Teacher gifts

[Ditto]

This is easy.  Buy a few books for her classroom for Christmas.  If not that, as someone else suggested, tissues/lysol/wipes for the classroom.  No way am I giving cash for a present to the teacher.  But donations to the classroom are typically very appreciated.   Usually, I would buy the books during the school book sale which benefits the school and then the classroom, all with one purchase.

[teachermom2834]

I think the email is really rude. I just do. I think if I got something like that I would just skip it altogether.

I always thought, and I guess it is on these boards I learned I was wrong, that even a misguided gift if given with the right spirit was a kind thing. So if I gave homemade cookies to a teacher who was celiac (and I was unaware) I would hope that teacher would see the intent of my gift and get rid of them. But I now know that my gift could actually cause anger and resentment. My thought would be that the teacher would see my intent and appreciate it even if it was a big miss. I now know that’s wrong. That said, if someone gave me a food item I dislike, it doesn’t make me angry. I still appreciate that I was thought of and have warm fuzzy feelings. I just don’t get to use the gift. The gift missed but the sentiment works for me. So I wish I could give gifts and think the recipient had that spirit. I have learned that is not the case though. 
 

But I’m afraid that just leaves me not giving gifts when I would sometimes like to. My dd’s guidance counselor is on maternity leave and the other counselor has been doing double duty covering for her. She is really overworked but helping my dd pull together an application for a summer program at the last minute. I wanted dd to take her in a gift. But it feels hopeless. Cash is not appropriate here but I’ve read enough of these threads to be afraid to give nice chocolates or a candle or anything I would have thought generic. 
 

So I get that people have their preferences and we have come a long way in empowering people to speak them and recognizing food and scent sensitivities etc. But gosh I don’t know how to give a simple gift of appreciation. I’m going to have my dd write a thank you note but I did want to send something. But it feels hopeless and it seems people would prefer you don’t try than miss when it comes to these things. I regret that. 

[Ali in OR]

I think there are huge ethical concerns with receiving cash from parents of students. What is that money buying? In my short tenure in corporate America, we had to be really careful about what gifts we could accept from vendors. As a teacher I would be just as careful, and if I were this teacher's administrator, I think I would have a talk with them about asking for cash from parents--doesn't look good.

Our school asks parents to donate or regift something for the gift distribution to the staff. It's kind of a fun event--even if you don't want or need what ends up being drawn for you, it's fun to head down to the office to see what you get. And it includes all staff, not just teachers--everybody gets one gift. I've received a candy-filled mug, last year was a paint-by-numbers thing from Michael's--nothing extravagant. And I used to like shopping for this when my kids were students and I wasn't yet a staff member. 

[Dmmetler]

If kids ask me what I want, I always say "stickers". Because I use a ton of them, and they're inexpensive, but kids can pick out just the right ones. I also love handmade cards or pictures from kids. I have a big classroom wishlist for stuff, too. 

 

 

 

[Clarita]

21 minutes ago, Ali in OR said:

I think there are huge ethical concerns with receiving cash from parents of students. What is that money buying? In my short tenure in corporate America, we had to be really careful about what gifts we could accept from vendors. As a teacher I would be just as careful, and if I were this teacher's administrator, I think I would have a talk with them about asking for cash from parents--doesn't look good.

I hadn't even thought about it. Yes in a lot of corporations receiving cash gifts from vendors is a big no no. It has to do with bribery, and/or are taxable, and/or perhaps some other legal issues aside from bribery (collusion?). In the corporate setting it is company to company dependent and often companies will have specific rules regarding gifts from vendors (often it gets applied to your client/customers too depending on the company). Even non-monetary gifts have rules. 

Looking it up, you do have to be careful about giving cash gifts to teachers, apparently it isn't allowed across the board (based on school and/or state). There is also a limit to "making it rain" because it will become a taxable event.  

[Bootsie]

52 minutes ago, Ali in OR said:

I think there are huge ethical concerns with receiving cash from parents of students. What is that money buying? In my short tenure in corporate America, we had to be really careful about what gifts we could accept from vendors. As a teacher I would be just as careful, and if I were this teacher's administrator, I think I would have a talk with them about asking for cash from parents--doesn't look good.

 

I agree.  The first grade teacher receives a cash gift from the student...  The high school teacher receives a cash gift from the student...  The college professor receives a cash gift from the student---Oh no, that's a bribe!

[Frances]

It does seem very strange to me to be asking for cash. I can certainly understand her not wanting scented lotions or candles. Unless you absolutely know the exact lotion or candles someone already likes and uses, I don’t understand why anyone would ever buy anything scented as a gift, given the very high percentage of people with sensitivities to scented items. I cringe whenever someone on this board asks for a gift recommendation and someone suggests a candle or lotion.

But, asking for cash just doesn’t seem right. She could certainly donate any gifts she doesn’t like, including the gift cards. There are lots of organizations that would love such donations. 

[Frances]

1 hour ago, Clarita said:

I hadn't even thought about it. Yes in a lot of corporations receiving cash gifts from vendors is a big no no. It has to do with bribery, and/or are taxable, and/or perhaps some other legal issues aside from bribery (collusion?). In the corporate setting it is company to company dependent and often companies will have specific rules regarding gifts from vendors (often it gets applied to your client/customers too depending on the company). Even non-monetary gifts have rules. 

Looking it up, you do have to be careful about giving cash gifts to teachers, apparently it isn't allowed across the board (based on school and/or state). There is also a limit to "making it rain" because it will become a taxable event.  

It’s also a thing in most government jobs. The rules are very strict and scandals and front page headlines happen when they are broken.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

I think the email is really rude. I just do. I think if I got something like that I would just skip it altogether.

I always thought, and I guess it is on these boards I learned I was wrong, that even a misguided gift if given with the right spirit was a kind thing. So if I gave homemade cookies to a teacher who was celiac (and I was unaware) I would hope that teacher would see the intent of my gift and get rid of them. But I now know that my gift could actually cause anger and resentment. My thought would be that the teacher would see my intent and appreciate it even if it was a big miss. I now know that’s wrong. That said, if someone gave me a food item I dislike, it doesn’t make me angry. I still appreciate that I was thought of and have warm fuzzy feelings. I just don’t get to use the gift. The gift missed but the sentiment works for me. So I wish I could give gifts and think the recipient had that spirit. I have learned that is not the case though. 
 

But I’m afraid that just leaves me not giving gifts when I would sometimes like to. My dd’s guidance counselor is on maternity leave and the other counselor has been doing double duty covering for her. She is really overworked but helping my dd pull together an application for a summer program at the last minute. I wanted dd to take her in a gift. But it feels hopeless. Cash is not appropriate here but I’ve read enough of these threads to be afraid to give nice chocolates or a candle or anything I would have thought generic. 
 

So I get that people have their preferences and we have come a long way in empowering people to speak them and recognizing food and scent sensitivities etc. But gosh I don’t know how to give a simple gift of appreciation. I’m going to have my dd write a thank you note but I did want to send something. But it feels hopeless and it seems people would prefer you don’t try than miss when it comes to these things. I regret that. 

Given how few people still hand write thank you notes these days, I’m sure the counselor getting one from your daughter will be very much appreciated and cherished, far more than any gift, unless it was one handmade by your daughter.

[Shoeless]

1 minute ago, Frances said:

Given how few people still hand write thank you notes these days, I’m sure the counselor getting one from your daughter will be very much appreciated and cherished, far more than any gift, unless it was one handmade by your daughter.

I see a LOT of handmade teacher gifts at Goodwill.  A lot. Just saying...

I think it's ok to not give someone a gift, especially someone you have a professional relationship with. Write a note, express your thanks, ask if you can donate to their classroom.  

[Frances]

On 11/28/2023 at 1:41 PM, pinball said:

I love it. 
 

Teachers are under paid. The economy is garbage. Inflation is sucking up everyone’s reserves and margin.

Make it rain. Give her cash

Unemployment is low, growth is strong, and inflation is slowing. If that’s garbage, I’ll take it. Sure, inflation has sucked, but we continue to defy expectations by not entering a recession. Things could be a whole lot worse right now.

I don’t disagree that in general teachers are underpaid. But I can’t get onboard with giving a government employ cash gifts, including teachers who give grades, recommendations, etc. 

[Shoeless]

I suspect people will protest my perspective on this, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. 

Most people in the US have more than enough "stuff". They have plenty of mugs, candles, lotions, chocolates, ornaments, scented soaps, picture frames, doo dads, and decorations.  They do not need any more of this stuff, certainly not x20-30 (depending on how many students this teacher has). 

Everyone means well but saying "Just donate it if you can't use it!"...ok, now you've given the teacher a chore to do on their time off: donate the doo dads, knowing darn well that it's most likely going to get dumpstered if it doesn't sell in the next 2-4 weeks at the thrift store.  

It's really ok to dial back on the gifts.  People will still know you love and appreciate them. 

 

[Kassia]

I just remembered that when my kids were in elementary school (many many years ago), the teachers would have a "wish list" at the Scholastic Book Fair and we could buy off of that list and then give those items as a gift.  That was really nice.

[DawnM]

17 hours ago, KatieJ said:

Interesting story…daughter of a friend of mine bought a house last year. The previous owner left a box of Christmas decor in the attic. When she dug into the box this week, she found a $100.00 GC to Kohls! 

This isn't related either, but when my dad came to live with us after my mom died, I found 3 gift cards in his desk.   I asked him about them and he said, "Oh, someone gave them to us, but I don't know who, just use them if you want."

They were so old they didn't have PIN numbers on the back.   Red Lobster, McDonalds, and Einsteins Bagels.   Nothing big, but it was over $50 total.   It was kind of fun to find out the amounts since I couldn't check ahead of time with no PIN number.

the other thing my dad did.....he had a lot of empty check boxes from the bank.   I was going to just toss them but I opened them all first (about 20 of them, maybe more) and found $700 in cash......

[DawnM]

7 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

I think the email is really rude. I just do. I think if I got something like that I would just skip it altogether.

I always thought, and I guess it is on these boards I learned I was wrong, that even a misguided gift if given with the right spirit was a kind thing. So if I gave homemade cookies to a teacher who was celiac (and I was unaware) I would hope that teacher would see the intent of my gift and get rid of them. But I now know that my gift could actually cause anger and resentment. My thought would be that the teacher would see my intent and appreciate it even if it was a big miss. I now know that’s wrong. That said, if someone gave me a food item I dislike, it doesn’t make me angry. I still appreciate that I was thought of and have warm fuzzy feelings. I just don’t get to use the gift. The gift missed but the sentiment works for me. So I wish I could give gifts and think the recipient had that spirit. I have learned that is not the case though. 
 

But I’m afraid that just leaves me not giving gifts when I would sometimes like to. My dd’s guidance counselor is on maternity leave and the other counselor has been doing double duty covering for her. She is really overworked but helping my dd pull together an application for a summer program at the last minute. I wanted dd to take her in a gift. But it feels hopeless. Cash is not appropriate here but I’ve read enough of these threads to be afraid to give nice chocolates or a candle or anything I would have thought generic. 
 

So I get that people have their preferences and we have come a long way in empowering people to speak them and recognizing food and scent sensitivities etc. But gosh I don’t know how to give a simple gift of appreciation. I’m going to have my dd write a thank you note but I did want to send something. But it feels hopeless and it seems people would prefer you don’t try than miss when it comes to these things. I regret that. 

I am a counselor and I would appreciate any of it!   If I don't use a lotion or candle, the gift giver certainly would never know it.   I am very thankful.   I may or may not have mentioned to my students (when I was still in CA) that I love homemade tamales.   I usually got over 30 of them from students.   I would stock my freezer!   It was awesome.

[pinball]

10 hours ago, Frances said:

Unemployment is low, growth is strong, and inflation is slowing. If that’s garbage, I’ll take it. Sure, inflation has sucked, but we continue to defy expectations by not entering a recession. Things could be a whole lot worse right now.

I don’t disagree that in general teachers are underpaid. But I can’t get onboard with giving a government employ cash gifts, including teachers who give grades, recommendations, etc. 

Tell me you’re in an upper- income household without telling me you’re in an upper-income household.

Inflation erodes consumer purchasing power and impacts lower-income households much worse than mid- and upper-income households.
 

But you’ll take this economy. Good to know.

[Bootsie]

When I was in school, in the dark ages, I remember teachers role modelling how to be a gracious recipient of a gift.  Part of a English/writing work was writing a gracious thank you letter (even for gifts that were not something we were going to use). As a gift giver I want to be sensitive to the likes and desires of the recipient and not intentionally give a gift I know they won't like, but I am concerned that good manners as a gift recipient are eroding away.  

I had a beloved teacher who said something along the lines of:  over the years I have thousands of students and the greatest gift is seeing them flourish; therefore, I ask that you please not give me treats that will spoil before I can eat them all or collectable items that I have limited room for.  Enjoy your holiday gift giving with your family and close friends.  I do have a treasure trove of school pictures and hand-written cards that my students have given me over the years; I know that celebrating through gift giving is important to some of the children I teach; if that is the case, a gift of a school picture or a card would be much appreciated and special to me.

[catz]

Yes, it's totally rude.  That said putting out a no gift request in a class update would be totally fine IMO maybe even with a link to a classroom wish list or how to donate to the PTA would have been great when I had a kid back in school.  

Teachers are underpaid and underappreciated.  But straight up asking families for cash is super rude.  Double that if this is a public school.

[Frances]

2 hours ago, pinball said:

Tell me you’re in an upper- income household without telling me you’re in an upper-income household.

Inflation erodes consumer purchasing power and impacts lower-income households much worse than mid- and upper-income households.
 

But you’ll take this economy. Good to know.

Well it’s certainly better to be dealing with inflation while employed rather than unemployed. Partially due to our 30 year mortgage system, there’s no quick fix for inflation unless you want to be in a recession or worse. I don’t deny inflation sucks, especially for those with lower incomes (which is true of just about anything), but I actually find it quite impressive how so far we’ve managed to thread the needle, bring it down, increase growth, and not enter a recession.

[DawnM]

Well, after all that, they are moving A to a different class starting tomorrow.

I guess that teacher won't be on our radar anymore.

[Kanin]

18 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

So I get that people have their preferences and we have come a long way in empowering people to speak them and recognizing food and scent sensitivities etc. But gosh I don’t know how to give a simple gift of appreciation. I’m going to have my dd write a thank you note but I did want to send something. But it feels hopeless and it seems people would prefer you don’t try than miss when it comes to these things. I regret that. 

I think you should just go for it and give gifts when you want to, unless the person specifically says please don't. I think most people appreciate the thought. The saying "it's the thought that counts" is hopefully still true!

[Terabith]

I definitely appreciate the thought and the kindness behind gifts, even if dealing with the actual gifts is often stressful.  But such is life!  And the good thoughts are very much appreciated!  

[kbutton]

On 11/29/2023 at 8:20 PM, lmrich said:

thinking  about  this again...  ideally a room parent would have coordinated this and should have sent the email

My son’s school has someone coordinating this for the junior/senior high. It’s a small private school (he’s on scholarship), and the coordinators sent a message today saying that if I’d like my son’s name on the Christmas card to the teachers/staff (11 total, not all are his teachers), we need to send money, specifically $25, by a certain date so that each teacher/staff can receive a certain amount of money.

Buying real estate on a card is just…gross. 

Many years ago when my older son was in school, they did a year end gift basket and suggested gift cards. All of the kids’ names went on it, and people were free to give what they could afford or wanted to give or nothing at all.

 

[Kassia]

2 minutes ago, kbutton said:

My son’s school has someone coordinating this for the junior/senior high. It’s a small private school (he’s on scholarship), and the coordinators sent a message today saying that if I’d like my son’s name on the Christmas card to the teachers/staff (11 total, not all are his teachers), we need to send money, specifically $25, by a certain date so that each teacher/staff can receive a certain amount of money.

Buying real estate on a card is just…gross. 

 

 

Wow

[kbutton]

10 minutes ago, Kassia said:

Wow

This school is quite clueless about how rude they are on the regular, and I get tone policed every time I express surprised questions that suggest I am inconvenienced when a teacher expects me to know something I’ve not been told. And trust me when I say that when I do ask questions, I get dumb answers. I literally asked for a definition one time of an abbreviation, and the answer didn’t include any explanation or a spelling out of the definition. I read it to my 2e older son, and he absolutely cackled that a teacher would answer that way. Meanwhile teachers (most of whom are actually nice but clueless) seem to be unable to read instructions, and one said clueless and rude things at IEP time (literally told me that they couldn’t do things that are not in his triennial review, but what I was asking was in his triennial review). And I can’t complain, or we could be asked not to come back. It’s been a good environment for my son though, and in spite of the teachers seeming to be a bit daft, he seems to be getting a good education.

I’m just over the totally clueless priggishness that comes out whenever someone gets their underwear in a wad, and the persistent idea that any frustration is all my own fault.

 

[lmrich]

3 hours ago, kbutton said:

My son’s school has someone coordinating this for the junior/senior high. It’s a small private school (he’s on scholarship), and the coordinators sent a message today saying that if I’d like my son’s name on the Christmas card to the teachers/staff (11 total, not all are his teachers), we need to send money, specifically $25, by a certain date so that each teacher/staff can receive a certain amount of money.

Buying real estate on a card is just…gross. 

Many years ago when my older son was in school, they did a year end gift basket and suggested gift cards. All of the kids’ names went on it, and people were free to give what they could afford or wanted to give or nothing at all.

 

Not ok either. Wouldn't it  be  lovely if the room parent let you know what the teacher really liked. A diet coke and chocolate  vs. coffee and sour candy  or Target vs. Walmart or Chick-fila vs Panera. 

 

[PeppermintPattie]

I wonder if the teacher is having a hard time making ends meet on a teacher salary, and that's why she's bold (and oblivious) enough to ask for cash.

The point of gift giving at school is offering your child opportunity to show appreciation for their teacher's hard work and care for them. I am not crazy about "gifts" of books or Kleenex for the classroom, since those are for the students and not the teacher. I think gift cards can be a treat for any teacher and might help stretch the budget or offer an occasional splurge. If she/he really can't use it, it can always be re-gifted (if you don't write their name on it).

[Dmmetler]

12 hours ago, PeppermintPattie said:

I wonder if the teacher is having a hard time making ends meet on a teacher salary, and that's why she's bold (and oblivious) enough to ask for cash.

The point of gift giving at school is offering your child opportunity to show appreciation for their teacher's hard work and care for them. I am not crazy about "gifts" of books or Kleenex for the classroom, since those are for the students and not the teacher. I think gift cards can be a treat for any teacher and might help stretch the budget or offer an occasional splurge. If she/he really can't use it, it can always be re-gifted (if you don't write their name on it).

I love gifts for the classroom because I have to buy the stuff otherwise! 

 

One of the best gifts I ever got was a set of kid's drums-a tubano, floor tom, and tambourine. The mom had found it on sale and bought one for her 4yr son and one for me. I'm still using them, and that kid is probably in college now. She told me that they were a gift for ME and when I left that program, to take them with me. 

 

The number of kids who have played those drums is probably into triple digits by now, and every time I get them out, I think of that preschooler :). 

 

 

[TheReader]

28 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

I love gifts for the classroom because I have to buy the stuff otherwise! 

 

One of the best gifts I ever got was a set of kid's drums-a tubano, floor tom, and tambourine. The mom had found it on sale and bought one for her 4yr son and one for me. I'm still using them, and that kid is probably in college now. She told me that they were a gift for ME and when I left that program, to take them with me. 

 

The number of kids who have played those drums is probably into triple digits by now, and every time I get them out, I think of that preschooler :). 

 

 

That's an awesome story! 

I, too, *love* gifts for the classroom. Or gift cards to places that carry things I need for the classroom.  One year, I took all my Target gift cards (many did not have amounts listed) with me when it was time to buy stuff I need to prep my room for the fall -- I was able to cover *all* of my purchases, including a soft drink & candy bar splurge, and I think I  had a little left over. I was expecting maybe to cover half of it. It was amazing.