the daily assignments, and he provides my balance by reminding me not to cut out all the fun stuff if we get behind. He takes my kids on the field trips that my health doesn't allow me to manage but that we feel are important or too fun to miss. And he definitely knows the ages and levels of our kids, but then, we only have the two. And he never gets MY age right. LOL. (He thinks I stopped having birthdays at 26.) My dh rocks. ETA: I would call him the 'principal' of our homeschool, simply because he does have administrative oversight. :-) I'm the teacher and curriculum specialist, I guess. And janitor. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I refer to dh as the school superintendant and the bus mechanic! I refer to myself as the principal, teacher, janitor, lunch lady, and school nurse. While my dh is very supportive of our homeschooling, he does not take an active role in it. There are a few areas in our lives in which dh employs the use of the royal "we". Sometimes it bothers me a little but I know he is also giving 100% via his town job and work here on the farm. Both of us occasionally use "we" to describe activities of our family unit of which we may not personally be the leader. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 It's really not a big deal to me who speaks at a homeschool group and introduces the family. I don't like speaking in that sort of situation, so I would let DH do it, but I wouldn't really care how other families handle that. I'm not sure I would even notice. I do say that "we" homeschool, even though I do almost all of it. But I also sometimes say that things happened when, "We were active duty" or when, "We were stationed in California," even though technically I have never been stationed anywhere or been active duty. The impact on our family certainly made it feel like we, as a unit, were doing it. I guess homeschool feels the same way. I do it, but DH and I are one unit and he's so much part of our lives and contributes so much emotionally, financially, and just as a parent, that it wouldn't occur to me to be offended if he said, "we." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Sorry, that story makes me want to barf. I can't stand that whole ordeal. My husband is not part of homeschooling AT ALL. He has no clue what we do , when we do it and what we are learning - he just supports me and says, "I trust you". He's got enough on his plate. But, what is that all about that these women doing this mighty job can't stand up and use the same voice they use every day. I can't imagine my husband standing up and talking for me as if he has any clue as to what is going on. Blughk! Whatever! :001_smile::001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 DH always wanted a "Priscilla and Aquilla" marriage, so did I. Thankfully we found each other in our 30's, and that's always been our mode. Me to DH who happens to be watching UFC on internet: "Honey, do you think we're like Priscilla and Aquilla?" DH: "Tentmakers?":001_huh: ME: "NO! Partners!" DH: "What are we talking about?!" :lol: I don't need a principal, my kids do. He doesn't lord over me, he lords over our girls. If I have a problem I need him to run interference on, they get sent to the "principal." That's what Principal and Teacher mean in our house. That, and I like the naughtiness of it. ;) Blessings! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 My husband is pretty active and interested in our homeschool adventure, however I still pretty much agree with everything you said EXCEPT there being no reward. I actually feel like I am given the best and most wonderful gift having my children around me all the time. I feel sorry for those who don't get to enjoy this wonderful lifestyle. That's enough reward for me to keep me coming back year after year. :) Michelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 We say that "we" homeschool in the same way that we would say that "we" enrolled our dc in xyz public school even though I'm sure I'd be the one doing all the enrolling too! It was a mutual decision to homeschool. And a mutual decision that I do 90% of the actual teaching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Me to DH who happens to be watching UFC on internet: "Honey, do you think we're like Priscilla and Aquilla?" DH: "Tentmakers?":001_huh: ME: "NO! Partners!" DH: "What are we talking about?!" :lol: ROTFL! That's my dh in a nutshell!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph the vet Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 My dh and I refer to "us" as homeschooling, not just me. He is involved in curriculum choices after I have done most of the research. He attends the yearly conference (our one weekend away woo-hoo!) and actually enjoys learning about "learning". He teaches science on Tuesday nights when I am at work. His job allows me to stay home and be the primary teacher for our dc. He also subs for me when I have to be gone a day here or there. We kid around that he is the "principal and the school maintenance guy" as he does all of the discipline when he is physically in the building (I do it of course when he is at work) and he keeps things in working order around here too including the minivan so we can go on field trips. Most importantly, he is the spiritual leader of our home. I love him and respect him and I have no problem if he is the one that introduces us in a group and says "we" homeschool or if it is me who does the introduction. Just my perspective on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane in NC Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Well Janice, In the same situation, my husband would have wanted me to do the introductions to "our" homeschool, recognizing that I make "our" homeschool happen. Like your husband, my dearest has a demanding job and is an involved father. There are times of the year when his hours are particularly brutal. He would not even want to be pulled into school issues in those circumstances. That said, he likes to be handed some homeschool projects on occasion. He read Inferno with my son last year. My husband's occasional Fridays off were great opportunities for science labs which I gladly handed over since he wanted to do them and was more demanding than I. We are a conversational family so dinner chats often include tidbits from that day's schooling as well as news related items. I need his participation for something like the National Latin Exam which I, as my son's Latin teacher, cannot give. But he is definitely not the principal of this school. He is on the Board of Directors, perhaps, keeping a sort of eye on what's happening but having faith in the "personnel" of this institution. Of course, my son is older and has taken responsibility for much of his education. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to read Frankenstein or Last of the Mohicans--his choice. After reading your post, Janice, I did some googling and believe I see what led to it. It is a shame if there are fissures among homeschoolers because some feel so strongly that it must be done A Certain Way. Is that what is being suggested? As always, love reading your posts. Go Girlfriend! Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blessedfamily Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Me to DH who happens to be watching UFC on internet: "Honey, do you think we're like Priscilla and Aquilla?" DH: "Tentmakers?":001_huh: ME: "NO! Partners!" DH: "What are we talking about?!" :lol: I don't need a principal, my kids do. He doesn't lord over me, he lords over our girls. If I have a problem I need him to run interference on, they get sent to the "principal." That's what Principal and Teacher mean in our house. That, and I like the naughtiness of it. ;) Blessings! Dorinda Are you going on about the tea again?:blink: Really!! I like the Priscilla and Aquilla reference. GVA is so wise.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JWSJ Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 My dw feels equally weirded out when people automatically assume that she must be the primary teacher because she's the mom. :) Same here. We share homeschooling responsibilities equally in our household. I am routinely asked by new people if my wife really does all the teaching. The mothers' attitudes are generally that no husband would want the job or is up to the task. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkpan Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Janice, That was wonderful. I truly love your posts!! Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Huh. I consider Dh equal partners in this endeavor. Since homeschooling is our lifestyle and not just a matter of getting through some curriculum, I see him as helping out just as much as I do. Yeh, he is heavy on the financial, emotional, discipline, curriculum plannning, wood shop, pe, and science end of things, but I couldn't do this without him. He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, what curriculum we use, what the kids did yesterday and is every bit as capable of introducing our family as I am. Homeschooling is a nature extension of being a Mom & Dad and it takes both of us. Just a different perspective, I guess. This is the same with us. I do the picking and going to conventions but he is a partner in this as he teaches art, computer graphics and whatever else he wants to do. He wants me to take care of the academics and he will take care of the Arts side of things. However he still would say to people that "My wife homeschools the kids and it is part of our lifestyle!". I do keep him updated as to what we are doing and keep him involved. Our goal is to homeschool our kids all the way through so he does need to know what we are doing and how we are doing it. He knows it takes both to homeschool. I am just the "active" one. Now with all that said: My dh would actually crack up over Janice's situation because he gets tired of the facade too. He doesn't like the saying that The Family Man states (I can't remember his name but he is a speaker at a lot of homeschool conventions) "Father is the principal and the wife is the teacher". He hates it!! He also thinks it is funny that in a lot of homeschool circles only the dh can speak (not the wife). He laughs at this. He would rather I speak. I do see what Janice is saying. My situation is a bit different than hers. DH is not the principal but he is my partner in this and in our marriage. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I actually think it's cool you guys teach and do so much. I'm looking for that in my next husband! LOL!! My DH has about ZERO involvement with our schooling. Some years he doesn't even pay for the stuff - my parents do. I wish he'd take some sort of interest - asking them what they learned when he got home, instead of what they did. He tried to pretend to be interested 4 weeks ago.... i'd be DH bashing if i shared what he said. He could not step in and teach them - so basically lets me do everything. ANYWAY..... mine wouldn't even have gone to the meeting, so he wouldn't have had to tried to answer ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 OK, I've scanned the Sonlight vs. CHEC post. I popped over to Spunky's site and read her thoughts. And I just have to say :angry::mad::banghead: GET REAL PEOPLE!!!!! Regardless of who wants to lay claim to the "ownership" of the homeschooling movement, the bulk of the heavy-lifting is being done by the mommas! You just can't get around that. So WAKE UP! (And no offense to you hsing dads out there either. Rock on! I've just got my knickers in a knot, so please ignore me!) Years ago we went to an "annual meeting" for our homeschool group. All of the kids were piled into the church basement to "watch a video" (THAT went well. ;))and all of the parents were upstairs in the church pews facing forward looking nervous. (Why is it that Christians just don't know how to meet new people and hang out! Why were we all facing forward? I digress!!!!) Anyway. In an attempt to help everyone "get to know each other" the leader suggested that we go around the room and introduce ourselves. He pointed to the couple in the first row on the other side. "Let start with you folks." The couple stood up and turned to face the group and the husband introduced them, "Hi. We're the _______ (last name). I'm ____ and this is my wife _______. We have three children in grades ______, _______, and ______. We've been homeschooling for ____ years." They turned and sat down. The next couple stood up. Around the room we went. It was fascinating; I felt like I KNEW these people! :001_smile: As the tide of rising and falling adults switched over to our side and started rising and falling behind us and coming up the rows - it was soon going to be our turn - my husband leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. I knew it was coming. I was ready for it. And I knew that he was right. You see - only the husbands were introducing the couples. They kept saying things like "We've been homeschooling for ___ years." They were stumbling over their words. Hardly any of them had the data straight. They didn't know what grades their kids were in. They didn't know how long they had been homeschooling. SOME of them got it right, but they were in the minority. But what amazed me was that NONE of the wives were doing any of the talking. They were all silent - except when they were nudging and correcting their husbands - whispering in their ears. My dh leaned over to me and grinned, "You know that you will be introducing us, don't you?" he whispered. "These guys are crackin me up. Who do they think they're kidding? I can't believe they have the guts to stand up and act like they're in charge of the homeschooling. This is hilarious." True to form, he didn't say a word. He just stood up next to me when it was our turn to introduce ourselves - grinning from ear to ear. I did all of the talking. Rock on ladies! And don't worry - no one is going to take your job away from you. We get no pay, long hours, little to-no-rewards, no pay, our kids think that we're mean, did I mention that there is no pay and LONG hours and that hardly anyone is going to ever tell you that you are doing enough and if you work really hard and figure out all of the things that you don't know, then you are going to be aware of all of the things that you should be doing that you can't do because you don't have enough _________ and___ and _____.... did I mention that there's NO PAY but you constantly have budgeting problems because there is never enough time, energy, and brain power to accomplish half of what should be done. .....don't worry ..... no one in their right mind would try to steal your job! They might try to take the credit, but you'll still get to do the work. :001_smile: LOVE YOU GUYS! Peace, Janice Enjoy your little people Enjoy your journey Go, Janice! Go, Janice!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Sorry, that story makes me want to barf. I can't stand that whole ordeal. My husband is not part of homeschooling AT ALL. He has no clue what we do , when we do it and what we are learning - he just supports me and says, "I trust you". He's got enough on his plate. But, what is that all about that these women doing this mighty job can't stand up and use the same voice they use every day. I can't imagine my husband standing up and talking for me as if he has any clue as to what is going on. Blughk! Whatever! :001_smile::001_smile: Yep. My husband says the same thing, he trusts me completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 (edited) Okay, I've thought some more about this. I can see feeling this way as a reaction against all the kind of extreme "male-headship" stuff we run into within Christian homeschooling circles. Honestly, most women don't have a problem talking so getting them to be quiet so their guys could get in a word edge-wise was probably pretty impressive to behold. LOL. I think in our family it is just different. I was so thankful when my Dh discovered the idea that he was to be the spiritual head of our family. He started to realize the awesome responsibility he had in not just going to work and making money but in contributing to the raising of our children. Now he has never been a slacker when it comes to his kids but he "found" himself. He gained a confidence and a willingness to step in and help make decisions that he never had before. He works with public school women who do nothing but talk trash about men all day long. I'm glad he can go in there with his head held high and not let them get to him. Yeh, I do the bulk of the actual homeschooling but you know I am thrilled that my husband wants to stand up in front of others and say, "We homeschool. These are our children." I'm USUALLY the motormouth so sitting back and letting him take charge is hard for me sometimes but the benefits to our family have been so worth it. "Respect is given and then it is earned," is my motto. I enjoy being my husband's helpmeet. I enjoy seeing him shine. If it was within my power, I would walk down the street shouting accolades in his honor. It matters not one bit to me who teaches math. Edited February 1, 2009 by Daisy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 . He knows what grade the kids are in, how many kids we have, :lol::lol:mine knows how many we have too!! I asked him!! Just a different perspective, I guess. Maybe different situations. I know people in both situations. Some have very hands on partners and other have ones that go to work and come home and do very little else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunshine Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 . ANYWAY..... mine wouldn't even have gone to the meeting, so he wouldn't have had to tried to answer ;) Mine either!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BryRon Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Support? What is that? My DH is just the provider of funds and maybe discipline. And not much at that. Do I get angry about it? Sometimes; not usually because I'm a control freak and he is worthless when it comes to taking care of "home things". So, that's my $.02 worth. :001_huh: We have a one-room schoolhouse. I'm the principal and the teacher. Dh provides the funds and some support but has very little to do with the running of our school. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Janice, Thanks once again for your encouragement to all of us!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 My dw feels equally weirded out when people automatically assume that she must be the primary teacher because she's the mom. :) I am weirded out when people assume my mom initiated and led my own unschooling journey. It was all Dad. Mom just shrugged and rolled her eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 I refer to dh as the school superintendant and the bus mechanic! I refer to myself as the principal, teacher, janitor, lunch lady, and school nurse. While my dh is very supportive of our homeschooling, he does not take an active role in it. There are a few areas in our lives in which dh employs the use of the royal "we". Sometimes it bothers me a little but I know he is also giving 100% via his town job and work here on the farm. Both of us occasionally use "we" to describe activities of our family unit of which we may not personally be the leader. My dh is the school nurse. I am too squeamish about some things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 "Respect is given and then it is earned," is my motto. I enjoy being my husband's helpmeet. I enjoy seeing him shine. If it was within my power, I would walk down the street shouting accolades in his honor. It matters not one bit to me who teaches math. Aww, that's really sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 1, 2009 Share Posted February 1, 2009 Usually the men who don't have any interest at all in their kid's homeschool education would be the same men who wouldn't have any interest in their kid's public school education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 Usually the men who don't have any interest at all in their kid's homeschool education would be the same men who wouldn't have any interest in their kid's public school education. hmm.. probably, but maybe not... when out olders were much littler in schools, my dh was WAY more involved and willing to rock the boat than I was. In fact, HE is the one that suggested we homeschool. Now, we discuss it all the time, but he's really not that involved other than the occassional concern or financial backing. Why? Because he has complete faith in me to do my job as wife and mother and educator. He NEVER would have trusted some one else to that level with our children or their education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I will have to share this with dh and ask him what he would have done in your husband's shoes! Honestly, it sounds like a bad episode of The Newlywed Game! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I signed up for a trial membership in a certain homeschooling organization and am still on their email list. It really bugs me that they send the emails to Mr. and Mrs. DHFirstName DHLastName even though I'm the one whose email it is and the one who signed up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 (edited) Okay, I've thought some more about this. I can see feeling this way as a reaction against all the kind of extreme "male-headship" stuff we run into within Christian homeschooling circles. We do run into a lot of extreme "male-headship" stuff that gets my goat. But for a different reason. My husband is the leader of our family and does a great job at it. He also has social phobia. He get nervous and physically ill at the thought of speeking or even being in a room full of strangers. This is primarily a genetic thing fostered by poor nurturing, his dad and several other relatives are the same way. If he wasn't following God's leading in his life, he'd live in a cave and only come out at night. But he doesn't. He does his best, is a great success at work and is able to maintain social relationships with people at church, often having to rely on the Holy Spirit to get him through "tough" social situations. Under these circumstances, I don't mind at all that DD does not attend co-op meetings, they would be a nightmare for him. He comes to all the kid's performances where he can focus on them and not be on the spot himself ( even though he has to take an imodeum to get himself through it!) . So when our DD was finished with K, our co-op put on a "graduation" ceremony. We signed up and told DD all about it. THEN we got the letter telling about the procedures and how all the fathers were expected to present a "blessing" to the children individually, OUT LOUD, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Yeah right! Why on EARTH did they have to go and do that?? Just to prove to everyone that it is the father who is the leader of the family? We had to cancel. Why couldn't they have just left it optional and not mentioned who had to do it, mom or dad? If they had just left it as an option for a "parent" to give a blessing for the child, we would have gone and I would have done it. But that didn't happen and DD missed out on "graduating" with her friends. Maybe this has driffted off topic, but it's what came to mind reading the post about the fathers standing up even though they didn't have a clue. It's pretentious, just as the K ceremony was I suspect. I know one thing, you don't have to be the kind of person who gets up in front of a crowd and talks about spiritual things to be a good, loving Christian husband and father. My sweet DH takes a vacation day every once in a while just so he can stay home with DD7 and "do school" with her. Edited February 2, 2009 by katemary63 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabeline Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 I was thinking the same thing, except about myself. I absolutley hate having to speak outloud in front of a group. In the OP's situation I would have encouraged my DH to intruduce us as i would have hated doing it myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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