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Birthday Party/Sleepover Question


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My neighbor just called to invite my ds to her son's birthday party in a couple of weeks. When I asked her what time the party would be over, she said I could pick my son up around 7pm, but I could be a little late since a couple of the boys would be spending the night.

 

When she had a back to school party for her son, she did the same thing, 2 boys spent the night and my son was not one of them. He came home very upset because he felt left out. He has spent the night at their house several times before.

 

Am I behind the times, because I just didn't think this was very polite the first time she did it but I guess this is a regular thing for her.

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I think it's rude. Kids will always feel left out in that situation. I would be be sure my son knew ahead of time what the plan was and then let him choose whether or not he wanted to be part of the event at all.

 

:iagree: That is totally rude. How do people like that keep friends?!

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Well, do you know why the other boys are spending the night? Could she be doing the parents a favor? Are they cousins or from out of town? Perhaps 2 more is all she feels she can handle.

 

We don't do sleepovers, but even if we did, this wouldn't bother me. And if it bothered ds, I would tell him that different families do things different ways. You can go and be happy, or stay home. We can't control other people, we can only control how we react to situations. Would you rather not be invited to any part of the party?

 

Just my 2cents. :)

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I have a friend who does this, but it's my dd who gets to stay, while the other girls go home. She does this because we live over an hour away. The girls don't get to see each other very often during the school year, and it makes it easier for me. Maybe there's a good reason.

 

I could see this also if there were a whole bunch of kids coming to the party. I wouldn't have the patience for a large sleepover (more than one or two friends sleeping over). I could see myself telling my dc that they could have a party, but only one or two friends could spend the night. I would try not to make it obvious to the other kids, though.

 

BTW, we have been on short end of this scenario, too, and it never bothered me. I figure folks have the right to have whomever they want spend the night, or not. It's their house. I wouldn't consider it rude unless they were rude (uppity) about it.

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We have seen it before with the kids friends and I don't have a problem with it.

 

I can't handle a house of boys sleeping over. One to three is okay, but not a houseful. I don't do birthday sleep overs as part of the actual party but we have ended up having last minute sleepovers.

 

Sometimes it is the dynamics between kids too. Like two will go off on their own even if there is a 3rd kid, or two kids tend to rile each other up, or two kids tend to fight.... Ds used to have a friend who wet the bed and we would do everything possible to protect that knowledge from other kids. Our house was the only one that the parents felt it was safe at for him to have a sleepover because of it. The mom knew that I would wake her son early, have him check his bed, and then redress, etc as needed before anyone else woke up. Ds knew it was a concern, but never knew when there was an accident.

 

I can think of a lot of reasons why they may only have a couple of kids over.

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This has happened several times amongst my girls' friends. Whether we find it rude or not depends largely on how its handled by the adults and children involved. Sometimes its quite noticeable to kids based on the wording of the invitation and behavior at the party itself. Other times its handled very discreetly. I think the ratio of kids attending and leaving vs spending the night matters too. If most are invited to stay I feel that's poetentially more upsetting than if just a few of the total attendees are.

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