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s/o of chores for 13-15yos....RULES for 13-15yos?

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I think the problem with specific rules is that there just have to be too many of them in order to cover every situation. We don't have rules, not in the way that anyone could state what they are. When something comes up we address it in the light of the understood principles. Often a specific situation has to be discussed (briefly) two or three times before that particular application of the principle is very clearly understood and absorbed. After that a few words of reminder may occasionally be necessary.

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I didn't want to got THAT specific. I completely agree with you that you go based off of principles, not outlining each and every rule. However, ds has struggled with our "one rule" way. Last night, I sat down and came up with FOUR rules. Obviously, there are several subrules for each of those, some which I can't (nor do I wish to) outline. But I think these four rules will help ds immensely.


Obviously I got one kid to 16yrs old with just one household rule just fine. But different kids have different needs. I realize I've been struggling with Tyler because he truly can't evaluate each situation under that one rule. By setting up a couple rules, I'm hoping he'll be able to identify things a lot better. Maybe part of the issue is the issues he has dxes for, but regardless, I believe it's best for him to make a bit more progress, especially at this point. I think my four rules, instead of one, will work for him.

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I don't have a list of rules because the kids have pretty much absorbed them over the years. When I notice a spate of rule-breaking, I react to nip it in the bud.


Currently, I am in the midst of a campaign to enforce this rule:


No eating or drinking anything except in the kitchen and dining room. The consequence is loss of the privilege to use the offended room for one week. It applies to all the kids, unless I have absolute proof that one or more of them is not an offender. Last week, three kids were not allowed into the living room, where the t.v. is located.


I would not have this rule, except that my kids do not clean up after themselves and they leave big messes behind, including spills of cereal, and so forth.


There are no exceptions because I have learned by doing so that the kids still do not clean up after themselves, even when reminded at the time.


My kids can be pigs.



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That is a good example RC. We don't have that as a "subrule" at all anymore as my kids do just fine. However, this would fall underneath the "one rule" perfectly if we DID have trouble with it. But there is NO WAY my ds would "get that." We'd NEED a rule for it for him. However, it'd probably be temporary.


And that is what I really think will happen with the change. Right now, we needed a few subrules, but after he "gets" them, we can go back to one rule most of the time....I think.

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I'm interested to hear what four rules you came up with.


I asked the dds this morning, 'Do we have any rules?' They thought no. Then dd5 asked 'How about no jumping on the bed?' Which made me laugh because if she thought that was a rule then she's been breaking it daily for practically her whole life!:lol:

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Speak respectfully

Mind your parents

Chores by 9am

Schoolwork and Meeting Study


I did give him an idea what I meant by the first two.


BTW, he was thrilled (not) when we discussed the rules this morning. I explained why I felt it was necessary for us to change how we were doing things at least temporarily and told him that it really gave him MORE control in some ways (and outlined them) and was more fair than how things have been going (things are usually okay but we've had some bigger bumps and bruises along the way).

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My son actually likes rules—he has Asperger’s and needs clear instructions. He doesn’t always follow them and sometimes try to talk his way around a rule. If a rule is broken, I simply ask, “What is our rule?” He responds well to that.

I prefer to call our rules ‘guidelines.’ Some of our ‘rules’ are:

Treat others with respect and kindness

Table manners – like don’t talk with food in your mouth, don’t lick your plate, etc.

No withholding love from family members.

Always tell the truth.

Don’t interrupt others when talking (this one is difficult for him)

If you used something, put it away afterwards (also difficult)

Bedtime routine ‘rules’ – pj’s, brush teeth, family talk time, in bed by a certain time, etc.

If he’s having trouble with a rule, I write it down on a chart and hang it up. When he ‘breaks a rule,’ I just point to the chart. This way, it’s the ‘chart’ reminding him of the rule, and not me. Sometimes, when I would remind him of a rule, he would have ‘reasons and excuses.’ Now, he’ll apologize.

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