Rich with Kids Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 The bad news: Through much prayer and discussion, we have made the heart-wrenching decision to leave our church. The good news: After visiting some other churches, we feel we have found a new church home. The question: How do you leave a church? I have never left a church for anything other than moving too far to attend. I serve on the worship team for the kids, so I need to tell the production director and the children's pastor.(I love them both so much!) I also need to talk to my dc's choir teachers. How do we do this? A letter? A meeting? Please, if you have BTDT, what did you do? We've already had a meeting a year ago with the person who is the main reason for our decision to leave. He hasn't changed, is still in leadership and looks to be staying. I know I'm being vague, but it's such a looooong story, I don't want to bore you with every detail. If you have a specific question, I'll be happy to answer it. Thanks!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 I think I would tell each person (choir directors, youth pastor, etc.) individually. You can choose to say why you're leaving or you can just say "We need to do what's best for our family". I don't think I'd do a group meeting-it'll get emotional and I'm sure there will be pressure on you to stay in that church. Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 I think I would tell each person (choir directors, youth pastor, etc.) individually. You can choose to say why you're leaving or you can just say "We need to do what's best for our family". I don't think I'd do a group meeting-it'll get emotional and I'm sure there will be pressure on you to stay in that church.Jennifer Thanks Jennifer. I am really dreading this. I love these two women dearly, but we are doing what's best for our family. My dh has been such a great spiritual leader through all of this. God let us both know at the same time that we were needed somewhere else and He led us right to it! We were worried about how it will affect the dc, but God has even given them peace. Already we are stronger spiritually. I'm just heart broken to cut the ties. I really hate confrontation. Thanks for posting. BTW, you are my favorite actress!;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 The bad news:Through much prayer and discussion, we have made the heart-wrenching decision to leave our church. The good news: After visiting some other churches, we feel we have found a new church home. The question: How do you leave a church? I have never left a church for anything other than moving too far to attend. I serve on the worship team for the kids, so I need to tell the production director and the children's pastor.(I love them both so much!) I also need to talk to my dc's choir teachers. How do we do this? A letter? A meeting? Please, if you have BTDT, what did you do? We've already had a meeting a year ago with the person who is the main reason for our decision to leave. He hasn't changed, is still in leadership and looks to be staying. I know I'm being vague, but it's such a looooong story, I don't want to bore you with every detail. If you have a specific question, I'll be happy to answer it. Thanks!:) your thread title with the answer of "through the front doors". Ahem. I would talk to them each individually and let them know that you are leaving. Just explain that both you and dh felt the need to worship elsewhere and that you adore them and will miss them. You don't have to let them know the reason, and I would try to refrain from any sort of gossip (not that you would gossip), but you could tell them that you are uncomfortable with certain leadership. I would let them know that dh is backing you in this change (that often quiets many women from arguing) and that your family is at peace with the decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 We are off to choir, but please leave replies and I will read them later this p.m. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted February 17, 2008 Author Share Posted February 17, 2008 Judomom...you a funny lady :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 I agree that you should talk to each person individually. I wanted to add that you should keep the conversation focused on what is right for your family and how much you will miss the good parts of your current church, rather than trying to explain the negative reasons that you are leaving. We have BTDT. We know it was the right change, but we still found that some of our "old" church friends were no longer interested in being our friends. That was rather disheartening. On the other hand, we remained good friends with many others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiegirl Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 When we left our former church, we asked for a meeting with the Pastor and the elders. We told them the reason for our leaving. The reason was put in the best possbile light. At the time, I was only teaching Sunday School. The superintendent was my best friend so she already knew we were leaving. Seeing that you are involved in so many ministries, I would tell each person individually as well as the Pastor. I am very grateful that we did it this way. It cut back on gossip and on bad feelings (well,there were still some bad feelings but you can't please everyone :rolleyes:) Everyone involved said that we had handled this sticky situation very well. I know that it is upsetting to leave a church, especially when you are heavily involved in their ministries. I pray that it will all go well for you. Julia mom of 3 (8,7,5) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 We've done this. Tell the people you are close with individually. Do not give any details as to why, other than God is calling you out of that ministry. Write a letter to the elders and pastor, explaining the why. Those are things that need to be shared with them. Unless you've already gone to them about it, then I wouldn't bother with the letter. And that's it. hth, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 I agree that you should talk to each person individually. I wanted to add that you should keep the conversation focused on what is right for your family and how much you will miss the good parts of your current church, rather than trying to explain the negative reasons that you are leaving. We have BTDT. We know it was the right change, but we still found that some of our "old" church friends were no longer interested in being our friends. That was rather disheartening. On the other hand, we remained good friends with many others. I agree with this. I hven't been through this but I have a good friend who has. I think it was a real eye-opener for her in terms of who her real friends were. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*anj* Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 You've already gotten a lot of good advice. I would just add that it's good to speak with your pastor personally. I recently left a church that I loved. I didn't leave for any reasons specific to the church, but for another really good reason. I called the pastor, my closest friends, and the people who are in charge of ministries that I was involved in. I presented everything in positive terms, and told them that I even hoped to return eventually. It went really well. Over the years I have seen people leave the church, sometimes gracefully, sometimes not. I think it's best to be upfront about the positives (the right thing for our family, we feel led by the Lord, we will always love this church) and keep the rest to yourselves (I don't like the direction this church is heading in, the pastor is a dictator, this place is a dying vine.) **Oh, I'm not saying those are your reasons, and they weren't mine either. I just used those as examples.** I've known people who sent out a letter to the people just outside their immediate circle, but whom they still thought needed information. That is helpful if you have quite a few people you want to tell, but don't feel like saying it over and over again. Also, they're less likely to ask you questions. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imeverywoman Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 We've had to do this in the past and know it's not easy. Blessings to you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 BTW, you are my favorite actress!;) Thank you! I don't know how I manage it-what with my Hollywood career, bi-coastal lifestyle, yummy dh and precious daughter-but I do get on the WTM boards occasionally! :D Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plaid Dad Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 I would talk to the pastor first and then individually to anyone you've worked closely with. I would be very honest about the reason with the pastor, but more circumspect in my explanations to other members of the congregation - not dishonest, of course, but perhaps less emphatic or detailed, to avoid any hint of gossip. Good luck to you. I've done this, and it is not easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 and discussed with him our reasons for leaving. I did not say anything to anyone until dh's meeting with the pastor, then just quietly told a few people the Lord was leading us in another direction. Leaving our church was really traumatic for me. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I was glad to let my husband do the talking for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jail warden Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 "through the front doors". I'm glad I'm not the only one who had this cross my mind! When I read the thread that's what I thought too!!! Anyway, I'd agree with what the others have said, for the real answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 If there are specific reasons you are leaving or a even specific people that contribute to your decision talk to the pastor and that person so they can fix whatever may have offended or caused you reason to not want to be there anymore don't just use "because God wants us to" as a reason unless this is the true heart of the reason you are leaving. Be honest and upfront with those you need to be. We left a church over 2 years ago for various reasons and I never really told anyone why but I finally broke down and told a friend who went to that same church years go because I had to talk to someone. The sad part she wasn't suprised what I told her because they left for some of the same reasons and people. I felt sooo much better getting it out but feel if I had talked to certain people they may have been offended but atleast they would know what they are doing that may offend another and then leave it between them and God. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted February 18, 2008 Author Share Posted February 18, 2008 Thank you, everyone. We just returned home from choir to find a bag full of info (and some chips and salsa! Yum!) on the new church. It has a CD of their choir and just some general info. The fact that someone took the time to actually come to our home made me cry like a baby! (DH filled out the guest form today) I haven't been able to sing in a choir in over a year. I just sat at my computer listening to this beautiful choir and wept. I get to praise God with singing real grown-up choir songs again! Thanks for your advice and encouragement. Our spiritual lives have suffered and I finally feel like we have found a place to heal and rebuild! I feel like doing cart wheels!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 It is so hard to leave a church. We just went through this a few years ago and there is no easy way. I'm glad you have found some place so soon. It takes a while to feel at home in a new place. In terms of leaving, I think you should express to the pastor (or elders), in as respectful way as you can, the reasons you are leaving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted February 18, 2008 Share Posted February 18, 2008 I'm glad I'm not the only one who had this cross my mind! When I read the thread that's what I thought too!!! Anyway, I'd agree with what the others have said, for the real answer. I thought this, too! What a bunch of Smarty McSmartingtons we are! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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