RJH Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 DD5 has always been like this. She has her happy, loving moments, but for the most part is very negative. You can say the sky is blue, and she will argue. You can asked her if she wants sugar coated sugar for breakfast, and she would say no just to be difficult. I have read all the spirited child/difficult child books and none of the techniques have worked for the attitude(behavior issues have been better, though). I know you can't change someones personality, but each year this gets more difficult to deal with. And I fear she will have a hard time making friends as she gets older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 A lady in the neighborhood with grown kids gave me this idea, and it works beautifully. Each night before bed, each kid tells me their three favorite things about that day. That gets them thinking about the good things about that day, every night. It gets them extra time with me, which they like. They do this with me each night before prayers. I started this two years ago, especially for my grumpy negative child. She's not that way anymore (most of the time, anyway). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macrina Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Also explore if she is really choosing to be this way. My brother (sorry, Nad, my SIL on the board) was very much this way growing up and I think it was a true personality issue. It was only to family though and he never had a problem making friends and he is a very pleasent adult!! My son however currently has attitudes swings but we are starting to think it's medically related- possible a food allergy or such. I used to think he was just a rotten little kid lol! But as he had gotten older he has been able to express his desire to change, but has been unable to really follow through- it seems almost out of his control. Also after he goes to the chiropractor he has at least 4 pleasant days in a row. He doesn't say he needs to go, but I take him anyway and I see an actual personality improvement for days following. I think there are sometime holistic reasons for personality issues as well as just the regular old grumpy kid issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 My son loves to be contrary. Whenever he is, I make him re-state whatever negative thing he said with a positive. Me: "Look at the pretty blue sky." ds: "It's not pretty. It's ugly and it's more white than blue." Me: "That's being contrary and is not acceptable. We're going to do this over." Then, I'll restate my statement and see if he'll respond in an appropriate way. If he can't come up with something nice to say, I'll tell him exactly what to say and he has to say it exactly as I told him to. If the behavior of my child is irritating and would be unacceptable for an adult to say or do, then it's my job to tell the child it's unacceptable and show him what is acceptable. It's just like teaching toddlers it's not socially acceptable to hit or bite. My youngest son picks up on how to be socially acceptable naturally, but with my oldest ds, I have to purposely teach him (like the blue sky example above.) Re-doing a negative or contrary statement has stopped most of the negativity from him. He also seems happier now that I don't let him indulge in his snarky and mean-spirited comments. (And yes, when we first started doing this, we had to re-do almost everything he said. It was totally out of hand and he was very difficult to live with.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 My son however currently has attitudes swings but we are starting to think it's medically related- possible a food allergy or such. quote] :iagree: my ds has this grumpb-bear type personality too. He also has had many food allergies since he was an infant. He's my kiddo that was allergic to disposible diapers too. I remind myself that on those grumpy days to ask him, "how are you feeling today." Truly this kiddo doesn't know that migraines aren't just part of life. Or what it is like to feel well. He too is on a strict diet and also sees a chiropractor. It can get rough. I do like the suggestion of talking abot the 3 positive things from the day. I'm gonna try that with him. He focuses on the negatives all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 A lady in the neighborhood with grown kids gave me this idea, and it works beautifully. Each night before bed, each kid tells me their three favorite things about that day. That gets them thinking about the good things about that day, every night. It gets them extra time with me, which they like. They do this with me each night before prayers. I started this two years ago, especially for my grumpy negative child. She's not that way anymore (most of the time, anyway). I'm gonna try this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJH Posted January 22, 2009 Author Share Posted January 22, 2009 A lady in the neighborhood with grown kids gave me this idea, and it works beautifully. Each night before bed, each kid tells me their three favorite things about that day. That gets them thinking about the good things about that day, every night. It gets them extra time with me, which they like. They do this with me each night before prayers. I started this two years ago, especially for my grumpy negative child. She's not that way anymore (most of the time, anyway). We do this, too. Sometimes she will say something positive, but most of the time she brings up something she didn't like or she'll say her day was "horrible". I have an adult 2nd cousin like this, so I really hope DD won't act like this forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 You say: Do you want to be a blue ball or a yellow ball? That should confuse them :tongue_smilie: Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I don't think of this as a behavior issue in a child. I think of it as depression or negativity in a person. Model a positive attitude. Make sure she is getting plenty of nutrition and exercise, two things that most of our children are lacking in our modern society. Vit D and Omega 3s have helped DD and myself, as well as watching blood sugar levels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 I'm a bit of an Eeyore myself at times. When I get into one of those moods, hubby will politely agree with me so I'll feel validated then will launch into an utterly ridiculous tirade about exactly how dreadful whatever it is was until I pronounce him to be "very silly" and wander off feeling better. Another thing that can work, is "it could be worse" and come up with some other ridiculous thing that would be worse. The argument will then turn to how silly what you said was, then you can cheerfully agree and get on with life. Eeyores don't really appreciate being told they aren't allowed to feel like Eeyores. It doesn't help. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Eeyores don't really appreciate being told they aren't allowed to feel like Eeyores. It doesn't help. Excellent Rosie!:iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 22, 2009 Share Posted January 22, 2009 Another Eeyore here too. I try to present a positive front. My 8yo is a negative Nellie. We discuss the good things that we did or happened at dinner every night and I make him repeat negative statements. It does work but you have to be really consistent and catch it every time. The behavior we're working on right now it tone of voice. Instead of snapping at his little brother for instance, repeat it nicely and he'll be more willing to comply. HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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