Help me think this through?

[MEmama]

If your adults have flown far away from the nest, please help me think this through. 

DS21 (autistic, ADHD, etc) has decided to take a mental health break from the university he attends overseas. He has landed a summer job that is turning into a permanent job on the opposite coast from us and will be staying out there for the foreseeable future. He does intend to work on his degree in a year or two, and on a relevant certificate in the meantime that would be immediately useful in his current position. 

He will live with my parents until at least the beginning of next year, and will have access to one of their cars. Eventually, however, he will strike out on his own and need a permanent solution for transportation. But at least in the beginning, he has a soft and supportive place to land and situate himself. 

In the meantime, what do we need to be thinking about? We’ll need to offload his flat in Dublin along with a few big possessions he isn’t going to haul back here. I suppose he needs to change his address, register to vote in his new state, get a local drivers license. What am I missing? It’s been a long time since I lived the vagabond life, lol, and had no help when I flew away. 

Thanks for sharing your experiences and tips, and anything I haven’t yet thought through. This summer has been a whirlwind! 

[freesia]

He’ll need to sort out health insurance and get an appt with a doctor asap if he needs medication. When we moved, new patient appointments were scheduling five months out and fortunately I had extra albuterol. So, if you can stockpile some meds for him? Or figure out how to navigate that going forward. The pharmacy here would refill once without a new doctor’s order. 
 

Encourage him to get set up with a dentist, too. 

[Arcadia]

32 minutes ago, MEmama said:

I suppose he needs to change his address, register to vote in his new state, get a local drivers license.

There isn’t a hurry to do that though until he is sure he is staying put for good  in that area. Rents are still high here. My husband used an international driving license for about a year when we relocated to the states. 

Is his health insurance PPO or HMO? I remember you mentioned about telehealth so he can just continue using telehealth. For prescriptions, is he picking up or using the mail delivery option? If he is using mail delivery then he needs to change the delivery address on his account. If he is picking up, I would avoid CVS pharmacy based on personal experience. I have great experience with Safeway pharmacy for picking up my prescriptions. If you are under Kaiser, then he could probably change it to the nearest Kaiser pharmacy location for pick up. 

[SanDiegoMom]

Definitely health insurance.  I think CA is different than other states in that a psychiatrist is required for ADHD meds? I'm not sure if that makes it different or not but I know it's required, and getting a good psychiatrist can take awhile.

Also as is everywhere, the best ones don't take insurance.  

Making sure address is forwarded for end of year tax documents? 

We were never on top of things when my husband was in the military, and things always worked out. We have always been much more laissez faire than others:)  Yes, that meant I drove around with an expired military ID AND expired driver's license, which wasn't ideal, lol.  But driver's license doesn't have to be gotten right away.  Car insurance updated to new state, however, might be something to look into. 

Definitely find a good pharmacy.  Agree to avoid CVS.  We use one attached to the university and they have been fantastic.  My older daughter who has experienced severe issues with the adhd med shortages just switched to a small local pharmacy and is doing MUCH better with them.  

[MEmama]

Since he’s under 26 and we’ll keep him on our insurance for now, can he continue to see his doctor in our state for annual visits and meds? His doctor is fantastic and I’d hate for DS to have to give him up. 

[MEmama]

51 minutes ago, SanDiegoMom said:

We were never on top of things when my husband was in the military

We moved around a lot when we were in our 20s too, and were lax on the details. We didn’t have health insurance until later and although we got lucky, it is essential that DS always have good coverage. It’s that kind of detail I’m afraid I won’t think of, because we were really carefree and kinda dumb (in retrospect) and he can’t afford to be. 

[freesia]

7 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Since he’s under 26 and we’ll keep him on our insurance for now, can he continue to see his doctor in our state for annual visits and meds? His doctor is fantastic and I’d hate for DS to have to give him up. 

If his doctor doesn’t have prescribing permission in CA, then he can’t get his meds. 

[freesia]

He might want to contact his doctor and ask how to handle it. 

[Arcadia]

1 minute ago, MEmama said:

Since he’s under 26 and we’ll keep him on our insurance for now, can he continue to see his doctor in our state for annual visits and meds? His doctor is fantastic and I’d hate for DS to have to give him up. 

Technically he is a “guest” at your parents’ home so why not. However ADHD medication might be tricky in California like what SanDiegoMom said. You might want to check with his doctor about that.

[SanDiegoMom]

17 minutes ago, MEmama said:

We moved around a lot when we were in our 20s too, and were lax on the details. We didn’t have health insurance until later and although we got lucky, it is essential that DS always have good coverage. It’s that kind of detail I’m afraid I won’t think of, because we were really carefree and kinda dumb (in retrospect) and he can’t afford to be. 

right, and for us at least health insurance was never an issue with Tricare.  Even if my military ID expired, the benefits were still valid and the doctor offices were always fine as long as they could run my husband's social to find our insurance. 

I've never been without health insurance even when I didn't have medically necessary prescriptions.

[MEmama]

2 hours ago, freesia said:

If his doctor doesn’t have prescribing permission in CA, then he can’t get his meds. 

I suppose we can't get them prescribed in our state and send them to him? I can't ship them overseas, so he has his prescriptions filled on campus when he's there, and at home when he's here on breaks. I wonder if the rules are different if he isn't currently a student, though. 

[AmandaVT]

1 minute ago, MEmama said:

I suppose we can't get them prescribed in our state and send them to him? I can't ship them overseas, so he has his prescriptions filled on campus when he's there, and at home when he's here on breaks. I wonder if the rules are different if he isn't currently a student, though. 

Or maybe he could get his script filled through Amazon pharmacy and have it shipped to him? If he keeps his permanent address with you for now, that should be fine and typical for the age group. I think I kept my dad's house as my official address for a year or so after I graduated college until I had an apartment I was settled into for a bit. 

[prairiewindmomma]

See if there is an official leave taking procedure from uni and also double check around visa issues (ie-extension or whatever you’ll need to do when he is ready to return)

[prairiewindmomma]

Controlled substance meds must be written for by a dr licensed in the state in which patient resides—it’s a fun extra hoop to jump through.

[Laura Corin]

5 hours ago, MEmama said:

 

If your adults have flown far away from the nest, please help me think this through. 

DS21 (autistic, ADHD, etc) has decided to take a mental health break from the university he attends overseas. He has landed a summer job that is turning into a permanent job on the opposite coast from us and will be staying out there for the foreseeable future. He does intend to work on his degree in a year or two, and on a relevant certificate in the meantime that would be immediately useful in his current position. 

He will live with my parents until at least the beginning of next year, and will have access to one of their cars. Eventually, however, he will strike out on his own and need a permanent solution for transportation. But at least in the beginning, he has a soft and supportive place to land and situate himself. 

In the meantime, what do we need to be thinking about? We’ll need to offload his flat in Dublin along with a few big possessions he isn’t going to haul back here. I suppose he needs to change his address, register to vote in his new state, get a local drivers license. What am I missing? It’s been a long time since I lived the vagabond life, lol, and had no help when I flew away. 

Thanks for sharing your experiences and tips, and anything I haven’t yet thought through. This summer has been a whirlwind! 

Check that completing his Irish degree will be possible.  The US is unusually willing to take transferred credits, I think.

[MEmama]

40 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

See if there is an official leave taking procedure from uni and also double check around visa issues (ie-extension or whatever you’ll need to do when he is ready to return)

Thank you!

If he goes back to university, it will likely be in the US. One benefit of him changing his address, drivers licence etc to Ca now is that by the time he's ready to start thinking about returning to his studies in a year or two, he will be eligible for in state tuition. 

[MEmama]

41 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Controlled substance meds must be written for by a dr licensed in the state in which patient resides—it’s a fun extra hoop to jump through.

Fantastic 🙄😡

[MEmama]

24 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

Check that completing his Irish degree will be possible.  The US is unusually willing to take transferred credits, I think.

I don't foresee problems in transferring his credits to a California university, and he can possibly transfer other credits he earned both in AP studies and summer courses through a university here that his uni in Ireland didn't accept or were too complicated for him to figure out how to transfer. 
 

At this point the goal is to get him in a healthier mental space; I'm pretty confident the degree will get sorted when he's ready and able.

[Arcadia]

13 minutes ago, MEmama said:

One benefit of him changing his address, drivers licence etc to Ca now is that by the time he's ready to start thinking about returning to his studies in a year or two, he will be eligible for in state tuition.

Check the criteria for that. SJSU wanted three years of state income tax forms (540) from the student or parent to prove my teens are California residents. De Anza College wanted the same evidence.

ETA:

e.g. Sonoma State University 

”If you’re an unmarried undergraduate 19 years or older and your parent(s) are not California residents, you must be able to document (for example, using tax returns, W-2 forms, bank statements) that you have been totally self-sufficient for three full years prior to the residence determination date, supporting yourself, for example, through jobs, financial aid, commercial/institutional loans in your name only, and documentable savings from your earnings. This also means you can't have　been claimed as an income tax dependent by any individual or have accepted gifts (cash or other support) that contributed to your subsistence for three tax years immediately preceding the term.”

Edited July 30 by Arcadia

[MEmama]

36 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Check the criteria for that. SJSU wanted three years of state income tax forms (540) from the student or parent to prove my teens are California residents. De Anza College wanted the same evidence.

ETA:

e.g. Sonoma State University 

”If you’re an unmarried undergraduate 19 years or older and your parent(s) are not California residents, you must be able to document (for example, using tax returns, W-2 forms, bank statements) that you have been totally self-sufficient for three full years prior to the residence determination date, supporting yourself, for example, through jobs, financial aid, commercial/institutional loans in your name only, and documentable savings from your earnings. This also means you can't have　been claimed as an income tax dependent by any individual or have accepted gifts (cash or other support) that contributed to your subsistence for three tax years immediately preceding the term.”

Dang. 😞. Great information though, thanks @Arcadia! 

Since this change of course is new and --given he's only 21-- likely not fully permanent, maybe we can bide our time before changing everything over. I mean, he'll be working there but we don't yet know in exactly what capacity, but living with the grandparents and borrowing their car is still temporary living details.

There's so much to think about especially since he does have medical needs that we didn't when we were his age, and I do want to help ensure this transition is as seamless as possible for him. 

[Tap]

11 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Controlled substance meds must be written for by a dr licensed in the state in which patient resides—it’s a fun extra hoop to jump through.

This is state specific. Not all states have this law

Edited July 31 by Tap

[Eos]

12 hours ago, MEmama said:

At this point the goal is to get him in a healthier mental space; I'm pretty confident the degree will get sorted when he's ready and able.

Hugs and respect to you, MEMama, what a great support you are.