Would you go to a family event under these weather conditions?

[Indigo Blue]

I’m just asking out of curiosity. We have a reunion planned for July. We are in the South. Last year, it was held outside at a park. We left very early, drove five hours, and arrived around noon for an outdoor reunion lasting 4 plus hours. 
 

I am not looking forward to doing that again, as I was miserable last year. It doesn’t seem to hold anyone else back from planning and attending such. 
 

Am I the only one? It was HOT. 🥵 

 

Would this keep you from going, hypothetically? Or make you consider not going? Say if it’s just you and other adults going…no children. 
 

 

[Katy]

We had those kinds of this at natural springs in Florida up until my dad passed. Of course, even if it was 101, the springs were a very cold 72, so we’d alternate shivering & sweating. 
 

If you were miserable, don’t go. 

[Bambam]

My sister and I went to a family reunion at a park in early July - not in the south, but it was plenty hot and humid. There was a pavilion, most brought lawn chairs vs. sitting on the bench seats, potluck. I think the pavilion had ceiling fans?  But we drove less than 2 hours there. But we also only lasted about 1.5 hours before we melted and had to leave. 

I might go. But if I did, it would be with the following - two (or more if I had them) tall circulating fans. There were electrical outlets, and moving air would have helped. I would take a spray bottle to mist myself. I would take extra water (semi-frozen) bottle and keep drinking. I would make sure to have mosquito repellent in the car (I almost always do as we are in TX!).  I would wear my lightest/coolest cloths. So linen pants and either lightweight cotton shirt (loose flowing) or a linen shirt. 

I understand summer is a good time when many folks can make it, but I wish folks could find an indoor venue with A/C! 

[Arcadia]

For me weather is a non-issue but who will be there is an issue. I grew up in a hot and humid country with frequent thunderstorms. It is possible to deal with it in 90+ degF and heavy rain to meet people dear to our hearts though we would be finding somewhere to shelter. 

If it is at a park, all I need is a big golf umbrella, nice camp chair, and a cooler of iced coffee latte or ginger beer and I would be fine. However, my relatives pamper me and they know I am prone to heat stroke so I could sit in the shade for the whole duration and nobody would look askance. Instead they would just accommodate me. 

[fairfarmhand]

Five hours driving? Unless I really really liked these people, no. This is not an event do the ambivalent.

[Indigo Blue]

Just now, fairfarmhand said:

Five hours driving? Unless I really really liked these people, no. This is not an event do the ambivalent.

I hate to sound so grumpy, but…

I do like them, but I hardly know them. It’s Dh family. We’ve only just begun this new yearly ritual. The grumpy part….I just don’t look forward to sitting out in the heat and making superficial conversation with people who don’t really know me. It’s just not my thing. 😕

[I talk to the trees]

I wouldn’t go, but I hate “family” reunions. (summer heat and humidity + biting bugs + food I'm almost certainly allergic to unless I brought it + people with whom the only thing I share is a trace amount of DNA)
 

If it was something you would really enjoy, it might be worth the drive and the heat. It sounds like you need to give yourself permission to not attend. 

Edited June 28 by I talk to the trees
Punctuation

[Indigo Blue]

@Bambam @Arcadia…good ideas. I have a great camp chair, and a very powerful camp fan that will run the whole time and more in one charge. I will take those! 

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, I talk to the trees said:

I wouldn’t go, but I hate “family” reunions. (summer heat and humidity + biting bugs + food I'm almost certainly allergic to unless I brought it + people with whom the only thing I share is a trace amount of DNA)
 

If it was something you would really enjoy, it might be worth the drive and the heat. It sounds like you need to give yourself permission to not attend. 

Thanks. I just feel so guilty! Dh brother and wife will go, and our two sons. 

[Annie G]

I can’t take direct sun in our hot southern summers- it makes me physically ill. If there is shade, I’d be fine as long as I had MY OWN CHAIR so I don’t have to jockey for position. If it’s at a park or something I’d probably see if they’d allow a small canopy- a 10 by 10 is easy to transport and would provide protection from the sun. If I was able to put up a canopy I’d be sure to have a couple of extra chairs so others could stop by and chat. 

[kbutton]

The only reunions I’ve gone to where it’s hot have considered that and done things to mitigate heat.

27 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

@Bambam @Arcadia…good ideas. I have a great camp chair, and a very powerful camp fan that will run the whole time and more in one charge. I will take those! 

If you can do this and be pleasant, I hope you will go.

Many people dislike small talk, but it’s a gateway to actually getting to know people and forming a relationship. It’s almost a guarantee that the organizers of such events also dislike small talk (or at least prefer meaningful conversation), but they believe in family connections enough to make this happen.

Our family reunions were full of quite accepting but realistic people, so that makes a difference—everyone was warmly welcomed even if the cash box of donations to pay for the reunion was discreetly squirreled away to a safe place when certain family members rolled up, lol! (The reunion was organized such that a main dish and certain other things were always provided so that even the poorest family members could come. The funds also paid for things to keep people comfortable in the heat.)

—signed daughter of someone who took a turn for a few years organizing the family reunion

[Innisfree]

I would love to go to a family reunion, but I might get involved in the planning process and try really hard to arrange a more comfortable venue, whether that means changing the season or the location.

ETA that I understand it’s too late to alter plans for this year. What I hope I would do is to go, make some connections with people, and try to get involved for next year. If it was people I didn’t know, I might not rise to that level of social competence and heat tolerance. 😉 But that’s what I would want to do.

Edited June 28 by Innisfree

[SKL]

I might suggest a different venue / date that allows people to stay cooler.

I might feel that attending those reunions (given the distance) does not need to happen annually, but I'd try to participate at least once every __ years depending on how important the relationship is to me.

[Pawz4me]

I wouldn't go. Being in the heat and humidity makes me physically ill. We had a family thing Memorial Day weekend. We were there for about three hours and I was in the shade the whole time but it took me two full days to recover. So July heat/humidity plus a long drive would be a big "no" for me.

[wintermom]

If I really wanted to see the family members, and as we all age this can become a bigger motivator, I would book a hotel and split the driving into 2 - 3 days. I would come prepared for the heat and bring a portable shade canopy, cooler with ice, lots of fluids, battery-operated fans, etc. I'd pack all the things that can make the event more comfortable. I do this when going on our family reunions at a beach. It's very empowering to be prepared for the weather. 😉 

[City Mouse]

Depends how much I wanted to see those people. After living in Houston so long, the weather would not be the deciding factor unless there was a hurricane coming.

[happypamama]

I wouldn't do it for people I didn't have a strong desire to see. Ten hours of driving for a four hour event, PLUS the heat? No thanks. Even if they were people I really, really wanted to see, I would want to arrange it a bit differently.

[regentrude]

If I wanted to see the people, then sure. Otherwise, no

[Carol in Cal.]

I’d definitely go.  I figure I would get to know these people better the more often I went.  I’d hear great stuff about DH that I wouldn’t know any other way, which is always entertaining.

I’d wear a very light summer dress and carry an ice chest of just ice plus another one of water.  Just for me.

And I’d have a couple of camp chairs (two for us, plus another one or two to share), to invite sitting and talking, and some kind of overhead shade provision—a big umbrella or a little pop up (which I do not own but which would come in handy) or at a very minimum a huge floppy hat and a parasol.  I’d smile a lot, listen more than I talked, and bring mindless knitting along.  Maybe also a pre-loaded boom boxy thing as a back up if it seemed like it would be welcome.

[Faith-manor]

No.

I do not do well in high heat and humidity. I don't e joy making chit chat with large groups of strangers who act as if because we are related, we have known each other our whole lives and are best friends. Life is too short to be miserable.

Now IF there was something else to do in the area that would be cool and pleasant, something we would really enjoy, I would be willing to drop in for one hour, one hour only, and then excuse us and take off or just slip out unnoticed.

 

[HomeAgain]

I might offer to compromise if I liked them enough/it was important to my spouse.  I'd make the drive in, go for a few hours, and get a hotel room for that evening.  It means we could visit more one on one if we wanted to.

We have a similar situation next year.  We're being given vague details of a family reunion and it will most likely be summertime in the south.  Dh and I are already planning to book a place that is affordable and gives us a chance to decompress before heading home again.  It's a longer drive for us than you, but I think I wouldn't handle it well if we went for the whole time and had it outside.

[marbel]

I'd go if the people were important to me, or, if it was my husband's family, important to him to go. If I didn't want to go and he didn't mind going alone, I'd send him. But most likely we'd both go - as a pp said, the more I would see the people the better I'd get to know them and the more comfortable I'd be, but it has to start somewhere. Also, we'd spend the night. Neither of us is interested in driving 5 hours, visiting, and then driving 5 hours again. 

The weather wouldn't factor into it. I'd be sure we had a cooler full of cold drinks. I hate the heat, hate the humidity, but, again, if the people were important, heck yeah I'd go. 

(I have no particular health issues related to heat. I hate it, but I don't get sick from it or anything. That would be a different thing completely.)

[Kanin]

2 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

I do like them, but I hardly know them. It’s Dh family. We’ve only just begun this new yearly ritual. The grumpy part….I just don’t look forward to sitting out in the heat and making superficial conversation with people who don’t really know me. It’s just not my thing. 😕

Does your DH want to go?

[Indigo Blue]

6 minutes ago, Kanin said:

Does your DH want to go?

Yes, it is his family. People he hasn’t always had a relationship with. They all would like to start a tradition of getting together. 

[Indigo Blue]

I do support the idea of having a tradition of Dh seeing his family. The thing is…. it was going to be every other year, we take turns traveling and hosting. We hosted the year before last in a cool setting. 
 

We traveled last year. It was hot and outside. 
 

This year, they suddenly want us to travel up there after we thought they’d be coming here, and we only heard about this a few days ago. They want us to come at the end of July, and there hasn’t been any word on where it will be held. No details at all. See, I’m a bit annoyed by this, but this sort of stuff doesn’t faze Dh. 
 

And I don’t understand why this has to be a yearly thing, like SKL said. 
 

So I’m just torn about it all. I’m like Pawz and don’t do well in the extreme heat, and need recovery time from all the socializing. It’s a “thing” for me. It’s just not that easy. But I would feel guilty for not going. 
 

I’m torn between supporting Dh and being selfish and staying home. 

[marbel]

My husband's family had reunions every two years for a while. I've been to many. But they were multi-day affairs, based at a hotel, and we didn't necessarily have to spend hours in the sun visiting. When we started going, I didn't know anyone either (except his parents, with whom I had a difficult relationship) but it was always fine even for my shy introvert self. At the time, our kids were young, and it was good for them to meet cousins, though none of those relationships stuck into adulthood. 

My husband always thanked me for going with him. It was always a long trip for us - everyone but us lived in the south, but we were either on the west coast or in PA. But I enjoyed meeting his family and grew to love one of his aunts (way different lady than her sister, my MIL) and it was nice to see where he came from, so to speak. 

The reunions have stopped as the older generation has either died or gotten too old/frail to plan anything. There is occasionally talk of doing something but it never goes anywhere. So that's kinda sad, though not sad enough for me to do anything about it. 

ETA: After reading your update, the whole thing sounds pretty unorganized. It sounds as if you were expecting them to come to you this year, but there was no planning?  The ones I attended were always organized months in advance.  

Regarding the frequency: It's a yearly thing because the people organizing it want to to be a yearly thing. Doesn't mean you have to go every year. 
 

Edited June 28 by marbel

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I do support the idea of having a tradition of Dh seeing his family.

I’m torn between supporting Dh and being selfish and staying home. 

Why does "supporting" DH need to include you going? You can be plenty supportive, pack him food and supplies, wish him a merry journey.
Just because HE wants to go doesn't mean YOU have to.

[Innisfree]

34 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

This year, they suddenly want us to travel up there after we thought they’d be coming here, and we only heard about this a few days ago. They want us to come at the end of July, and there hasn’t been any word on where it will be held. No details at all. See, I’m a bit annoyed by this, but this sort of stuff doesn’t faze Dh.

This sounds like some details may still be open for discussion. Can you offer a counter proposal, or ask for more information? Suggest an indoor venue?

[catz]

I wouldn't want to do it like that.  If we stayed in a neaby hotel, had the ability to pack chairs, a personal cooler, etc and then I could dip out after an hour or 2 if I had enough and sweep back by to pick up the crew after the festivities I might. 

Please tell me you didn't load up and drive home the same day?  We'd be making a weekend of it and planning other stuff to look forward to if we were going to attend.  

[Indigo Blue]

27 minutes ago, catz said:

Please tell me you didn't load up and drive home the same day?

We drove up, stayed overnight in a hotel, and spent the next day at the event. 
 

Edit: gah. I have this wrong. We left early, got there around noon, had the event, just our immediate family went out for supper, then back to the hotel for the night, then five hour drive home the next morning. 

Edited June 28 by Indigo Blue

[Indigo Blue]

18 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

This sounds like some details may still be open for discussion. Can you offer a counter proposal, or ask for more information? Suggest an indoor venue?

Really, none of it is up to me. The relatives plan it all, and it goes through Dh and his brother. 

[catz]

2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

We drove up, stayed overnight in a hotel, and spent the next day at the event. 

Oh sorry, I thought the OP said you got up early, drove up, and went to the event for 4 hours.  Which would already make me cranky out of the gate.  I wouldn't want to travel before or after that much hot.  But I truly loathe hot and humid.  I am very happy in the upper midwest thank you very much lol.  

[Shelydon]

Yes, I would drive down the night before. 

[Innisfree]

54 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Really, none of it is up to me. The relatives plan it all, and it goes through Dh and his brother. 

Understood, but I’d be encouraging Dh to offer suggestions. He’d probably be reluctant to rock the boat, though, so I get it. I just hate passively submitting to uncomfortable situations that could be better, but that’s my issue. I’m sorry you’re stuck with the present situation.

[marbel]

10 minutes ago, Innisfree said:

Understood, but I’d be encouraging Dh to offer suggestions. He’d probably be reluctant to rock the boat, though, so I get it. I just hate passively submitting to uncomfortable situations that could be better, but that’s my issue. I’m sorry you’re stuck with the present situation.

So if this was my/my husband's family, I'd go along with the plans for this year, since they seem to be made, and at the reunion, have your husband (since it's his family) say something explicit about having it in your area next time. Then, start making solid plans that everyone can know about. 

I mean, I get it that you are sort of a bystander. But if you want to make changes, well, you have to make the changes. But I'd have it all coming out of his mouth. 

ETA: Oh, and by "go along" I don't mean you specifically going. If you don't want to go, and your husband is OK going on his own, then don't go. 

(Someone's going to say that he's a big boy and can go alone even if he'd rather not, and that's true. But, ya know, I figure spouses sometimes do things they don't want to do, to make the other feel better/have more fun/etc. So that's what I'm thinking there.) 

Edited June 28 by marbel

[fairfarmhand]

As far as changing the location—if there is a large contingent of elderly who struggle with traveling and they’re centered in one area, it’s likely that the planners are weighing that more heavily. And I get it. Old people are gonna typically struggle more with long drives. But that doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to go every single year. I’d work out a “every other year” with my dh if they’re having it in a place that the weather is unpleasant.

[prairiewindmomma]

If you hate small talk, can you bring something to do? A craft to share? A game that works well for 4-6 people? A large group activity? Odds are others are bored too.

Re: heat, I’d either stay 1-2 h and duck out, mention the heat is getting to you and wouldnt it be lovely if y’all could meet for icecream or rent a space with ac next year, move it to a longer weekend when it’s cooler (President’s Day weekend in winter?$ etc. Odds are others are too hot also. 

[CTVKath]

Yes I'd go but I've been doing this and going for both my family and DH's family for decades. My side is outdoors end of May/early June just south of Atlanta. DH's side is last weekend of July in different parks around Atlanta sometimes outside, sometimes inside. The earliest one I remember for DH was at Stone Mountain at an outdoor pavilion and what I remember was dozens and dozens of fans. It is always hot and humid.

[Scarlett]

It depends on how much I like the people there and how much my Dh would want me with him.

We have a family reunion camping trip in AR this summer.  It will be brutally hot on a gorgeous lake in lots of shade and all RVs so we can sleep at night.  It is a weeks worth.  I love them all very much and I love the lake but I am really ready to get home by the end.  

[KungFuPanda]

I’d go, but I’d get a room so I wasn’t doing all that driving and socializing  on the same day. 

[Heatherwith4]

We did a family reunion a couple years ago during summer and we made sure to get an indoor venue.  I would be sick if I was outside in the summer heat for that amount of time.  

[73349]

I would probably use a hotel both a night before and the night after, and escape thereto if I was getting too wilty.