S/O- what do you think your children should do before they're 30?

[PiCO]

Things I would like my kids to do before they're 30-

 

Spend a year in a different country

Be broke, and have to live very frugally

Travel the world as much as possible

Graduate from college with a degree they will enjoy using

Learn to be a great employee

Learn to be a great boss

 

I'm sure I'll think of more later! Please add to the list.

[newbie]

Graduate from college w/ a degree.

Have a career they love.

Be happy w/who they are.

Own their own home.

[BakersDozen]

Put themselves through college, hopefully debt free

Know what it is like to borrow money and have to repay it (auto loan, house, etc.)

Grandbabies might be nice... :D

[Amie]

I'm still trying to figure out what else I should do before 30. :tongue_smilie: (;))

 

ETA: So sorry--didn't see the original "30" thread--wasn't trying to be a smartie.

Edited December 28, 2008 by Amie

[PiCO]

I'm still trying to figure out what else I should do before 30. :tongue_smilie: (;))

 

I'm working on what I should do before I'm 50. That's why I started this thread- what to do before I'm 30 does not apply any more. ;)

[Daisy]

Honestly, this may be an unpopular statement but I think my children should get married before the age of 30 UNLESS they feel called to singleness.

 

They should be contributing members of society and their local community; moving into leadership positions.

 

They should be financially independent.

 

They should be firmly established in their faith and living out that faith in tangible ways.

 

Basically, it all boils down to by the age of 30, I expect my children to mature responsible adults who are impacting their world.

[PiCO]

Basically, it all boils down to by the age of 30, I expect my children to mature responsible adults who are impacting their world.

 

Well said. What life experiences do you think would help them become mature responsible adults?

[Valerie in MI]

As one who put off marriage and then battled infertility in my thirties, I say to my kids to get married and have their kids in their 20's. Above all else. But be financially independent while doing so, of course.

[akmommy]

Have completed some form of post secondary education in a field that they are passionate about.

 

Spend some time chasing the dreams they have for themselves. Although I like the idea of grandkids I'm in no hurry. I want them to know who they are and what they want out of life before making big life decisions like marriage and kids. Should they decide that they don't want those things at all I'm totally OK with that.

 

Be living on their own and financially self sufficiant.

[Aggie]

Honestly, this may be an unpopular statement but I think my children should get married before the age of 30 UNLESS they feel called to singleness.

 

 

Daisy...

 

Although I usually find myself agreeing with much of what you post....

 

I think this is a *very* dangerous statement to make, especially if you convey this thought to your dc. Unless you are into arranged marriages ;), do you feel God will let you know who/when your dc should marry, or will He lead each individual person? Are all your dc called to be married by 30 or remain single?

 

I say this because dh and I got married when we were 32. We met in college, and even dated a while, but in no way were we prepared for marriage then. Had my parents expressed any thoughts that they thought I should be married in my 20's, I think it could have been devastating. What would have happened if I had not waited for dh because my mom thought there was a right time, and not a right person? yikes Do you know for a fact that God will place the right person in dc's life AND that dc will be personally/emotionally/financially prepared for marriage by 30?

 

As a matter of fact, both my younger sisters were in their 30's when they got married, too.:001_smile: And I know some other wonderful Christians who married in their 30's, too.

 

I don't mean to be harsh here, but if your dc love to please you, this could impact their lives in a very negative manner.

 

There's nothing wrong, imo, with getting married and having kids in your 20's of course! But it's not *because* you're 20-something. There are many other factors to consider.

 

For my list, we expect our dc to complete at least one degree by 30, and we will encourage them to travel out of the country as much as possible in their 20's. And have a J.O.B. :001_smile:

Edited December 28, 2008 by Aggie

[Nicole M]

Daisy...

 

I think this is a *very* dangerous statement to make, especially if you convey this thought to your dc. Unless you are into arranged marriages ;), do you feel God will let you know who/when your dc should marry, or will He lead each individual person? Are all your dc called to be married by 30 or remain single?

 

I say this because dh and I got married when we were 32. We met in college, and even dated a while, but in no way were we prepared for marriage then. Had my parents expressed any thoughts that they thought I should be married in my 20's, I think it could have been devastating. What would have happened if I had not waited for dh because my mom thought there was a right time, and not a right person? yikes Do you know for a fact that God will place the right person in dc's life AND that dc will be personally/emotionally/financially prepared for marriage by 30?

 

As a matter of fact, both my younger sisters were in their 30's when they got married, too.:001_smile: And I know some other wonderful Christians who married in their 30's, too.

 

I don't mean to be harsh here, but if your dc love to please you, this could impact their lives in a very negative manner.

 

There's nothing wrong, imo, with getting married and having kids in your 20's of course! But it's not *because* you're 20-something. There are many other factors to consider.

 

For my list, we expect our dc to complete at least one degree by 30, and we will encourage them to travel out of the country as much as possible in their 20's. And have a J.O.B. :001_smile:

 

This is a compassionate post. Well said.

 

Years ago I met an older couple, in their late 80s. They clearly adored each other, and were very happy. I noticed this, because so many older couples are bitter and nasty to each other. One day we went out to lunch after church, and they were telling me the story about how they'd met. I had asked something like, "Do you have any children?" One of them said, "Oh, no! We were too old to have children when we got married." She explained that they were in their late 40s when they met. I asked if this was their first marriage, because in the 1940s, it would have been very unusual to remain single, especially for a woman, for that long. No, this was their first and only marriage. I must have then asked why they didn't marry earlier (I was nosy, I guess) and he laughed and said, "Well, I hadn't met her yet!"

 

We never know who might be out there, waiting for us or when we might find that person.

 

As for me, I hope my boys will be solvent, will have moved out of my house, will have a degree and will have traveled a good deal by the time they are 30.

[chaik76]

Wow...I guess I don't have many preconceived notions about what my kids are doing by the time they're thirty. I just hope they're happy...how they get there just isn't that important.

[emeraldjoy]

I like how she put this!

Wow...I guess I don't have many preconceived notions about what my kids are doing by the time they're thirty. I just hope they're happy...how they get there just isn't that important.

I just want them to understand that they have a perfect destiny and actively be engaged within it.

Emerald

[Nestof3]

Well ours is 18 and on a specific path, and these are his wishes too.

 

I want him to finish college and choose the method best for him for supporting himself and his family

 

not waste the money he's already saved up so that he can put a nice down payment on a house

 

choose wisely a wife

 

maintain his walk and character

 

Since my husband is self-employed, we have our sons work throughout junior and high school so that they can start off with a sound financial footing. I hope he's never broke but does live frugally.

[dorothy]

College plus graduate school self-financed

 

Travel at least once to the six continents (they are on their own for Antarctica as I HATE being cold)

 

Financially independent plus nest egg from working and saving

 

Well read

 

At least one missions-like trip

 

Fluent in at least three languages

 

Able to speak in public

 

Able to do basic home and car repairs

 

Be physically fit and exercise regularly

 

Come to their own convictions about faith

 

Have an "aha" moment when they want to say "thanks" to their parents! :D

[Aubrey]

Wow...I guess I don't have many preconceived notions about what my kids are doing by the time they're thirty. I just hope they're happy...how they get there just isn't that important.

 

Whew. I'm glad to read this one. The rest of the lists are depressing. There's so much I wish I'd known 15 yrs ago! But I think there's a world of difference in what different sets of parents are able to pass down.

[PiCO]

College plus graduate school self-financed

 

Travel at least once to the six continents (they are on their own for Antarctica as I HATE being cold)

 

Financially independent plus nest egg from working and saving

 

Well read

 

At least one missions-like trip

 

Fluent in at least three languages

 

Able to speak in public

 

Able to do basic home and car repairs

 

Be physically fit and exercise regularly

 

Come to their own convictions about faith

 

Have an "aha" moment when they want to say "thanks" to their parents! :D

 

Great list, Dorothy! I'm going to add a couple of yours to mine.

[PiCO]

Wow...I guess I don't have many preconceived notions about what my kids are doing by the time they're thirty. I just hope they're happy...how they get there just isn't that important.

 

To me it's just an extension of homeschooling or afterschooling. I don't have any preconceived notions of what my kids will be doing when they grow up, but I want them to have the education and experience to get the most out of the life they choose. This affects the educational choices I make for them now, and it effects what I hope they will accomplish in their 20s.

 

Everyone has different hopes and expectations for their children. I also happen to think the journey- "how they get there" - is extremely important.

 

 

An item to add to my list- learn how to be happy. I believe people choose to be happy-- or not. It's not something you get from money or experiences, it's a state of mind.

[Nestof3]

Able to do basic home and car repairs

 

Be physically fit and exercise regularly

 

 

These too, actually. I didn't think of them, but my hubby is quite the handy man, carpenter, auto mechanic, and he has passed some of this onto Aaron already, but there's always more to learn.

 

I cannot imagine Aaron not being physically active.

 

Good ideas.

[Bee]

go to college,get a job and be able to support themselves, and live on their own.It's up to them to choose their own dreams and make their own choices about their lifestyles.

[Whisperlily]

That's a very complicated question...

 

I see so much more as each year goes by. The ideas I had for the path I thought was ahead for each individual child changes so much as they grow and mature. New interests and abilities surface, new desires take shape, plans that were important just a mere year ago may be a blip on the radar.

 

In short, there's two lists involved. What would the ideal plan look like, and what are the truly important things if our man-made plans don't work out.

 

Ideally I'd like each of my children to graduate from college, and if it suits their desires, go on to graduate school and graduate before the age of 30. It would be great if they emerged from college without major debt, financially stable. If they haven't already, I'd hope they have a plan in place for the purchase of a modest home within their means.

 

But truthfully, life has a way of tossing out our well-laid plans and handing us something we didn't see on the horizon. So the goals I'm reaching for are not tangible things.

 

One of the biggest gifts a friend gave me when I was 18 and out on my own, was the true belief that I could learn/do anything I really needed to do. I was far away from my parents and I was working a very low paying job, saving for college. My car broke down and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. I called my friend to vent/cry/whine about life... and he told me: "What are you waiting for?" You can fix the car yourself. (What? An 18 year old girl who didn't even know how to check the oil or change a tire?)

 

He told me to go to the library, check out a book on the car, figure out how to take it apart, and repair it on my dining room floor if I had to. He said it might take me 6 months to do it, and I might mess up and have to fix my mistakes, but there's no reason I couldn't teach myself how to do whatever I really needed to do. What good did it do to worry over it?

 

I didn't end up fixing the car, but I left the conversation with the knowledge that I could do anything I needed to do. Since then, I've learned how to do a lot of things I might never have attempted. If something comes up, I learn how to handle it. I have fixed dryers, vehicles, our digital camera that stopped working, made things I needed when I couldn't afford to buy ready made, and while they might not have been shiny or new... they did what I needed them to do. I have become resourceful and independent when necessary, and realize that some things just aren't as important as they seem on the surface.

 

It allowed me to learn how to work from where I am, upward. There's never such thing as "I can't." There's the ability to figure out what steps are necessary, and what is a realistic, achievable goal... and the will to carry it out. If something is wrong, don't waste your time whining... figure out what can be done and do it.

 

Just this summer I talked to my kids about money, and saving for something they really wanted. They had wanted a Nintendo Wii, but that seemed like such a high goal for 4 children under 12. They started in June... they came up with strategies to earn their own money. At the grocery store checkout, they would look in the cart and pull out "extras" I might have put in the cart that they thought they could do without, and put that dollar amount into their collective "'Wii" box. They were allowed to "save" money at home by reducing energy costs, water usage, etc. and we compared to previous bills to see how much they had saved. They also used some of the money in the box to buy supplies for a lemonade stand. It was so successful they had 4 over the course of the summer, and by November they had enough to buy a Wii. They were wise in spending the money, bought a used system from the game store, and that allowed them enough money to buy used accessories and several used games.

 

Inspired, my 11 year old daughter has invested herself into beading and crafting such things as hair clips and earrings has been selling enough to have her own spending money. She has now taught herself to knit, and has big plans on how she will market and sell her products.

 

I want my kids to be industrious, resourceful, grateful, and never feel like the world owes them something. I want them to have the tools to build a solid financial, spiritual and emotional foundation. I want them to be satisfied with life, and able to weather it's twists and turns with the knowledge that no matter what happens, they're going to be okay. I want them to have an eye on the future, but content with where they are in their journey.

[Karen sn]

I'm gonna have to say, "College schmolage and marriage schmarriage."

Although I am open to that - and even promote them at times - I just want them debt free and happy. I want them to truly love and enjoy life which is priceless and rare.

 

ETA: This is not in response to anyone although it did show up under someone's post.

[KidsHappen]

Get a job and move out. :tongue_smilie:

[lynn]

travel, travel, travel. The US, abroad, take a cruise.

Graduate from college, find a job they love.

Figure out where they would love to live and find a job there.

Volunteer for special olympics, Rescue Missions etc.

Learn a foreign language or two.

Take classes just because it's something of interest.

Learn a trade (plumbing, electrician or mechanical..learn to change fluids, hoses etc in your car so you don't have to pay someone to do these things.

[elegantlion]

I hope my ds finds his path in the world, not just the one everyone else is doing. I mean if he feels led to get married, buy a house and create roots somewhere great. If he wants to travel the world with a camera and a backpack great.

 

The biggest thing I want for him is the to have the confidence to be himself, the character to stand for his convictions, and the compassion to see that it's not all about him.

 

ETA: Oh, and the desire to stay in contact with his parents on a regular basis.

[Brindee]

DH and I are not requiring college, knowing a bunch of languages, graduate school, marriage, etc. We are praying that they uphold their values in a tough world, maintain strong family ties, be self-assured enough to do what needs to be done to get them to their goals, and if they do get married, I hope they pray about it first, and make sure that is the right person---in other words, follow how/where God leads!

[Sparkle]

Marriage was the first thought that came to my mind. I would like to see my kids married or in a religious vocation, maybe some grandkids, before I'm too old :D

 

I would like them to be financially self-supporting.

 

I would like them to be active in their faith.

 

Other than that, whatever makes them happy :001_smile:

[phathui5]

The things I really want for them are:

 

A strong network of family and friends

 

Mature Christian faith

 

Appreciating of they have and caring for those that have less and need help

 

Being responsible and competant enough to support themselves financially and stay out of debt

[Daisy]

I think this is a *very* dangerous statement to make, especially if you convey this thought to your dc. Unless you are into arranged marriages , do you feel God will let you know who/when your dc should marry, or will He lead each individual person? Are all your dc called to be married by 30 or remain single?

 

I'm just now seeing this, sorry. No, I don't tell my children that they should be married by age 30 and I don't plan on arranging their marriages. However, I think that society, as a whole, has tended to view marriage before the age of 30 as a bad thing. It seems the years keep getting upped as 20 somethings keep finding more things they want to do before they have to settle down. I think this is disasterious thinking. I don't really put an "age" on when my children should be married. Perhaps I worded that wrong given the writing prompt. Simply that I would be very happy to see my children pursuing the making of a family by the age of 30.

 

I don't put much value is much of what society terms as "life experiences." I think modern culture allows children to remain children for far too long. Having a family, building relationships, working hard, interacting in a community, growing faith, are what our family values & what I expect my children to be exhibiting by the age of 30. This does NOT mean I think my daughter is a spinster if not married by 30. It doesn't mean I'd push her into a marriage. It doesn't mean my son needs to pick the first gal that comes down the pike. I mentioned singleness only because some people actively choose that life for example Lillian Thrasher). Please take my words generally and not prescriptively. Thanks for being kind with me while I explained further. ;-)

Edited December 29, 2008 by Daisy

[Aggie]

Daisy...

 

Thanks for the explanation! Like I said before, I quite often agree with your posts, so this one threw me for a loop. :001_smile:

[bumbledeb]

That's a very complicated question...

 

I see so much more as each year goes by. The ideas I had for the path I thought was ahead for each individual child changes so much as they grow and mature. New interests and abilities surface, new desires take shape, plans that were important just a mere year ago may be a blip on the radar.

 

In short, there's two lists involved. What would the ideal plan look like, and what are the truly important things if our man-made plans don't work out.

 

Ideally I'd like each of my children to graduate from college, and if it suits their desires, go on to graduate school and graduate before the age of 30. It would be great if they emerged from college without major debt, financially stable. If they haven't already, I'd hope they have a plan in place for the purchase of a modest home within their means.

 

But truthfully, life has a way of tossing out our well-laid plans and handing us something we didn't see on the horizon. So the goals I'm reaching for are not tangible things.

 

One of the biggest gifts a friend gave me when I was 18 and out on my own, was the true belief that I could learn/do anything I really needed to do. I was far away from my parents and I was working a very low paying job, saving for college. My car broke down and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. I called my friend to vent/cry/whine about life... and he told me: "What are you waiting for?" You can fix the car yourself. (What? An 18 year old girl who didn't even know how to check the oil or change a tire?)

 

He told me to go to the library, check out a book on the car, figure out how to take it apart, and repair it on my dining room floor if I had to. He said it might take me 6 months to do it, and I might mess up and have to fix my mistakes, but there's no reason I couldn't teach myself how to do whatever I really needed to do. What good did it do to worry over it?

 

I didn't end up fixing the car, but I left the conversation with the knowledge that I could do anything I needed to do. Since then, I've learned how to do a lot of things I might never have attempted. If something comes up, I learn how to handle it. I have fixed dryers, vehicles, our digital camera that stopped working, made things I needed when I couldn't afford to buy ready made, and while they might not have been shiny or new... they did what I needed them to do. I have become resourceful and independent when necessary, and realize that some things just aren't as important as they seem on the surface.

 

It allowed me to learn how to work from where I am, upward. There's never such thing as "I can't." There's the ability to figure out what steps are necessary, and what is a realistic, achievable goal... and the will to carry it out. If something is wrong, don't waste your time whining... figure out what can be done and do it.

 

Just this summer I talked to my kids about money, and saving for something they really wanted. They had wanted a Nintendo Wii, but that seemed like such a high goal for 4 children under 12. They started in June... they came up with strategies to earn their own money. At the grocery store checkout, they would look in the cart and pull out "extras" I might have put in the cart that they thought they could do without, and put that dollar amount into their collective "'Wii" box. They were allowed to "save" money at home by reducing energy costs, water usage, etc. and we compared to previous bills to see how much they had saved. They also used some of the money in the box to buy supplies for a lemonade stand. It was so successful they had 4 over the course of the summer, and by November they had enough to buy a Wii. They were wise in spending the money, bought a used system from the game store, and that allowed them enough money to buy used accessories and several used games.

 

Inspired, my 11 year old daughter has invested herself into beading and crafting such things as hair clips and earrings has been selling enough to have her own spending money. She has now taught herself to knit, and has big plans on how she will market and sell her products.

 

I want my kids to be industrious, resourceful, grateful, and never feel like the world owes them something. I want them to have the tools to build a solid financial, spiritual and emotional foundation. I want them to be satisfied with life, and able to weather it's twists and turns with the knowledge that no matter what happens, they're going to be okay. I want them to have an eye on the future, but content with where they are in their journey.

 

That was a very interesting response. I liked it a lot. Inspiring.