Retired Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I attended my BIL/SIL church (BIL is assistant pastor), my MIL/FIL also attended, and BIL (his whole family attends). We do not attend. I went to see my neice/nephew in Christmas play. Now before the service I spoke with BIL's family and gave them each a hug ( you know the light church hug) I have not seen these people in years although I did know them well about 15 years ago. Now the odd situtaion after the service, BIL's father who is also a deacon came up to me and put his arm around my waist and starting telling me I am a beautiful women etc. I took it as a old man just being flirty and harmless. Well he came over to me again put his arm around my waist started rubbing the small of my back and started to slide his hand to my backside (like at panty line. He continue the dialogue how he hasn't seen such a beautiful women etc. (crap)I jumped away and walked off. We were in the santuary with everyone around talking. I looked around to see if anyone witness his behavior. I don't know should I mention this to my BIL or something. I don't know if he is in his right mind or just a old pervert(deacon) did I mention he is a deacon. I guess the whole thing just tripped me out. What do you think? It was embarressing but not threading. I actually started laughing when I left the church. I couldn't believe someone would do something like that in church. My dh has big problems with this church and didn't attended (not even for his niece). He said I should of slapped the "old man":D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 UGH!!! What a lech! I wouldn't say anything to BIL though. What could he possibly do about it besides feel guilty/defensive/disappointed etc.? I would have handled it the same way you did. Whether that's right or wrong, I don't know. But I think you did fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I also vote to not say anything. It would be one thing if you did see them frequently but since it has been 15 years . . . It would be another thing if you attended that church but again that isn't an issue for you. Hopefully if he does this to anyone else he will be called on it but I think if you tried to call him on it you would end up being the bad guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Ugh. He had NO business putting his hands on you like that. Completely inappropriate! I'd have turned around, looked him in the eye and said sweetly, "Take your hands off of me. Don't touch me like that again. You make me uncomfortable and if you touch me again, I'll bring this before your pastor." I have NO patience for that sort of thing. At. All. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Hopefully if he does this to anyone else he will be called on it but I think if you tried to call him on it you would end up being the bad guy. I'm willing to bet he does that kind of thing all the time and other women do exactly what Caffelatee did--squirm out of his grasp and think "Dirty old perv!" And then move on. He's probably got himself a little reputation in that church, but people just ignore him. There's one in every crowd :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wide eyes & laughter Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 stepped away from him and told him to take his hands off me! I really wouldn't care what other folks (relatives or church-goers) would think of my behavior or me. It would be about self respect for me. Hope this doesn't add insult to injury - you did what you thought best at the time! And maybe you still think what you did is best.... Only throwing my 2cents in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 (edited) I took it as a old man just being flirty and harmless. Well he came over to me again put his arm around my waist started rubbing the small of my back and started to slide his hand to my backside (like at panty line. He continue the dialogue how he hasn't seen such a beautiful women etc. (crap)I jumped away and walked off. We were in the santuary with everyone around talking. I looked around to see if anyone witness his behavior. My dh has big problems with this church and didn't attend (not even for his niece). He said I should of slapped the "old man":D This could be happening to other women that come to the church. If your BIL is the assistant pastor, and he is any kind of reputable, he will want to know, because that could damaging the reputation of "his" church, and certainly the reputation of God could be diminished in human eyes because of the behavior of one of his children. Tell him you did not want to make a scene on such a lovely night, but that you did come home and tell your dh about it, and after thinking and praying about the matter, you have to decided to let him know, as both one of the spiritual authorities in the congregation, and as the elderly gentleman's father. He may prefer to handle it himself, or he may ask you to speak with the older man (the Biblical pattern for confrontations and calls to repentance), but I'd ask him and your dh to be present with you, should he go there. I have many elderly men and women friends in my church. I count myself as honored to be loved by them. ;) A couple of times I've had to "educate" one or two of the elderly gents. But that's a different post. Best wishes in what is a very difficult situation! Edited December 23, 2008 by Valerie(TX) ETA: sorry, clarified something, I hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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