How old for home alone?

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I’m mostly interested in the opinions and why, just more for curiousity than anything.

My kids are 14, 12 and 9. My oldest has autism but right now is very low support and has more common sense than anyone in the house, my 12 year old is neurotypical, 9 year old is adhd.  Village street, very small town, trustworthy neighbors on both sides and across the street.  I work very part time as a paramedic and my station is four blocks down the street; I’m free to pop home whenever, and if for whatever reason I couldn’t, another crew or village police would stop in and check on things if I asked; my kids know all my coworkers and most of the police officers. My kids generally walk or ride bikes around town, have cell phones and are fairly street smart for what is required in our tiny village of maybe 3500. Sheriff’s department is a block and a half from the house.

How long would you leave them home alone together? 

(I’m having a disagreement with my mom and am just wondering if I’m wildly off base)

Edited August 17 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Ottakee]

Do they all get along together?   If so, likely hours to a full shift.   At 12 I was babysitting up to 6 kids for 8+ hours at a time.

one thing I have heard that works for some families is to “pay” the kids for all cooperating and getting their chores done.  Like $5/day or so.  Not a ton but maybe enough to encourage cooperation between siblings.

[freesia]

As long none of them is physical with each other, I would be comfortable leaving them for four or five hours.

[freesia]

1 minute ago, Ottakee said:

Do they all get along together?   If so, likely hours to a full shift.   At 12 I was babysitting up to 6 kids for 8+ hours at a time.

one thing I have heard that works for some families is to “pay” the kids for all cooperating and getting their chores done.  Like $5/day or so.  Not a ton but maybe enough to encourage cooperation between siblings.

I was babysitting that long at that age too.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

2 minutes ago, Ottakee said:

Do they all get along together?   If so, likely hours to a full shift.   At 12 I was babysitting up to 6 kids for 8+ hours at a time.

one thing I have heard that works for some families is to “pay” the kids for all cooperating and getting their chores done.  Like $5/day or so.  Not a ton but maybe enough to encourage cooperation between siblings.

My oldest and youngest fought a lot before we moved, but the bigger house and everyone having their own space(and oldest DS being able to walk down to the park when little sibling is bugging him) has all but resolved that.  I’d pay my 12 year old to babysit the 9 year old and remind the 14 year old his wandering town privileges can be revoked for any foolish or irresponsible behaviors lol. 
 

If I am on shift or not home I ask them to let me know if they leave the house for any reason, and when they get back. The only time I’ve done this they did walk down to the station to see if I had any better food than they have at home.

The 9 year old is not allowed to walk around town yet unless with his sister.

Edited August 17 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[WildflowerMom]

All day?   I would ask the youngest to stay home though and not wander around.  And I would have the other two call or text me and let me know if they were going somewhere and why.   I would make sure one of the older two was home with the 9yo. 

[freesia]

I said four or five hours, but if it were a needed situation like no other choice, and I needed to work, then I would be OK leaving them for the full day.

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

I ask because I was asked to work 5-6 hours this afternoon; I mentioned it to my mom and she freaked out on me about what horrible parenting that is.

I do take into account she was so terrified of kidnappers that she wouldn’t even let me go to the movies by myself at 16(she is neurotic, but she also had a cousin who’s young daughter was murdered in a non family member kidnapping, which has completely colored her views), but I am so close if I’m on an ambulance or I can have someone here in less than three minutes.

I just don’t want to be an irresponsible parent, but I really have bills to pay.

Also my kids are perfectly happy to sit home, eat pizza delivery and watch movies without Mom asking them to do chores.

Edited August 17 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[Kidlit]

Given basic sibling harmony, I'd leave them for a full shift.  I do not have the small town, neighbors  I know and trust, nor the familiarity with local authorities. We do live in a low crime small-to-mid size town with a grandparent three blocks away so generally feel okay about it. Given your family's circumstances, I'd be inclined to make them stay at home (unless the oldest really needs the safety valve) but feel very good about my choice. 

[freesia]

27 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

I ask because I was asked to work 5-6 hours this afternoon; I mentioned it to my mom and she freaked out on me about what horrible parenting that is.

I do take into account she was so terrified of kidnappers that she wouldn’t even let me go to the movies by myself at 16(she is neurotic, but she also had a cousin who’s young daughter was murdered in a non family member kidnapping, which has completely colored her views), but I am so close if I’m on an ambulance or I can have someone here in less than three minutes.

I just don’t want to be an irresponsible parent, but I really have bills to pay.

Also my kids are perfectly happy to sit home, eat pizza delivery and watch movies without Mom asking them to do chores.

I think they’ll be fine. You are really close. 

[QueenCat]

Will the younger kids listen to the oldest? And will the oldest pay attention to what the younger kids are doing?

 

If not for either one of those, I wouldn't leave them for very long.

[prairiewindmomma]

I would be completely fine with that, and would be fine with full shifts a few days a week if:

1. They have access to a phone to call in emergencies.

2. They can prepare simple meals.

3. They can handle simple kerfluffles without major incident: someone burning food in the microwave and setting off the fire alarm, someone getting cut and needing a bandaid, someone strange coming to the door, minor disagreements between siblings.

I grew up in a small town also. Everybody is all up in your business. You may not be home, but everybody knows you or your family in some way and is generally happy to step in if a kid needs help. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

14 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

Will the younger kids listen to the oldest? And will the oldest pay attention to what the younger kids are doing?

 

If not for either one of those, I wouldn't leave them for very long.

The youngest listens to the middle one, who is 12.  They’ve been on their own before but never for more than an hour and a half.

I would probably stop back over and make dinner in this particular case as long as I’m not on an ambulance call or anything. The station is four blocks directly behind my house and it honestly takes longer to walk to the ambulance than to drive here from the station.

Edited August 17 by Mrs Tiggywinkle Again

[catz]

I would think mom would know best on this.  I would think an afternoon or an evening even up to 6-8 hours periodicially would be fine if you've worked up to that.

One thing I have seen problems with though is consistent no adult supervision in tweens/teens.  So like on their own many hours but also many times a week. 

[Drama Llama]

It depends on how the ADHD presents.  My kids were fine alone at 11 and 8.  My parents never left me alone with my ASD sibling until that sibling left for college because I would have gotten beaten up, but as soon as sibling left they went on a bird watching vacation and left me (15) with my younger brother (13)  in a city where we had just moved.  So, how disabilities present and how siblings treat each other matters.

Generally I would have no problem with 14 and 12 alone together for occasional whole days, with instructions to keep you notified of their whereabouts and food they didn’t have to cook, and with a 9 year old who could be trusted to either stay with them or stay home alone up to an hour or two.

[Drama Llama]

You posted while I did.  If the 9 and 12 can promise to stay together, I would have no concerns.  

[prairiewindmomma]

Fwiw, when mine were 14, 11, and 7 I worked up to leaving them by running errands….I would go to a 2 hr dr appointment, stop in and check on things, and head back out to run errands, and so on. Maybe step in a couple of times those first few times you work full shifts? Staying home alone is a skill, and totally one can develop with practice!

[EKS]

If they were used to being left alone for a few hours at a time, I'd have no problem leaving them all day.  That's assuming that the ADHD kid doesn't tend to do impulsive things that are also unsafe.  

[Katy]

I think most kids are old enough to babysit around 10-12. But if your local community center or fire department or something gives a baby sitter certification class, that’s a good idea for those old enough. Mostly to help them think through potential emergencies while someone other than mom is guiding them. 

[SKL]

It depends on whether it's occasional or all the time.  Kids who routinely have too much independent time are at risk of making poor decisions, including spending time with bad influences etc.  But I don't think that's as much of a factor in "one-offs."  Though this may vary from kid to kid.

[Carrie12345]

You know your kids best.

Ive never had a magic age. It always depended on which kids/combination of kids and what I knew I could (or couldn’t) trust them to handle.

Of course, this wasn’t something anyone was fretting about when *I* was a kid!!!

[Clarita]

I would be comfortable leaving my children with a 12 year old for 4+ hours and a 14 year old all day. Where I would draw the line is overnight or if there were no reachable adults? For my own kids between the neighbors and the grandparents that also live nearby, I wouldn't do 5 days a week but once or twice a week I would have no hesitation.

FWIW I was left home alone by 10 3-5 days a week. 5 days, looking back, was trouble. Things were better when it was just 2-3 days. The best way for me to describe it was 2-3 days was my limit for self control (getting homework done, not getting into shenanigans, inviting friends over).  By high school I also was only home 2 days per week the other days had activities and things that I'd get myself to, so even though I was technically home alone I wasn't spending that time actually home alone. So I don't know how much self control I would have had if I were home alone all that time. 

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, Carrie12345 said:

You know your kids best.

Ive never had a magic age. It always depended on which kids/combination of kids and what I knew I could (or couldn’t) trust them to handle.

 

This was the same for us.

[EKS]

30 minutes ago, SKL said:

It depends on whether it's occasional or all the time. 

This is a good point.  When I said all day (with caveats, above) I didn't mean all day every day, more like all day once in a blue moon.

[City Mouse]

I was getting paid to babysit  kids all day by 14yrs old. I would say it depends on the individual kids, but in general what you described would be perfectly fine to me.

[wintermom]

I think there are a few different potential things in the mix. If it's all kids at home and no bike riding around town, then a few hours.

Anyone leaving the house (alone or with all 3), I have no idea. Depends too much on variables I have no idea. You'd know better.

Edited August 17 by wintermom

[Terabith]

Just going off ages, I would be fine with all day during the day (but not overnight), assuming they have some way of reaching adults.  And I would be fine with it being multiple days a week, too.  

But, it kinda depends in practice on how their disabilities impact them.  Like if there is physical fighting between kids or major impulsivity or safety issues, that would be a different story.  But doesn't sound like that's the case.  I think it's fine.  

[rebcoola]

Yeah all day should be fine

[kbutton]

23 hours ago, Katy said:

I think most kids are old enough to babysit around 10-12. But if your local community center or fire department or something gives a baby sitter certification class, that’s a good idea for those old enough. Mostly to help them think through potential emergencies while someone other than mom is guiding them. 

We had our younger one do some kind of safe at home class that was offered by the babysitting class people. It was quite nice!

@Mrs Tiggywinkle Again, what you are describing sounds fine as long as the 9 and 14 y.o. aren’t left together alone. My two 2e kids could be left home separately before it was okay to stay home together, but we got there eventually.

I would not be wild about kids leaving the house while I was gone the first few times, but I could see letting them do some specific outings agreed upon ahead of time if all goes well after a trial period and work out the details from there. And you know what kind of small town I grew up in.