Jean in Newcastle Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 For one morning a week (1 1/2 hours) my neighbor comes over and schools my dd7 while I work on paperwork. At least that is how it is supposed to work. It worked great for the first month. And then I noticed that if the subjects were not her favorite ones (her favorite subjects are the ones dd can do independently) then those subjects were the ones they "just didn't get to". What I really wanted her to help with were the time intensive things: science experiments, art projects etc. Honestly, the ones she can do independently are not the ones I need help with! I could assign those to her while I do paperwork and not pay anyone for the service. Now, money is tight and I wish that I could just phase this out but my neighbor has told me that money is really tight for her and the $15 a week I give her is really important to her. I have a really good relationship with this neighbor. She's a good friend. And we have a reciprocal thing going where I help her out on occasion with her dog boarding business and she boards my dogs for free on the couple times a year that we go out of town. So I don't want to get snarky with her. But I'm also frustrated with paying out precious money for not much help. So, what do I do? Here are the options I've thought of. 1. Say nothing and continue to let her slide by giving dd independent type stuff along with a few time-intensive things that I know will not get done. 2. Only give her the time-intensive things so that she is forced to do at least some of it. 3. Tell her my concerns and hope that she won't get upset. (I've listened to her rant many times about her bosses who didn't understand that she was working as hard as she could so I'm a bit afraid of this option). 4. Tell her that money is just too tight. Hope that she was exaggerating about needing my small amount of money (she cobbles together a bunch of part-time jobs to try and stay afloat). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'd just assign exactly what I wanted her to help dd with, and causually mention "she's already finished xyzeasystuff, so here's what we need to work on." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I'd do #2, and if that didn't work, I'd do #4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I agree - with another idea... Take the easier work and stack it up in your closet or somewhere out of sight and reach and set out the plans for the harder things that need to get done. I know you take the time to work out a plan of action, so provide her with that and get yourself busy with what you need to do. And keep a very happy smile and delight yourself with what they do accomplish. It's 1-1/2 hrs., so plan for what they can do and if that doesn't work out over the next few weeks, then maybe phase her back to 1 hour and see if that works, then let her know that you've rescheduled your school days and no longer need her assistance?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 Only assign things that you really need her help with. Make sure that they are really 'grab and go' but that they are things that you would value her assistance with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumping In Puddles Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I wouldn't mention that I had a problem at all. I would give her the assignment when she arrives and tell exactly what needs to be done. I might even say something like "dd7 really wants to do... (easy independent thing) but don't let her, please focus only on this project" Don't give her any wiggle room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 This doesn't seem like a dilemma at all to me. I wouldn't give any options at all. I'd say, "Today, please do this science experiment. I have everything you'll need in this box. If not, feel free to dig around in the kitchen, or ask me and I'll tell you where it is. If there is any time left, please read a chapter or two of this book." The fact that she needs the money is irrelevant. This is a job, and she needs to do what's expected of her (just like any other job). Of course, it's YOUR job to make your expectations clear. Perhaps she is under the impression that she is primarily a babysitter, and doing busywork is better than nothing. Let her know exactly what you want, and expect her to do it. After another couple weeks, if she directly goes against her wishes, just tell her that you have "rescheduled your school days and no longer need her assistance." (as the other poster expressed so eloquently). :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 :iagree: This doesn't seem like a dilemma at all to me. I wouldn't give any options at all. I'd say, "Today, please do this science experiment. I have everything you'll need in this box. If not, feel free to dig around in the kitchen, or ask me and I'll tell you where it is. If there is any time left, please read a chapter or two of this book." The fact that she needs the money is irrelevant. This is a job, and she needs to do what's expected of her (just like any other job). Of course, it's YOUR job to make your expectations clear. Perhaps she is under the impression that she is primarily a babysitter, and doing busywork is better than nothing. Let her know exactly what you want, and expect her to do it. After another couple weeks, if she directly goes against her wishes, just tell her that you have "rescheduled your school days and no longer need her assistance." (as the other poster expressed so eloquently). :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted January 5, 2009 Share Posted January 5, 2009 I would just have a list of the things you want her to do. Today, I'd like for you to do the science experiment, mummify the chicken, and do that craft with glitter (and clean it up) please. I wouldn't make it an issue at all, I'd just hand her the list, the supplies, and the rags to clean it up. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom0012 Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 Agreeing with others. Just give her the time intensive stuff so that you will be sure it gets done. Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I would specifically tell her each time exactly what needs to be done. If she can't do it, I wouldn't continue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I would give a list of items to do in order of importance to you. 1. Do science, history and literature (any order is fine, but try to complete by lunch if possible. 2. Math 3. Any remaining subjects. I would tell her that I really need things done in this order so dd can do her most independent subjects once she (the sub) is gone. I wouldn't be chatty about it, just friendly, like "here you go...Please do the subjects in this order today please," and then turn and leave so you aren't left stammaring for more words to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 I'd do #2, and if that didn't work, I'd do #4. That is exactly what I thought when I read your options. *You* assign what needs to be done in her time there. If she doesn't like to do those assignments, then maybe you won't have to got to option #4 because she'll decide she can find easier work for the money. If she just doesn't do anything, then you'll have to talk to her about job performance or just tell her money is tight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted January 6, 2009 Share Posted January 6, 2009 That is exactly what I thought when I read your options. *You* assign what needs to be done in her time there. If she doesn't like to do those assignments, then maybe you won't have to got to option #4 because she'll decide she can find easier work for the money. If she just doesn't do anything, then you'll have to talk to her about job performance or just tell her money is tight.:iagree: I'd also talk to dd and let her know what you expect of HER! She shouldn't be sweet-talking this person into letting her do the other subjects instead. She needs to know that she is to do what's on the list for that day as well. (Not that I think she's doing that, just saying it should be a part of this process just to make sure everyone is on the same page.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 6, 2009 Author Share Posted January 6, 2009 :iagree: I'd also talk to dd and let her know what you expect of HER! She shouldn't be sweet-talking this person into letting her do the other subjects instead. She needs to know that she is to do what's on the list for that day as well. (Not that I think she's doing that, just saying it should be a part of this process just to make sure everyone is on the same page.) Oh, she's doing it! I will sit down with my dd7 too. Good point, Brindee! I will get my act together and will get all the stuff together for science and art. My neighbor comes Thursday this time (she was supposed to come tomorrow but there was a scheduling conflict). It gives me a couple of extra days to get ready. When thinking more about it I realized that lately I've been a bit at fault too because I haven't always had the more time-intensive stuff all ready to go for her to work with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.