I found the original bear video

[Scarlett]

 

[Katy]

Interesting. Thanks for posting 

[Kuovonne]

Not what I expected, and I find what he says hard to believe.

[Momto6inIN]

"50% of women are raped by their husbands and that's only those that are reported, it's probably closer to 90%. They know when they marry us they're going to get raped" is the biggest hogwash pile of garbage I've heard in a while, and that's about the nicest thing I can say to that.

[bolt.]

14 minutes ago, Momto6inIN said:

"50% of women are raped by their husbands and that's only those that are reported, it's probably closer to 90%. They know when they marry us they're going to get raped" is the biggest hogwash pile of garbage I've heard in a while, and that's about the nicest thing I can say to that.

Yes:

1. Even if the statistic was "50% raped or coerced" -- it would be very much dependent on the definition of "coerced" and I would still ask him to provide a legitimate source and a description of the study for a statistic like that. It's definitely not "50% raped" but I could see if "coerced" meant "any sense of being pressured" that maybe 50% of husbands might have said, "Come on, honey, are you sure?" maybe once in their marriage.

2. Upping the numbers (possibly due to the general understanding that many sexual assaults go unreported) is unwarranted, since there is no data that would identify that the alleged wives in the alleged study had ever *reported* anything.

3. The suggestion that women 'know' is ridiculous. It would require all the women in the world to be aware of the results of whatever alleged study he is referring to in the first place. Then it would also require that they believe their intended spouse to be more likely to be in 'the bad half of men' not 'the good half' -- and who would be marrying a man they believed to be below the 50% mark of all men in the world? Most women, at least on their wedding day, genuinely believe their man to be the actual very best man in the whole world -- so even if she did believe that 50% of married men engage in coercion or marital rape, she wouldn't believe that her man was one of them.

ETA: I'm glad he's trying to understand the adversities women face, and it's true that marital rape and coercion are problems that face a lot more women than they should (and usually not of the "Come on, honey" variety) and I don't want to minimize that. But he's got to do this thing with facts and logic. Idiotic exaggeration helps no one.

Edited May 2 by bolt.

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

"50% of women are raped by their husbands and that's only those that are reported, it's probably closer to 90%. They know when they marry us they're going to get raped" is the biggest hogwash pile of garbage I've heard in a while, and that's about the nicest thing I can say to that.

You said it way more nicely than I was going to!

Wow, that guy is an idiot. I couldn't even sit through his ridiculous nonsense.

Does anyone actually believe he truly believes any of the garbage he's spouting? I figure he's a big phony and that he's just doing it for views and to have women fawn over him for being so "enlightened." Oh, and I assume he's also trying to make money at this, because he is promoting himself on TikTok as having, "anti-misogyny educational content." 

Educational. 🤣🤣🤣

Definitely a phony idiot trying to make a name for himself because he's such a champion of women... even if he does have to make stuff up... 🙄

 

Edited May 2 by Catwoman
Third typo of the day! I'm on a roll!

[Scarlett]

I agree he sounds completely full of nonsense and exaggerations.

[Katy]

[HomeAgain]

12 hours ago, bolt. said:

3. The suggestion that women 'know' is ridiculous. It would require all the women in the world to be aware of the results of whatever alleged study he is referring to in the first place. Then it would also require that they believe their intended spouse to be more likely to be in 'the bad half of men' not 'the good half' -- and who would be marrying a man they believed to be below the 50% mark of all men in the world? Most women, at least on their wedding day, genuinely believe their man to be the actual very best man in the whole world -- so even if she did believe that 50% of married men engage in coercion or marital rape, she wouldn't believe that her man was one of them.

ETA: I'm glad he's trying to understand the adversities women face, and it's true that marital rape and coercion are problems that face a lot more women than they should (and usually not of the "Come on, honey" variety) and I don't want to minimize that. But he's got to do this thing with facts and logic. Idiotic exaggeration helps no one.

Is it ridiculous, though?  There is a LOT of material out there, both secular and religious, that lets women know that their needs are second to that of their husband's.  That submission is part of the expectation and willingness is not part of the equation.  Much has changed in the secular materials over the past few decades, but the thoughts and ideas are still there.

So yes, women DO know, because they've been conditioned to consider their needs/wants as less important and that imbalanced relationships are normal.  It's just their brains are not equating violent assault with what assault can actually look like.  When the question is asked differently the answer is clearer.

[Heartstrings]

Marital rape wasn’t even made illegal in every state until the 90s. I still see debates today about whether marriage constitutes ongoing consent for perpetuity, like maybe a week ago, so it’s not exactly settled in society. 

[bolt.]

8 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

Is it ridiculous, though?  There is a LOT of material out there, both secular and religious, that lets women know that their needs are second to that of their husband's.  That submission is part of the expectation and willingness is not part of the equation.  Much has changed in the secular materials over the past few decades, but the thoughts and ideas are still there.

So yes, women DO know, because they've been conditioned to consider their needs/wants as less important and that imbalanced relationships are normal.  It's just their brains are not equating violent assault with what assault can actually look like.  When the question is asked differently the answer is clearer.

Yes, I can agree that women know that they "should" consider their needs/wants as less important and that they "should" consider imbalanced relationships normal. I'm not making the connection though, that 50% to 90% of women reasonably anticipate -- at least not between when they become engaged and when they get married -- experiencing assault or coercion (that meets a legal definition of coercion) in their marriage, from their beloved.

Maybe my brain is not good at equating violent assault with 'what assault can actually look like'. To me, things can be similar without being identical. Even murder and manslaughter have all kinds of differentiation of degrees, etc.

When questions are asked differently, the answer isn't necessarily 'clearer' -- it's just different. Asking women whether they expect to ever be pestered for sex, or have to say 'no' twice, or maybe choose to say 'yes' despite being unenthusiastic, or if their spouse might mistakenly consider her open to beginning foreplay while she is asleep: Yes, that question might get more women saying "yes" they anticipate a possibility of those scenarios showing up in their bedroom. Maybe that's an understanding that those things happen sometimes, that marriage is a long thing, and it may contain men putting themselves first and applying pressure when they shouldn't. So I guess some things are "known".

But this guy in the video seems to think that something well beyond such "knowledge" applies to all women, entering every marriage: we don't actually get married expecting that it's likely our husband will assault us. It's like none of us get married anticipating that our husbands will cheat on us, or become criminals, or other adverse outcomes. We do know that it happens in some marriages. We also fully believe that the marriage we are currently selecting won't contain those features.