S/O Family houses

[City Mouse]

Has anyone here taken over a parent’s or grandparent’s house and then been able to truly make it your own house? 

Many years ago, it was strongly suggested that DH buy his mother’s house from her (that DH grew up in) and then she would live in the house with us for the remainder of her life. After some consideration, DH and I decided not to take advantage of that offer. My fear was that no matter how long I lived there it would always be “mom’s” house which would limit changes that could be made, and that I would never feel like it was my house. My DH’s concerns were structural, but I could see difficulty arising like in the other thread where he would have wanted to follow through with plans his father and mother had wanted for the house over what I wanted.

[SHP]

I did temporarily and wish I had permanently. 

[OhioMomof3]

My brother-in-law bought his father's home, and they have truly made it their own. It has been a long process and has cost them quite a bit of money in renovation and repairs, because his dad did not maintain the property well. However, they knew it would be worth it. It was in a desirable location on 2 acres of land, and they could see what it could become. 

[Catwoman]

I think it depends on the personalities involved. 

If the person who was related to the homeowners is reluctant to change anything and the house would end up as a Shrine to Grandma, that could be very problematic for the spouse, unless the spouse already liked the house as it was.

On the other hand, if there was agreement beforehand about remodeling, and the couple came to a mutual agreement about the work that was to be done, I think it could be very nice to maintain ownership of a family home.

[Jaybee]

Not really an answer to your question, but I would love to have been able to buy my parents' home. It was not in a location where we could get work, and it was also more expensive and needed more work than we could have afforded. If money had been no concern, we would have been able to make it our own. It was dated and improvements were needed; nobody would have contested that. As my sisters also have different tastes than my mom, it wouldn't have been a problem. I think they would have all been happy to keep the property in the family. In fact, right after it was sold, my aunt asked me if my mom would be selling (my father had passed away ten years prior), because one of my cousins was interested. That made me so sad, because I would have much preferred my cousin enjoying the home and property over someone we didn't know. He had fun memories there as a child, and we would have just been happy they could enjoy it. Over the years, my parents had made some changes, so it wasn't like everything had always stayed the same even then; they took out a fireplace (it never drew well), closed in a porch, etc.

[Clarita]

In my area there are plenty of people who take over parents/grandparents houses. Usually they do a big remodel after the original owners move out. I mean generally new people might have different tastes; it's been decades since things have been updated and things need to be fixed/updated, too.

Not every family has family members who need to home kept just the way it was. In fact some people prefer the house to look different than when they grew up. Definitely seeing my childhood home redone helped my grieving process. I would have hated to have my childhood home remain the same and having to see it with that person missing.  

[Beth S]

Our friends bought their parents' house, which the parents had purchased from their grandkids.

I absolutely enjoyed seeing all 3 iterations of the same house.
Definitely each couple made changes that reflected their needs/personalities.

 

[Home'scool]

My mother added an in-law addition to my sister's house. When she passed away I moved in. I thought it would take a while to not feel like an intruder or like it was not my "home".

Once I moved in and put in my own furniture and decorated it by my style it was not an issue at all. I had a contentious relationship with my mother and I thought maybe even that would hinder it feeling like home but it didn't.

It is amazing how much different paint or different furniture can make a space feel completely different than what it was.

 

[livetoread]

We thought seriously about buying my parents' home when they moved to a retirement community. It's in our neighborhood, but would have been better for aging in place for us. We decided not to, as ours wasn't ready to sell and theirs was more expensive. I still think it would have been a huge strain trying to sell and move at that point (it was right as covid was starting), but now I wish we had that house. I would have been fine feeling like it was ours and not theirs after some changes

Edited July 16 by livetoread

[SKL]

I am expected to inherit my parents' house.  I love many things about the house.  Other things I feel need to be changed or fixed.  I don't think anyone would care what changes I make.

But the location is not so ideal for me any more.  And, I like a lot of things about my current house.  And, I don't like moving.

Maybe in my retirement, this will change.

I think it is likely that I will keep the house in good repair but let other family members use it, at least for some time.

During my lean years, I took comfort from the idea that there would always be a place for me to sleep there.  So in a way it was always "my house," though not exclusively.