Awkward and embarrassed!

[Home'scool]

I was over my girlfriends house this weekend. She had just got back from visiting her brother. 

She started to go on and on about how great he was at playing the guitar and making up songs. She said he made up this great song for her daughters about a cat, named Senor Don Gatto, that fell in love and then fell off a roof.

I remember that song from my elementary school years. It's very old and he definitely did not make it up on the spot! Without really thinking I just said "Oh, I love that song! I remember singing it in school!"

Then she stammered a bit and said "Well, then he made up a whole second part about the funeral going through the town." Nope, that is part of the original song.

So then it was super awkward .... was she lying? Or was the brother? I just didn't know what to say at that point.

I also find it a very red flag when people exaggerate to the point of lying like this. In my experience it always means that the person will someday exaggerate a story that will hurt people, including me.  

She does have some over-the-top stories so I'm thinking it may be her. Sigh. This is why I don't socialize a lot anymore!

[Kassia]

Wow, that is so weird!  I don't understand why people lie like that when it's so easy to get caught.  My mother was a compulsive liar and narcissist and she would lie about so many stupid things in addition to big things.  

[wintermom]

I'm probably a bad friend, and, like here on these boards, I'm far too literal about what people say. I'd have argued that the song was not an original made up by her brother. 😉  

Edited June 3 by wintermom

[SKL]

I probably would have tried to turn it into a joke, like, "ha he had you on that one, didn't he?"  And then change the subject asap "where did he go to school?"

[Indigo Blue]

14 minutes ago, Kassia said:

Wow, that is so weird!  I don't understand why people lie like that when it's so easy to get caught.  My mother was a compulsive liar and narcissist and she would lie about so many stupid things in addition to big things.  

You and me both. Stupid things; big things. It’s hard to tell if it’s an exaggeration, a lie, or just something inaccurate told out of ignorance… or just a wild assumption that then becomes “truth”.

[TheReader]

I'd have to assume maybe the brother just convinced the sister of it, and she really didn't know - she's probably on some board now saying "I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe my brother lied to me about this and I believed him!"  At least, hopefully that's the case. 

 

[Bambam]

I can see my older sister totally telling me she had made up this song and if I hadn't already heard it, I would probably believe her. 

And if someone pointed it out when I was telling it, I would get embarrassed - A. That my sibling fooled me yet again B. That my friend realized that my sibling fooled me yet again.  

I'd just forget it, not over think it, and go on about my day. 

BTW, at a 4H event, some kid submitted All Things Bright and Beautiful as their poem entry. Won first place too. Until another parent pointed out to the judges that this was an already published poem someone had copied and not their original work. Prizes were reallocated. I'm not sure if 4Her didn't understand they were supposed to write a poem, someone cheated, they thought they were just supposed to beautifully illustrate an existing poem, or what. I assumed the best - it was a mistake and the kid would learn from that to clarify the rules better next time. I also could not believe that the judges were not familiar with that poem already! 

[gardenmom5]

You said she can be very ott, I'd be more inclined to think it was her. She probably hadn't heard it before, or maybe she had but forgot. I've never heard of it,  which means nothing. 

He probably didn't say anything about it's origins, and just started playing it because he thought it fit the situation. 

[math teacher]

29 minutes ago, Bambam said:

I can see my older sister totally telling me she had made up this song and if I hadn't already heard it, I would probably believe her. 

And if someone pointed it out when I was telling it, I would get embarrassed - A. That my sibling fooled me yet again B. That my friend realized that my sibling fooled me yet again.  

I'd just forget it, not over think it, and go on about my day. 

BTW, at a 4H event, some kid submitted All Things Bright and Beautiful as their poem entry. Won first place too. Until another parent pointed out to the judges that this was an already published poem someone had copied and not their original work. Prizes were reallocated. I'm not sure if 4Her didn't understand they were supposed to write a poem, someone cheated, they thought they were just supposed to beautifully illustrate an existing poem, or what. I assumed the best - it was a mistake and the kid would learn from that to clarify the rules better next time. I also could not believe that the judges were not familiar with that poem already! 

I am just in awe that the judges didn't know this poem. Wow!!

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, math teacher said:

I am just in awe that the judges didn't know this poem. Wow!!

It would have been really bizarre if the poem hadn’t won first place! 😅

[kbutton]

I have a kid that plays by ear, and I never know if he is playing something he heard or writing his own song. Now and then he writes a song but then realizes it’s close to another song he heard but hadn’t remembered, and he took off with part of the tune or the style.

She could just have misremembered something her brother told her and wasn’t sure how to fix the conversation.

[Clarita]

I had a friend like that in college. It was bizarre. I had to end the friendship, well she lied about/did something awful enough that police got involved and the school moved us to another housing location without informing her. 

So clearly I don't know what to do with that type of compulsive liar.

[Ginevra]

Oh that is super awkward. I had something like that one time when a lady said her husband had designed a bumper sticker that said something like, “Homeschooling: the hardest job I’ve ever loved.” And I said, “Oh, I’ve seen that before; I love that!” And she got weird and said, “Well then you must have seen it on *my* car because he made it up and printed the sticker for me!” 
 

Oooookie dokie! If you say so! 

[Ginevra]

2 hours ago, TheReader said:

I'd have to assume maybe the brother just convinced the sister of it, and she really didn't know - she's probably on some board now saying "I'm so embarrassed, I can't believe my brother lied to me about this and I believed him!"  At least, hopefully that's the case. 

 

r/embarassingsituations.  lol 

[Miss Tick]

Is her brother Al Gore?

[Catwoman]

@Home'scool If anyone should be feeling awkward and embarrassed, it's your friend, not you!!! 

[KungFuPanda]

Is she super literal?  My brother would definitely say “I just made this up,” play some obscure song, then wait to see if you figured it out. He was patient like that. She either made it up or felt really defensive that she got called out for being gullible. 

[gardenmom5]

4 hours ago, math teacher said:

I am just in awe that the judges didn't know this poem. Wow!!

not that surprising really.

 

my bil wrote a book report in high school.  got an A.  The book didn't exist.

[Matryoshka]

6 hours ago, wintermom said:

I'm probably a bad friend, and, like here on these boards, I'm far too literal about what people say. I'd have argued that the song was not an original made up by her brother. 😉  

I probably would've started singing it - I still remember most if not all of the lyrics. 

As it is after reading this its stuck in my head!

[math teacher]

1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:

not that surprising really.

 

my bil wrote a book report in high school.  got an A.  The book didn't exist.

LOL my Dh wrote a book report on the same book for several years. The Call of the Wild

[klmama]

Don Gato is stuck in my head now, too.  What a great song!  It was in my elementary music books several years in a row, and it was a class favorite. I remember being disappointed the year our music books no longer included it.  I guess the publisher thought we were too old for it, LOL.  

[DawnM]

I have a dear friend who is a VERY BIG exaggerator.   We have been friends since childhood, so it isn't a friend I would just brush off, and the truth is, he is always honest when I pin him down.   At least with me.   Not really with his 2 wives he is divorced from, but that is another matter.

But many times I sit and listen to him tell another person about an event we were both involved with and I just think, "Um, were we at the same event?"  😜 🤨  He can get "fanciful."  😂

However, ours is a very unique friendship and the truth is, I wouldn't find a friend like that now and certainly not one that I would be the recipient of not telling the truth.   

In this case though, I am not sure she is trying to pull one over on you.   It could be that she misunderstood.   It could be that her brother lied and she had no idea.   It could be that she is just plain clueless.

 

[SKL]

My kid sister used to fib.  I would catch on and ask, "are you embellishing?"  And she would come clean.  😛

I do think she grew out of that.

[AnneBlessedx4]

It shocks me how many people do this. People I would see on a daily basis would lie about things that didn't amount to a hill of beans.  I could then say something completely opposite and one lady would then agree with me about that.  She had a college degree and did not come across as not very smart.  My kids have had friends where the entire family lied constantly.  It was a headache to deal with! We eventually let those friendships fade.  Too hard to keep up with.  I do have a beloved family member who has always been like this.  We aren't as close as we used to be, but thats more because of physical distance.

[SKL]

5 minutes ago, AnneBlessedx4 said:

My kids have had friends where the entire family lied constantly. 

It does seem to be a family culture sometimes.

One of my in-laws was in this category.  Since I never knew what to believe, I simply didn't believe anything she or her kids said.  I don't know if she is still like that.  But I don't invest myself too much into anything she says.

[Moonhawk]

I'll come at this from the other direction, just because I have an experience being on the other side.

When the kids were little and just starting Halloween, I really didn't like the idea of so much over processed candies etc. My kids hadn't really had anything like that before, and it was a big deal to me. My dad suggested doing a switch witch where we put the candy in a special bag and then poof!, other stuff comes out. I thought this was a great idea! He had used the term switch witch and a few other ones when talking about it. And I had a bag that looked like a witch already, so the term switch witch seemed perfect!

I happily told DH about this. He thought it was a great idea too. He asked where I got it from, and I said my dad, and that I had this bag that looked like a witch, so switch witch seemed to be a good name for it. So we do Halloween, the magic goes off without a hitch.

DH's brother visits the next day, and DH happily tells him of the success as the kids are chowing down on their goodies. DH proudly gives me credit for pulling it all together (like the bags, and the candy, and the way the magic happened, and a lot of details that I made up to support the magic) and mentioned I even had a bag that looked like a witch and that's why it is called switch witch. (And to be fair, I have a solid track record of making up events for the kids with full on names and branding, lol, so this would not be out of character for how I do kid events.) DH's brother, very condescending and kinda nastily, said, "Oh yeah, I heard about Switch Witch before." And made it a big deal that we were trying to take credit for an "obviously popular" idea. 

Now, my dad never claimed to make the idea up, I just had never heard of it and so gave credit to him. I never claimed to make up the idea, but since we never heard of it before we thought it was a great idea, and the bag seemed to fit so perfectly! And even if I had known this was a popular thing to do, I wouldn't have assumed it was called Switch Witch, I'd have thought it would have a name like  Chocolate Change, or Sweets Switch, or No More Candy For Our Children Movement.

So DH wasn't lying or embellishing, just telling what he knew. I wasn't lying or embellishing, just telling what I knew. My dad wasn't lying or embellishing, just telling what he knew. But somehow, that got us accused being liars or taking credit for something. 

It was an embarrassing moment for DH, and for me, but his brother was also unnecessarily snarky and rude about it, and it did dampen our relationship because it felt like he was actively looking for things to criticize because of how quickly he jumped on it and how hard he had to keep going on it. 

So yeah, I usually give people a way to save face instead of directly accuse them of lying. (And I'm not accusing anyone here of being nasty about it, ftr.)

[SKL]

41 minutes ago, Moonhawk said:

So yeah, I usually give people a way to save face instead of directly accuse them of lying. (And I'm not accusing anyone here of being nasty about it, ftr.)

I "made up" one of my kids' names.  I had never heard of it.  I even googled it at the time and nothing came up.  When I told my mom that I'd "made it up," I meant it as acknowledging that yes, I am one of those weirdos that makes up names, but here are my reasons.

Some time later, with more and more content on the internet, I realized that there are other people out there with the exact same name.

My mom discovered this and made a point to say "you didn't make up that name."  Not that it's important, but I did feel like someone now thought I was a fibber.  And I tend to pride myself on being honest, so that bugged me.  (My response was - yeah, I too have found the name on the internet recently.  But I hadn't ever seen it before my kid was born.)

Just ftr I would never accuse someone of fibbing, unless it was my own kid or a kid I'm helping to raise.  I just notice "last week Inlaw said X, now this week she said Y, and they can't both be true.  That happens a couple times and I stop believing what Inlaw says.  I will still smile and nod politely though.

[Spryte]

Maybe the brother is the one fibbing in OP’s story, and the friend was just caught unaware and embarrassed that she had believed him? Maybe they have a long history of this, and she found it awkward and embarrassing to have believed him. I don’t think OP should have felt awkward or embarrassed at all!

That’s probably how I would view it — sister was once again fooled by bro. Who knows what backstory is lurking in their history.

If there’s more, bigger embellishment going on, that’s another issue.

[Chris in VA]

On 6/3/2024 at 10:42 PM, Bambam said:

I can see my older sister totally telling me she had made up this song and if I hadn't already heard it, I would probably believe her. 

And if someone pointed it out when I was telling it, I would get embarrassed - A. That my sibling fooled me yet again B. That my friend realized that my sibling fooled me yet again.  

I'd just forget it, not over think it, and go on about my day. 

BTW, at a 4H event, some kid submitted All Things Bright and Beautiful as their poem entry. Won first place too. Until another parent pointed out to the judges that this was an already published poem someone had copied and not their original work. Prizes were reallocated. I'm not sure if 4Her didn't understand they were supposed to write a poem, someone cheated, they thought they were just supposed to beautifully illustrate an existing poem, or what. I assumed the best - it was a mistake and the kid would learn from that to clarify the rules better next time. I also could not believe that the judges were not familiar with that poem already! 

This happened in my 9th grade lit class--we were supposed to write a poem based on the odd one that starts, "so much depends upon." Then we read them in class. One kid literally read the original. Out loud. 😄

[Ginevra]

On 6/4/2024 at 10:56 AM, SKL said:

It does seem to be a family culture sometimes.

One of my in-laws was in this category.  Since I never knew what to believe, I simply didn't believe anything she or her kids said.  I don't know if she is still like that.  But I don't invest myself too much into anything she says.

I had dinner with a family once where the entire family would talk over one another and finish each other’s stories. It was the most chaotic dinner I ever attended! There was no way for an outsider to contribute to any conversation because it was like a verbal mosh pit. 

[katilac]

On 6/3/2024 at 3:12 PM, math teacher said:

I am just in awe that the judges didn't know this poem. Wow!!

They're 4-H judges. I'm not sure it's fair to expect them to know about livestock and firearms safety and poetry. 

((this is a joke, no need to at me with all the 4-H programs available; I probably did a dozen of them growing up!))

[YaelAldrich]

14 hours ago, Ginevra said:

I had dinner with a family once where the entire family would talk over one another and finish each other’s stories. It was the most chaotic dinner I ever attended! There was no way for an outsider to contribute to any conversation because it was like a verbal mosh pit. 

If you liked that, you'll LOVE our family (plus bonus kids) dinners. 

So. Much.Talking. Over, under, around each other! 

The brave guests just throw themselves in and then they are forever a part of the fun. Some people are legitimately scared off. 

I do know it's chaotic. It's what happens when you have so many people with so many conflicting opinions (not fighting, just discussions). I think part of it is that we're Jewish - Two Jews, Three Opinions, y' know?

[KungFuPanda]

In defense of the Talking Over-ers, if you grow up in a Very Large Family and you wait for everyone to be silent before you speak, you will never, ever get to talk. It’s like double Dutch. You’ve gotta jump in AND be interesting enough that people WANT to hear your complete thought. 
 

I’m not saying large families can’t have respectful, dignified conversations. You just learn early that the listeners’ interest level is something to consider while talking. The kids table is gonna be more like the Wild West though 😬

[SKL]

48 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

In defense of the Talking Over-ers, if you grow up in a Very Large Family and you wait for everyone to be silent before you speak, you will never, ever get to talk. It’s like double Dutch. You’ve gotta jump in AND be interesting enough that people WANT to hear your complete thought. 
 

I’m not saying large families can’t have respectful, dignified conversations. You just learn early that the listeners’ interest level is something to consider while talking. The kids table is gonna be more like the Wild West though 😬

Yes, my sister and I were just doing this last night, for hours, on the phone.  😛  I kinda felt bad about interrupting, but otherwise it would have been an extremely one-sided discussion.  Besides, I would forget everything I was gonna say, if I ever did get a turn.  😛

My folks had 6 kids.  Our house was loud.  My current house is not loud.  My kids find it rather interesting when we go for "family get-togethers."