saraha Posted Tuesday at 04:19 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:19 PM For a whole list of reasons I woke up this morning already feeling discouraged, but coming to work has just pushed me over the edge. The thread about someone eating out of a garbage can has been an open tab in the back of my mind and today I came to cook and clean for my little grumpy old guy and I am so trying to stay positive and cheerful, but I work for a food hoarder. He buys buys and buys food, plus sends me grocery lists to pick up too. I know it is a mental illness, but today I am not dealing with it as well. Todays triggering event was him finally giving me permission to clean out the fridge. It’s been a month since last time he let me. I try to do it surreptitiously along the way, as I cook all his meals (except for when he eats out, which is often) and things like leftovers, I can usually get him to let me get rid of, but if he bought it, it stays til it’s rotten. So today, on top of leftovers from last week, I threw away 3 lbs of lunchmeat and cheese, 5 apples, 6 oranges, 8 donuts/pastries he bought after each visit to the Amish store, a package of celery, a head of lettuce etc etc. it was enough food for a family for several meals. I’m taking home 3! Unopened loaves of bread he thinks would be good for my chickens, but they are so moldy they are just going in the compost. It’s food I wouldn’t feed my dog or chickens. Now don’t worry, he isn’t eating these foods, days when I come he has ideas of what he wants me to cook and he sticks to that. As stuff gets older I move it to places in the fridge he can’t reach, he goes for the easy stuff in front. I will clean out the fridge if all these foods, and he will go to the store before I come back and replace it all. Only to be thrown away next month uneaten. It just hurts to see foods my family would think such a treat to rot and be binned. Sorry, that is all. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted Tuesday at 04:25 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:25 PM Oh I am sorry. I think we have talked about this before and had ideas and none really worked. Probably this was thought of then. Does he shop once a month? Or does he do it every week and you could kind of take things out as he is putting more things in the front and he wouldn't notice? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Tuesday at 04:40 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 04:40 PM 9 minutes ago, mommyoffive said: Oh I am sorry. I think we have talked about this before and had ideas and none really worked. Probably this was thought of then. Does he shop once a month? Or does he do it every week and you could kind of take things out as he is putting more things in the front and he wouldn't notice? He shops every time he leaves the house. There are 7 different kinds of chips open in the closet currently. I told him Thursday the fridge as so full I couldn’t get anything in it and he said take it to the basement. So I went down to the extra fridge in the basement and threw a bunch of stuff away down there and put the new old stuff in. I asked him today if I could clean it out and he said yes, but he preapproves everything before it goes into the trash. I have tried to implement different organizational things, meals to use things up, etc but it can’t keep up. If he gets bored, he goes into town, eats at a restaurant, goes to the grocery store and shops, so the meals I fix sometimes are never touched and he brings more stuff back. I pretty sure the reason the house isn’t over run is because he will go back to Florida and then I am allowed to empty the fridge and open things from the cabinets. He has a memory like a steal trap and notices when I’ve been rummaging. There’s no fixing it, I’m just ugh today 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted Tuesday at 04:42 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:42 PM 1 minute ago, saraha said: He shops every time he leaves the house. There are 7 different kinds of chips open in the closet currently. I told him Thursday the fridge as so full I couldn’t get anything in it and he said take it to the basement. So I went down to the extra fridge in the basement and threw a bunch of stuff away down there and put the new old stuff in. I asked him today if I could clean it out and he said yes, but he preapproves everything before it goes into the trash. I have tried to implement different organizational things, meals to use things up, etc but it can’t keep up. If he gets bored, he goes into town, eats at a restaurant, goes to the grocery store and shops, so the meals I fix sometimes are never touched and he brings more stuff back. I pretty sure the reason the house isn’t over run is because he will go back to Florida and then I am allowed to empty the fridge and open things from the cabinets. He has a memory like a steal trap and notices when I’ve been rummaging. There’s no fixing it, I’m just ugh today Yeah, there usually isn't with hoarders unless they want to change. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted Tuesday at 04:47 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 04:47 PM It’s hard to see someone being wasteful, especially when you would cherish their waste. BTDT. It’s even more difficult when they are difficult people. Generally people who hoard and anxious and have some trauma in their background. For my own peace, I try to let go of the judgment and focus on my purpose. In this case, you are doing a very good job being a kind and cheerful person and helping to provide for your family and you are helping his sister be at peace that he is living in the best conditions that he will accept. I think I have noticed a pattern that when your own stress levels rise, others behaviors that you can normally tolerate irritate you more. Completely normal. Happens here too. But I wanted to ask, are you ok? Is there anything “we” collectively can do? Feel free to pm. 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Tuesday at 04:53 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 04:53 PM (edited) Not really, just be my friends, thanks. I know the pattern too. Im currently trying to clean the bathroom and he is shouting out the instructions on how to make tapioca pudding from his computer. Edited Tuesday at 04:54 PM by saraha 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted Tuesday at 05:06 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 05:06 PM God bless you in your journey. Today I am having the “take away the car keys” convo with someone. May we both find patience and compassion deep within us. 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted Tuesday at 05:10 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 05:10 PM 2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said: God bless you in your journey. Today I am having the “take away the car keys” convo with someone. May we both find patience and compassion deep within us. That's an agonizing conversation. I will pray it goes well. It didn't go well with my grandmother at all, so my brother "broke" the car and left a note in the literal engine explaining the situation to anyone who tried to fix the car. This was effective and Grandma never found out about the note, but she was so angry at not being able to drive any more. Looking back on it, we laugh, but it was rough at the time. 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Tuesday at 05:15 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 05:15 PM 8 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said: God bless you in your journey. Today I am having the “take away the car keys” convo with someone. May we both find patience and compassion deep within us. Good luck to you too! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted Tuesday at 05:16 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 05:16 PM Not to minimize things, but is there any possibility that he would let you freeze extra things? Even bread freezes well. I feel for you. May you enjoy relative peace until he goes to Florida, and may you experience joy when you can finally clean it all out. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Tuesday at 05:23 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 05:23 PM 3 minutes ago, SKL said: Not to minimize things, but is there any possibility that he would let you freeze extra things? Even bread freezes well. I feel for you. May you enjoy relative peace until he goes to Florida, and may you experience joy when you can finally clean it all out. Yeah, the freezers are all full. He has a chest freezer and two regular fridge freezers. He likes to make orders for meals like he is at a restaurant, and will eat leftovers sometimes and sometimes he won’t. I’ve tried pulling older meals out of the freezer and he says things like “oh we could but I found this recipe and bought all the stuff for you to make it, so I want this.” Etc I think I’ve tried everything. It’s just the way it is. Thank you for the encouragement, that’s what I need today 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Thursday at 10:36 PM Author Share Posted Thursday at 10:36 PM (edited) You guys, I just went to take dinner to fil and mil as the aide is off this week and I just can’t even with him. He told me he was out of laundry soap so drove all the way to the next county to go to Walmart. Now, mil gets terribly car sick now and throws up if she’s in the car more than a few minutes, but he passed two dollar stores on the way to Walmart. And of course she threw up. Then he went through Wendy’s drive through and got them food and gave her her food to eat while he shopped at Walmart. He said when he came out she had fallen asleep with a big bite in her mouth! He told me this story in a huh what can you do kind of way. I said oh you could have called me and I’d have gotten you some and he said nah, I just wanted to get her out of the house. Which doesn’t make sense because she throws up every time she gets into the car. The house was absolutely filthy, so the side is going to have some work to do. To add to my crummy week my mom just left an angry voicemail on my cell phone because she wants to call dd19 and wish her happy birthday but no one is answering and she’s afraid that the hurricane in Florida will somehow mess up our Ohio phones and she won’t be able to call her tomorrow on her real birthday. She’s mad because she wants to do something nice, but isn’t able to because there is no one home. She demanded I call her and give her dd19s phone number, which I will not do without dd19 permission. And she wants me to have dd19 call her back, but I don’t want to do that because she won’t be home til too late to call mom tonight and she leaves early in the morning for work, so when she is free at a decent time, mom will be even madder because she had to wait. Ugh. Who wants their grandma to call them to wish them happy birthday mad, because their schedule didn’t work for her? I appreciate my mom always remembers birthdays, but she’s so freaking stressful about it. And I have to remind dd19 she got her birthday card back at Christmas…🤦♀️ Can we just pause the world for a little bit? I need a break. Dh needs a break. I think the whole world needs a break. On the bright side, it is county fair week and we finally finally got some rain. Too late for this years crops, but glad to have it none the less. Kids are gone with their friends to the fair and dh is bringing home Chinese at some point just for us. And the computer guy said he might be able to fix our computer for cheaper than he thought originally. thanks for letting me vent Edited Thursday at 10:43 PM by saraha 1 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted Thursday at 10:51 PM Share Posted Thursday at 10:51 PM That’s a rotten crappy week. I’m sorry. I hope your life settles down soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted Thursday at 11:02 PM Share Posted Thursday at 11:02 PM That is a rotten crappy week. You've been juggling so much for so long and definitely desperately need a break. I hope venting here helps a little and that things settle down for you. 😞 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Thursday at 11:31 PM Author Share Posted Thursday at 11:31 PM Ugh, I’m just going to have to call her, she has called and hung up three times and is just messing up my date with dh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
knitgrl Posted Thursday at 11:41 PM Share Posted Thursday at 11:41 PM My advice -- put your phone on silent for the rest of the evening and enjoy date night. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted Thursday at 11:43 PM Author Share Posted Thursday at 11:43 PM She’s called all of my kids she has numbers for, they all let it go to voicemail. I told them she just wants to wish dd19 happy birthday and hasn’t been able to get a hold of her yet. That’s another thing she’s mad about. I’ll call her tomorrow I guess and hopefully she can just yell at me and be nice to dd19 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted Thursday at 11:55 PM Share Posted Thursday at 11:55 PM 13 minutes ago, knitgrl said: My advice -- put your phone on silent for the rest of the evening and enjoy date night. yes, yes, yes to this!!!! You and your DH deserve this time, @saraha Don't let her ruin it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.