WWYD stolen item

[Elizabeth86]

Several things have turned up missing at dh’s parents house. I found one of the items for sale on marketplace by one of the people we suspected. Now it’s nothing we are able to prove. It’s more sentimental than anything. They are selling it for $150 which is about right. Would you confront them? Obviously I wouldn’t, but my dh might. Just curious how others would handle it to get it back.

[HomeAgain]

I wouldn't do anything with the goal of getting it back, unless that was the only goal.

To get it back - have a friend pose and offer $200 for it.  Have them buy it and record the interaction, then turn it over to the police.

To confront them directly about their thievery - tell everyone in a family group chat that this person is selling X, taken from Y's home and they should not be trusted in ANYONE's house after this.  Screenshot the marketplace ad and share that, too. 

Frankly, I'd be inclined to do both if this thing is important to me but the relationship is not.

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, HomeAgain said:

I wouldn't do anything with the goal of getting it back, unless that was the only goal.

To get it back - have a friend pose and offer $200 for it.  Have them buy it and record the interaction, then turn it over to the police.

To confront them directly about their thievery - tell everyone in a family group chat that this person is selling X, taken from Y's home and they should not be trusted in ANYONE's house after this.  Screenshot the marketplace ad and share that, too. 

Frankly, I'd be inclined to do both if this thing is important to me but the relationship is not.

The item is important to dh. It wasn’t a family member that took it. It was a neighbor/handy man doing work for mil after fil passed.

[HomeAgain]

Just now, Elizabeth86 said:

The item is important to dh. It wasn’t a family member that took it. It was a neighbor/handy man doing work for mil after fil passed.

Oh, then I would definitely do the first part!  Get it back, turn the evidence over to the police.

[Elizabeth86]

Just now, HomeAgain said:

Oh, then I would definitely do the first part!  Get it back, turn the evidence over to the police.

I’m not sure what evidence we have. I’m going to have to find that out. My dh is intimidating AF so he may be able to get it back that way.

[Katy]

I would just take screenshots and call the police. 

[QueenCat]

46 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

The item is important to dh. It wasn’t a family member that took it. It was a neighbor/handy man doing work for mil after fil passed.

Are you positive mil didn't give it to him? Maybe in lieu of payment?

[Elizabeth86]

19 minutes ago, QueenCat said:

Are you positive mil didn't give it to him? Maybe in lieu of payment?

Yes because she actually asked me via text if we wanted it for the kids about a week before she passed and we said yea and we’d get it next time we were there. Other things have gone missing too after she passed and dh is certain.

[Scarlett]

25 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yes because she actually asked me via text if we wanted it for the kids about a week before she passed and we said yea and we’d get it next time we were there. Other things have gone missing too after she passed and dh is certain.

Oh heck no I would not tolerate this for one minute.  That is brazen to steal it and then put on FB marketplace.  I would have a friend buy it and document the transaction then turn over to police.  Family and friends did this locally when a loved one went missing.  They got their loved ones things back plus they helped solve a murder.  

[Ottakee]

I would stop this persons access to your FIL and the property.

Yes, report it to police.   Any chance FIL asked them to sell it for them or gave it to them?

Elder abuse like this is very real.

[Scarlett]

Also he maybe known to the police as a thief.  If so stopping him and recovering stolen goods may be easier.

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, Ottakee said:

I would stop this persons access to your FIL and the property.

Yes, report it to police.   Any chance FIL asked them to sell it for them or gave it to them?

Elder abuse like this is very real.

Yes. Actually one thing went missing in between fil dying and mil drying. I actually have a text conversation asking her where the item was and she actually said the suspect handy man changed the lock on the shop door for her.

[Elizabeth86]

Also I know nothing about security cameras. Want to point me in the right direction?

[Elizabeth86]

Also, is there a way to see what someone has sold on the past on Facebook marketplace?

[Clarita]

You should be able to find a spot in the listing for seller information. Click that and it'll show past things they've listed for sale.

[BusyMom5]

At this point, I would go to the police rather than confront him.  If there was a possibility that MIL gave it to him, I'd suggest confrontation.   This is thievery.  Screen shot, look through his other posts to see if there is anything else he has stolen from them.  

As for cameras, lots of options!  You will probably need wi-fi if you want to see in real-time.  

[Spryte]

2 hours ago, Katy said:

I would just take screenshots and call the police. 

This.

I would not have anyone pose as a buyer and buy it back — I’m not sure I understand the point to doing that, though. Is there a compelling reason for doing that, as some above recommended?

Screenshots and any other documentation you have (texts that he changed the locks, receipts for work done on the house, etc) would be enough to report. 

I’m so sorry. We had many items — some valuable, some sentimental — go missing from my ILs’ home. At one point when FIL was in hospital, an aide backed a truck up to their senior apartment and took furniture. MIL was too far gone in her dementia to think straight — she probably offered it. FIL found out later and was so upset. I comfort myself by thinking of how much MIL loved to donate and give items away, she truly got a hit of dopamine that way. With dementia on board, it’s possible she gave things away and never thought to tell FIL or anyone, or remembered that she had offered them to us. I don’t know if your ILs might have done that, too. It sounds more likely that they were robbed, but if it’s at all comforting to reframe things, that’s what worked for me.

[SKL]

What is the reason you don't want to go to the police?

You have more than one family member / family friend who can testify that the items were your folks' property and about when they disappeared, right?  Possibly a family photo with the item in the background?

It's always possible that the justice system will say it's not enough evidence to convict, but even so, it is likely to deter him from further theft, at least from your family.  What's the downside of reporting?

[Elizabeth86]

9 minutes ago, SKL said:

What is the reason you don't want to go to the police?

You have more than one family member / family friend who can testify that the items were your folks' property and about when they disappeared, right?  Possibly a family photo with the item in the background?

It's always possible that the justice system will say it's not enough evidence to convict, but even so, it is likely to deter him from further theft, at least from your family.  What's the downside of reporting?

I just wasn’t sure how to prove it was fil. I wasn’t sure the police would do anything.. all I have is a text of mil offering me the item. I’m not sure about a picture: I’m not sure who all else would know. No family was local besides us. They weren’t a close family . I know 1 neighbor in particular might be familiar 

Edited July 17 by Elizabeth86

[Clarita]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

wasn’t sure the police would do anything.. all I have is a text

They might not do anything at all, but at least they may be able to tell you what would actually be enough for prosecution, for them to have a scary chat, or recover your item if another incident happens where they find all the things he has stolen from people. You never know and different locations the police will have different levels of when they'll do something (even if it's just an intimidating chat).

[SKL]

5 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

I just wasn’t sure how to prove it was fil. I wasn’t sure the police would do anything.. all I have is a text of mil offering me the item. I’m not sure about a picture: I’m not sure who all else would know. No family was local besides us. They weren’t a close family . I know 1 neighbor in particular might be familiar 

Oh wait, it was fil as in father-in-law as in husband of the deceased?  If so, he probably has the right to keep or sell the item unless the will states otherwise.

[Elizabeth86]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

Oh wait, it was fil as in father-in-law as in husband of the deceased?  If so, he probably has the right to keep or sell the item unless the will states otherwise.

Sorry. No I  meant I was sure how to prove it was ours/father in laws item that was stolen. Sorry for the confusion . The their is a life long neighborhood/acquaintance/know his whole family/hired handy man

Edited July 17 by Elizabeth86

[SKL]

2 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Sorry. No I  meant I was sure how to prove it was ours/father in laws item that was stolen. Sorry for the confusion . The their is a life long neighborhood/acquaintance/know his whole family/hired handy man

OK then I think it is best to go to the cops.  He is probably stealing from others and probably stole other things from your folks too.

[TheReader]

I'm guessing in a small town, the police will be more helpful than not. They may even know this guy has done this before, for ex. Take the screenshots, take the texts, call the non-emergency number and ask who to talk to and then go in person (or just plain go in person). Tell them all that you've told us here - This person was doing work for your in-laws prior to their deaths, during which time, these items (list all of them) went missing. Now, this person has popped up selling one of the missing items on FB. You suspect, given this and the timeline of events, he likely is behind the disappearance of the other items as well. What recourse do you have, is this enough to press charges, what other info might be needed, etc. 

They'll guide you from there. 

I'm sorry this has happened, by the way. It really stinks. 

[KungFuPanda]

Have a friend buy it. Have DH go with him and confront him at the meeting place. If he’s selling more than one thing, try to buy two. Then watch the guy squirm. 

[marbel]

Yeah, ask the police for assistance. Even if there is nothing they can do about your item, you've started a paper trail on this guy. I wouldn't try to "catch" him with a fake purchase. Seems like that would have a strong possibility of ending badly. And your husband could end up in trouble for intimidation.