Question about courthouse wedding

[Kassia]

Ds3 and his fiance decided to have a courthouse wedding very soon so they can be legally married and then a very small celebration with family later this year (10 people total) when they can figure out a time when everyone can easily attend (no one is local). 

Do couples who do this usually have another wedding/vow ceremony later with a celebration after or just the celebration since the wedding/vows have already been done?  Or is it done both ways about equally?  

They were originally planning on doing the family wedding ceremony and reception soon, but it was impossible to figure out a date when everyone can make it.  My other two sons travel a lot, plus ds2's gf travels a lot, and ds1's gf has been summoned for Grand Jury for June - every. single. weekday.  

[Katy]

Whichever way they want, but I suspect a reception later is most common.

[freesia]

In my limited experience, it’s been done both ways. Dh is a pastor and he has even done “secret” weddings where the couple’s officiant of choice wasn’t legal to sign the wedding license so he marries them and there is another ceremony with another service. Sometimes people have courthouse weddings and then a church wedding at a later date—often in another country but not always. My LDS friend marry at the temple and then gave a reception at a later date. So, they can do whatever they feel like. The only one I felt sad about was my cousin who had a courthouse wedding and planned to have a later reception, never did have the reception. I don’t know why, but I felt bad for her. Everyone should be celebrated even if it’s a small celebration. 

[Lecka]

I had a courthouse wedding and we had a party later with a wedding cake.  We did not repeat the vows.  
 

I did not want to repeat the vows, our party was informal, and I wore regular/nice clothes, I did not dress up.  
 

The truth is they can do it however they want!  
 

We considered doing flowers and table settings, but decided not to, it was something we did consider, though.

 

We got platters of food from a Chinese restaraunt, I think we ordered that ahead and then picked it up.  It was just what we liked at the time and thought everyone would like it.  
 

Edit:  I wore a beautiful dress to the courthouse, and we did have pictures made with me wearing my beautiful dress and my husband wearing a suit.  But we didn’t wear that to the party.  I also had a bouquet for the courthouse wedding and then I had some flowers from the bouquet in our pictures. (I really like this dress, but it is not a really fancy dress.  But very pretty and flattering, and I like it in the pictures.)

Edited April 28 by Lecka

[Kassia]

@freesia  DH and I will be there for sure (we're the closest at around 190 miles away) and I suspect some siblings/partners will as well.  We'll all go out for dinner after the ceremony and have a special dessert as well (cake or whatever the couple want).  It might end up being two family weddings in that case...we'll see!  

Edited April 28 by Kassia

[Kassia]

@Lecka I love that!  Sounds lovely.  

[Lecka]

For the cake, we did go to a bakery and pick the cake and icing, and we decided to get a sheet cake, but we were really happy with the cake and my husband and I fed each other cake 😉

The bakery had nice options for a sheet cake.  They had options for people to get a small bride-and-groom cake and then give the guests a sheet cake, and we got that kind of sheet cake.  

Edited April 28 by Lecka

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

We didn’t do a courthouse wedding but a very small parents/siblings/grandparents only wedding at my parents’ house.  A few months later we had a full wedding where we did repeat the vows but didn’t do a ring exchange.

we already had the venue booked because we were planning that for the wedding anyway and couldn’t get a refund on any part.  DH needed to get on my health insurance and thus we needed to be legally married, and we weren’t going to be legally married but pretend we weren’t, so we just had two weddings.

[Laura Corin]

We did secular vows in the US then a party in the UK without vows. It worked.

[Kassia]

2 minutes ago, Mrs Tiggywinkle Again said:

We didn’t do a courthouse wedding but a very small parents/siblings/grandparents only wedding at my parents’ house.  A few months later we had a full wedding where we did repeat the vows but didn’t do a ring exchange.

we already had the venue booked because we were planning that for the wedding anyway and couldn’t get a refund on any part.  DH needed to get on my health insurance and thus we needed to be legally married, and we weren’t going to be legally married but pretend we weren’t, so we just had two weddings.

I didn't even think about the ring exchange with a second ceremony.  That makes sense not to repeat it.  I think many couples end up doing what you did with the legal marriage for health insurance.  My ds and his fiance have to be legally married somewhat soon for her visa and then green card.  The sooner they are married, the sooner she can get the green card.  

[Starr]

I ve been to all of the above. My dd had a small Covid wedding and then a vow renewal and big reception post Covid. 

[Halftime Hope]

Just for fun: I had a boss who immigrated from another country and got a terminal degree here in the US, then stayed on and became a US citizen.  The boss' relatives pointed out that it would be easier for the boss and significant other to get the immigration paperwork rolling for the SO if they were married, so the boss arranged to give a relative power of attorney to go before the judge and to sign the marriage contract papers on my boss' behalf, in absentia, in the home country. Months later they had a religious ceremony.  When I knew the boss, the couple had celebrated 25 years of marriage, and each year the couple decided which anniversary date they wanted to celebrate, based on what was more convenient for them to be able to travel together.  🙂 Of course, over the years, there has been no end of merriment and good-natured ribbing from the family, with the relative saying it was the best contract ever signed, and so on. 😄 

[marbel]

I've seen it done all the ways. 

One couple I know got married privately, then had a 2nd wedding ceremony - they had not been wearing their rings and gave them to each other at the second ceremony. The same pastor performed the ceremony both times. The first one was the legal one. 

A relative of mine had a quick ceremony with only parents present. There had been plans for a party later but things kept coming up and according to the bride, it became less and less important, especially as babies started coming. So, they never had a wedding celebration but it was her and her husband's choice. 

Others have had a courthouse ceremony and then a reception at a later time. 

My first wedding was done in the courthouse with parents/siblings presents, then we all had lunch afterward, and that was that. It was our choice and it was fine. I mean, the marriage didn't last but that wasn't because we didn't have a bigger wedding! 

So whatever they want to do is fine, there is precedent out there for just about everything. 

[sweet2ndchance]

First marriage, we got married in the courthouse. Friends took us out to Burger King afterwards. We exchanged rings in the courthouse but no vows. My parents were there and a few friends.

Second marriage, they don't do courthouse marriages here. You get the license, call a registered Justice of the Peace (they give you a list when you get your license if you ask) and then bring the signed license back to the courthouse. We chose to meet the JP in the park and got married there with dh's grandma and our kids present. Dh's Grandma took us and the kids out to Pizza Hut afterwards. No rings, no vows. Just wasn't important to us.

 

[-----]

nm

Edited August 30 by kathyl

[Kassia]

59 minutes ago, Starr said:

I ve been to all of the above. My dd had a small Covid wedding and then a vow renewal and big reception post Covid. 

My friend's dd had a small Covid backyard wedding and planned a vow renewal and big reception and then...another Covid variant (Omicron) was raging and they canceled and never rescheduled.  They are perfectly happy with a baby now, but I do feel bad they could never have the wedding they had planned on.  

[Kassia]

Thanks everyone!  I'm so glad I posted!  Lots of great stories/experiences here.  🙂  

[Starr]

15 hours ago, Kassia said:

15 hours ago, Kassia said:

My friend's dd had a small Covid backyard wedding and planned a vow renewal and big reception and then...another Covid variant (Omicron) was raging and they canceled and never rescheduled.  They are perfectly happy with a baby now, but I do feel bad they could never have the wedding they had planned on.  

That’s rough, all the planning, and having to cancel. 

[Scarlett]

Dh and I had a very small (4 parents/our three children) at a B&B and then after our honeymoon rented a facility and had a huge reception.  We put our wedding clothes back on and everyone dressed up as if to attend a wedding.  It was wonderful.  We did not repeat our vows though.