I have a case of self-doubt

[Home'scool]

I work a full time job that I enjoy for the most part.

I live with my sister which I love. We always say we laugh more on a regular Wednesday night than most people all month. It has also given me a space of freedom that I never had in my marriage. The house is set up in a way that I have complete privacy when I want.

I just took a few days off for vacation. I cannot really afford to go anywhere and I am definitely a home-body so I am not really upset about that. I do a lot of crafting (knitting, needlepoint, miniature kits, puzzles) and love to read and garden. I spent my time doing all of those things and basically just putting around the house. . And every night my sister would come over and we would watch all the shows we love. And laugh and enjoy them. 

BUT - there is always a 'but' that ruins everything. BUT- should I be doing more? Am I in a rut, or do I just like things the way they are? 

My roommate from college is posting pictures with her husband on vacation in the French Alps. I don't really want to go to the Alps, I don't really enjoy traveling, but should I want to see the world more? 

I know comparison is the death of contentment, and I am not really comparing myself to any one person in particular, but when I come into work on Mondays everyone always talks about what they did over the weekend. I always just say "not much" because I didn't really leave the house, just did my own thing around the house.

IDK ... I guess I am just musing a bit. I need to just be confident in what I like to do or not like to do and not always think I should be doing more or different things.

 

Edited July 10 by Home'scool

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that what you should be concentrating on is not what you should want to do, but whether what you want to do and actually do now is sustainable.  Are the structures and systems in place for this to last for as long as you want it to?  

[Catwoman]

Do what makes you happy. That's all that matters. 🙂 

[TheReader]

I think if you enjoy the crafting, you should not minimize it as "not much" but instead talk about that - "Oh, I knitted some socks (or a sweater, or shawl, or whatever you are working on)",  or "I had time to work in my garden, which was great, my tomatoes are doing so well this year!" (or whatever is actually going on in your garden);  "my sister and I spent the weekend catching up and enjoying each other's company", etc.   

Just because the things you enjoy doing aren't necessarily outside of the house things, does not make them nothing. If you enjoy how you spend your time, then it's great you get to do so, and you shouldn't feel bad at all that what *you* like to do isn't what everyone else likes to do. 

[Catwoman]

4 minutes ago, TheReader said:

I think if you enjoy the crafting, you should not minimize it as "not much" but instead talk about that - "Oh, I knitted some socks (or a sweater, or shawl, or whatever you are working on)",  or "I had time to work in my garden, which was great, my tomatoes are doing so well this year!" (or whatever is actually going on in your garden);  "my sister and I spent the weekend catching up and enjoying each other's company", etc.   

Just because the things you enjoy doing aren't necessarily outside of the house things, does not make them nothing. If you enjoy how you spend your time, then it's great you get to do so, and you shouldn't feel bad at all that what *you* like to do isn't what everyone else likes to do. 

That is such an excellent point!

Just because home'scool likes to do things at home doesn't mean she's sitting on the couch watching TV all weekend (although if that's what she liked to do, it would be absolutely fine, too!) 

Personally, I would love to hear about someone's garden or their artwork or their handcraft projects or a book they're reading. I don't think that would be boring at all!

[alisoncooks]

I think your life sounds absolutely wonderful. 

[City Mouse]

I agree. Do what you want to do and what makes you happy, and don’t worry about what you think other people think you should do. 
What you want may change over time, but it might not.

[wintermom]

Self-doubt is pretty common, even when things are going "excellent" in people's lives. It seems like you've gone through some trauma, where self-doubt can likely be even stronger. 

When you do your 'not supposed to' mental comparison, what are you actually comparing? Are these factors based on actual fact/truth, or are they based on assumptions? Are you comparing 'apples to apples' or two very different things? We're all doing some mental comparison, and it's pretty tough to simply say, "I shouldn't do this."  Instead, be a little more scientific in your comparison. Look beyond the superficial into what is actually important to YOU.

For example, compare feelings of security, laughter/happiness, enjoyment in special moments and relationships with loved ones. How does your comparison stack up with others when using your self-perceived feelings? You can't exactly poll your acquaintences fb pages, but you could ask some close friends. 

[Bambam]

It seems as if society places more interest value on traveling, trips, attending events, but honestly, that sort of stuff (in general) doesn't appeal to me. 
I think it is fine to tell folks what you have been up to - either crafting, gardening, knitting, reading a most excellent book,  or organizing your linen closet.  Those things have value and interest. I'd be interested in what you were making, book recommendations, and hearing about your garden. 

I know this isn't a popular opinion on the WTM, but I'm sorta blah with travel. I know some think is it the ultimate thing, but I'm not that interested in doing it myself. I do enjoy seeing pictures from other places that folks post on social media though, but I also think there is a line somewhere there as I do not need to know every ride you checked into at Disney World. 

[catz]

If you are content, that is wonderful.  I am a crafter too and have found a crafting group.  I've also taken on projects for silent auctions or charity drives, which gets me out of crafting ruts at times.  

BUT the fact that you are thinking about this makes me wonder if you are content.  Am I remembering correctly that you have anxiety?  If you are feeling like you'd like to do more, maybe you would like to do more.  And that is ok too.  Sit with it for a while.  

[zimom]

I do enjoy traveling, however, I certainly can not travel all the time.  Do you know what I do 95% of the time, I am home with my dogs, crafting or on my computer learning something.  I moved to this town during the pandemic.  I have practically zero friends other than my husband and we have a great relationship.  He works long hours.  My last child left the nest last year.  Before that, she and I were together practically 24/7 for 18ish years.   But I am very content and happy.   I'm fairly introverted, so I will unlikely meet new close friends like in my previous towns.  I met them through my youngest and her activities.   

My youngest asks me if I am lonely.  Nope.  I loved the pandemic 🙂  If you are happy and content, that is what is important.  

 

[SKL]

Your weekend was interesting if you spent it in ways you enjoy.  Crafting counts!

Honestly, some of my most fulfilling days are those I spend on home cleaning / organizing projects.

When you go back to work on Monday and everyone is talking about their fabulous road trip, your "I got halfway done with the __ I'm making for my grandniece" is just as valid and interesting.  Maybe more so, because you are making something vs. enjoying what God or other people made.

My sister-in-law posts some of her needlework on Facebook.  It's lovely to see.  Actually, most of my family are homebodies, and their fun moments are usually related to their pets, crafts/home projects, kids/grandkids, or the book they're enjoying.

But if you feel bored, it is likely that your local news provider posts a periodic list of "things to do around here."  You could also follow organizations such as your nearest library system, parks conservancy, museums, etc., who will post upcoming events/activities, many of which will be free or very affordable.  You might also consider a light involvement with a local charity of your choice to mix things up a bit.  Even just walking a shelter dog now and then.

[Kassia]

37 minutes ago, zimom said:

  If you are happy and content, that is what is important.  

 

I agree!

Edited July 11 by Kassia

[Pawz4me]

1 hour ago, Bambam said:

I know this isn't a popular opinion on the WTM, but I'm sorta blah with travel. I know some think is it the ultimate thing, but I'm not that interested in doing it myself.

Same.

I'm happy that others are doing what makes them happy, though.

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

Same.

I'm happy that others are doing what makes them happy, though.

also same.  I used to love to travel and now I just don't have the energy or desire.  But I'm happy for everyone who loves it and gets to do it.  And I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who is content not to.  

[Ann.without.an.e]

Some people are so content with a normal life that travel seems like an unnecessary addition. That is how DH and I feel. We've talked about travel some and think it is cool that some people do it but it doesn't really appeal to us. That is ok. To each their own. No right or wrong in it. 

[Clarita]

On 7/10/2024 at 8:02 AM, Home'scool said:

IDK ... I guess I am just musing a bit. I need to just be confident in what I like to do or not like to do and not always think I should be doing more or different things.

I'm just like you, no we are fine. 

That's what my friend (who globe trots - flight attendant) says about me. Traveling is her thing that makes her life enjoyable and my thing is staying at/near home. We both are enough.

[KungFuPanda]

You’re doing the ex-marriage version of de-schooling. Just rest and float and don’t worry about goals for a while. If you must set one, write on your calendar that in one year you will start thinking about goals and just BE until then. 

[Beth S]

My dh retired about 9 months ago, & we have an Empty Nest now.

We've been mostly home & doing crafts/house projects ever since.  😉

Some of my extended family wonder why we don't travel more.
Honestly, travel can be very stressful when the Plan doesn't unfold like you expected.
I'll guarantee that your friends in the French Alps have had MANY unexpected setbacks, added expenses, delays, missed tours, etc.

Your time and effort is directed at what YOU want to do.  It's what I enjoy doing too!
Jump over to the Thread about Crafting & post some pix!   😉

 

[Ottakee]

I think you are perfectly fine.   
 

Myself, I love to travel and would do more of it if I had someone to go with me and not as many responsibilities at home.  But I have friends that are very content at home and have zero desire to travel and that is fine as well.

[Rosie_0801]

Goodness! You have arranged a nice life for yourself. If Destiny wants to ruin it, let Destiny do the work and let yourself be too busy being content to help!

[MercyA]

Do what you want to do and enjoy it. How many people never have a chance to do just that?

You are in a good place and I think it's wonderful.