Meal responsibilities when hosting family

[Arcadia]

2 hours ago, wathe said:

I would make room for white rice on the table , especially if she is bringing a rice cooker.

 

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

I didn't think about the kind of rice I bought - he told me jasmine rice, so that's what I got but that was before she arrived.  I'll definitely check with them if what I have is okay before they visit

If she is bringing her rice cooker, she would likely bring her own rice. Also, while my kids and I have preferences for not only the type of rice but also the brand of rice, we will eat whatever is provided though we will skip the brown rice or take a token amount. My side of the family is filled with picky eaters but our expectations of food is very different when some else is doing the cooking. When we eat at Panda Express we are not going to nitpick on what kind of noodles they use for chow mein (fried noodles) but we do nitpick when buying noodles to cook at home. 
When we relocated to the states, my husband had the nagging worry that he uprooted us from Asia and we would be homesick and miss our comfort foods. I suspect your son is having similar anxiety/feelings. 

[Kassia]

3 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

 

If she is bringing her rice cooker, she would likely bring her own rice. Also, while my kids and I have preferences for not only the type of rice but also the brand of rice, we will eat whatever is provided though we will skip the brown rice or take a token amount. My side of the family is filled with picky eaters but our expectations of food is very different when some else is doing the cooking. When we eat at Panda Express we are not going to nitpick on what kind of noodles they use for chow mein (fried noodles) but we do nitpick when buying noodles to cook at home. 
When we relocated to the states, my husband had the nagging worry that he uprooted us from Asia and we would be homesick and miss our comfort foods. I suspect your son is having similar anxiety/feelings. 

Thank you.  And we'd be happy to reimburse them for anything they brought to eat here or they could tell me what to order for foods that can be shipped.  It would be a relief for me to know that they have exactly what they want.  

[fairfarmhand]

When your family comes for a week or so and you're struggling with fridge space, why not have each family unit assigned to cook one night and they have to shop that day. Yes, it feels silly and inefficient to shop daily, but it's just for a week and if you don't have the fridge space, you don't have it. But if someone only has to cook once, during the visit, it really isn't that much of a hassle. 

[Kassia]

7 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

When your family comes for a week or so and you're struggling with fridge space, why not have each family unit assigned to cook one night and they have to shop that day. Yes, it feels silly and inefficient to shop daily, but it's just for a week and if you don't have the fridge space, you don't have it. But if someone only has to cook once, during the visit, it really isn't that much of a hassle. 

One issue with that is that the long visits are usually during the holiday season when traffic is bad, stores are packed, stock is uncertain, and weather/roads can be bad.  

[Arcadia]

@Kassia I recommend having Indomie around as emergency comfort food 🤣 (actually not kidding)

https://www.target.com/p/indomie-fried-mie-goreng-multipack-15oz/-/A-88749167

[fairfarmhand]

3 minutes ago, Kassia said:

One issue with that is that the long visits are usually during the holiday season when traffic is bad, stores are packed, stock is uncertain, and weather/roads can be bad.  

Oh that's annoying. Can you emphasize meals that have shelf stable ingredients? That does make it hard, though with colder weather, storing things outdoors is an option in some situations.

One thing...my mother in law stressed about food so much  that it drove us bonkers when we visited (not saying you're doing this, just our experience) She wanted everything to be perfect but for us with food, but it didn't have to be. We were content having less than ideal meals ( PBJ sandwiches would have been preferable to the anxiety over food) for the time that we visited. All that to say, if your people feel warm and welcomed in almost every other way, the food stuff will work itself out and will be okay. I know food is one way that people experience love and welcome, but it sounds like with a wide variety of palates and such, that might not necessarily be the main way that you and your people bond, and I'm sure it'll be fine anyway. You sound like you really want people to be loved, and finding lots of ways to express that is a good thing.

[Kassia]

15 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

@Kassia I recommend having Indomie around as emergency comfort food 🤣 (actually not kidding)

https://www.target.com/p/indomie-fried-mie-goreng-multipack-15oz/-/A-88749167

This is fantastic!  Thank you!  No Target here, but this can be shipped.  I'll check with them and order if they approve!  

 

12 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

 

One thing...my mother in law stressed about food so much  that it drove us bonkers when we visited (not saying you're doing this, just our experience) She wanted everything to be perfect but for us with food, but it didn't have to be. We were content having less than ideal meals ( PBJ sandwiches would have been preferable to the anxiety over food) for the time that we visited. 

I struggle with anxiety and worry about this a lot.  I know my anxiety was very obvious last time everyone was here (much more than just food issues) and I was hoping it didn't make people feel uncomfortable and/or unwelcome.  😞  We had the food stuff pretty well covered up until now with our new addition.  

[JennyD]

29 minutes ago, Kassia said:

One issue with that is that the long visits are usually during the holiday season when traffic is bad, stores are packed, stock is uncertain, and weather/roads can be bad.  

You could really use a second refrigerator. Used refrigerators can be very inexpensive - I see people selling them for $100 or less on Craigslist all the time.  It would just make everything a lot easier for you!

 

Edited May 17 by JennyD

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

I really dislike spicy foods - they just make me very uncomfortable.  Dd has an even strong reaction to spicy foods - we are both very sensitive to any spice at all.  Even black pepper.  The rest of my family loves spicy foods and it would be easiest for just me and dd to eat something different if necessary. 

I sometimes bring my own chili (sambal chili) when going on road trips. I was on a Europe tour decades ago and many brought their own chili and instant coffee for the tour. We were adding our own chili to food at restaurants in Switzerland on our own plates. Is your daughter sensitive to the taste or to the smell as well? A lot of spices have strong aroma but if your daughter just doesn’t like the taste, then the rest of your family can just add spice to their own servings.  For example spicy curry (https://www.thespruceeats.com/indonesian-rendang-curry-3217286) to rice. 

[fairfarmhand]

What are your dhs concerns about a second fridge? Even if you buy used? Unplug when not in use? Really that sounds like the easiest way to solve for your anxiety about this issue and it’s very practical. And tons of people have an extra fridge. It’s not some rare luxury item. 
 

I thought of something else…does a neighbor have a second fridge they’d let you store things In when you have visitors? Because that might ease your dh into the idea of how much it would simplify your life with visitors. Visitors are stressful so just having this one thing take care of would free you up to concentrate on other hosting things.

[teachermom2834]

I understand how hard it is to host all those people. We’ve chatted about this before. And my people don’t stay as long and don’t have special diets. I even like to cook. Even so- it’s a big deal!

A couple notes- my people really don’t want me to stress. In my mind and heart I want to be Italian mama that just handles everyone and everything with food to spare. But it can be too much and my kids really want to help. Mine are totally up to go out and grab takeout or premade stuff from the grocery store or whatever. They like to help and they like getting out of the house for a few minutes and that gives them a chance to pick up any snacks or (adult) beverages I may not have purchased and while I allow they might not want to ask me to pick up 😂 So it really is a nice break for everyone to let the big kids help that way. My more well off kids will pick up the tab for an entire dinner sometimes which I would never ask for but sure is a big help. My less well off kids will pick up components of meals and stuff for themselves and it is a help financially and really is a nice gesture. So really let them help/assign them jobs/request assistance whatever that looks like.

Also- I know you say it is a no-go and I hate when i post that something is not an option and everyone responds suggesting the option I said was impossible so I’m acknowledging that I’m doing that- a second fridge somewhere could relieve so much stress for you and pay for itself in saved money from dinners out. I would make that option happen in my situation. 
 

Last- I’m not sure if I picked up on if you were willing or not but I’d be okay with letting everyone just eat different things at meals. It may seem weird or impolite but I’ve been known to just throw out a bunch of randomness and let people have at it. I think I would be okay with people fixing their own meals from available fixings rather than trying to find anything everyone likes. And I would be very specific with your ds. “Look, I want your girlfriend to be comfortable and happy and feel loved and welcome so you have to help me obtain and fix exactly what she will be happy eating.” 
 

You are such a good mom, Kassia! It is hard to host these big bunches of bio and brought adult kiddos. No one wants you all stressed out!

 

[Kassia]

35 minutes ago, JennyD said:

You could really use a second refrigerator. Used refrigerators can be very inexpensive - I see people selling them for $100 or less on Craigslist all the time.  It would just make everything a lot easier for you!

 

 

19 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

What are your dhs concerns about a second fridge? Even if you buy used? Unplug when not in use? Really that sounds like the easiest way to solve for your anxiety about this issue and it’s very practical. And tons of people have an extra fridge. It’s not some rare luxury item. 
 

I thought of something else…does a neighbor have a second fridge they’d let you store things In when you have visitors? Because that might ease your dh into the idea of how much it would simplify your life with visitors. Visitors are stressful so just having this one thing take care of would free you up to concentrate on other hosting things.

I don't really know - space, something else to deal with when we eventually move (we want to move but I don't think we are close to moving), power outages, another appliance to worry about, etc.  We do have a neighbor who has offered us refrigerator space before but their refrigerator is in their kitchen and I would feel awkward coming and going putting stuff in and taking it out.  I'll talk to DH about the refrigerator issue well before the next time we have everyone home.  Maybe he'll be more open to it but I don't know where we'd put it.  We're pretty stuffed here now. 

[Kassia]

35 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

I sometimes bring my own chili (sambal chili) when going on road trips. I was on a Europe tour decades ago and many brought their own chili and instant coffee for the tour. We were adding our own chili to food at restaurants in Switzerland on our own plates. Is your daughter sensitive to the taste or to the smell as well? A lot of spices have strong aroma but if your daughter just doesn’t like the taste, then the rest of your family can just add spice to their own servings.  For example spicy curry (https://www.thespruceeats.com/indonesian-rendang-curry-3217286) to rice. 

I think spicy foods irritate her skin in addition to just not being able to handle the *heat*.  For both of us it's a comfort issue - spicy foods cause discomfort for us when eating them and are unpleasant.  

23 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

I understand how hard it is to host all those people. We’ve chatted about this before. And my people don’t stay as long and don’t have special diets. I even like to cook. Even so- it’s a big deal!

A couple notes- my people really don’t want me to stress. In my mind and heart I want to be Italian mama that just handles everyone and everything with food to spare. But it can be too much and my kids really want to help. Mine are totally up to go out and grab takeout or premade stuff from the grocery store or whatever. They like to help and they like getting out of the house for a few minutes and that gives them a chance to pick up any snacks or (adult) beverages I may not have purchased and while I allow they might not want to ask me to pick up 😂 So it really is a nice break for everyone to let the big kids help that way. My more well off kids will pick up the tab for an entire dinner sometimes which I would never ask for but sure is a big help. My less well off kids will pick up components of meals and stuff for themselves and it is a help financially and really is a nice gesture. So really let them help/assign them jobs/request assistance whatever that looks like.

Also- I know you say it is a no-go and I hate when i post that something is not an option and everyone responds suggesting the option I said was impossible so I’m acknowledging that I’m doing that- a second fridge somewhere could relieve so much stress for you and pay for itself in saved money from dinners out. I would make that option happen in my situation. 
 

Last- I’m not sure if I picked up on if you were willing or not but I’d be okay with letting everyone just eat different things at meals. It may seem weird or impolite but I’ve been known to just throw out a bunch of randomness and let people have at it. I think I would be okay with people fixing their own meals from available fixings rather than trying to find anything everyone likes. And I would be very specific with your ds. “Look, I want your girlfriend to be comfortable and happy and feel loved and welcome so you have to help me obtain and fix exactly what she will be happy eating.” 
 

You are such a good mom, Kassia! It is hard to host these big bunches of bio and brought adult kiddos. No one wants you all stressed out!

 

We eat different meals for breakfast/lunch and try to eat the same things for dinner, but sometimes a couple of us will eat something different for dinner too and it's fine. I'll talk to DH again about the refrigerator sometime before it's needed.  Thanks for the kind words.  ❤️  

[Arcadia]

@Kassia a lot of my asian friends recommend Wee grocery delivery. They specialize in asian foods. If they deliver in your son’s region, might help your future DIL when she wants groceries that are harder to find.

https://www.sayweee.com/en/grocery-delivery

Also indomie is sold by Walmart and Amazon as well. 
 

ETA:

Edited May 17 by Arcadia

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, Arcadia said:

@Kassia a lot of my asian friends recommend Wee grocery delivery. They specialize in asian foods. If they deliver in your son’s region, might help your future DIL when she wants groceries that are harder to find.

https://www.sayweee.com/en/grocery-delivery

Also indomie is sold by Walmart and Amazon as well. 

I found it at Amazon, but saw that Walmart doesn't ship it and it's not stocked at our store.  Target was the best price.  Thanks for the link!  

[Carol in Cal.]

FWIW, I bought a dented, non-electronic fridge at Lowe's for a very low price, maybe $100 or $150, 10 years ago.  They swore that the dent did not effect the function and gave me an extended warranty and free delivery.  We had them set it up in the basement and it's been our overflow fridge ever since.  Moral of the story--they don't have to be used or expensive or big or electronic to be a good overflow fridge.  If we ever sold the place, I would throw it into the sale, because fridges are tricky to move, and there is so little sunk cost.

[Kassia]

Thank you @Carol in Cal.!  Definitely something to consider (a scratch and dent model if available).

[SKL]

Our 2nd fridge is in the basement fwiw.

[Kassia]

1 minute ago, SKL said:

Our 2nd fridge is in the basement fwiw.

that's where our freezer is but we are pretty much out of space.  I don't know where we'd put something else but I guess we'll figure it out.

[Lori D.]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

re: 2nd fridge

I don't really know - space, something else to deal with when we eventually move (we want to move but I don't think we are close to moving), power outages, another appliance to worry about, etc.  We do have a neighbor who has offered us refrigerator space before but their refrigerator is in their kitchen and I would feel awkward coming and going putting stuff in and taking it out.  I'll talk to DH about the refrigerator issue well before the next time we have everyone home.  Maybe he'll be more open to it but I don't know where we'd put it.  We're pretty stuffed here now. 

Space = upthread, @Carol in Cal.  had a super space-saving idea of getting a mini-fridge that can double as a nightstand or small table top next to a bed in the guest room. Those dorm mini-fridges are designed to have a small footprint because dorm rooms are small. Seriously -- if no room in any room in the house -- in a laundry room, in the basement, in the garage... on the back porch. When not in use, cover it with a pretty tablecloth and put a potted plant on it. Now it doesn't even look like an appliance!

Eventually moving = well, that's not happening anytime on the horizon, so why are you shorting yourself of something helpful in the present time when it would be really stress-reducing? And when it's time to move -- if reselling a mini-fridge is too stressful, donate it to a needy college student, or a church or volunteer organization or small business that would appreciate it. Boom, gone/done.

Power outages = no big deal if this is just the spare fridge and you're not storing food in it except when guests visit.

Eliminates awkwardness of using neighbor's fridge.

I see no downsides to getting a mini-fridge right now, other than you are having some anxiety thinking about that as a new idea, and that is only because the fretting and seeing only negatives is slopping over from the stress and anxiety about food/hosting guests.

Take some deep, slow, relaxing breaths. The more you can relax and just go with the flow, the more you and your guests are going to have a good time. ((((hugs)))) -- hope you can allow yourself to relax and enjoy your visit!

Edited May 17 by Lori D.

[Kassia]

23 minutes ago, Lori D. said:

I see no downsides to getting a mini-fridge right now, other than you are having some anxiety thinking about that as a new idea, and that is only because the fretting and seeing only negatives is slopping over from the stress and anxiety about food/hosting guests.

Take some deep, slow, relaxing breaths. The more you can relax and just go with the flow, the more you and your guests are going to have a good time. ((((hugs)))) -- hope you can allow yourself to relax and enjoy your visit!

Thank you so much.  I will definitely suggest this to DH as an alternative to a back up full size fridge.  Another reason to get something else is that our fridge is old and I'm in constant fear of it breaking down.  If we had a back up - even a mini - it would be so helpful since I'm sure it's not going to be long until our current one dies.  

Yes, I need slow, relaxing breaths.  I'm just a bundle of anxiety.  

Thanks again to everyone!  ❤️  ❤️  

[Lori D.]

3 minutes ago, Kassia said:

Thank you so much.  I will definitely suggest this to DH as an alternative to a back up full size fridge.  Another reason to get something else is that our fridge is old and I'm in constant fear of it breaking down.  If we had a back up - even a mini - it would be so helpful since I'm sure it's not going to be long until our current one dies.  

Yes, I need slow, relaxing breaths.  I'm just a bundle of anxiety.  

Thanks again to everyone!  ❤️  ❤️  

So thankful we still had DS#1's dorm mini-fridge when our regular fridge broke! That, and a friend who lived a mile away and had next to nothing in his freezer allowed us to save the most expensive foods out of the fridge and freezer while we scrambled to get a new fridge delivered... which, of course, happened the day before a 3-day holiday weekend, so it took 5 days to get a new one delivered... But, saved by the friend's freezer and the college dorm mini-fridge! 😄 

And, totally understandable! This young lady is going to be part of your family, and you want her to feel welcomed and at ease. The best way to do that is to relax and get at ease yourself, and so whatever happens, will end up being no big deal. Or it will become one of the family legends or funny stories shared at future gatherings... "Remember that Memorial Day weekend, when... [chuckles all around]" 😉

[KungFuPanda]

I’d give DS the menu ahead of time so they know what to expect.  Having a set menu can be a stress reliever for everyone. Then his young lady can be prepared to eat that or bring along snacks to help her get through the weekend. Let her know you will not be offended if she doesn’t want to eat your food, but since you don’t know how to prepare her food she’s welcome to do so herself. 
 

You can also cover your bases by serving lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Roasted chicken is universally loved. Most people like meat and veggie kabobs. You can do a build-your-own pizza night, or a pasta bar with two different sauces. Think in components so everyone can make what they want. If she knows you’re making them she can bring her favorite sauces to spice it up and turn it into her own comfort food. 
 

It might be time to reach out to the other families and ask them each to coordinate one meal while they’re home. I would be delighted to contribute in a situation like this. Just confess that bulk cooking stresses you out and you are looking for volunteers to take a meal off your list. It can be fun to prep food in a group and it goes so much faster. If another family is also stressed by feeding a crowd, the can order pizzas and toss a salad. It doesn’t HAVE to be fancy. It can be packet tacos, or chili and baked potatoes. It’s the eating together that matters most. 
 

Feel free to make your breakfasts DIY and do a sandwich bar for lunches. Send someone to the store if your fridge is too loaded. You don’t HAVE to do it ALL to be a good hostess. This is family, not a BnB. 

[Kassia]

4 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I’d give DS the menu ahead of time so they know what to expect.  Having a set menu can be a stress reliever for everyone. Then his young lady can be prepared to eat that or bring along snacks to help her get through the weekend. Let her know you will not be offended if she doesn’t want to eat your food, but since you don’t know how to prepare her food she’s welcome to do so herself. 
 

You can also cover your bases by serving lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. Roasted chicken is universally loved. Most people like meat and veggie kabobs. You can do a build-your-own pizza night, or a pasta bar with two different sauces. Think in components so everyone can make what they want. If she knows you’re making them she can bring her favorite sauces to spice it up and turn it into her own comfort food. 
 

It might be time to reach out to the other families and ask them each to coordinate one meal while they’re home. I would be delighted to contribute in a situation like this. Just confess that bulk cooking stresses you out and you are looking for volunteers to take a meal off your list. It can be fun to prep food in a group and it goes so much faster. If another family is also stressed by feeding a crowd, the can order pizzas and toss a salad. It doesn’t HAVE to be fancy. It can be packet tacos, or chili and baked potatoes. It’s the eating together that matters most. 
 

Feel free to make your breakfasts DIY and do a sandwich bar for lunches. Send someone to the store if your fridge is too loaded. You don’t HAVE to do it ALL to be a good hostess. This is family, not a BnB. 

I usually send him the menu anyway.  He has experimented a lot with different diets - went from Paleo to vegan and now eats more like his fiance - so it was always easiest for him to know ahead of time what we were having and what his options were.  That's a good idea to continue to do that with his soon to be wife.  

Funny that you mentioned the BnB.  That's what it feels like to me a lot of the time when everyone is here.  It's really exhausting.  I love my kids and it's really special having us all together but it's just too much for an extended period of time with all of us crammed into a house that isn't big enough for so many people.  And their schedules are completely different than mine are so my sleeping and eating routines are so disrupted.  It was so much better doing the all inclusive vacations and I hope to do that again sometime soon.  I was just talking to ds2 about those trips recently and he actually said something like, "You were so relaxed then."  They definitely notice my stress when everyone is here and I really don't want them to feel that and remember me that way.  

Breakfasts are always DIY here and I have ingredients for the lunches I know they like.  It's really dinners that I have to plan and I had those figured out pretty well until now.  I don't mind doing take out but I don't like going to restaurants because it becomes so expensive with tax and tip for 9 to 10 people, plus I really don't like eating out anyway.  

[Arcadia]

@Kassia these would be similar to bbq foods, difference is in the marinating spices and dipping sauce. Also satay is usually thinner strips of meat than kebabs. So I won’t worry too much about serving BBQ. She can bring her own sauce 🙂


source: https://www.tofoodwithlove.com/2015/01/ayam-bakar-indonesian-grilled-chicken.html?m=1

Source: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/36875/indonesian-satay/

[Harriet Vane]

7 hours ago, Arcadia said:

 

@Harriet Vane I am a Chinese who prefers coffee to tea and would prefer low sodium soy sauce. I would however just accept whatever the hosts offer. 

This is the perfect example of how there is so much variation within people groups and geography. 

My personal context is from having a Burmese foster daughter for 2 1/2 years. An Indonesian friend helped orient me to the local Asian grocery store and to the products she loves. Different Burmese people kindly gave me ideas as well. Most of those ideas were a winner with our little princess, especially shrimp chips and dried squid. I specifically remember a Burmese pastor telling me very, very sternly to give our girl green tea, not black. (So when I suggested green tea in my post, my thought was very generally that perhaps green tea is more common in South Asian cultures. This did seem to be the case with my niece's Indonesian boyfriend joined us at Easter--he loves green tea and was happy to see the array I have from Chinatown in Chicago.)

When it comes right down to it, though, Indonesia is a big place with the same variations any large population will have. It's easy for Americans to generalize what "Asians" like, but Asians cover a huge portion of the globe and have a wide diversity of customs and likes and dislikes. It's anyone's best guess what one individual will enjoy. All we can do is offer options, hoping the recipient will sense our love and hopes that they will feel special and cared for.

[Arcadia]

@Harriet Vane Indonesia is also famous for coffee https://www.coffeebean.com/blog/our-coffee/5-different-coffee-regions-indonesia

Also Bali is mainly Hindus so they avoid beef rather than avoid pork. I grew up just north of Indonesia so taking a ferry or short plane ride there for vacations were common. 

[katilac]

6 hours ago, wathe said:

I love our rice cooker.  Measure rice, measure water, push button = perfect hot rice all day.

What kind do you have?

[wathe]

53 minutes ago, katilac said:

What kind do you have?

Zojirushi induction.  An older version of this one.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, wathe said:

Zojirushi induction.  An older version of this one.

I was really hoping to get a response that was somewhere in between a cheap rice cooker and the apparently amazing Asian-style ones, lol. 

Do they last a long time? 

Are they easy to clean?

[Kassia]

@Arcadiaunfortunately ds1 hates barbecue (who hates barbecue?  Even my dd who hates things in sauce loves barbecue!).  But that would work great when he's not here.  Ds3 is the closest to us and I expect they will come home somewhat often since he works remotely most of the time and she can't work for a long time with no green card yet.  

[Kassia]

3 hours ago, Arcadia said:

 

 I grew up just north of Indonesia so taking a ferry or short plane ride there for vacations were common. 

She lived about 100 miles west of Bali, but had never been there before meeting ds.  They took trips there pretty much every time he visited and usually flew but took the ferry once.  I remember one time she said the food upset her stomach because she wasn't used to eating that kind of food, so it was definitely different than what she was used to at home.

Edited May 18 by Kassia

[KungFuPanda]

3 hours ago, katilac said:

I was really hoping to get a response that was somewhere in between a cheap rice cooker and the apparently amazing Asian-style ones, lol. 

Do they last a long time? 

Are they easy to clean?

I got a $30 rice cooker from Costco about 15-20 years ago and it still works great. I use it about once a week and the insert goes in the dishwasher. My water boiler is a Zojirushi, but it’s on all day every day and  last me about 8 years. 

[Arcadia]

9 hours ago, Kassia said:

unfortunately ds1 hates barbecue (who hates barbecue? 

For my side of the family, ladies dominate the kitchen and guys are in charge of barbecuing. So that there is enough food for all the gluttons during family gatherings. Lots of people bring food though so its not as taxing on the host. 
 

9 hours ago, Kassia said:

  I remember one time she said the food upset her stomach because she wasn't used to eating that kind of food, so it was definitely different than what she was used to at home

The islands of Indonesia have their own cuisine and each city has their own variations. Also the Indonesian chinese has their variations too. Has she been to Lake Toba with your son? It is also a lovely rest and relax place.

[Kassia]

30 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

For my side of the family, ladies dominate the kitchen and guys are in charge of barbecuing. So that there is enough food for all the gluttons during family gatherings. Lots of people bring food though so its not as taxing on the host. 
 

The islands of Indonesia have their own cuisine and each city has their own variations. Also the Indonesian chinese has their variations too. Has she been to Lake Toba with your son? It is also a lovely rest and relax place.

I meant barbecue sauce.  Ds1 loves grilled foods, but doesn't like bbq sauce.  I don't think they've been to Lake Toba!  I'll definitely mention it to them for when they go back.

[wathe]

11 hours ago, katilac said:

I was really hoping to get a response that was somewhere in between a cheap rice cooker and the apparently amazing Asian-style ones, lol. 

Do they last a long time? 

Are they easy to clean?

Yes and yes.   Ours is about 10 years old and  still going strong.

[Myra]

I am what many would call a picky eater.  Rather than have people focus or comment (sometimes jokingly, sometimes rudely) on my food preferences each meal,  I would prefer to just be allowed to pick and chose from the food choices on the table that are offered for everyone.  My plate may not look full or balanced like the rest of the people's plates.  but I am happy.   

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, Myra said:

  Rather than have people focus or comment (sometimes jokingly, sometimes rudely) on my food preferences each meal,  I would prefer to just be allowed to pick and chose from the food choices on the table that are offered for everyone.  My plate may not look full or balanced like the rest of the people's plates.  but I am happy.   

I agree!  Everyone should be allowed this.

[SKL]

2 hours ago, Kassia said:

I meant barbecue sauce.  Ds1 loves grilled foods, but doesn't like bbq sauce.

One of my housemates doesn't like bbq flavor (too sweet for her).  She also can't eat peanut butter or mint chocolate.  I also have a favorite anecdote where I warned her not to ask for ketchup at the Thanksgiving meal we were going to.  😛 

Re international food differences, I find that most Asians will eventually find some US meals that are easy for them to eat.  One guest fell in love with Alfredo.  Others enjoyed many things made with ground beef & tomato (assuming they are allowed to eat beef).  What they generally don't love is anything with big chunks of meat.  Small cuts alongside a rice, bread, or noodle option are generally preferred.  For those who are allowed to eat eggs, boiled eggs are often included in the main meal.  It would be easy to keep some boiled eggs available in case your guest would like this.

You might also consider having one of those chili pepper shakers on the table along with salt & pepper.  Maybe even a bottle of hot sauce.  Just in case.  It's easy to do and can make things more enjoyable for some.

[Kassia]

4 minutes ago, SKL said:

What they generally don't love is anything with big chunks of meat.  Small cuts alongside a rice, bread, or noodle option are generally preferred.  For those who are allowed to eat eggs, boiled eggs are often included in the main meal.  It would be easy to keep some boiled eggs available in case your guest would like this.

You might also consider having one of those chili pepper shakers on the table along with salt & pepper.  Maybe even a bottle of hot sauce.  Just in case.  It's easy to do and can make things more enjoyable for some.

Thank you!  This is very helpful.  I know she does eat eggs, but didn't think about how she likes them cooked (although she can cook them while she's here easily however she likes them).  I notice that she eats a LOT of meals that are some kind of broth with meat and veggies in it (she posts on Instagram 🙂 )  Having extra spices on the table is a good idea.  We already do that to some extent, but I can have a bigger variety available.  

She didn't bring much with her from Indonesia, but I know she brought her own spices because she was worried about not finding what she likes in the U.S.  

Edited May 18 by Kassia

[Halftime Hope]

I have not read all the responses, but you might also  ask DS if he would ask her if she can prepare to include you in learning how to cook a dish or two. It's fine to set a boundary for non-spicy, if that is what would work for most.

If she starts bringing recipes into the family, and you learn some of her traditions, I would think that would be perceived as interest in her and respect for her traditions. You might never enjoy them, but those dishes could become something you and she do together whenever she is in town.

All the best.

 

 

[Clarita]

14 hours ago, katilac said:

was really hoping to get a response that was somewhere in between a cheap rice cooker and the apparently amazing Asian-style ones, lol. 

Do they last a long time? 

Are they easy to clean?

My honest opinion having and having used both types. The amazing Asian styles ones are amazing and do bring subtle differences to the rice cooking. If you aren't a rice foodie and really aren't going to use the rice cooker for the other functions, you can be pretty happy with a cheap stainless steel rice cooker. They will still be easy to clean and last a long time.

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, Kassia said:

She didn't bring much with her from Indonesia, but I know she brought her own spices because she was worried about not finding what she likes in the U.S. 

Guilty of that too including bringing instant coffee. As for eggs, some prefer sunny side up. Besides boiled eggs is about 9 to 15 mins so can be done on the spot easily, no need to have boiled eggs on hand. 
Maybe you can ask if she likes kerupuk. If she does she can bring some to share or your son can order from Amazon to ship to your home. I like kerupuk udang which is sold at many Asian supermarkets. 

https://www.thejakartapost.com/culture/2022/11/06/twenties-the-crinkles-and-crackles-of-20-indonesian-beloved-crisp-and-crackers.html

[Kassia]

4 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

Maybe you can ask if she likes kerupuk. If she does she can bring some to share or your son can order from Amazon to ship to your home. I like kerupuk udang which is sold at many Asian supermarkets. 

https://www.thejakartapost.com/culture/2022/11/06/twenties-the-crinkles-and-crackles-of-20-indonesian-beloved-crisp-and-crackers.html

ooh, I think she does.  I remember seeing that word on her Instagram posts.  I can ask about it and order from Amazon to have here if it's something she wants.  Thank you! 

ETA - I read the link and I recognize kerupuk udang I think, but I'll check with them.

 

Edited May 18 by Kassia

[busymama7]

2 hours ago, Myra said:

I am what many would call a picky eater.  Rather than have people focus or comment (sometimes jokingly, sometimes rudely) on my food preferences each meal,  I would prefer to just be allowed to pick and chose from the food choices on the table that are offered for everyone.  My plate may not look full or balanced like the rest of the people's plates.  but I am happy.   

I keep teaching and re teaching my kids this because  I HATE having my food commented on.  I don't want to be asked why I'm eating or not eating something even if it's friendly.  

"It's rude to comment on people's food choices".  I've said it a thousand times and remind them again when they are going to be eating with someone. Please could we all just learn this?!??

[LifeLovePassion]

I make rice in my instant pot and it works good. I have a mini IP I usually use for it if I cook a main dish in my big IP. 

[Arcadia]

FYI because I am a picky glutton 🤣

Kueh/Kek Lapis https://www.recipesaresimple.com/recipe/kek-lapis-indonesian-layer-cake/

Bika Ambon https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bika_ambon

[Frances]

On 5/17/2024 at 4:01 PM, Carol in Cal. said:

FWIW, I bought a dented, non-electronic fridge at Lowe's for a very low price, maybe $100 or $150, 10 years ago.  They swore that the dent did not effect the function and gave me an extended warranty and free delivery.  We had them set it up in the basement and it's been our overflow fridge ever since.  Moral of the story--they don't have to be used or expensive or big or electronic to be a good overflow fridge.  If we ever sold the place, I would throw it into the sale, because fridges are tricky to move, and there is so little sunk cost.

This. We inherited our first second fridge with the house when we bought and our current second fridge is over 25 years old.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, busymama7 said:

I keep teaching and re teaching my kids this because  I HATE having my food commented on.  I don't want to be asked why I'm eating or not eating something even if it's friendly.  

"It's rude to comment on people's food choices".  I've said it a thousand times and remind them again when they are going to be eating with someone. Please could we all just learn this?!??

I will have to say that my husband’s family regularly commenting on my pickiness is what finally got me to actually try lots of foods I had long resisted and ever since I’ve been an adventuresome eater. However, I would never have the nerve to comment on someone else’s eating habits. Heck, I didn’t even comment on my son’s. But then he will eat just about anything and has always been that way.

[Malory]

18 hours ago, Kassia said:

Thank you!  This is very helpful.  I know she does eat eggs, but didn't think about how she likes them cooked (although she can cook them while she's here easily however she likes them).  I notice that she eats a LOT of meals that are some kind of broth with meat and veggies in it (she posts on Instagram 🙂 )  

 

One common soup to both cultures that I can think of is chicken soup with cut up veggies thrown in. You can serve it with boiled eggs, lime wedges, rice and/or noodles on the side. Just google Indonesian chicken soup to get some ideas on how to season the soup.