My brain

[Scarlett]

I think there is something wrong with my mind. My brain? 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

I cannot shut it off. The conversations are non stop and the memories of long ago or last night are all consuming. 
 

I literally feel like I am going drown and none of my usual tricks  are working. 
 

And the dreams. Good Gravy. Insanity. 

Edited April 21 by Scarlett

[Catwoman]

Do you have someone you can call to come check on you?

You don't sound like yourself. 

[Catwoman]

Just adding this -- are you on any medications right now, or have you been drinking at all?

I know we don't always get along, but I promise that I'm not trying to be insulting or anything; it's just that I'm worried about you because your post is so different from your usual posts.

[Rosie_0801]

I assume most of it is negative?

You might try isolating one incident and writing it down, not just what happened and your emotions about it, but *how your body felt,* the more detail, the better. Then, when that is done, imagine what you would do or who you would recruit to resolve the problem, then write it down as though that really happened or is really happening right now.

Dd has been finding this technique very helpful.

[Scarlett]

5 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Just adding this -- are you on any medications right now, or have you been drinking at all?

I know we don't always get along, but I promise that I'm not trying to be insulting or anything; it's just that I'm worried about you because your post is so different from your usual posts.

Lol no medications or alcohol.  I mean I do drink wine sometimes but I am talking about non stop all day long my brain won’t stop. Or night either. 

[Catwoman]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Lol no medications or alcohol.  I mean I do drink wine sometimes but I am talking about non stop all day long my brain won’t stop. Or night either. 

Ugh, I'm so sorry. That must be terrible! 

Do you have anyone who can keep you company and hopefully distract you, even for a while?

[Katy]

When your brain is trying to prune old memories, it will bring them up. If you have a big emotional response, the memory is preserved. If not, it’s often forgotten. I notice an increase every few years. 

If that’s what’s going on, maybe give it a week or two, you’re probably fine. If it seems like more, go in for some bloodwork, a neurological exam, and mental health screening. If all of those are fine, you might consider asking for sleeping pills. 

Some “healthy” foods can cause an increase in this too. Especially if they are high in melatonin (cherries or cherry juice), resistant starch (any starch that has been cooled after cooking and before eating, especially potatoes), or high in histamine. 

Edited April 20 by Katy

[KSera]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Lol no medications or alcohol.  I mean I do drink wine sometimes but I am talking about non stop all day long my brain won’t stop. Or night either. 

I can’t tell if you mean this is a new thing, or going on for awhile? Like hours, days, weeks? My concerns would be different depending how long. 

[Catwoman]

1 minute ago, KSera said:

I can’t tell if you mean this is a new thing, or going on for awhile? Like hours, days, weeks? My concerns would be different depending how long. 

That's a good question! I was just assuming it was very recent, but I could be completely off base.

[Rosie_0801]

Also, this sounds weird but is a thing, it's harder for the brain to carry on like this if you're staring at a fixed point, than when your eyes are moving about.

[Scarlett]

18 minutes ago, KSera said:

I can’t tell if you mean this is a new thing, or going on for awhile? Like hours, days, weeks? My concerns would be different depending how long. 

Years. I guess I am just now putting words to how I’ve been feeling.

[Scarlett]

20 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

I assume most of it is negative?

You might try isolating one incident and writing it down, not just what happened and your emotions about it, but *how your body felt,* the more detail, the better. Then, when that is done, imagine what you would do or who you would recruit to resolve the problem, then write it down as though that really happened or is really happening right now.

Dd has been finding this technique very helpful.

Well, I have been recording, writing down my dreams for two years. I’m not sure if it’s helping or just perpetuating the cycle of crazy dreams. I am Probably insane.

[Kassia]

@Scarlett, I'm sorry.  My situation is a bit different, but it's still all brain-related and I hate it and it makes me miserable.  No sleep, crazy dreams, so much anxiety and self-loathing, disordered eating/exercise, fuzzy thinking (maybe due to the insomnia)....I hate my brain and I tell DH all the time that I'm suffering with no escape.  Just wanted to say you're not alone and send you a big hug.

ETA - I get the drowning feeling too.  And I get overwhelmed so easily and my brain just shuts down.  Mine seems to be worse since my concussion a couple of years ago, but maybe it would have gotten worse anyway with age.  

Edited April 20 by Kassia

[Scarlett]

16 minutes ago, Kassia said:

@Scarlett, I'm sorry.  My situation is a bit different, but it's still all brain-related and I hate it and it makes me miserable.  No sleep, crazy dreams, so much anxiety and self-loathing, disordered eating/exercise, fuzzy thinking (maybe due to the insomnia)....I hate my brain and I tell DH all the time that I'm suffering with no escape.  Just wanted to say you're not alone and send you a big hug.

ETA - I get the drowning feeling too.  And I get overwhelmed so easily and my brain just shuts down.  Mine seems to be worse since my concussion a couple of years ago, but maybe it would have gotten worse anyway with age.  

I’m so sorry that you are  suffering in this way.
I will say mine does not seem to be self loathing. It is more disbelief/deep sadness/confusion.

Edited April 20 by Scarlett

[Indigo Blue]

I’m sorry, Scarlett. I hope you something…anything to help. Have you tried an app like Calm or BetterSleep? Meditating? Valerian root, chamomile, and magnesium glycinate before bed? Theanine supplements? Trying to list everything I can think of. How about getting up early, staying really busy, make yourself tired, take the above suggestions at bedtime, and fall into bed exhausted and full of sleepy supplements? 

[Indigo Blue]

@Kassiahugs. I wish you didn’t feel that. You are such a great person. 

[Scarlett]

10 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I’m sorry, Scarlett. I hope you something…anything to help. Have you tried an app like Calm or BetterSleep? Meditating? Valerian root, chamomile, and magnesium glycinate before bed? Theanine supplements? Trying to list everything I can think of. How about getting up early, staying really busy, make yourself tired, take the above suggestions at bedtime, and fall into bed exhausted and full of sleepy supplements? 

I do all of the things. I also have a prescription for Klonopin when I cannot sleep. I do not take it during the day because I’m pretty much a lightweight. And I do not take it every night maybe three times per week.

[MEmama]

Have you talked with (knowledable) doctor about ADHD and peri/menopsuse? I hear these concerns a lot in women our age, and have certainly noticed a startling difference in how I operate. 
 

I’d start with a conversation with your doctor before trying anything. Maybe write down your experiences and bring the notes you have. Those should help a lot. 

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, MEmama said:

Have you talked with (knowledable) doctor about ADHD and peri/menopsuse? I hear these concerns a lot in women our age, and have certainly noticed a startling difference in how I operate. 
 

I’d start with a conversation with your doctor before trying anything. Maybe write down your experiences and bring the notes you have. Those should help a lot. 

I am going to be 59 this year. I had  my last period when I was 42ish. I don’t think this is perimenopausal.
I have discussed a bit of this with my GP. He wanted to put me on SSRI, which I will never do. I hate  them with a passion. He did agreed to the Klonopin that I asked for if I can only take it for occasional sleep issues. 
 

Honestly, running down my thoughts would be absolutely impossible. Just reading over my recorded dream is enough to make you think I am absolutely insane.

[Garga]

How long has this been going on? Your whole life or starting 2 years ago? 

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, Garga said:

How long has this been going on? Your whole life or starting 2 years ago? 

I think…. Most of my life. 

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Well, I have been recording, writing down my dreams for two years. I’m not sure if it’s helping or just perpetuating the cycle of crazy dreams. I am Probably insane.

You probably aren't insane. Brains are weird.

The technique I described above came from 'How the Body Keeps Score.' It's not just a thing I made up.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

You probably aren't insane. Brains are weird.

The technique I described above came from 'How the Body Keeps Score.' It's not just a thing I made up.

I know. 

[Garga]

Anxiety? Adhd? Depression? Sounds like my son and husband who have a combination of those three things. 

[Scarlett]

33 minutes ago, Garga said:

Anxiety? Adhd? Depression? Sounds like my son and husband who have a combination of those three things. 

Beats me.  It has just occurred to me recently it might not be normal. 

Edited April 21 by Scarlett

[Terabith]

Prazosin is pretty amazing at dealing with dreams, to be honest.  It improved my life quite a lot, and it's not like SSRIs.  It's a blood pressure medication.  I used to have extremely complex, deeply weird, very disturbing dreams that were terrifying and left me upset for most of the next day and really impacted my sleep.  Very first dose pretty much fixed it.

[Scarlett]

14 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Prazosin is pretty amazing at dealing with dreams, to be honest.  It improved my life quite a lot, and it's not like SSRIs.  It's a blood pressure medication.  I used to have extremely complex, deeply weird, very disturbing dreams that were terrifying and left me upset for most of the next day and really impacted my sleep.  Very first dose pretty much fixed it.

I doubt I could take that.  I have tried a blood pressure med for my AFib and with in 3 days my blood pressure dropped dangerously low.  
 

My dreams are not generally terrifying….but yes disturbing.  I think dreams are a usually a way of working things out…..that is why I have began to write them down. 

[Scarlett]

When I was 16 I had a dream that the boy who was madly in love with me and promising me the world…..well I opened an oven door and there was his head on a platter.  I have never forgotten that dream even though I married him and had a child with him and stayed married to him for 26 mostly horrible years.  
 

So yes I do believe I might be insane.  Or possibly a genius. 😂

[Terabith]

27 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

When I was 16 I had a dream that the boy who was madly in love with me and promising me the world…..well I opened an oven door and there was his head on a platter.  I have never forgotten that dream even though I married him and had a child with him and stayed married to him for 26 mostly horrible years.  
 

So yes I do believe I might be insane.  Or possibly a genius. 😂

Oh please.  That's NOTHING in dream logic.  Sounds like your subconscious is super smart.  

[Scarlett]

4 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Oh please.  That's NOTHING in dream logic.  Sounds like your subconscious is super smart.  

Lol Nothing? Like, that is a normal dream for 16 year olds? 

[Terabith]

Just now, Scarlett said:

Lol Nothing? Like, that is a normal dream for 16 year olds? 

When I was sixteen, I dreamed every single night about either the Holocaust or hell.  I dreamed about aliens landing in the middle of my school campus, rounding everyone up, and assassinating 75% of us.  And there were some that were far too disturbing to talk about on a public forum.  

[Garga]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

Beats me.  It has just occurred to me recently it might not be normal. 

It’s not “normal” though it’s very common. My mother was 50 years old when she became friends with a nurse who explained that my mom’s behavior/thoughts/etc was probably anxiety and that it could be treated. My mom finally got some meds and said, “Is this how the rest of you are?? Not worried and a nervous wreck all the time? I thought I was normal and didn’t know that everyone else wasn’t like this, too.”

Also, ADHD people have brains that just will not stop. Thoughts run non-stop. My DH was 42 when he was dx’d with ADHD and got some meds and the first day he took them, he was like my mom. “I was able to complete an entire task today all the way through! Is this what it’s like for the rest of you? You can complete tasks without your thoughts interrupting and you bouncing around to another task??

I can’t diagnose you over the internet, but if you’re thinking something isn’t right, that doesn’t mean your brain is totally messed up or crazy, but you could have anxiety or ADHD, which, as you know, aren’t really in your control. It’s all about chemicals in the brain, and sometimes there can be relief out there for you, if you like.

If you don’t like meds, there are other ways to deal with low-level anxiety and ADHD—good, hard exercise, talk therapy, good diet, etc. I don’t think those things are as effective as medicines, but they can help.

 

Edited April 21 by Garga

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Garga said:

It’s not “normal” though it’s very common. My mother was 50 years old when she became friends with a nurse who explained that my mom’s behavior/thoughts/etc was probably anxiety and that it could be treated. My mom finally got some meds and said, “Is this how the rest of you are?? Not worried and a nervous wreck all the time? I thought I was normal and didn’t know that everyone else wasn’t like this, too.”

Also, ADHD people have brains that just will not stop. Thoughts run non-stop. My DH was 42 when he was dx’d with ADHD and got some meds and the first day he took them, he was like my mom. “I was able to complete an entire task today all the way through! Is this what it’s like for the rest of you? You can complete tasks without your thoughts interrupting and you bouncing around to another task??

I can’t diagnose you over the internet, but if you’re thinking something isn’t right, that doesn’t mean your brain is totally messed up or crazy, but you could have anxiety or ADHD, which, as you know, aren’t really in your control. It’s all about chemicals in the brain, and sometimes there can be relief out there for you, if you like.

If you don’t like meds, there are other ways to deal with low-level anxiety and ADHD—good, hard exercise, talk therapy, good diet, etc. I don’t think those things are as effective as medicines, but they can help.

 

Thank you,  In my youth my go to was cleaning……I would clean like a mad woman.  On my hands and knees scrubbing my floors etc.  then we got a house and I moved on to the yard.  I raked  leaves and weeded flower beds etc. 

It still works somewhat.  I still clean through the worst times.  I work in the yard.  I plant flowers.  
 

Something feels worse now.  My age maybe?  My energy level?   I don’t know.  

Edited April 21 by Scarlett

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Terabith said:

When I was sixteen, I dreamed every single night about either the Holocaust or hell.  I dreamed about aliens landing in the middle of my school campus, rounding everyone up, and assassinating 75% of us.  And there were some that were far too disturbing to talk about on a public forum.  

Same girl.  I wrote a entire poem about a nightmare war dream I had……I was 16.  I am telling you…..my dreams are insane. 
 

Sometimes they are glorious.  Like when I am flying through the air and my now dead dog is flying next to me chasing a duck.  

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Garga said:

It’s not “normal” though it’s very common. My mother was 50 years old when she became friends with a nurse who explained that my mom’s behavior/thoughts/etc was probably anxiety and that it could be treated. My mom finally got some meds and said, “Is this how the rest of you are?? Not worried and a nervous wreck all the time? I thought I was normal and didn’t know that everyone else wasn’t like this, too.”

Also, ADHD people have brains that just will not stop. Thoughts run non-stop. My DH was 42 when he was dx’d with ADHD and got some meds and the first day he took them, he was like my mom. “I was able to complete an entire task today all the way through! Is this what it’s like for the rest of you? You can complete tasks without your thoughts interrupting and you bouncing around to another task??

I can’t diagnose you over the internet, but if you’re thinking something isn’t right, that doesn’t mean your brain is totally messed up or crazy, but you could have anxiety or ADHD, which, as you know, aren’t really in your control. It’s all about chemicals in the brain, and sometimes there can be relief out there for you, if you like.

If you don’t like meds, there are other ways to deal with low-level anxiety and ADHD—good, hard exercise, talk therapy, good diet, etc. I don’t think those things are as effective as medicines, but they can help.

 

Thanks 

[Ausmumof3]

It sounds trite but sometimes yoga helps me turn off the tap for a bit… 

Do you think you’re dealing with intrusive thoughts or just an overly busy brain?

[Carrie12345]

As a 47yo with adhd, anxiety, and what my family lovingly dubs “diet autism” (All of my nieces and nephew and some of my kids are on the spectrum) I’m getting adhd/anx vibes from you.  

My sleep issues come and go in many different forms. They often, though not always, include some wild dreams.

While I didn’t like the side effects of stimulant adhd meds, I’ve been considering exploring a non-stimulant. But the biggest change to my life has come from an SNRI. I don’t know if you’re open to that, but I can’t refrain from sharing how glorious Effexor has been for me!

When I think about how hard it was to cope with these things I didn’t understand as a teenager (nor did anyone around me) and for decades more, I get sad. Today Me has so many resources that could have helped Then Me.

[MEmama]

I cannot overstate how common this sounds in "women of a certain age". If you really want to learn more, go out on r/menopause and you'll not only realize how many of us similarly struggle and can commiserate but it's also a valuable resource to learn about treatments to bring up with your doctor.

BTW there's nothing magical about being in menopause vs peri (leading up to it); the brain and body still suffer from lack of estrogen. It's also extremely common for women to lose their filter--ie, ability to mask--with that loss of hormones, exposing ADHD, anxiety, depression and a whole host of challenges we either didn't recognize or pushed down throughout our earlier lives. It's a wild ride to sort through later in life, but the truth is there is help if you're willing to accept it.

[East Coast Sue]

31 minutes ago, MEmama said:

I cannot overstate how common this sounds in "women of a certain age". If you really want to learn more, go out on r/menopause and you'll not only realize how many of us similarly struggle and can commiserate but it's also a valuable resource to learn about treatments to bring up with your doctor.

BTW there's nothing magical about being in menopause vs peri (leading up to it); the brain and body still suffer from lack of estrogen. It's also extremely common for women to lose their filter--ie, ability to mask--with that loss of hormones, exposing ADHD, anxiety, depression and a whole host of challenges we either didn't recognize or pushed down throughout our earlier lives. It's a wild ride to sort through later in life, but the truth is there is help if you're willing to accept it.

Wow, you’ve just summed up where I’m at. I just started getting hot flashes and my cycles stopped 5 months ago and I’m definitely realizing that my brain isn’t doing what I want. I want to be happy, kind, sociable, organized but I’m like sprinting 180 in the opposite direction and feel like it’s not me anymore. I think I’ve always been hiding/coping with ADHD and anxiety b/c red flags were flying high in my childhood and I definitely got the message from my parents and teachers that these were things to suppress/hide. I’d gotten so, so good at it and now suddenly the screen or mask is completely gone. I hate it and want my mask back on, please.

[Scarlett]

Thanks everyone. It really does help to know it isn't just me. 
 

Another thing my mind does while I am sleeping is attempt simple math problems.  Last night while I slept I was trying to work out how old one of my nieces will be this year.  
 

Also I found that poem I wrote about the war I was in my dream when I was 16. It was all about my now xh.  One line is ‘you held the weapon, the target was me’.  Lol.  I guess I should have listened to my dreams.  

[regentrude]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Also I found that poem I wrote about the war I was in my dream when I was 16. It was all about my now xh.  One line is ‘you held the weapon, the target was me’.  Lol.  I guess I should have listened to my dreams.  

Dreams tell you truths your subconscious knows but your rational brain represses.

As for whacky teenage dreams: I still vividly recall dreaming at around age 13 that *I* was being beheaded. In the dream, I was aware that I was dreaming and I recall asking myself in the dream whether it would hurt even though it is just a dream.

ETA: In times of emotional upheaval and conflict, I had extremely vivid dreams that were very clear messages that didn't need a shrink to interpret. 

Edited April 21 by regentrude

[Katy]

It’s pretty normal to have crazy dreams to help you process anxiety or fears. But since you say you think you’ve had this your whole life, you might try cognitive behavioral therapy. That’s a short process (usually 6ish weeks) where you learn to examine which of your thoughts are true or not. It can help with anxiety. 

If there’s not a close cognitive therapist, there are some books about it that might help you do it yourself. But it will probably work much better in person. 

[saraha]

I’m sorry you all ar shaving a hard time. Hugs for everybody ❤️

[Acadie]

Mast cell activation and high histamine can result in intense, vivid dreams or nightmares, and also correlate with anxiety and ADHD in some people. 
 

Hormones are part of the picture so it’s more common (or can become more intense) in women around or after menopause. Covid is also increasing mast cell activation for many people. At the new Long Covid clinic at Mt. Sinai, mast cell activation is one of the first 3 things they try to address with patients, so this is evidence-based. (As an aside, the other two are POTS and microclots, in case anyone is interested!)

Basically it’s common for people whose mast cell issues flew under the radar earlier to experience exacerbated symptoms as they get older or after viral infections, mold exposure, etc.